Breaking The Barrier
by pawntoqueenby19
Summary: After breaking her engagement to her best friend Bella Swan is offered the prestigious Cullen Neuropsychology Fellowship in Chicago. For the next 3 years she will work with the world renowned neuropsychologist Edward Cullen who has a dark past. E
1. Chapter 1

**Breaking the Barrier**

**A/N: **This is my first attempt and I do not own any of the characters, they belong to novel genius Stephenie Meyer.

**Chapter 1**

BPOV

I sighed as looked down at the letters in front of me, sweeping a piece the stray reddish brown hair that hung in front of my eyes and tucking it behind my right ear.

Charlie was right when he said it was the littlest decision in life that can change the course of everything. My father wasn't one for talking, but whenever we did speak to each other, it was often prophetic with his small town wisdom. I found myself cursing at myself because I would be so blind to his advice most of the time until it was staring smack in the face telling how dumb I really was.

Here I was at a crossroads. Deciding whether to stay put where I was and try to make a living or to move on and change the path my life was currently set in, in hopes of something better. When Jake and I were together, I would never dream of leaving. I thought that the love I felt for him would never make me want anything more. I was happy and comfortable with him and he felt the same with me.

It was too comfortable which was the problem and that is why we knew it would never truly work for us to be together any more. Although we both agreed it would be best to just remain plutonic friends, it still took me three months to return the engagement ring he gave me for Christmas. We had spent a majority of our lives together and it seemed like marriage would have been the natural next step for us.

We had been childhood friends since I could remember, Charlie forcing me on his fishing trips with his best friend, Billy and Jake would be right there bouncing up and down next to his father, fishing pole ready to go. He was the brother I never had and we were always off on our own adventures. Either his picking me out of the tide pools I had slipped into or helping me up after falling down his porch while running away from the bullfrog he threw in front of my face. He was always there to pick me up with a brotherly hug and a laugh at my clumsiness.

It wasn't until my sophomore year in high school that I started to notice Jake in a different light. He was just starting his freshmen year and was starting to grow like a weed. His arms doubled and then tripled in muscle over the course of two years and grew a good foot taller than me by the time I reached my senior year. It was at this time I realized that the strange feelings I felt towards him over the last two years of his development were those of not plutonic friendship. I was finding Jake attractive and I decided to try and see how he felt about me.

A few weeks after my senior year had started Billy and Jake were joining Charlie and I for a Friday dinner fish fry I was preparing, it was one of Charlie's favorite meals. While Billy and Charlie were in the living room watching the game, Jake strolled into the kitchen and jumped onto the counter to converse with me just as I started to fry the filets in the pan.

"_So Bells, how go things these days? School still as easy for ya as always?" he chuckled while picking at the frying fish and sticking a piece in his mouth._

_I rolled my eyes at him, and sighed harshly, trying to cover up the nervousness I felt since my epiphany about my feelings towards him. "It's fine. All honors courses this year, so there's no rest or fun time left to be had for me. I have to do my best you know. College application deadlines are fast approaching and this Swan wants to spread her wings and see life outside the barriers of Forks. How's school on the res for J-dog?" I snickered at the nickname Quil and Embry had given him after the day he was chased by the Mayer Junkyard dog the day he tried taking the master cylinder for his rabbit after midnight._

"_It's ok. Boring, uneventful and useless… the usual." He lightly jumped off the counter and ruffled my hair. , "Not all of us Einstein's here, with theories of relatives."_

"_It's Theory of Relativity, jerk." I quickly looked over to Jake as he started to rummage through the fridge and shot my tongue out at him._

"_Better watch that tongue Missy, could get you into serious trouble with the wrong person" he quipped at me and then continued searching for something in the fridge "or maybe the right person." He mumbled so softly I almost missed it._

_I forgot about flipping the fillets at that moment and stared blankly across the stove at the wall. I must have misheard him. Smoke suddenly started to sting my eyes snapping me out of my confusion._

"Shit_!" Quickly I flipped the fish over, trying to salvage the burning meal all the while Jake laughed at the scene unfolding at the stove and came right up behind me placing a hand on my shoulder like he always did whenever I was acting weird._

"_What dude are you Jonesing for Bells that made you fuck up dinner. He must be something if you can't even do something simple a cooking."_

_Oh if he only knew._

_I took a deep breath and swallowed my embarrassment. _

"_Oh God, there is a dude!" He guffawed. "Lucky bastard is probably clueless about it too."_

"_Yeah, I don't think he realizes that I like him. Which just honestly sucks." My brain did not even try to stop my mouth._

"_Does he live on the Res or does he go to school with you, cuz if you want I can beat that sucker into realization." He was having a hard time keeping a straight face when he said that._

"_The Res." Stupid Bella. He'll figure it out now. You just can't keep your damn mouth shut._

_He smirked when he heard my answer. "Really now? Interesting, do I know him?" The obvious wheels in his head were turning probably concluding it was one of his friends we would hang out with sometimes at La Push beach._

_I knew I shouldn't have said anything and just ignore the questions, but I was so nervous my brain filter wasn't working when I realized I said "Yes" defeated._

_Jake's eyes popped out surprised I actually answered his question, since we never truly spoke of being attracted to other people before. "Bella, who? And PLEASE do not say Quil, I mean he's cool and all, but he is so not for you with all the tail he tries to chase at the school on the res."_

"_I really don't want to say Jake. Now, can you set the table and tell the men folk that their somewhat edible dinner is almost ready. Thanks" I turned off the stove moving the pan to a cool burner and I went to get a ready-made salad ready and popped some rolls in the microwave to heat up. Of course the heat from my flushed face would work faster._

_Jake took me by the arm lightly and leaned into my ear as he whispered, "I'll do that, but I swear I'll get you to tell me who before Billy and I take off."_

_GULP_

"_Sure, sure. Whatever you say, Jake." With the best attempt at a sarcastic smile I could muster trying to brush off the challenge he threw down._

_When he turned to set up the table I let out a deep sigh of relief for the moment. God, tonight was going to be hell._

_Five minutes later Billy and Charlie joined Jake and I at the kitchen table, while the Mariner's game played on in the background._

_Both the older men were too caught up in the score to hold proper conversation with their children that night._

_After saying no to the salad Charlie did his best to attempt dinner conversation, "So Billy, you hear my Bella's taking all honor courses this year… OH COME ON UMP! That was not safe! Throw his ass out…Dumb ass blind man…" _

_Billy was no better talking about both his daughter's hoping to visit for Thanksgiving when a foul ball on the screen distracted him._

"_God damn it all! I thought we would do a hell of lot better this season. Shit for brains coaching staff I say!" Jake slightly choked on the burnt fish at his father's remark then took a swing of water._

_I just stared at my food the entire meal, shuffling the blackened fish across the plate and only taking about three bites of my salad. I couldn't eat when I felt sick to my stomach thinking of what Jake would do to pry the one piece of information I did not want to share with him. I told myself that I would be strong and that there was no way he would get me to talk._

_Unless he kissed me. I wanted to crush my mouth against his and inhale and possibly run my wet tongue against his._

_CRAP. I shook my head. No, I couldn't think that way right now. I looked up from my plate and quickly glanced at Jake through my eyelashes, his face was staring intently on me as his eyes squinted trying to appraise me and I knew he was trying to go over the list of potentials in his head trying to match them to me._

_Jake, don't even try, you would be so off. And if you did find out, I would be too embarrassed to be around you anymore._

_As quickly as I looked at him, I shifted back to my plate and scooted closer to the table and pierced the fish with my fork pretending it was the most delicious looking food I had ever seen. I popped it into my mouth entirely too fast and began to choke. Both fathers were too immersed in the game Jake had to come to my rescue and thwacked me hard on the back to dislodge the blockage. Great, one more thing to be embarrassed about around him._

"_Thanks." I told him softly as my cheeks flashed red. I stood up and started to clear the table since no one else was eating anymore._

"_Here, let me take those." Jake started to take the plates out of my hands. "I'll wash, you dry and then you will tell me who your Mr. Dreamy is so I can beat him up for not noticing you and then beat him up again for taking my best friend's attention away from yours truly."_

_Was I born under a ladder? There was just a mess of back luck and embarrassment in my life that was adding up. "Fine." I huffed. _

_We made quick work of the dishes with the sound of low yelling from the living room behind us filling the awkward silence that we never had before._

"_What's the deal Bella? Seriously, you have never held back info from me before. Did I do something to piss you off? Just freakin' tell me who it is, maybe I could help you guys, you know, get… together." He had a hard time saying the last word of his sentence as if he was swallowing boiling water._

"_I just can't Jake. I would, but it's just too hard to tell you." My stomach was churning and it wasn't from the meal earlier._

"_I just don't get it. I mean this guy must be some dickhead if you can't even tell me who it is. Oh shit, it's Paul, isn't it? Fuck, I knew it. That guy has a hot head like no other but can get all the girls at school. When Rachel…"_

"_It's not Paul." I said cutting him off._

_Jake scratched his head and threw a damp towel over his shoulder as he stalked back to the fridge for another snack, "I give up, and I'm pissed you won't tell me. It's like you are ashamed I'll make a big deal. Shit, I wouldn't do anything to make you feel bad, even if you said it was me. I would try to make you…"_

_He wasn't able to finish the sentence when I accidentally sliced my finger with the knife I was drying as he was talking about me hypothetically liking him. A cry slipped out and he rushed over to me leaving the fridge wide open._

"_Fuck Bells. Put the knife down." He forced my death grip off the knife and pushed my hand under cold running water. "What the hell, you need to pay attention you klutz."_

_The tears were welling up in my eyes and I knew I was going to slip and tell him everything. As soon as he turned the water off and wrapped my hand in a paper towel he was about to ask if I was ok when I ran out the front door of the house straight to my truck bed and decided to hide there until they left… only an hour left for the game to finish, it was freezing, but I could do it._

_My breath hitched in my throat when I heard my front door open and close moments after I was settled in the bed. _

_Please don't find me. Don't let him find me here crying._

_Sure enough, my unlucky streak continued and I knew he had made a b-line to my truck and he jumped in the bed of it, laying down next me._

"_Bella. What the hell is up? Why are you crying? "_

_I told myself to not look at him when I spoke, but I lost that battle._

_I slowly turned my head and saw his eyes, looking straight at me full of sadness but warmth._

"_It's you." I breathed._

"_Yeah, it's me, Jake, your best friend. Trying to see what the fuck is wrong." He was clueless to my admission to his question from earlier._

_Turning my head back so I could face the sky I shut my eyes tightly and gave in._

"_No, what I mean is… it's you Jake. You know…" I sighed because I couldn't finish the sentence._

_One Mississippi… two Mississippi… three Mississippi…_

"_No Shit." He said in barely a shocked whisper._

_I nodded slowly, and then realized I was hardly moving my head and said "Yes" in a small mouse voice._

"_Hmmm. Ain't that something then?" His tone was smug._

_I closed my eyes tighter and tried to slow my breathing wishing the blood would finally drain from my face when I felt his hand on top of my hand and slowly he wrapped his fingers around mine and pulled my arm close to his chest._

"_That's interesting," he chuckled, as I felt him take a deep breath, "If I can convince that poor sucker, you think you might be interested in going out with him once he clears his social calendar?"_

_My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. He wasn't freaked out. "Um, yes" and then I giggled like a giddy school girl._

"_Well, this has been quite an interesting night." He surmised as he brought my hand he was holding to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on it. It wasn't my lips as I had wanted earlier in the evening, but it was good enough at the time._

_It wasn't long after that our relationship had progressed further. We officially started to date and of course Charlie and Billy played it cool, but I knew they had wanted this to happen between us for years after just a few months of us dating. Their "soon-to-be in-law" faces would grace us every time we had dinner on game nights_

_Even though I hated to dance, Jake took me to my senior prom, which was beautiful, romantic and full of long passionate make-out sessions that left us gasping for air on more than one occasion throughout the night. I wanted to progress further and to get us a room for the night, but Jake wanted us to wait. He said he wanted us to take it slow and to save ourselves for when it was right and not some stereotypical scenario of a teenage time line. I agreed while I cursed him inside my head for denying me the feel of his bare chest pressed against my naked form and the feel of him inside of me that I dreamed about for many nights._

_Soon after prom, time flew by and it was time for me to graduate from Forks High. It was quite a day and I was full of a lot of emotions. I was happy for being done with high school but I was also sad knowing that I would be off to college in three short months. It was also bittersweet knowing that this day was one day my mother would have been proud of me if she was still here, but I let that moment of grief wash through as quickly as possible. I couldn't cry today, especially with my father brimming with pride more than I had ever seen in my life. _

_I had been accepted to several college and universities across the country, but decided to go to school in Seattle so I could stay close to my father and of course close Jake as he completed his final year in high school. As his final year approached the end, He was deciding to go to a technical college for mechanics in Seattle. It was his opportunity to finally reach his dream of owning his own custom auto shop. Once he started tech school I was in my second year at Washington State trying to earn a duel major in Psychology and Neuroscience. I was an overachiever trying my best so that I could get a decent job and that would help support us when we both finished school._

_Somehow I felt deep down that Jake and I would end up as Billy and Charlie had planned. Happily married and trying our best to make both those goofballs Grandfathers. _

_Time flew by in college faster than expected. I earned my Bachelor degrees and had been working in a counseling center for over a year when Jake was finally given the opportunity to be an associate manager at a popular auto garage in Seattle. It seemed as if this were working out as we were going further on with our adult lives. _

_Though, I wasn't fully happy yet. Jake and I still held true to our promise to save ourselves. It seemed like there was never a time that felt right. I had suggested that we move in together after he had graduated, but Jake said that he wouldn't want to do that yet. I was going mad with frustration from being oppressed of my wants and needs to ravish him. We hardly fought, except for when I couldn't take any more of not being satisfied with drawn on make-out sessions. I would scream at him that I wanted him, more than just emotionally, but physically. He would hush me and called me his pet or angel and tell me to wait. Just wait for him. He would then leave for his apartment and I would give up and retreat to my bathtub where I would lock the door behind me and satisfy myself wishing every night that tomorrow he would give in._

_It had been two years since I graduated when Jake proposed to me on Christmas day, in front of our fathers no less. It was strange though, having pictured this scenario several times in my head, that I only answered him calmly with a yes. I wasn't throwing my arms around him like women do in the movies, or sobbing with happiness. I was calm, calmer than the day I admitted to him my attraction. It felt as if we were doing what was expected of us. There was no fear. It only took me until New Year's Eve to realize that it was not right, but in fact it was something that was not right for either of us._

_Sure we loved each other, but there was no lust. No passion to push us closer together and join our souls. I loved Jake and knew I would always love him, but I could not marry him because there was not connection of true romantic love. When I told him the next day of my thoughts, I was surprised with his reaction. He did not yell at me like I had hoped, but calmly nodded his head and agreed with me, there was no true fire between us. _

So here I was again, living back at my father's house and staring at the letters that made me more nervous than Jake had made me in the last two years of our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. I decided after returning my engagement ring to Jake that I would go back to school and earn my Master's degree. I realized I had been all about taking care of what Jake needed and wanted that I never allowed myself a chance to realize my dream of going out into the world. The Swan had clipped her wings for someone else.

I had done a lot of work during my time in college and had earned accolades and awards for academic excellence and had numerous letters of recommendation that shadow accomplishments of my entire graduating high school class combined. With my high GRE scores, I had acceptances to Master's programs all across the country, some practically throwing scholarships and grants at me to attend their programs.

I just needed to pick one. One decision that would change my life and my career forever.

Harvard… Yale… Stanford…. Brown…. All the ivy leagues had said yes, and had their own decent ways of trying to convince me. I shuffled through the stack for the tenth time that week and was nowhere close to making a decision yet. I decided to take a walk in hopes I could gain some perspective.

The flag on the mail box was down signaling my weekly letter to Jake had been picked up and was fast on its way to him. We decided that we would still keep in touch and still be friends, and although it was awkward for me to speak with him still on the phone, I could still write, and he would respond when he could to me. Since the mail carrier had gone by already today I decided to check the box to get the weekly ads for the grocer so I could plan meals for Charlie and myself for the week. The mailbox squeaked as I opened it from the years of weather damage.

There, lying on top of the folded grocery ad was a thick white envelope with the University of Chicago seal stamped on the left corner and my name printed boldly in the center. My breath hitched in my throat and my palms began to sweat as I slowly removed the envelope from the box and forgetting the grab the ads as I had planned. Rushing to the front of my father's home, I stopped and dropped myself on the steps ripping open the envelope so quickly, there was a paper cut left on my index finger but I didn't notice.

"Ms. Isabella Swan,

It is with great pleasure that the University of Chicago wishes to extend their congratulations for being chosen as this year's recipient of the Cullen Neuropsychology Fellowship…"

Well, after all these years, my luck in life finally decided to change since because my dream opportunity was literally placed in my hands and ready for the taking.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

EPOV

I must have been sitting at my desk all day. Application after application for the fellowship running through my brain. All well qualified applicants. Some had the experience needed for the spot, others had the accolades for their academic performance, and of course some were as always a pathetic half-hearted attempt that seemed to be a last minute decision on the applicant's part. It was just a blur of the same monotonous answers to the essay questions and it felt like I would never be satisfied with a decision to fill this year's position.

I still had a hard time understanding why I had to decide the fate of for the fellowship. Sure, I did oversee the work and research that the recipient would take part in over the course of their time here, but it wasn't my fellowship. My father was the one who established it when he was an active professor on campus. Now he sat on as a member of the board of trustees, retiring from the classroom and just dished his wealth back to his second home.

With an exasperated sign I pushed myself from my desk and slowly stood to wake the numb nerves that had settled during the course of the day. I should have been reading thesis papers for my Master's students, grading the midterm from my developmental psychology course for my bachelor's level students or checking on my research team in the lab, but I was forced to spend all day today and possibly tomorrow in my office because I was Edward Cullen, and I was obligated by my job and my blood relation to make a decision for on the Cullen Neuropsychology Fellowship.

"God damn it." I hissed as I reached for my brown leather briefcase and started tossing the paperwork into it to take them home.

"I take it you haven't found a recipient for the fellowship yet, or did God break one of your precious EEG monitors again?" the calm stoic voice of my father met me as I went to turn for the door to leave for the day.

"If another EEG is down, I swear I will have a coronary and it will push back my research even more than it already is." Just thinking about another setback made me start to panic, and of course I had forgotten to refill my Xanax prescription yesterday.

My father smiled softly at me, waiting for me to compose myself as we stood outside my door after I locked it up. "Edward, son. Don't push yourself with this. I know there is a lot on your plate at the moment, so I want you to take a deep breath, visualize your place of serenity. Please do that for me right now." His firm hands took my shoulders keeping me in place and so I closed my eyes.

I visualized the place of serenity I had chosen years ago when I was being mentored by my father during my master's program. I took a deep breath and went there traveling in my mind. It was dark, quiet and celestial bodies encircled me and soon all tension constricting in my chest slowly subsided after some time. Once I was back to normal, I opened my eyes to see my father still outside my office standing in front of me with his same reassuring smile that made me always feel better.

"So, have you made and headway on the applicants or are you still just seeing a blur of written white noise when you look at them?"

It was uncanny how my father could catch me off guard when he was so accurate in his summations.

"I don't know why I have to decide. It's your fellowship, so I think it would be only fair that you make the choice." I knew I sounded immature in my argument but I was tired and my stress level was increasing exponentially each day.

My father's slight chuckle told me there was no way I would get out of it. 'Son, it's the Cullen Neuropsychology Fellowship. If it had been the Carlisle fellowship, then it should fall solely on me, but seeing it is not so… well, you get the picture."

Of course I got the picture. Loud and clear. I knew I should have been a broke musician like I wanted to be during my difficult and awkward teenage years rather than a world renowned Neuropsychology specialist, following in the steps of my admirable father. I would have been happy in either career, but I felt the most helpful to the world in the career I was now in.

If I had been a musician, I would have played nightly for tips in smoke filled bars in every corner of the world I could book, drinking till the morning, seeing the world and falling in love with every woman I met. Instead I hardly had time during the day to eat a balanced meal or to stop and remember to tie my shoes.

Sure I traveled to different parts of the world, but only to present my research findings on Biofeedback and Neurofeedback of hypnosis at lectures and then take the red-eye back to the states only to jet off to another lecture or instruct a course. It was nice to have some spare time during the summer months when a majority of the university was out until August before my hectic schedule would start again.

My father looked at me from the corner of his eye as we walked the length of the hallway to the parking structure near the Behavioral Sciences building. "So, Esme was wondering when we would see you for dinner. She's missed you quite a bit since Christmas."

I sighed. I had been planning on stopping by my family's residence during the University's spring break, but had been called away to Munich to present findings from my article that was published in a psychology journal the previous winter.

"I'm not sure, I mean, I hope to soon. I just need to check my schedule, but I'm pretty sure I can though, hopefully before the end of the semester." I rushed my response, feeling like a horrible son.

He knew my guilt would send me into another state of panic, so he did what he could to calm me. "Edward, we understand. Emmett is coming into town this weekend and his fiancée Rosalie will be having dinner with us Saturday night at 6pm. She's decided to bring her brother Jasper along to meet us finally since he will be part of your brother's groomsmen with you. If you can, we'll set a place for you to join us. Just remember, you are not obligated, but we would love to have you there."

We had just stepped out of the building when I noticed that the sky was darker than it should have been and I could barely see a foot in front of me through the rain. Just wonderful, I had left my tan trench coat back in my office. I wished my father a good evening and told him I would do my best to make it to the dinner that Saturday as he opened his black umbrella and disappeared through the rain.

Wanting nothing more than to curl up on my sofa at my home, I jogged back down the corridor to my office, unlocked it and stepped inside to retrieve my coat from the rack. As I crossed the threshold I noticed some papers laying on the floor of my office at the base of my mahogany desk almost next to the trash receptacle. Detouring from the coat rack I crossed the room and bent down to pick up whatever it was. There was a thick binder clip keeping the papers together. I flipped it over to read what it was. Another application from some woman in the state of Washington.

"Looks like it was a good thing I forgot my coat, otherwise your application would have been scrapped, Ms. Swan." I mumbled to myself jokingly and quickly put the ridiculous amount paperwork in my briefcase, yanked my coat off the rack and quickly closed door of my office. I sprinted down the corridor and lifted my collar as I ran for the dry safety of my Volvo.

"Today will just never end." I sighed, turning the ignition of my car.

Anxious to get home and take the last of my Xanex, I drove maniacally through the rain to my townhouse just outside the city. I didn't make it to my bedroom to change before flopping on my soft brown leather couch and sinking in. I might have fallen asleep for around an hour when I was woken by a loud crash of thunder. I guess I should get some of my responsibilities out of the way tonight. I slid out of my now dry trench and threw it to the love seat I had inherited from Grandma Masen after she passed a few years ago. I loosened my tie to slip it off over my head and decided I wasn't comfortable enough yet and took off the dress shirt I had warn today and kicked off my loafers. Finally able to breathe in my white undershirt and my slacks I strode to the kitchen and popped my last Xanax in my mouth and chased it with a glass of tap water.

My briefcase was mocking me as is sat on the coffee table and I stared it down contemplating if it was actually worth staying up to take care of this pointless task. Don't get me wrong, the fellowship was always a wonderful opportunity for some lucky person, but hardly any recipients were able to last more than a year with all that was involved. Every year I would pray to find someone that was able to work through it all, but I was never given a chance to see my wish fulfilled. Giving in, I marched my way back to the couch and sat down hard.

"Cheese and Rice, this blows" I reverted back into my rebellious youth as I opened my dreaded brief case and pulled out the applications. Neatly stacking the applicants into different piles I was finally able to make some cuts. After two hours, fifty applications were being placed in my confidential shredder trashcan. There was still a stack of around twenty nine others that could have some potential. I then sorted those. There was a pile for those with strong essays, one for those who had excellent letters of recommendations and a stack for applicants with several academic accomplishments. I was almost complete separating the applications when I had one left. The monster application that was almost scrapped this afternoon if I hadn't run back to get my trench.

I started to go through the application to see which of the three stacks Ms. Swan's would fall in. She had numerous letters of recommendations from professors in the Seattle area, some that I had actually worked with and had a professional rapport. Over the course of her high school, college and post college career she had received several awards for excellence in academics, presenting at research conferences, and even excellence in a counseling center where she had gained some on site experience. I continued to look through her application reading the answers to the essay questions and finding myself intrigued with the responses.

Well thought out work, with professionalism that would surely be published in any academic journal and intertwined with real life experiences which helped to make her relatable.

It took over an hour to finish reading her application and letters of recommendation. By the time the clock in the living room chimed midnight there were seventy eight shredded applications and one letter of congratulations addressed to a Ms. Isabella Swan of Forks, Washington. I hoped that Ms. Swan would be able to handle the pressures she was about to face for the next three years, and it was the first time in a long time that I wished for Cullen Fellowship recipient to make through without giving up because this woman seemed to be very determined and bright, at least on paper.

Once I printed the letter and completed my section of the paperwork to finalize the selection, I figured it was time for a quick dinner before slipping into bed. Standing over the kitchen island I ate the over-salted TV dinner spaghetti and downed a glass of water before heading to my bedroom to call it a night. There was a tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders and a feeling of calm took its place as I climbed the stairs to my room. Figuring the meds were kicking in I slipped out of my slacks and took off my socks and slipped between the sheets of my king sized bed. Before I knew it, my eyes were closing and then flickered open to see my alarm clock flash as it was screeching my 6am wake-up call.

"Fuck." I am not a morning person.

After a quick shower, dressing in my tweed suit and grabbing a granola bar, I was out the door and driving unwillingly to the University. I had a lot to do this morning.

My first stop of the day was the lab. Saying a quick hello to the leads of my research team that also happened to be some of the closest friends I had. Angela Webber and Ben Cheney had been undergraduate students of mine when I first met them. Showing promise in my courses and a shear fascination as participants in some of my research, I had asked them to join my research team during their senior year, which they both were more than happy to accept.

That was over five years ago and they were still working with me. Both had continued their education with the university and received their Master's in Neuropsychology and were both in the process of obtaining their doctorates. I continued to offer my assistance to them whenever they asked. Over time I had noticed their professionalism towards each other outside the halls of the university had evolved from cohorts in academia into a romantic relationship. It never interfered with their work in the lab or their work on their dissertations so I never discouraged it, but I did find myself envying them for having each other.

I had dated in the past, but nothing as serious as what Angela and Ben have. I knew that there would be an announcement of their engagement in the not so distant future. It was obvious by the way Ben's eyes would brim with pure joy as Angela could explain the alpha and beta waves from a participants EEG readings. If he was expressing his love with his eyes like he did while she rattled about something everyone else in the world would find boring, there was no way he would not claim her as his wife.

It seemed that everyone was finding someone these days. Even my brother Emmett. The perpetual bachelor met his Rosalie while vacationing with some of his college friends in London. She was there to study fine arts as part of a summer program when she literally ran into my brother while being preoccupied with the traffic and confusion of Piccadilly Circus, saving her from being British road kill. And that was just the short version of the story. Every time that I had been in the same room as him since they met I had to hear him explain it to everyone and each time the details being more specific with each telling. After the tenth time I started to block him out of my mind and put up my barrier where I would then retreat to my place of serenity. If I didn't, I would stress myself to the point of anxiety attack and would ruin everyone's evening, possibly not receiving an invitation to come back anytime soon. This was a reason I did not want to attend Saturday's dinner, but I still said I would try to go, at least for my mother's sake.

After catching up with Ben and Angela, I informed them that a decision had been made for the fellowship and that Ms. Isabella Swan would join our research team. Angela was thrilled that there would finally be another female to work alongside of in the very male dominated lab, to which I chuckled at and Ben rolled his eyes to. I excused myself and told them I need to stop at the main building to inform my father of the new addition to our team and that I should be in my office until my development course at 1pm that afternoon. Both Angela and Ben waved goodbye to me and went back to watching the measurements on the EEG readings from the previous week. Their heads tilted closely towards each other.

The main building was thankfully located next to the Behavioral Sciences building so I didn't have far to go. Stopping outside his door, I rapped on the glass of my father's office and hearing him softly whistle a tune before answering. He was in a chipper mood today.

"Please, come in." He answered

"So, looks like someone is stuck in their happy place." I chided.

"Indeed I am. It's certainly been a pretty good day so far. How can I help you today Dr. Cullen?" It was my father's decision to address me professionally between the hours of 8am and 6pm during work days.

"Well, _Dr. Cullen,_ I just stopped by to inform you that I have selected a recipient for the Cullen Neuropsychology Fellowship." I tried not to act like a smart ass when I emphasized his name, which wasn't as successful as I would have liked.

A smile flashed on his face before answering me, "That certainly was fast, and I am rather happy about that too, we could probably be able to announce the decision in the departmental newsletter before the end of the year now. And who is our lucky new member to our team?" Although it was technically my research team, I allowed my father to claim he was a member of it.

"A Ms. Isabella Swan, graduate Summa Cum Laude from the University of Washington with duel Bachelor degrees in Psychology and Neuroscience. Accolades for academics spanning from high school and completely through her university career. At least 15 letters of recommendations from respected professionals in the field, over 2 years of onsite experience and her writing is worthy of journal publication." I had no idea why I gushed about Ms. Swan when all I knew about her was all on paper that was being held captive in my briefcase.

"I brought the papers to finalize her selection and for you to sign the letter of congratulations for her packet on the position." My father just nodded.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen, I'm sure Isabella will be an asset to our team here in Chicago. I will get the paperwork filed today with the rest of the board members, I'll then notify Mrs. Alistair to type a short blurb in the departmental newsletter and I will see you tomorrow for dinner, 6pm sharp." He winked. I turned on my heal and exited his office.

Sometimes my father knew exactly how to piss me off, and at any other time I would be. But at the moment I didn't feel any anger toward him. I was actually feeling better than I had in a long while. Some stress relieved from me and I didn't have the feeling of the world closing in since I woke up. I hope that was a good sign and it would stay that way, for at least a while anyways.

The day went by uneventful, but in a good way. My developmental course went by fairly quickly with some students still handing in their midterm essays periodically throughout the course of the day. I was very lenient with my bachelor's students.

I met with a few of my Master's students I was mentoring to discuss their thesis and then checked the results of some EEG results my lab team sent me after their 4pm scheduled experiment from the participant pool.

By the time 6pm came about I checked my calendar and saw that I was indeed free for dinner tomorrow with my family. I called my mother as I was walking to my car while she chirped her excitement to seeing me soon. I wished her my love and promised to bring her some flowers. She of course told me that was unnecessary, but very thoughtful. I said goodnight and slipped my phone into my pocket as I sped off the campus as fast as I could.

It seemed that once I had finally made a decision on the bloody fellowship, my chaos of a life was starting to organize itself all on its own. Hopefully that would hold true with the arrival of Isabella Swan.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

**BPOV**

"Are you sure you still want to do this, Bells?"

It was the fourth of July and Billy and Jacob were going to be here any moment for our annual bar-b-q and Charlie knew I was getting nervous because I was going to tell Jake about me accepting the Cullen Fellowship finally. Even though I had accepted the fellowship the very day I received the packet in the mail in May, I hadn't told Jake about it at all. I was too nervous to tell him that I was moving over halfway across the country, and would be there for at least the next three years. He was my best friend still, but it was going to be hard to tell him about this big decision. Charlie told me I should have told him sooner, but I was procrastinating and I figured since there was less than a month before I was going to leave it would be best to tell him in person today.

"I'm sure dad. I have to tell him face to face, he's my best friend. It would feel cowardly to just tell him in one of our letters." I looked down and kicked the stone my foot was standing on, and watched it bounce back off the front tire of my truck.

Charlie was starting the coals and getting it ready to grill some burgers and hot dogs. "That's not exactly what I meant. Are you sure you still want to do this fellowship thing? You don't know anyone in Chicago and it's just so far from Forks, and everyone here will be heartbroken when you leave."

It was the most he had spoken to me in the last few weeks, and I could tell he was speaking about himself when he said everyone would be heartbroken. He was upset. I knew I was the only thing that Charlie cared the most about in the world, and he kept that locked tight inside him. I was his little girl and this would be the farthest and longest I would have ever been away.

"I'm sure pops." Giving him a light hug at his side, to which he coughed and then patted my shoulder in response. "It's only for three years, which will go by so fast, and I will make it back for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the campus spring breaks if I'm not working." I looked up at him giving a reassuring smile. It would be tough for the both of us.

"I really want to do this, and I just can't say no to opportunity such as this. This fellowship is one of the most select in the world, and I'll be working with some of the most experienced and talented experts in the neuropsychology field. I'll be able to do something I've always wanted. You know I love everyone here, but I really want to do this." He nodded and that closed the topic, at least for now.

Jake was coming up the drive way in his new car, a restored 1969 Chevy Camero with Billy in the passenger seat, waving over at Charlie and me. Jake parked the car and reached behind him to get the hot dog and hamburger buns he said he would bring today. Billy had a Tupperware container of what I was sure was Sue Clearwater's double chocolate brownies. Charlie smiled at the container and took them out of Billy's hand and replaced them with a freshly opened can of Rainier beer.

"Easy drive in there, kiddo?" Charlie asked Jake while silently offering him a beer as well.

"Pretty good, got some holiday traffic a little outside Seattle, but other than that, it was easy breezy. Thanks for the drink." He took a large gulp, probably downing half of the can. Jake nodded to the men to excuse himself from their conversation and walked over to me, slipping an arm around my shoulder to give me a soft hug.

"Hey Jake, it's great to see you." I inhaled to calm me down so I could get my shit together before I told him my news.

"Great to see you too, girl. I haven't had to rescue anyone from walking across a flat surface in months, now maybe I can today." He leaned back and laughed with a smart ass wink.

I shoved him away from me, "Jack-ass."

"Yeah, but you still put up with me. So I'm not gonna quit." He laughed and walked to sit down at the table I had set up this morning so we could eat outside today. The weather report said there would actually be sun for the fourth, and it was right for once.

"I wouldn't expect any less." I said as I slid next to him at the table and opened a bag of potato chips. "How are things? Sam still talking to you about managing the new shop he wants to open?" Grabbing a handful of chips and popping some in my mouth, waiting for his response.

"Yeah, it looks like he'll be open it in October and he told me that I just have to manage it because I was the only one in the shop he could ever think of trusting with it. Once it's set up and it's official, I'll take it. I mean it's a great opportunity and it will help me with saving up for my own shop and will get me out there with a good reputation in the business." His smile was beaming when he spoke. I knew you would never say no, plus he was the best guy there and fully deserved this position.

"You'll do great Jake. I'm so proud of you. Not many 24 year olds can say they manage an auto garage." I elbowed him and he pretended to be sorely injured. I just rolled my eyes.

"So how are things with you? Billy told me that you had been looking to go back for your Master's degree for some time. You get any bites, Miss Brain?" He sipped his can of beer.

I thought I would be able to gradually ease into this conversation, but Billy and his big mouth just had to make it more difficult for me.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't tell you about that before. I was really busy with all the applications and working with the counseling center at the hospital I forgot to tell you in my letters." I hoped he would be convinced.

"It's ok Bella. I forgive you… this time." He snickered.

I sighed. It was now or never… or maybe Billy can just tell him. No, no I said I would tell him in person. Man up and just tell your best friend you are moving across country for three years and would hardly be able to visit.

"Well, it's pretty interesting that you brought that up because I…I did get some bites. A lot of places must desperate for some money since I got a few acceptance letters." I was talking way too fast. And he just kept sitting there sipping his beer and staring at our fathers as they debated if the coals were ready.

_Just breathe. You'll get through this. And Jake will understand._

"If fact…" deep breath, "I accepted a fellowship one of them offered."

He was silent for just a moment and then shifted in his seat to look at me. "I'm so proud of you, Hun." He reached over and took me in a big bear hug that left me speechless since he was cutting off my air. I tapped his back to let him know and he released me "Opps, sorry." He bit his lip and looked at me with apologetic eyes to which I nodded my forgiveness and he leaned back in his chair.

"So, which lucky school is going to need and increase their insurance policy to welcome you on campus?" He was in a teasing mood today and I punched him in the shoulder. "Is it the University in Washington? I hope somewhere close, I'd miss you something awful if you had to go anywhere too far." He reached into the open bag of chips and shoved a handful in his mouth.

Crap.

"Well, no. The fellowship I accepted is actually at the University of Chicago." I waited for his reaction, but he just looked off to the distance and continued to munch on chips. "In Illinois, you know. Where Ferris Bueller was filmed." He shook his head and laughed.

"Geeze Bella, do I look like a dumb shit? I know where Chicago is." He sighed. "That's really far. You know anyone out there? How long is this going to be for? How's Charlie taking this?" He was upset and I could tell.

"Well, Charlie is handling it in his own way. He's upset because it's not close to here, but I told him it's something I wanted to do for me, and I think he's starting to accept it." Jake shifted uncomfortably in his chair now, running a hand through his hair. "The packet I got on the fellowship said that it was good for three years, and I hope that I'll be able to make it through. There's so much involved with it and my responsibilities will have me pulling my hair at times, but it will be well worth it once I'm done."

"What do you do in this _Fellowship_ thingy?" He strained to ask.

Where to start. When I had opened the thick packet of information about the Cullen Fellowship I was shocked at my obligations. "Well, the good thing is that all my financial responsibilities and housing will be taken care of with the position. I'm scheduled to arrive two weeks before the fall semester starts because the position has an arrangement with university where I can receive free housing in their upper division housing as a resident advisor. So all my living expenses and some food costs are taken care of, which is a relief. And my tuition is taken care of since I accepted."

"Wow, I just know that you will love getting those 4am knocks on the door about girls breaking up with their boyfriends and the cardboard cafeteria food." He teased.

"Shut it, you oaf. Do you want to know what I get to do, or are you just going to be a jerk. If you are, I'll just tell Charlie to burn your hot dogs right now." He made a motion that he was going to zip his lip and signaled that I should proceed.

"I wasn't exactly too thrilled about that, but if it helps with my finances, I won't argue. Besides that I have a ton of other responsibilities that will keep me occupied. I have three courses the first semester and on top of that I get to work in a lab with a research team exploring alpha and beta waves on participants undergoing a hypnosis experimental trial." I was talking animatedly with my hands and saw Jake was nodding his head, and not understanding a word I was saying, but at least he was being polite. "I also get to work as a teaching assistant for undergraduate courses with the man in charge of the research team. He's been assigned as my mentor for my Master's program too which is just nerve wracking but I feel so fortunate to have his guidance. You see, he's been in the field for so long and I've read up on all his work since I found out I'd be working with him. A lot of my professors from Seattle would talk about his studies in their courses, so I can't wait for his input with my own work." I let out a deep breath after I finished. I had wanted to tell Jake ever since that Wednesday I got the letter and now he finally knew.

"Sounds like you are finally getting what you've worked so hard for. Now, I am sad that my best friend is going to be so far away, but I'm very proud and happy for you Bells. They don't know how lucky they are that you chose them." He stood up and walked to the cooler and took out two beers, came back to the table and offered me the second one. "Cheers! Here's to you getting out there and doing something for you and here's to hoping that the hospital's there are fully equipped your weekly visits." He smiled and threw back a swing as I punched him again.

"Jack-ass!" I huffed and swallowed my beer as he wiggled his eyebrows at me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun was setting as the four of us finished the mass amount of burgers and hot dogs Charlie grilled up. I swear Jake was eating his seventh dog and he probably had two burgers before that. I was clueless as to how one person could each so much. After two dogs and half a burger I was in pain.

"How does everyone feel about watching the game for a bit before they attempt the fireworks?" Charlie was always in the mood to watch sports, as was Billy. Jake looked like he was about to pass out from food exhaustion so he would probably end up on the couch more asleep than intently watching the game.

"I'm down. Just let me clean up out here and I'll meet you men in a few." I started to pick up the paper plates scatted on the table. I was happy that there was hardly anything I would need to wash tonight.

Billy and Charlie quickly walked into the house and the TV was on as soon as I went to take Jake's plate. "Are you done?" I started to take his plate away from his spot when he softly took my wrist. I paused and looked at him. His eyed were sad as he stared back at me.

"Jacob, what's wrong? Do you need some Tums? If you are gonna throw up, you need to get away from me, or I'll throw up too." I always had a weak stomach.

Jacob just shook his head and continued to look at me. "Don't go." It was soft as a whisper.

"I'll be back in a little bit, I just need to throw the plates away and then get the grill utensils to wash." I tried to pry his hand off my wrist, but he just gripped tighter.

"No, don't go to Chicago. Please. I know it's a great opportunity, but don't go." He pleaded

I was taken aback, he was so happy for me over an hour ago, and now he was practically begging me to stay and give up a dream. "Jake, I already told them yes and I have my plane ticket, besides you know it's my dream. Why do you not want me to go?"

"You're my Bella. My best friend. I don't want to lose you." He released his grip and was distracted by his shoes and started to pick at them, not looking at me anymore.

"I'll come home for the holidays. You think I'm just gonna pack up and forget all of you here. I would never do that to Charlie or you and Billy. I'll even try and come back when the university is off for their spring break. I'll call, text and send letters to all of you goofs the entire time I'm there since I don't know anyone else." I sat down and rubbed his shoulder to show him I would never think of forgetting him.

"I don't want to hold you here, as much as I would like, but you need this for you. So, go to Chicago and I swear if I don't get a call or letter from you I will fly out there myself, track you down and try to force you back home." He pretended to be stern with me which just caused me to crack up and punch him for the third time that night.

"Well I'll abuse our friendship a bit more before I go in August and demand that you help me clean all this up," I pointed to the mess on the table. "And then I'll let you catch some shut eye before the fireworks." I threw a black trash bag in his hand and went back to picking it all up. Fifteen minutes later I was soaking the utensils in the sink, Billy and Charlie were fighting over which sports channel to watch now and Jake was snoring on the couch.

I was overcome with a lot of emotions realizing that in less than a month I will be leaving the three men in my living room, who were the only three people I cared and loved the most in the world. I was scared, happy, nervous, and excited all at the same time. It would be difficult to go, but they all wanted me to take this chance because they wanted me to follow my dreams.

There was something in the pit of my stomach that told me I was doing the right thing. I was supposed to go to Chicago. Though I would be busier and more stressed than ever, I was meant to go there, at this time in my life. I was excited about what Chicago would be like and laughed thinking back to the phone conversation I had with the chairman of the Fellowship in May.

_I had been so excited when the letter arrived that an hour after I read through the information in the packet I dialed the number listed in the letter on the kitchen phone to call and accept the position. I didn't want to wait to tell Charlie before I did this._

_Ring... Ring... Ring...  
_

"_Dr. Carlisle Cullen's office, this is Jeanne, how may I help you?" an elderly woman answered._

"_Um, yes, hello. My name is Isabella Swan. I'm calling in regards to the letter I received about being offered the Cullen Neuropsychology Fellowship?" My response came out as a question._

"_Oh yes, I was told to expect a call from you, but I didn't expect it this soon." She laughed light-heartedly. "Let me see is Dr. Cullen is available and I'll put you through." There was a quick pressing of buttons and then I heard soft on-hold music. It was a poorly done Berry Manilow piece where some person spoke over it about the excellence of the school and the prestigious awards and honors. My mind started to drift when Jeanne's voice returned and the music stopped._

"_Ms. Swan?"_

"_I'm still here."_

_She laughed, "Good, Dr. Cullen will speak to you now, so I will transfer you over. Again, congratulations and please have a wonderful day." _

_I was about to thank her when a new voice answered. "This Dr. Cullen. Is this Ms. Isabella Swan?"_

_I was so nervous, my mouth was dry and I tried to clear my throat to talk. "Um, yes, hello, Dr. Cullen. It's very nice to speak to you. I was calling in regards to the Cullen Fellowship." Dr. Cullen was silent so I continued. "Well, I received the packet today and I want to thank you so much for offering me this opportunity and I would like to formally accept the position."_

"_Well, we are certainly looking forward to you joining our academic family here at the University of Chicago. I must say I am rather surprised to have you accepted so quickly since we just sent it off last Friday. Please don't misunderstand, we do feel honored you accepted." His voice was warm, and had a fatherly kindness to it. I was biting my lip to contain the joy that was building up in me._

"_I am the one who is honored, Dr. Cullen. Again, sir, thank you." I would have gushed more, but felt it would be inappropriate and unprofessional._

_We spoke a little while longer about the position. He answered some concerns I had. Mostly clarifying my living situation._

"_I know it is not a favorable situation to stay in the on campus residence, but the University feels that it would be beneficial for the role you will play here. Maybe you could convince some of your residents to participate in the research study, which could be some fun." I snorted a little and heard him chuckle at his joke too._

_He told me that I would indeed be working with the head of the Neuropsychology department, Dr. Edward Cullen, who was his youngest son, and told me about the state of the art equipment in the laboratory and the number of members on the team. I would TA for the developmental psychology courses in the undergraduate studies his son taught and that there could be opportunities for some of my work to be published and I may be able to travel and present at conferences during the year. I was biting my nails the entire time as he listed all the wonderful responsibilities I would have. _

_Before our call finished he asked me to call him if any more questions were to come up and to expect a letter from the university closer to August that would provide me with my official course schedule, my lab work hours, the address for my new campus residence and an invitation to the annual dinner he and his wife put together each fall for the Behavioral Sciences department. He said that it would be a good opportunity to introduce me to those who I would be seeing daily in the halls. Although I hated to meet a large number of people at one time, I told him I was excited to attend._

_Before I hung up, I thanked him again for his time and told him how much I was looking forward to meet him and the rest of the team. He could probably feel the shit eating grin on my face as I spoke._

"_It was a pleasure to speak with you today, Ms. Swan. I will go ahead and inform the staff of you acceptance and we will see you soon. You have a wonderful day now." And he softly hung up his phone._

_I squealed so loud when I hung up the kitchen phone and was thankful the neighbors were out for the day or they would need to call in to my father about me disturbing the peace. I ran upstairs to the computer in my room so I could email the hospital and informed them that I would need to resign from the counseling department at the end of July._

"BELLA!" Charlie called to the kitchen. "Do we have any more of Sue's brownies?"

"Only about a dozen, so it won't last another hour." I yelled back. I dried my hands and picked up the Tupperware container, opening the lid and taking the last brownie I would get for the night and handed the container to Charlie as I entered the living room.

I plopped down on the sofa next to Jacob, where he let out a yelp because I woke him up. He softly pushed me away showing he didn't like that and rubbed his eyes and stretched out his arms with a low yawn.

"Is it almost time for the fireworks?" I asked.

"Um, just about. We got ten minutes." Billy replied after looking at his wristwatch.

"Great, I'll go get us some jackets and I'll meet you boys outside in a bit."

It was the first time in several years Forks would have fireworks for the fourth of July, all thanks to the beautiful weather today. I was happy to have the chance to see this rare event before I would leave my home in a few short weeks.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

**EPOV**

The university had been out of session for a over two months now, and I was reveling in the sheer joy of not having classes to teach, papers to grade, I wasn't scheduled for the usual amount of presentations as in previous summers, and I wasn't required to be checking in on the lab with my team as much since Angela and Ben had requested time away for their honeymoon.

It wasn't even a week after the last day of the semester when Ben came up to my office and told me that he and Angela had decided to go to the courthouse that day to get married, and asked me to join them as their witness. I agreed instantly and I told him that is was about fucking time.

They didn't want an overly romantic honeymoon and had never been anywhere international so they decided they would try to backpack through most of Europe, but instead of hostels, they would stay at decent accommodations. I occasionally received text messages from Ben when they arrived in a new city where he asked for suggestions on restaurants I had dined at in the past. If he'd ask for advice on any sites of interest, I would have been no help since the only site I had ever seen on my lecture circuits was the view of the Eiffel Tower as I touched down at the Charles de Gaulle International Airport two years ago.

A half empty pizza box was sitting on my coffee table next to my laptop I worked on. I was making some last minute edits on the methods and results section of the journal article that was due for submission before the start of the fall semester. I was gnawing on the end of a pizza crust when a notification of an email from my father flashed on my computer screen. Thinking I was at a good place to stop editing for the moment, I opened my inbox to read his message.

"_Edward,_

_I hope that you are doing well this weekend. Your mother and I want to thank you again for the generous anniversary gift. Esme has started to redecorate the library in order to accommodate the portrait. She says the varnish of the frame matches the book stacks. I have no clue, but you know how women are, or at least how your mother is. Anyways, we wanted to know if you will be able attend the Behavioral Sciences dinner next Saturday. I know you had agreed last month, but I just wanted to check and make sure that you were still available. We will be having drinks around 5pm and you mother expects the chef to have dinner ready by 6:45pm. Your brother is in town again that weekend so, of course, he will be there with Rosalie. There will be a new audience for them at this dinner, so if either of them start going into detail of their meeting like they did back at our family dinner in May, I think I might join you for cigars and brandy in the den. Oh, I almost forgot, Jasper will be there that night too. Since he was transferred to Chicago a few weeks ago, he's been around a lot helping your mother with errands in his spare time. He's such a nice young man. He'll make a great husband for some lucky woman. Well, I asked him if he would be able to pick up Ms. Swan from O'Hare that day and he agree, He'll be picking her up around 11am that morning and will escort her to the manor that night for the dinner and I told him he is more than welcome to stay. That poor Swan girl doesn't have a lot of time to settle and get situated before she's thrown to the sharks that evening. I'm sure she'll do just fine though. All of us and I'm sure you as well, are excited to finally meet her. Anyways, my son, drop me a line and let me know if you will be there. _

_Carlisle "_

I opened my personal planner and cursed, I forgot I had to pick up Ben and Angela that day. Their flight was coming in around 4pm which would cut it close to cocktail hour. I knew that both of them were also invited and they would want to go to the dinner and catch up with the rest of the department, but we would be late since they would need to change for the dinner when they arrived home. I sent a quick text message to Ben asking if his flight was still Saturday and if he and Angela were still planning to go. In ten minutes I received a picture of a Swiss guard in the Vatican and a reply.

"_Yep. Sat 4:10pm O'Hare. Need 2 stop by house 2 change after landing, but we want 2 go 2 the dinner. Thx. Ur the Best! : )" _

Amazing how unintelligent text messaging can make a person who is trying to get their PhD sound. I chuckled and sent a quick email back to Carlisle.

"_Dad,_

_I will be there on Saturday. Unfortunately, I will be late. I had agreed to pick up Angela and Ben from the airport around 4pm that day and they need to go home and change before coming to the dinner. We probably will not be there until 7pm. Please let me know if I need to grovel or bring an apology gift for mom. Hopefully I can miss the Emmett/Rosalie story hour, which I am sorry I won't be there to rescue you from._

_My love to you and mom,_

_Edward"_

I never really enjoyed the annual dinner my parents held every year since I was twelve. There were always a lot of people crammed into my parent's manor. Even though we had enough room to accommodate them and still have room to fit one of my developmental psychology courses, I would still feel claustrophobic and would go into a full on anxiety attack. I would need to pop two Xanax before the night began just to get through it as normal as I possibly could.

It was always better after the cocktail hour anyways when people's mouths would be full with the food my mother would orchestrate with her kitchen staff. Missing cocktails, I would miss that form of torture where everyone riddled me with questions and I would eventually try and sneak off to my old room. Another positive note was that Emmett and Rose would have finished their story long before I arrived for the dinner.

The last time I was regaled with their story was the family dinner I attended in May; it was for Jasper's poor benefit since he hadn't heard it from Emmett's point of view yet. Maybe he could accompany my father for a stogie during drinks. If he did, I would need to thank him for that in the future.

My father was right that I was anxiously excited to meet Ms. Swan finally. She seemed quite bright and possibly able to handle what she was about to be thrown into, but she was still green with this field. Sure I was only seven years older than her, but I had strived for years nonstop in my work and research. If she wasn't up to my level of standard after the first semester I would have to put up with subpar work until the next summer and once again have a setback in my research and would probably need to meet with my therapist more than once a week after that.

I was running low on my prescription and figured I would get my ass out of my house for a little bit and fill my scripts before the weekend was over.

My Volvo sat in the driveway waiting for me as she did every day. My one place I felt completely comfortable in. If I hadn't already set a place of solitude with my father before I bought the Volvo, I would have used sitting in her driver's seat as part of my visualization. The purr of her engine as I started eased away any tension I had.

I backed out into the street and drove to my local pharmacy. It was rather busy that day and the pharmacist said it would probably be one to two hours before my scripts were filled.

I decided to take a stroll in the downtown market place that was right next door to pass some time. I looked at the shops and the families and couples that I passed. I hated a lot of public places. It was surprising that I was able to teach with all my anxiety with being in public place, but scholastic setting was more soothing to me since I felt confident in my teaching.

I passed a small family owned store and looked in the window. The old white haired couple behind the couple were bickering and made me chuckle. I thought they looked cute. I walked past the store window and opened the door to enter.

It looked like their store was an eclectic antiques one. There were old dressing mannequins and kitchen decor from what appeared to be the 1950's. There where chotchkeys and old soda posters that covered the walls and shelves.

There was a nice set of dishes off to the right of the front counter and went to check them out. The set was simple and yet elegant. They would be good enough for someone to entertain guests and I felt that it would be a perfect gift for Ben and Angela when they came back. I carried the set over to the couple at the counter who broke up their argument when they saw me approach.

I swept a piece of my messy bronze hair out of my eyes after I set the dinning set down. I told them I was purchasing a wedding gift and they had offered to gift wrap the set for me. As I waited for the elderly woman the tie up and wrap the set that was now in a large box, her husband decided to entertain me by pointing at the collection of "rare" baseball cards locked up in one of the display cases. I "hmm'd" and "hawed" for his benefit since I wasn't too interested in them. After her finished showing me the cards, and probably noticing my disinterest, he went to check on his wife to see if she needed any help and I perused the rest of the display cases solo.

There were many jewelry displays and even though I truly had no interest, I thought I would look just in case I saw something that would make a nice Christmas gift for Esme or my soon to be sister-in-law. There were the usual costume jewelry, large ridiculous animal earrings and chunky god awful bracelets. I moved away from the trashy display to the next.

There were some decent pieces in this display, a nice topaz pendant that Esme might enjoy, but a particular ring in there drew my attention. It was on a small black cloth pedestal, illuminated by a display light. The thin gold band of the ring held a large round sapphire stone surrounded my many small elegant diamonds. It was different from all the rest of the jewelry pieces in the store and it actually appeared to be real and quite possible rather pricey.

I turned to walk back to the couple, now finishing the wrapping together with smiles towards each other, lost in a personal conversation of a memory of their past.

"Excuse me, I have a few questions about some of the pieces in that display" I pointed to the one that contained the ring.

"Yes, that display is for our fine jewelry. Every piece comes with a certificate of authenticity and literature of its journey into our little store." the older woman smiled at me. "Thinking about buying something for your girl, young man?"

I shook my head. "No, afraid I do not have a woman to put up with me that I need to buy something for." Her smile slowly changed to a sympathetic frown. "I do have a mother that might like a nice Christmas gift though."

"Well, you must be a thoughtful son if you are already looking for a gift and it's just the end of July." The old man replied.

"I do what I can to be in her good graces." I looked back over at the display, the reflection of all the gemstones meeting my gaze. "Well, I think I might just have to come back soon and pick something out. Thank you very much for your time and the information."

"You come back any time young man, here's our card." The older man placed a white business card in my hand and I read the names embossed on it. "You come in here and ask for my wife, Carmen, or me, I'm Eleazar," He pointed to his name on the card, "and we'll be more than happy to assist." Both their smiles made me smile back.

"Thanks, I'll be sure to visit soon." I picked up the heavy box that was wrapped in an elegant silver paper and had silver ribbon streamers cascading down its sides and left the shop. It was too heavy to carry through the pharmacy, so I took it to my Volvo and placed it in the back seat. Wiping the small amount of sweat that trickled down my face from carrying the weight I turned and walked to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription.

Twenty minutes later I was cruising on my way back to the townhouse and listening to the local classical station. I hope that Ben and Angela would like my gift. I wasn't sure if they would really needed it, but a set of dishes they could claim as belonging to them as married couple should be just fine. In fact I wasn't sure as to how many gifts they would receive anyways since their marriage was so sudden.

Today had been a pretty good day. My mind kept drifting back to the older couple, Carmen and Eleazar.

They were so sweet together, and I found myself wishing to one day find someone that would make me as happy as Eleazar seemed when he would give Carmen a short squeeze and soft peck on her forehead during their exchanges. That thought quickly disappeared as I realized I almost missed my street.

"Shit!"

I quickly turned the corner before I passed it, not even bothering to use my turn signal. I looked in my rear view mirror and breathed a sigh of relief that there were not police cars in sight. I really couldn't handle a ticket. I reached for my prescription and took a pill out and swallowed it quickly.

As soon as I pulled up my driveway I looked at the clock and saw it was around 5pm. I took the gift box out of the back of my car. Unlocked my door and turned off the alarm before setting the gift on the kitchen table. I had a long day and decided to take a quick shower before making some dinner.

I got up to my room I pulled out a pair of boxer shorts and a clean white tank top from my dresser and laid them on my bed. Lifting my gray v-neck shirt over my head I tossed it across the room into the laundry basket and my slacks and socks soon followed. I marched off to the master bathroom and started the shower to heat the water. After testing the temperature to make sure it was hot enough to my liking, I slid out of my boxers and into my large inviting shower.

As the hot water hit my face, my muscles relaxed. I leaned forward, placing my hands on the wall in front to brace me and bent my head down so my wet hair was hanging in front of my eyes. The water felt so good as it trailed down my back. I sighed deeply feeling in it flow over my shoulders, past my lower back and over my rear. I raised my head and groaned with relaxation. The water felt so comfortable and was slightly arousing me. It had been some time since I felt any arousal that I decided that it would hurt to relieve myself tonight.

I rubbed the palm of my hand down my chest and past my navel, over my pelvic bone until it was lightly resting over my slightly aroused cock.

Slowly I started to massage my member in the firm grip of my hand. Pumping it in a slow rhythmic pace to get me started. The sensations of the of the hot water hitting my bare skin and the pressure I placed around my lower extremity was having me at full mast in little time. My breathing started to grow heavier and my pace picked up. Since I had not rubbed one out in quite a while, I knew it wouldn't take me long to to reach my goal. Sure enough a few quick minutes later I was brimming on the edge of my peak, the muscles in my thighs tightened as I felt the pressure build and break through and emptied myself on the wall of the shower.

It took a while for me to drain myself completely and when I was done, I was completely exhausted. I lazily shampooed my hair and just stood under the running a water for some time, and rinsed all the suds off of my body. Wiping off my mess that I made on the wall , I shut off the water.

When I stepped out, I wrapped a clean towel around my waist and headed back to my room. Dropping the my towel at the base of my bed I quickly changed into my clothes I had laid out earlier. If I hadn't been so hungry, I would have passed out on my soft and cocoon-like bed, but since my stomach usually ruled me, I descended my stairs and whipped up a can of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.

Eating my dinner, I ran over the list of things I needed to do this week before next Saturday. I figured I would go into my office Monday morning and get the syllabi ready for my fall courses and to outline the expectations for my Master's student I would be mentoring. I also needed to make a copy of my undergraduate lessons and guidelines for my grading rubric that my new TA would need.

I couldn't believe that the semester was starting so soon. I was relieved that I would have some assistance, but I was terrified that if it didn't work out, I would be overloaded with trying to pick up the slack. I figured that when I did meet with Ms. Swan I would do my best to show her that although she didn't have any financial obligations to worry about, it was not a paid vacation and that I would not put up with any shenanigans. I hated to play the "dick" card, but if I didn't that person would probably take advantage of the money my family was paying them to help expand their education. Hopefully I wouldn't scare her away before she even gave it a chance.

When I finished my meal, I placed my dishes in the kitchen sink, and chose to watch a few hours of mindless television. I hated watching it, I preferred a good book usually, but there wasn't any energy left in me for the night. My sofa hugged me as I sank into it and I flipped on the TV to whatever movie was currently in progress. When the film finished I convinced myself that it was not a bright idea to sleep on the couch again and climbed back upstairs and threw myself in my bed, where my eyes instantly closed once my head hit the pillow.

The next week went by too fast for my liking since it would mean I would be back to my chaotic schedules soon. I had to make a quick turnaround trip to Austin, Texas on Wednesday for a speech at a psychology conference on my research in the Neuroscience field. I was glad that I didn't need to stay longer than a few hours; the heat was too much to handle.

By Friday night, I was ready to go for the start of the semester. The first two weeks of the month would be my prep time with my team and meetings with members of the board of trustees about expectations for the year and to find out about my annual budget for research. It was all busywork and I would hardly have time to hang out in the lab, but Angela and Ben would take good care of it as always. Besides Ms. Swan, we had acquired other new members to our team before the summer.

Mike Newton, another Neuropsychology Master's student transferred from UCLA and would be handling all the data entry and formulating our graphs and charts for findings in the study. Eric Yorkie was in the process of gaining a lab technician degree at a local technical school would be interning in the lab so he could get training with using an Electroencephalography (EEG) recorder. Rounding out our team were two undergraduate students signed on to assist with the preliminary testing of participants in our study for course credit. Tyler Crowley, a fifth year senior, and Alice Brandon, the most spirited and enthusiastic person I had ever met in my life. At barely five feet tall with short pixie-like black hair she could be from a Disney cartoon but was such a spit fire at times I knew I wouldn't want to get on her bad side any day.

I had a good team, and when we all met before the spring semester ended, everyone seemed to get along and were excited and anxious along with me to get to work when we would return in the fall. Since a majority of the team was not considered part of the academic faculty, they wouldn't be at the dinner tomorrow night, which I was a bit disappointed about, but I figured I could get something together once the school year began and hold it here at the townhouse. It would be more casual and I would feel more comfortable since there wouldn't be as many people.

When my dreaded alarm clock woke me up the day of the departmental dinner I got up and took my suit for the evening out of the closet and hung it up on my bathroom door to air out any wrinkles. After I took a quick shower to wake me up some more, I dressed in the casual clothes I would wear to pick up the newlyweds in the afternoon and drove to my office to pick up some mail I would sort through when I was home for the rest of the weekend. When I got to my faculty mail box it was full flyers and large envelopes which I recognized as invitations to other colleges to speak at events and some conferences.

Mrs. Alistair was in the front office already and looked up as I was about to leave "Ugh, sometimes I wish I could just chuck all these away." I told her as I passed.

"Then how else could we get you out of your house or the lab then?" She teased.

Rolling my eyes as I backed out of the office to face her, I replied with a chuckle, "You make a good point."

I went through most of my mail from the university at home then I saw it was time to head out to pick up Ben and Angela so I shoved the rest aside.

I texted my father that I was heading to O'Hare and told him would text again when I was on my way to the dinner later.

There wasn't any traffic on the way over to the terminals so I was early and waited in the pickup lot for Ben to call me when the two of them were outside. I started my ignition when his name flashed on my phone and started to pull out of the lot.

"Hey Edward, are you here yet."

"No, sorry Ben, I took off to Vegas for the weekend. Totally slipped my mind that I was supposed to pick you up." I laughed.

"Oh ha ha, aren't you a jokester. Well, we are outside terminal five if you want to pick up some world worn travelers."

"Already there." I honked my horn when I saw Ben's familiar bright blue backpack. He turned his head in my direction and waved while closing his cell phone. Angela was already sitting on a bench when he pointed me out to her.

I turned on my hazard lights for my car and got out to help put their luggage in my car. Once the trunk was loaded, Ben sat in the passenger seat and Angela was in the back sitting next to the wedding gift I had for them.

"What is that?" Ang asked.

"Just a little wedding gift for the best team members of my research team."

"Ed, man, you didn't have to do that." Ben turned and looked at the silver box. "What is it anyways?"

"I can't tell you that, what would be the point of having it gift wrapped anyways if I told you?"

Ben's apartment was close to the airport so it was a quick drive. I helped them carry their luggage and went back down to bring up the wedding gift so that they wouldn't "accidentally" forget it.

The kitchen table creaked when I put the box on it and when I was about to head out, they told me to hold up a second.

Angela started to unwrap my gift.

When she pulled out the dish set, there were tears in her eyes. "Oh thank you Edward. They are beautiful." She ran and hugged me tightly and Ben stood back and shook his head laughing softly as his wife. She pulled back ad swiped the tears quickly from her eyes. "Really, thank you."

"No problem Ang."

It was just a little after 5pm and I need to go home and change. "Well guys, as much as I really want to stay and chat about your trip, we will all be in the dog house with my mother if we miss the dinner."

"Did you want us to pick you up tonight?" Ben knew of my nerves with large crowds and probably figured I would need a drink or two to get me through the night so I would not be in the right condition to drive.

"Sure, I'll be ready about 6:30pm so just stop at my place and ring my doorbell. Hopefully I'll come outside." We all laughed at my joke. "Well, I will let Mr. and Mrs. Cheney get ready and I look forward to seeing you two later tonight." I waved as they said good bye to me when I exited their apartment.

I drove back to my place to shower and change into my navy dinner suit for the treacherous evening ahead of me. I prayed to God the entire time asking for this evening to be somewhat tolerable and that any distraction would be greatly appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

**BPOV**

"_Ladies and Gentlemen, we are making our decent into the Chicago O'Hare International Airport. It is currently 78˚ outside with a slight breeze coming from the north today. The crew and I would like to ask that all passengers please put all trays away and to stay seated and not release your seat belts until the plane has come to a complete stop at the gate and the Captain has turned off the "fasten seat belt" sign. From all of the crew on board, we would like to thank you for choosing to fly with us today and wish you all the best for your next destination."_

My eyes were shut tight as the plane tilted downwards to the earth. I hated flying. I had only flown three times in my life, and it never got any easier. The day before leaving for Chicago, I had visited the Forks Counseling Center at the hospital to see if Dr. Felix could prescribe me a mild sedative for my flight. I wasn't one for condoning drug use, but I didn't feel like causing a scene and knowing my luck, U.S. Marshals would need to escort me from the plane if I had a panic attack on board before the plane took off. Thirty minutes before take-off, I swallowed the Xanax I was prescribed and said a quick prayer that I would just pass out for most of the flight.

Thankfully I didn't wake up until it was time to land in Chicago.

Five hours ago, I was crying and hugging Charlie with a goodbye.

"_Bells, honey, I'll miss you so much. Call me when you land, right away, so I know you are ok. You have to call me at least once a week too. I don't know what I will do without you home to fix me dinner every night." He was a bit chocked up with emotion._

"_You did perfectly fine when I was living in Seattle for college." Not letting go of my hug._

_He started to pull out of our embrace, "Well, you were close enough to visit every weekend, this isn't the same thing. Now, time to get. Call me when you land, don't forget."_

"_I won't dad, I love you. Send my love to Billy and Jake too!" I turned and walked over to the security checkpoint and waved back at Charlie after I made it through the metal detector. My heart broke when I noticed he was wiping something from his eye._

When the plane suddenly jerked as it hit the tarmac I opened my eyes and sighed in relief. I loosened my grip in the arm rest I had dug my finger nails into for the last fifteen minutes. As my plane taxied to the gate I pulled out a piece of paper I had scribbled on from my last phone call to Dr. Carlisle Cullen a week ago.

When my plane arrived I was supposed to exit and head towards my luggage carousel to get my bags and then call the number he gave me. It was the cell number for a family friend of Dr. Cullen named Jasper Hale. He was supposed to help me with my luggage and take me to my residence hall and he would pick me up and take me to the department dinner later that night.

As soon as I cleared the plane, I stopped off in the ladies room and splashed some cold water on my face, dried my hands and went on to collect my luggage. When I pulled my two large suitcases off the conveyor belt I struggled to move to the side where there were some empty seats. I set my luggage next to my chair and sat down to dial the number I scribbled on the paper.

"Hello, Jasper here." A soft masculine voice answered.

"Hi, um, this is Bella Swan. Dr. Cullen told me to call you when I landed. Do I have the right Jasper?"

"You sure do little darling. Where are you at? And how can I find you so I don't get in trouble by taking the wrong Bella." He had a bit of a southern drawl when he spoke.

Giggling with nervousness, "I'm sitting next carousel 4. I have long brown hair, a green shirt and a bright red backpack on top of my bags I'm sitting next to." I tried to be as detailed as I could, I wouldn't like being left here too much.

"Ah, I got cha in my sights." I looked around to find where he would be coming from when I saw a bright yellow sign that had _B. SWAN _written in sloppy writing. It was held buy a nice looking young man with blonde curly locks of hair, in a white t-shirt, jeans and wearing a pair of worn brown cowboy boots. I snorted to myself and got up to gather my belongings.

"You must be Jasper, I take it." I slung my backpack over my shoulders and stuck out my hand to shake his.

"Here at your service. Let me get your bags and just follow me." He winked as we traveled to the elevators to exit the terminal.

"Did you have a good flight?" We made our way up to the fourth level of the parking garage.

"It was ok; don't remember most of it thanks to Xanax." I snickered at my admission.

"Nervous flyer?" I nodded to answer. "That's a shame. At least you made it safely here. No more worries, right?"

"Right, hopefully." I smiled at him as he closed the truck of his car when my bags were loaded in.

As we pulled out of the parking structure, Jasper asked me if I was ready for the dinner tonight.

"Not really, I'm extremely nervous about it. I want to make a good impression with the departments, but it seems like it's happening so fast, I'm worried about making a fool of myself." It was oddly easy to talk to Jasper. Something about him made me comfortable.

"I don't have any doubt you will do just fine. Although we just met twenty minutes ago, I can see you'll be ok. And if you need any saving, I volunteer my services to get you out of there." He shot me a look from his eyes to show me he was sincere and I let out a loud snort that he chuckled at.

We talked a bit during the drive to my campus residence. He had moved to the Chicago area about a month ago. He was working with an architecture firm in Dallas and he put in for a transfer to the Chicago office soon after visiting his sister back in May. He was still getting settled into his apartment and his sister was of no help to him because she had gone in to full bridezilla mode since her engagement to Dr. Cullen's eldest son. I talked about my life Forks and how I used to work at the hospital's counseling center for the last few months before I got was awarded the Fellowship. When he asked why I decided to go back to school and get my Master's, I didn't mind sharing with him.

"Well, I had devoted a lot of myself to help Jake work towards his dream. I realize now how silly I was, but after we decided to break off our engagement, I decided to get out there and finally do something I wanted."

"Good for you darling'." His southern phrases where cracking me up. I could see myself being good friends with Jasper. Hopefully being the two new kids in town, we could help each other out as we both got into the swing of things here.

The smile I was wearing during the car ride fell into a large open mouth gape as we turned onto the University of Chicago campus. It was beautiful though it didn't look like a place of academia, but more as a cathedral or a castle. "Wow." I breathed.

"Yeah, I love the architecture of the campus, its exquisite. I find myself driving past here lately just to look at the genius of the design. I hope to one day work on a project with structures like these, but everything is so modern now-a-days, where's the challenge?"

He parked in front of one of the buildings and I saw that we were outside a residence hall. I stepped out of the car and put my backpack back on as Jasper went around to the back to retrieve my bags. When he locked up his car, we headed in to the lobby of the building.

Sitting behind the front desk was a woman with strawberry blonde hair looking at a computer screen and filling her nails. As we approached, she looked at us with annoyance as if we had disturbed her in the middle of something important.

I tried my best to be polite. "Hello? My name is Isabella Swan."

"''Bout freaking time." She mumbled but both Jasper and I heard her and shrugged when we looked at each other. "You need to fill this out and sign at the bottom. It's the terms and conditions of the Resident Advisor position. When you complete it I'll get your keys and tell you where to go." She shoved a piece of paper and a pen across the counter.

I quickly filled out the paperwork as Jasper looked around the lobby patiently waiting.

"Here you go, all done." I slip the paper back to the girl.

"This is your room key. You also get a front and back door key in case of emergencies. When you attend the RA meeting on Monday, Marcus the hall director will give you the office and activities closet keys." She roughly placed a set of keys in my outstretched hands. "Now to get to you room you need to take the elevator to the third floor take a right and on the left side you will be in room 325. Be thankful to have your own bathroom is all I have to say. Anyways, I'm leaving in half hour for the day. If you need anything after that, you are out of luck." She sat back down in her chair to stare at the computer again.

"Um, one quick thing, what's your name?" I asked to know who to avoid now.

"Tanya Denali."

"Thanks Tanya, I'll… see you around." I shot as best of a smile I could muster to her as I heard a soft chuckled trying to be covered up from Jasper. Tanya just looked at the both of us with daggers in her eyes.

When Jasper and I reached the third floor we found my room and he set my bags on top of my bed. I did a quick look around. It was small, but that was to be expected. However it was still larger than my little room at Charlie's. I did have my own bathroom, which I did appreciate. I wasn't one to be ok with walking the hallway in just a towel and flip flops. There was also my very own mini fridge which was another perk.

"Is there anything else you need before I take off and let you get some things settled?" Jasper had his car keys in his hands.

"No thanks, I'm good. Thank you again for your help today Jasper." I stuck out my hand again to him to shake.

He pushed my hand away and took me into a hug; it felt as if we had been friends forever. "Any time darling, and please, since I know we'll be good friends, you can call me Jazz."

"Ok, _Jazz_, what time should I expect you to pick me up for the shindig tonight?" I couldn't help laughing.

"Well, I will probably swing by around 4:45pm since drinks start at 5pm and Esme is a stickler for punctuality. Or so I've learned from my short visits I've spent with her. So I will see you then, and don't forget to wear your dancing shoes." He nodded and then turned to leave the room.

I hope there wouldn't be any dancing, or I'd break an ankle. I closed the door after he left and turned to look at my room. I felt a soft buzz from my cell phone that was in my coat pocket and saw Charlie was calling.

"Hi dad, sorry I didn't call you sooner, I didn't want to miss my ride."

"That's ok Bella, I'm just glad you made it safely. Was the flight ok?"

"Yeah, I wasn't awake for most of it, which was a good thing." I heard him hum with agreement since he was aware of my flying anxiety more so than anyone else.

"I'm in my new room now. It's a little bigger than my room at home, but still not a lap of luxury. At least I have my own bathroom."

"Well, that's good honey. I know you have to get your room set up before going to that dinner you told me about, so I'll just let you go. Give me a call on Monday after your first day of meetings." I heard the faint sound of ESPN announcers in the background.

"Ok Ch-… Dad. I will. Love you."

"Back at you kiddo." The phone line was then dead. Sports central must have something interesting on.

An hour later I had my bed made, my computer was set up, my books lined the shelves on the walls and my small amount of clothes I had brought with me were put away in the drawers. It was almost one in the afternoon and I decided I would go out and get some lunch and some grocery and supplies for my room. I picked up my purse and locked my door.

When I reached the Lobby, sure enough Tanya was gone and the lights were off behind the counter. There was another person in the lobby and they were struggling to get a tack from the top of a bulletin board to hang a flyer.

I went over to offer some help. When I got closer the petite female heard my approach and turned to look at me. She was a cute pixie of a woman. Her black hair was cut short and sticking up in a million different directions and she was just barely five feet tall.

"Hi, do you need some help" I asked.

Her teeth were a brilliant white when she smiled back at me, "Thank you, and yes. I guess I should have worn heels today." Her laugh was musical like tinker bell.

She handed me a flyer and I took a tack from the top and pinned the flyer in a free space on the board. I read the information on the paper as I stepped back. It was advertising an opportunity for students to participate in a research study.

"So, you part of a research team at the University too?" I looked at her.

"Yes, I signed on last semester to help one of my favorite professors with his work. I'll only be working the preliminary testing, but I think it will be quite interesting and fun. Are you working on some research too?" She bounced as she spoke and if she was a bouncy ball.

"Yes, I'm working on a study involving hypnosis." The small woman let out a squeal and bounced with more enthusiasm. I raised an eyebrow to her.

"With Dr. Cullen, right? Neuropsychology?"

Of course it should have been obvious who I would be working with; there weren't a lot of other people involved in hypnosis studies. "Yes, part of the fellowship I was awarded has me involved with his work."

"Oh my God, you're Isabella Swan! Hi I'm Alice Brandon; Dr. Cullen's work is the research I'm involved in too. Oh this is great. I've been so excited to finally meet you." Forgoing a professional handshake she rushed and took me into a hug.

"Small world then, isn't it. An please, call me Bella"

"It sure is a small one, Bella. So what are you up to? I was told that you were arriving today, you have a good flight? Are you unpacked yet? You excited about the department dinner tonight? What are you going to wear?" she asked so many questions my head was spinning.

"Well, my flight was ok, slept through most of it, good thing because flying makes me nervous." She nodded. "I have my room pretty much set up. They got me as a RA on the third floor here, it's pretty nice. I don't have much planned for the rest of the day. Was just going to try and pick up a few supplies and groceries." I didn't want to talk about the dinner, because thinking about it made my stomach do flip flops.

"That's good. If you want, I was going to pick up some food myself; I could give you a ride."

"Oh you don't have to do that, I'll be fine." I argued.

"Don't be silly, I would love to. Anyways, it would give me time to hear about what you are wearing tonight." She winked because she most have noticed I was avoiding any talk of dinner.

"Ok, thank you." She hooked her arm around mine and pulled me out side to a yellow porche that was parked in front.

"Hop in and buckle up!" She started the car and revved the engine. "So, what did you bring to wear tonight?"

I never liked dressing up. Even for prom I wore my converse over high heels so I wouldn't be completely formal. "I brought a nice floral top and a matching skirt."

"No, no, no. You aren't wearing that tonight." Suddenly she turned the car in the opposite direction we had been going. "I will not let my new friend wear a simple top and skirt set."

"Really, it's fine. I'm sure it will be ok for the night." I was dreading where she was taking me and sure enough my greatest fear was realized when we pulled up to an expensive looking dress boutique.

"Bella, I'm going to tell you that since we are going to be good friends, it's best to not argue with me, especially in instances of involving clothing. So get your butt out of the car in the shop missy." She tried being stern and pointed her finger to the store for me to enter.

"Please don't put me in anything too outrageous. And no death heels. I don't want to stick out like a sore thumb or die as I fall from trying to step through the front door." She rolled her eyes and pushed me through the door.

Everything in the store was so delicate and feminine. I was going to look ridiculous tonight. Alice starting running through the store like a mad woman on a mission. Picking up dresses and running over to me and holding them against my form. She said she was trying to find something that went with my skin tone. After a while she had the sales clerk bring her picks to a dressing room for me to try on and shoved me into a room.

"Ok, I want you to try those on and then show me when you're dressed."

I sighed in frustration. I hated to shop, and I felt as if Alice was about ready to stick bamboo shoots under my nails to have me continue.

"If you don't do it yourself, I have no problems dressing you." She called.

Giving in, I took off my clothes I had been in today and tried on dress after dress. Alice wasn't happy with a majority of what I tried. The pile of clothes to try on was finally reaching the end.

The last dress for the day was a small strapless satin navy blue cocktail dress. It had an empire waistline and was snug against my hips and thighs, giving the appearance that my stick shaped body actually had some curves. The top of the dress supported my small chest and pressed it together giving the illusion I was a size larger than I truly was. I looked at myself in the mirror I thought the dress was very nice, but I felt naked exposing so much skin. When I stepped out to show Alice, her jaw dropped and she exclaimed, "That's the dress!"

"I don't know. It's a really nice, but I feel so naked showing all this skin." I pointed to my bare shoulders and arms.

"Easily remedied." Alice slipped out of the dressing room and came back in a blink of an eye, tossing some fabric at me and also carrying a pair of matching heels. "Put this over your shoulders and I think you wear a size 7, so slip these on as well." She had a smug grin

I unraveled the shawl Alice gave me. It was the same navy blue of the dress I wore. When I covered my shoulders with it, I noticed intricate patterns embroidered though out it and accented with tiny crystals. I was afraid to put on the shoes. Heels and I did not have a good history. I had tried on a pair at a shoe store in Forks when I was twelve and I swore I would never wear another pair when I fell wearing them and broke my nose. I would at least try these on to appease Alice. When I slipped my feet into them I was surprised at how comfortable they were. Since the heels were platforms, they were a lot easier to walk in. I had to admit, Alice was a miracle worker with clothing. She nodded and smiled at the final product.

"Alice, this whole outfit is so beautiful, but I can't get it. I know I don't have enough money to pay for it." I blushed. I could barely afford a nice dress from JC Penny with the amount I had in my checking account at the moment.

"Hmm. Well, since I know we'll be the best of friends eventually, how about you let me pay for the outfit, and we'll say it was an early Christmas gift." She stood behind me, smoothing out the dress so it appeared to have been sewn on me.

"That's way too generous, I couldn't accept that…"

"Hush, remember what I said, it's best to not argue with me. Besides, you look fantastic. Well worth the investment." She winked.

We got back to my place around 3:30 and Alice helped me carry my bags of groceries to my room. While we were food shopping, Alice informed me she would be doing my hair and make-up tonight as well. I decided that I should give in to Alice since she was defiantly tough to say no to.

"Well, Bella. Get your cute ass in the shower. I'll go drop off my groceries at my place and I'll be back and we will begin the beautification process." I rolled my eyes and headed into my bathroom.

I washed my hair and conditioned it as Alice told me to do and I shaved my legs. When I dried off from my shower, I lotioned my legs and arms per Alice's instructions again. I dressed myself in my only strapless bra and a thong that matched, since it would be best to not have any panty lines with the form hugging dress. When I covered myself with a robe, I heard a rap at my door, alerting me to Alice's return.

She sat me down in my desk chair and started to work my unmanageable hair. I was used to always putting it back in a sloppy ponytail, and I was sure Alice wouldn't have much luck controlling it.

After blow drying my hair straight, she started sectioning pieces and pinning them up in my head. She made quick work when I started to hear the sound of hair spray. I wanted to look in a mirror but Alice refused saying I would be able to check it out once she completed my make-up.

She plucked my eyebrows and lined my eyes, blotted my lips with tissues and swept blush on my cheeks. It was close to 4:30 when she said she was finished and held up a mirror to my face.

"Holy Crap! Why are you not a professional stylist, Alice?" I didn't even recognize myself. Smoky eyes and somehow she made my eyelashes look two times thicker. My hair was in an up-do with some soft curls that trailed down the back of my head.

"Hurry up and change in to your dress, your ride will be here soon." Alice shoved my dress to me and motioned to hurry up.

I slipped the dress over my head as gently as possible to not ruin her handy work. Alice zipped me in and started smoothing it out against my skin again. She draped the shawl over my shoulders and I stepped into my heels, saying a prayer to not fall on my face. Alice sprayed some kind of perfume on my neck and stepped back to admire her work.

"Perfect. I will bet you twenty bucks that any member of the department that is male and single will approve." I grimaced at her and she just laughed.

It was almost time for Jasper to pick me up so Alice walked me outside. I gave her a quick hug and thanked her again.

"It's no problem, and don't be nervous tonight. I put my number in your cell phone while you were dressing, so call me tomorrow and tell me how it went."

I waved as she sped out of the parking lot just as I saw Jazz pull up.

He rolled down the window and called out to me as I approached the sedan. "Well, Howdy… Aren't you something purtty?" He let out a joking cat-call whistle.

I was blushing as I slid in the passenger seat, "Thanks." I was hoping that I wasn't overdressed for the evening when I looked over to Jazz and saw he was wearing a nice dark suit and a satin tie. That was a relief.

"Did you get your room all set up this afternoon?" He signaled to turn on the main road.

"Yeah, I made a new friend when I went to pick up some groceries and she helped me pickup some food and supplies when I went out after you dropped me off. She even helped me to get ready tonight. Well, she forced me to get ready tonight at least."

I saw him look over at me, "She must be a great new friend, and you do look lovely. Tell her job well done when you see her."

"Yeah, maybe I can introduce you to Alice some time. Have my two new Chicago friends meet." He laughed and said it sounded like a plan.

We were almost on the outskirts of the city as the sun started to set. Jazz signaled his car to turn left a final time and I noticed we were driving down a private drive to someone's home. In the distance I saw an enormous house sitting on top of a small hill. As we drove closer, I was able to take in how massive this home, no, this _estate_ was.

"Is this Dr. Cullen's place?" I was craning my neck to the side as we found a spot in the front to park amongst the other cars that were already there.

"Sure is." He smiled at me reassuringly. "Quite a monster of a home." And it was.

The estate looked like it was right out of a Jane Austin novel. It was three stories high, made of light stone with large windows on each level that would probably brighten the entire structure. Ivy scaled the front and the pillars near the entryway of the house. Dozens of rose bushes surrounded the property and the fragrance of the buds was intoxicating.

Jasper opened my car door for me since I was still sitting in shock staring at the most beautiful building I had ever seen in my life. He offered his arm and escorted me across the property to the front door. We followed a group of people that were walking through the entrance and I took a deep breath and released it to calm my nerves.

If the exterior of the estate was beautiful, it had nothing on the décor inside. There were numbers of painting and sculptures as we entered the foyer. I was looking at the works of art so intently I accidentally tripped a little when I forgot jazz was holding on to my arm still.

"You ok there, girly?" He whispered checking that I had regained my balance.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm just a klutz and I wasn't looking where I was going."

We continued our walk through the house into a large area that was set for entertaining. I looked around at the other people in attendance and was grateful that Alice had bought me my outfit. If I had worn my simple top and skirt I would have been more out of place then I would have thought.

Jazz tugged on my arm to tell me to continue walking and he directed me to a couple standing in the corner of the room next to a fireplace that I could stand fully erect in. There was a tall older gentleman in a black suit with a white collared dress shirt and a powder blue silk tie. He had light blonde hair that was combed back and his blue eyes matched his tie. Standing to his right was a smaller petite woman with caramel hair that was swept back from her face in the style of Greta Garbo. She wore a deep purple knee length dress with a square neckline and an embroidered jacked that had three quarter length sleeves. On her left ring finger she wore a large diamond.

"Dr. Cullen, Esme." He nodded to each of them when he addressed their name, "I'd like to introduce you to Isabella Swan, your Cullen Fellowship recipient." He let go of my arm and pushed my back so I would move closer to them.

I stuck out my arm to shake their hands, "It's an honor to meet you Dr. Cullen, and please call me Bella."

Dr. Cullen return my handshake with a soft smile, "Bella, it is such a pleasure to finally meet you in person, and please feel free to address me as Carlisle tonight, we'll use formalities once the university is in session." I giggled. "This is my wife Esme, and she's the one who's responsible for tonight." He gestured to the woman at his right.

"It's very lovely to meet you Bella." Esme shook my hand with both of her hands and the endearing smile she sent to me calmed all the butterflies in my stomach. "Please, help yourself to a drink and feel free to mingle. We can meet up a little later once I'm done with greeting our other guests. I hope that you will enjoy yourself tonight." I nodded and followed Jazz to the bar that was on the other side of the room.

"They are really nice." I told Jazz after I ordered a gin and tonic. I figured I wouldn't get too hammered before dinner. It would be terrible if I ended dancing on table tops by the end of the night.

"Yeah, I don't think I've met any couple in my life as sweet and kind as the Cullen's. You'd probably expect them to be snooty and selfish with being as well off as they are, but they donate a lot of their time and their wealth back to charities and to the community. No one is as selfless as they are." Jasper was very proud to brag about his soon to be in-laws.

I sipped my drink as I waited for Jazz to get himself a bottle of beer. We walked around the room and some of the other guests asked me questions about who I was and about my experience in the counseling center and life in Forks. I felt like I was interviewing for a job after forty five minutes of mingling. At six, Esme came over to check and see how I was doing.

"Are you having a nice time my dear?" she took a sip from her champagne flute.

Swallowing a sip of my second drink, "um, yes, you have a beautiful home Mrs. Cullen. Thank you for allowing me to come tonight."

"No formalities tonight, dear, call me Esme. I'm happy that you could come. If you like, I would be more than happy to give you a quick tour of the place in a little bit. I just need to let the kitchen staff know to send out the h'orderves and then we can set off."

"I'd like that, thank you." I finished my drink and handed it to one of the servers that offered to take my empty glass from me.

"Jazz, dear, you already are familiar with the place, but you are more than welcome to join us." Jasper agreed to tag along.

After Esme slipped away to I was sure was the kitchen, Jazz told me that we should move to the hallway to meet her quickly.

"Why? What's going on?" I was surprised and unsure of why he was basically shoving me out of the room.

"Well, unless you want to be trapped listening to my sister and her fiancé drone on about how the met for the next hour, we need to go and find Esme for that tour." He was looking back through the room at a statuesque blonde woman in a red halter dress standing next to a towering linebacker of a man who had dark curly hair and dimples.

"Ok, lead the way out Obi Wan." I picked up my pace to match his gate out of the room.

When we reached the hallway, Esme was smoothing her dress and she walked over to us. And glanced into the other room as she closed the distance.

"Ah, I see Jasper rescued from my son and Rose, which was very thoughtful of him." She gave a Jazz a soft pat on the shoulder. "Well, shall we begin the tour?"

"Please, lead the way." I was so excited to see what the rest of the estate was like.

Esme said it was best to start from the top and work to the ground floor, so we climbed the stairs to the third level. Esme showed us around the public rooms. On the top floor there was the music room where a grand piano sat in the middle and several instruments decorated the walls. There was also a nursery where she had kept all the toys her sons had accumulated over the years, refusing to give them up because they all had a special memory.

On the second level there was a library that would have rivaled the Forks public library. The wood of the book shelves were dark, and the smell of the aging books made me think of home.

I ran my fingers over the bindings of the books and resisted taking them off the shelf one by one to read. When I saw an edition of _Pride and Prejudice_ I sighed remembering I had left my copy back in Forks.

"If you like, you are more than welcome to borrow a book, if it perks your interest, dear." Esme's hand rubbed my shoulder because I was sure she saw some tears brimming in my eyes.

"Would it be alright is I borrow this?" I started to pull the book off the shelf.

"Certainly, and keep it as long as you want. When you finish with it, just come by and visit with me and then you can pick out another one." She pressed the book to me as I hugged it to my chest.

"Thank you." I wanted to give her a hug. There was a lot of Esme Cullen that reminded me of how my own mother was. Kind, gentle and she seemed to really care about me even though we had just met. Before I almost gave in to the urge, a portrait that was hanging between two book shelves distracted me.

In the painting there were two little boys, one taller than the other, dressed in 18th century clothing. They had long curly locks with round rosy cheeks, walking and playing along a path near a forest.

"Esme, what is the name of this painting?" now standing in front of the object if my question.

"Ah, that is the Portrait Of The Sons Of Constantia And Richard Foster by Henri Pierre Danloux. It was an anniversary gift from Edward, my youngest son. He said it reminded him of Emmett and himself when they were younger."

"It's very lovely."

"Yes, well he always had excellent taste with art." She sighed and then looked at her wrist to the small watch she wore. "Oh dear, look at the time, we really should get back to the others, I need to announce dinner. We'll finish the tour after desert, if you don't mind waiting." Taking Jasper's arm, Esme rushed us out of the library and down the stairs to where the other guests were.

Carlisle tapped his glass of champagne as I entered the room. "Pardon the interruption everyone, but my wife has just informed me that dinner is going to be served in the dining room. So if you will, please follow us."

There was a murmur from the crowd as our hosts lead us through the hallway to the back of the estate where we arrived at a dining area that could have been considered to be used as a ballroom. Instead of a long table, there were several round ones that filled the room with name place cards assigning people to their seats. Thankfully the Cullen's had me next to Jasper so I wouldn't be by myself. Jazz pulled out my chair for me and I tripped into my seat as I attempted to sit. A quick flush of embarrassment, and Jazz pushed my chair closer in.

When it appeared that everyone was seated, there was a sound of chiming bells that I believed to be the door bell. I looked around to see if I was just hearing this, or if it came from a clock somewhere.

"Ah, that's gotta be Edward. Carlisle said he wouldn't be in until after drinks and when dinner started." Jazz told me.

I suddenly became very nervous. I knew I was going to meet Dr. Edward Cullen tonight and had been hoping that I wouldn't make an ass of myself in front of the man who was basically my boss and had my future academic career in his hands. I had been distracted by the tour Esme offered that I forgot he would be here.

When I looked over to the entrance of the dining room we all came through I saw a couple walk in hand in hand. They were cute together and young man with brown hair and a female who looked lovely in the forest green dress she wore. "Edward Cullen's wife is quite lovely." I whispered to Jazz as they married couple walked past us.

"Oh, um, that's not Edward, Bella. I have no clue who those people are, but Ed is the guy in the blue suit over there." Jazz pointed to the doors of the room that the kitchen staff was closing. Standing in the corner, apparently trying to find his seat by looking over the tables was the most gorgeous man, no I take that back, god, I had ever seen in my life.

He was lean, yet I could tell he had muscle definition from the way his suit fit him. His unusually bronze hair was sticking up in several directions a couple of pieces in his eyes. He was fairly pale, as though he stayed indoors more then spending his time in the sun. When it looked as if he found his seating assignment, he started walking in the direction of the table I was seated at, but he never looked up from the floor, as if he was deep in thought.

Just when I thought he would stop at my table he turned his direction to continue walking to the other side of the room, probably to sit next to his family. Before I would be completely out of his visual perception he lifted his gaze and our eyes met for only just a fleeting second.

It was at that moment a spark of electricity went through me. Those eyes. Dr. Edward Cullen had vibrant green eyes that left me in need to gasp for air. I would be spending the next three years of my life staring into the eyes that made me tingle from head to toe. I couldn't focus at all except on the man in the blue suit. I was so oblivious to everything else around that I didn't realize that a member of the kitchen staff was standing behind me try to offer a dinner roll.

"Miss? Excuse me Miss? Would you care for a roll?" The tiny woman held the bread basket in front of my face now, blocking my view of Edward. I yelped and ended up knocking over some of my silverware to the floor.

Jasper started laughing at the show I put on. "You ok there Bella, girl? You a little tipsy? Do you need some water?" He tried picking up some of silverware that fell next to him and handed them to the wait staff so they could replace them with clean ones.

"I'm fine. Just a major klutz remember. Something you'll find out being my friend sooner or later." I tried to laugh back, but it came out with a more nervous tone than I wanted.

After the rush of embarrassment started to subside from my face and my heart started to return to a normal pace, I looked over to the direction Edward had walked over to just in time to catch him taking a seat next to his father and looking rather flustered.

I turned back and stared at my dinner plate internally counting the minutes to when I could leave for the night and hoping that I could avoid meeting Edward Cullen for as long as possible.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

**EPOV**

Fumbling with my damn tie, I looked at my reflection in the mirror of the master bathroom. My hair was a mess, as it always was, but more so than usual at the moment because I kept running my hands through it every five minutes with anxiousness. It was almost 6:30 and Ben and Angela would be picking me up shortly. I sucked in a deep breath and tried to tame my hair without much success.

Sooner than I would have liked, the doorbell rang alerting me that my ride was here. Taking my prescription bottle from the bathroom sink, I opened it, took a pill, and replaced the bottle to its home.

Quickly grabbing my trench from the hall closet, I opened the door to see Angela waiting on the doorstep looking back at Ben in the car. She turned and faced me a second after I stepped outside. "Are you ready to meet the masses?"

"Sure, let's get this over with." I locked my front door and quickly slid into the back seat.

My leg bounced nervously during the quiet ride. The only sound was the low volume of a radio station. Occasionally I would catch Ben's eyes in the rearview mirror looking at me in the reflection and I would acknowledge that I was fine with a nod. The two of them did their best to keep me calm for most of the drive.

When we turned on to my parent's familiar driveway I felt like I was going to be sick. Blood rushed from my head making me dizzy and I closed my eyes quickly. Taking a deep breath, I told myself to visualize my place of serenity. Soon my familiar and comforting darkness surrounded me.

When the car had come to a stop and the engine was cut, I was ok to get out, the Xanax kicking in and finally making an effort at calming me down.

We stood outside the front entrance and I rang the doorbell while we waited to be allowed entrance from a member of the house staff. Ben and Angela followed me through the hallway, making our way to the dining area after we dropped off our coats.

The dinner service had just started. Though my mother was probably unhappy we did not make it for cocktail hour, she would never forgive me if I missed the entire evening.

As the kitchen staff was closing the doors to the room, Ben and Angela made their way to one of the tables close to the large window after seeing Dr. Jennings and her husband wave them over. I usually sat with my family at these dinners, and every year they would assign themselves to a new table. I scanned the room until I saw my mother's delicate wave at me sitting the farthest away from where I stood. I walked around the tables in my path to my seat, looking down so not to meet anyone's gaze yet. I really had no interest for someone to stop me to chat. I wanted to just sit down, eat my meal, say goodnight to my family and head out as quickly as possible.

I was rounding the corner when I looked up to ensure I wasn't going to bump into one of my colleagues or the wait staff. I briefly recognized Jasper Hale, my soon to be bother-in-law, sitting at the table I was currently passing, but it was the face next to him that almost caused me to trip and fall on my face.

I only saw her for a second, but in that moment I felt all the air go out of me. I tried my best to focus back on walking to my seat which was a challenge due to the image that now flooded my mind.

Innocent chocolate colored eyes staring at me so deeply, chestnut, curly hair loosely pinned up on her crown, luminous skin with rosy checks, and soft, wet, pink lips that were full and slightly pouted. If I wasn't concerned about how I would look to the others, I would have jumped the table to take her in my arms and kiss her until her lips were swollen red and leaving her gasping for air.

I had to know who the heavenly creature that was sitting next to Jasper was.

I continued walking, lost in my train of thought, hardly paying attention when a loud clatter of silverware hitting the wood floor echoed throughout the room and brought back to the present.

It was at that moment I realized I had been standing still behind the empty chair to the left of my father. How long had I been in the spot? Hopefully not long enough to draw attention. Confused and bewildered at that moment I pulled out my chair and sat down, my face felt red and my heart was pounding in my chest. I scooted myself close to the table and took the napkin that was folded on the fine china dinner plate in front of me and placed it my lap. Taking a quick sweep of the room, I realized that I was not able to see her from my location. Disappointed, I picked up the salad fork from my setting and played with it between my long fingers, wishing that someone would trade me seats.

Would Jasper mind that much to sit with his sister?

As the wait staff was pouring glasses of wine and offering dinner rolls at the tables, my mother leaned over. "Edward, darling, I thought I would let you know you look rather handsome tonight." I blushed and looked over at her.

"Thanks Mom. You look beautiful as always." I smiled softly.

"Hey Ed." A familiar voice boomed. "Glad to see my brother could grace us with his ever enthusiastic presence." Emmett picked up his wine glass and took a swing of the merlot he was just poured and mockingly winked at me. Rosalie was sitting next to him and was distracted from looking at the bauble on her ring finger when he spoke.

"You know me, Em. I can't miss an opportunity to be teased my big brother, I don't know what I would do if I did." The other guests at our table gave a light laugh. "How's New York?" I reached for my water glass and looked across the table at my brother.

"Noisy, busy, expensive, rude, crowded… we can't wait to get back." He reached over to take Rosalie's hand to hold in his own, resting them on the table. She leaned her head on his shoulder. "The investors have me set to go to California for a week after we get back though. It should be better after December when I won't need to take all these business trips anymore. Rose and I will be able to go off on our honeymoon then."

"Oh have you decided on a place finally?" My mother wiped the corner of her mouth with her napkin.

Great mom, now of course they wouldn't shut up about the whole God awful event. And sure enough Rose controlled the majority of the conversation when the appetizers arrived, through the shellfish course until just after they served the beef dish.

I was thankful that I had zoned out through most of it. Instead of being polite and following the conversation, I was having inappropriate thoughts about Jasper's table companion. I tried remembering more details from that one second my eyes were blessed with her image. There was a lot I had taken in within that short amount of time.

Her skin was pale and smooth as porcelain, though it had a soft otherworldly glow in the light of the room. I remembered a bare shoulder had been showing where the navy blue shawl she was wearing had slid off. Oh how I wish the shawl had been completely removed, exposing her dainty collar bones. I would have given anything trail light kisses over them and an occasional nibble here and there. The thought of my lips caressing her skin caused some pleasurable pressure to build in my lower extremities.

Would I be able to coax her into my old bedroom and get her permission to worship every inch of her body with my hands and my mouth? If she followed me, I would be gentle as I undressed her and placed her on my bed caressing her with a tender touch. I would be the perfect gentlemen as I hovered above her up until I was at her entrance. It was almost too much to handle just imagining what I would do next.

The murmuring around me at the table continued as I craned my neck around my neighbor to see if I could find her again when my father interrupted my unsuccessful mission.

"Edward, were you able to see Ms. Swan tonight when you came in?" There was a slight amused tone to his question.

"No, I don't believe saw her. She did come tonight, didn't she?" _That's right I actually was supposed to be professional and meet the fellowship recipient. Tonight I was supposed to assert my authority with my new team member. _ The wait staff started bringing out desert.

Esme nodded, "Oh yes, she's here. I was giving her a tour of the manor just before dinner. She's such a lovely young lady. I think she will be an excellent addition to your research team." The smile my mother wore was contagious.

"Where did you seat her tonight? I hope not next to Jane and Alec." I looked at the table that held the brother and sister duo that worked in the Sociology department. The two were known for creating awkward and uncomfortable situations for anyone in their presence. It was complete torture for me to be near them any longer than a minute.

"Of course not! I would never be so heartless." Everyone at the table laughed at my mother's feigned offense. "No, I placed Bella right next to Jasper at table four. I figured she would be more comfortable with him since he did help her earlier today."

My mouth went dry and my breath hitched in my throat as my mother spoke. The spoonful of the chocolate soufflé froze in the air halfway to my mouth for just a moment. I put the spoon of uneaten desert back down to the dish and was suddenly no longer in the mood to be around my current company, let alone in the mood for food.

The goddess that I had assumed was Jasper's date was in fact the woman I had unknowingly selected to work closely with for (_hopefully_) the next three years. It was as if I had won the world's largest lottery while being thrown into the deepest pit of hell at the same time. I was at a loss on how I would remain professional, intelligent and in charge when thoughts of me bending to her every whim and desiring to see her naked form sprawled across my bed had taken over all other thoughts in my brain.

My stomach churned with a mixture of anxiety, uncertainty and desire. I was going to be sick. Quickly and noisily I slid back and stood placing my napkin on my chair. Everyone at the table and some of the guests at the next table over looked up at my hasty motions.

"Please excuse me. I just need to a few moments of fresh air real quick. I ate too much." I tried to remain as calm and polite as I walked away from the table.

I fought the urge to run out of the room but decided it would be best not to make myself even more of a spectacle especially in front of colleagues. It was difficult to not look at where I knew she sat as my steps brought me closer to the door to exit. When I knew I was just about to cross in front of her table I shut my eyes. It was the only way I wouldn't be held captive by her gaze which would stop me in my tracks and I would just be standing in the middle of the dining room gawking at her.

The sensation of electricity that coursed through my veins the very moment I knew I was passing her table unnerved me. Picking up my pace, I turned to the direction I knew the double doors would be. I opened my eyes just in time to save me from blindly running into them and exited into the hall.

It had been twelve years since I had a cigarette, and the urge for one suddenly overpowered me. I remembered where my mother stored her secret stash that she would break into when our relatives would visit during the holidays. In the porcelain vase on the table next to the guest bathroom, I pulled out the sterling silver cigarette holder along with the Zippo that was hidden with it. Making a final quick detour at the unattended bar in the living room, I picked up a bottle of scotch and then bolted through the front door.

When we were younger, Emmett and I used to sneak out and smoke behind the bushes near the manor's greenhouse that was now only used to stow away holiday decorations. I figured I could hide here until it was absolutely necessary to return. Sliding down the side of the glass building, I took out a smoke and placed it loosely between my lips and lit it, inhaling deeply. Nicotine coursed through my brains and the toxins attempted to relax me.

I was in a shit load of trouble. I hadn't done anything yet, but I knew that things were not going to be easy and my brain and it's over thinking would make the situation even more complicated. I leaned forward, crossing my arms and resting my head on them as the cigarette burned.

If I just stayed here for the rest of the night I wouldn't have to worry about accidentally attacking Bella Swan with furious kisses and a hard erection that I hoped I was able to hide during my quick exit. I took a swig of the scotch and coughed after I swallowed. My throat was on fire.

"Jesus Christ." I sighed in the darkness. I took another drag of the cigarette that was already burnt half way down and flicked it to shake off the ashes. I held the smoke in my chest and then slowly and painfully exhaled.

I wanted her. If I had looked at her just minutes ago, I would have taken her too. I didn't know much about her life or her interests or what her favorite thing to eat for breakfast was, but I knew that she was the most beautiful creature in the world, and I needed her to be mine.

"Get a fucking grip man." I whispered to myself, taking another drag.

I took turns from drinking the now half empty bottle of liquor and drags from the second cigarette I held in my hand when I heard the sound of footsteps approaching. I looked up, expecting to see my brother who would have no doubt been sent by my mother to bring me back inside, when I was surprised to find Ben Cheney rounding the corner of the building and sat down next to me.

"Can I bum a cig?" He asked holding his hand out to me.

I placed one in his palm along with the lighter. "Does Ang know you smoke?" I took another sip from the bottle.

"On occasion, during times of stress. Spring semester of my senior year with my undergraduate degree, I must have gone through a pack a day." He set the lighter on the ground and I offered him a drink. "Thanks. So, is it really that bad for you in there tonight?" Ben leaned his head against the wall looking up at smoke he blew into the night sky.

"I'm just not feeling so well right now, and I had to get out of there." _Before I could jump Ms. Swan in front of everyone._ I took an unnecessarily long drag and coughed in the process.

"I hope the scotch helps." I saw him smirk as he took another sip and handed me back the bottle.

We sat there for a few moments before Ben broke the silence, "I got a chance to see the fellowship recipient, Isabella. She was sitting next to Rosalie's brother. Dr. Jennings pointed her out to me and Ang." _Why did he have to bring her up? _"She's a lot younger looking then what I had imagined." _And don't forget more beautiful and sexy then I would have ever pictured in my wildest dreams. _"I hope she's up for the challenges she'll have to deal with for the next few year." He really needed to stop talking about her before I completely lost it, and quite possibly blurt out my thoughts of what challenges I would like to give Bella every night that would leave her moaning my name.

"I don't think I can hide out here the rest of the night." I mumbled, giving up. "Esme will be livid if I don't at least try and make an effort to be courteous and sociable." I put out the finished cigarette and attempted to stand with a little stumble from the affects of the alcohol kicking in and slightly mixing with my medication.

After putting out his cigarette, Ben stood up and we both tried to clean ourselves of the dirt and grass from the ground as we walked back to the manor, forgetting to grab the scotch.

Some of the guests had already left during the time I had been hiding, so the driveway was a little less crowded. I saw Jane and Alec pulling out in their little sports car as we got closer, and felt relieved that I had avoided speaking with them tonight. I followed Ben back inside and we both headed to the bar for more drinks. I was glad Angela agreed to drive all of us back when we would leave for the night.

Since the dinner had ended, those left were back conversing in the living room, seated in the chairs and on the sofas, attempting to sober up while sipping coffee. The bar tender was giving Ben his drink and was about to take my order when I noticed a familiar book on a side table out of the corner of my eye.

I picked up the old copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ my mother used to read to me when I was growing up. I thought it was odd that my mother would just leave it down here, especially when it could easily be damaged during the dinner tonight. Ben was still standing by the bar when I told him I would be back after I put the book away in the library.

As I made my way through the living room to the stairs in the hall, going against my better judgment, I figured it wouldn't hurt to look around and see if _she_ was still here. I felt a bit of sadness when I couldn't see Bella anywhere in the room. She must have left when I was outside. There should be enough time to prepare myself when we would officially meet on Monday morning in the lab. Maybe I could convince myself better that lusting after Ms. Swan was a terrible idea especially since I was to oversee all aspects of her responsibilities at the university and with the lab.

I climbed the stairs to the second floor, holding onto the banister tightly so I wouldn't fall. I was still a bit buzzed from my pity party outside.

When I was just outside the library the sound of a female voice that was soft and musical but full of panic met my ears. The woman was trying to find something she lost and cursed like a sailor. for being unsuccessful in her search. Confused since I did not recognize the voice, I entered the room to put back my mother's book and offer some help to the woman inside.

In the next moment I felt someone run right into me, knocking my slightly intoxicated self backwards and I hit my head hard on the floor.

"Oh fuck!" I groaned in pain. I was seeing stars for just a moment.

A throbbing sensation was coursing from the back of my skull, and my breathing was labored because something was pressing down on my chest. When the initial pain started to subside, I went to push whatever was on top of me off. When my hand came in contact with the object, an electric shock jolted through me as I felt someone else's warm and smooth skin beneath my fingertips.

I looked down my chest to see who it was that ran into me and had pinned me to the floor with their weight.

I choked mid breath when my eyes met that of the woman who's face and body had my mind in the gutter for most of the evening.

Bella Swan was lying on my chest, looking at me with wide scared eyes and trembling.

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**A/N: Fate would not allow Edward and Bella to put off meeting any longer. They both were going to try avoid meeting for as long as possible. So fate did was it wanted and threw them together with such force. It's Bella's POV next.  
**

**A quick thank you to everyone that has left reviews and who has added my story to their favorites. I really do appreciate your support.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**BPOV**

I was silent and kept my head down looking at the table while the wait staff served the appetizers. I could barely say thank you as mine was placed in front of me. I wasn't hungry anymore, but I figured I should eat after quickly deciding that I wasn't drinking enough. I took a sip of the third gin and tonic I picked up at the bar right before dinner started. This was not strong enough to last me the rest of the night, so I downed the entire glass and pushed it away from me when I put it back on the table.

"Getting the party started I see. Let me catch up with you so we liven up this funeral." Jasper whispered in my ear and waved a server over. "We'll have another beer and a gin a-"

Cutting Jasper off, "No, make it a scotch, neat and a shot of whatever is the strongest liquor you have." I didn't even look up as placed my order. I heard someone at the table fail to suppress their laugh.

Jasper shifted his chair, "Yeah actually make it two of what she ordered." I heard the server leave. "Well, this should be an interesting dinner." Finally I looked up at him and saw Jasper shaking his head with laughter.

"Sorry, um, all these people make me nervous." I whispered. It was partly true; talking to everyone was a bit nerve-racking, but not as much as Edward Cullen made me with just a flash of his eyes moments ago. Figuring I would be totally embarrassing if I didn't eat something, I inhaled my food, and when the plate was almost licked clean, the server returned with our drinks.

"Here you go. Two orders of scotch, neat and two shots of Bacardi 151. Good luck." She set our drinks down and I nodded to her my thanks before she walked away.

"Here goes nothing." I took the shot timidly in my hands and slowly brought the glass to my lips. _Please God, don't let me fuck things up tonight. And why the hell did you have to make Edward Cullen so unbelievably dreamy. Thanks a lot._ I closed my eyes and downed the shot in one gulp. It burned and I winched when I felt the fire hit my stomach. "Gah! That was horrible." Everyone around the table no doubt watched the whole thing because they all were snickering while trying to eat their food.

"No shit Sherlock." Poor Jazz, he must have just taken his shot because his face was contorted in pain. It was kind of cute though. He reached for a water the same time I went for mine, attempting to sooth the burn.

"Sorry, I didn't know they would bring _that_. Next time I'll just get a shot of tequila." Jasper rolled his eyes at me. I could tell he wasn't up for that, at least not yet.

Soon they brought the next course of lobster tail and mussels. It looked so rich and tasty, but I still wasn't hungry. I forced myself to eat a few bites and tried listening to the conversations between the different department professors. Dr. Maurice sat across from me and was explaining to everyone about his trip to Africa in June when he and a few of his students went to study the living habits and culture of the indigenous people. He was planning on using his experience in his lectures for Anthropology classes this year.

Both Jazz and I were quiet for most of the dinner. I was trying to appear interested so not to be rude by nodding along, but I couldn't help it that my eyes would look over to the direction I knew Edward Cullen was seated. After the hundredth time I caught myself doing this, the servers were taking away the prime rib, which was the best I had ever tasted in my entire life. Even though I only had around four bites, I was seriously thinking about asking the staff if they could set some aside for me to take home so I could eat later when I got back to my room and my appetite would have returned. I didn't though because that would have just been tacky.

I had finished the scotch sometime during the last course and I was feeling a slight numbness all over I was thankful for and my heart wasn't hammering with anxiousness as much. It's never a good idea to mix your alcohol, but I was past the point of caring because the wine that was poured at the beginning of the meal looked rather tempting right now. If I got sick, it would just be a reasonable excuse for Jasper to drop me back at my place sooner.

"How are you feeling there champ?" Jasper stretched his arms and leaned back in his chair, content with the delicious meal so far. He draped his arm behind me on the chair and waited for my response.

"Good, nice and warm from head to toe. I think I'm going to have to remove my shoes before I get up from dinner, or you'll be making a detour to the hospital tonight." I laughed and he just nodded his head, agreeing that it would be the likely outcome.

They were finally serving desert and I was getting knots in my stomach again. It would mean that the dinner was fast approaching the end and people would be gathering in the living room to chat more. It also meant that Dr. Edward Cullen would not be confined to the opposite side of the room from me any longer. I felt a bead of sweat trickle down my neck at the thought.

"Jazz, can you take me back to the residence hall after desert? I think I'm done for the night. The wine is making me a bit sleepy, and I still have a lot to do tomorrow so I need to get some rest." _And I really don't want to embarrass myself by running my fingers through my mentor's gorgeous messy hair while I threw myself at him so he could take me in a closest were I could force my tongue in his mouth and breathe him in._

"Are you sure? Esme did promise to finish the tour." He looked concerned.

"I'm sure; I'll just have to ask for a rain check." I gave a small, probably unconvincing smile.

"Ok, sure thing, after dinner is done I'll go get our coats and meet you in the entryway then we can go." He started to eat his chocolate soufflé. About to dig in to the desert myself, there was a sudden squealing of a chair moving back across he wooden floor quickly that echoed in the room. My mouth was full of the chocolaty goodness as I looked at the faces of my fellow dinner companions and followed the direction they were all facing with my eyes. It became extremely difficult to swallow my food when the quick glimpse of the now familiar bronze hair was in my line of vision.

I dropped my fork gently on the table and tried to compose myself before taking another look at him. My legs were still numb from the amount of alcohol I had consumed tonight but my heart was no longer calmed and was on the verge of pounding out of my chest. I could tell he was getting closer and I looked up. I felt a jolt when he crossed in front of my table. His fists were clenched and he had his eyes closed. He looked angry, furious even. His beautiful pale face was turning red as if he was about to explode and hit someone.

I wanted to rush over and see if he was ok, but my sudden fear of him at the moment kept me seated. His gate sped up as he turned so all I could see was his backside. My face felt red and I bit my lower lip because his back looked just as delicious as his front. I was having thoughts of what it would be to touch his broad and strong shoulders and then trail my hands lower on his body when he threw himself though out of the room and ran down the hall. The slamming of the doors behind him made me jump.

"Wow, he looks pissed." I surmised.

"He probably just forgot to take his medication today. Carlisle told me he was pretty busy since he helped pick up some of his team members from the airport today." Jasper whispered so I was the only one who heard.

"Medication? Is he ok?" Was Edward really sick? What was wrong with him?

"He's fine. When I first met at a dinner last May he was really jumpy and hardly spoke to me, let alone anyone else that night. I thought I had offended Edward, and asked his brother what I had done. Emmett told me it wasn't my fault, Edward has occasional anxiety attacks and it makes him quite anti-social if he hasn't taken his medicine. When we met again later this summer he seemed just fine, and a pretty cool guy. I just don't know why he's a professor or how he is able to speak at all those conferences he attends with that. I feel sorry for the man, it's gotta be torture." He finished and continued to eat his desert deep in thought.

I wasn't able to finish mine. It was delicious like everything else was tonight, but it was just too difficult at the moment. I sipped the remainder of my wine until I drained it of the last drop. When Jasper was done, people were getting up from their chairs and were walking out of the room. It looked like the evening was finally over for me and I was thankful.

Jasper helped me out of my chair and we both checked my balance when I stood. I was surprised I could still walk in my shoes. Maybe I would be able to wear heels more often now. I could allow Alice to help pick some for me in the future. I picked up my purse from the table and looked inside at my cell phone. There was a missed call from Jacob, I would return that tomorrow. I checked the time after clearing the message screen; it was almost 9pm which means it was only 7pm in Forks. There was a feeling I was forgetting something as we walked away from our table. We were almost to the door of the dinning room when I remembered that I was missing Esme's copy of _Pride and Prejudice_.

"Jazz, go on and get our coats, I'll meet you at the entrance. I need to go back, I forgot Esme's book at the table."

"I'll be a waitin'." He smiled back at me and then walked to the hallway.

Being careful not to fall, I rushed back to my seat. I quickly looked around the table and I didn't see the book anywhere on the table. I bent to look underneath incase it had fallen when I knocked the silverware off from earlier. It wasn't there either. I stood back up and tried to remember when I had the book last. If it wasn't at the table, I must have put it down somewhere else. The only place I thought it would be would be back in the library. I must have left it there because Esme had to hurry back downstairs to get dinner started. I probably just left it on the shelf.

I felt confident that's where it was and exited the dining room as the staff continued to clean off the tables. I walked down the hallway, stumbling every now and then from the mixture of alcohol and heels, almost taking down a vase that was on a table next to the downstairs bathroom. I really needed to take these shoes off before I took someone or something out.

I saw Jasper at the end of the hall holding our coats in his arms. I did my best to walk over to him to ask him to wait for a little bit. There were a few close calls at tripping. As I got closer, I quickly took a peak at the livening room. There were less people in there then earlier in the night, so people must have already left. I saw Esme and Dr. Cullen in the corner speaking to their older son and Jasper's sister. No sign of the younger Cullen though, which left me a bit disappointed. Finally I reached Jasper.

"Hey, you mind waiting just a little bit? I couldn't find the book at the table. So I think I left the it in the library. I'll be just a moment."

"Sure thing . I'll go say goodnight to my sister and the Cullens while you run up."

"I'll be down soon." I started up the stairs as he walked to the corner of the other room. When I reached the top, I had to count the doors to remember where the Library was.

One… two… three… four… five… library.

The door was unlocked so I walked in. I ran over to the shelf I took the book from earlier the night and I couldn't find it anywhere.

"FUCK!" I yelled. Thanks to Jake I would usually have a trucker mouth when I had done something stupid or if I was going to be in trouble.

I had looked at that painting in the room earlier, maybe….

"Shit, goddamn it mother fucker! Where the fuck is it?!?" I was frustrated. I couldn't find it anywhere in the room and I was panicking. How could I lose a book, especially Esme's book. She just met me tonight and now she would never trust me. I knew she would take back her invitation to visit after I told her about losing the book.

"Fuck, Fuck, Fuck. I'm in deep shit."

I was about to break down and cry in frustration when I suddenly remembered something. I ran through the events of what happened after we left the library in my mind. Esme had to go downstairs. Jazz and I walked back into the large living room behind her, I was holding on to the book then. Carlisle said it was time for dinner and Jazz and I ordered a drink at the bar before we followed.

I remembered. I set the book down on the side table when I went to pick up my drink.

"I'm such a fucking ass." I turned around to run out of the library to retrieve the book.

I was getting close to the door when it swung open. My legs completely gave out on me when I realized who it was walking in the room. Unable to stop the perpetual motion of my body, I ran hard into them and took down the one person I was hoping to avoid tonight.

Edward Cullen fell hard on the floor and I heard the loud crack as his head hit the wood floor. I winched realizing he would be even angrier then he was during desert. I had fucked up royally tonight. First the book, and now this. I was determined on not being an embarrassment or ruining my chances at impressing mentor and here I was causing him bodily harm. I was terrified that he would be so mad that I would be asked to return to Forks and have the fellowship taken away.

His eyes were fluttering open, as if he was trying to focus them. "Fuck." He groaned.

He was breathing hard, almost like he was fighting for air when I realized that I was lying on top of his chest. I needed to move off of him so he could breathe, but I was frozen where I was. My mind was having a private argument with its self where a part of me wanted me to stay where I was to check that he was ok, but the other part was scared he would yell at me for injuring him and needed to run away. So my body just stayed where it was unable to make a decision.

I wanted to touch his face and comfort him, but thankfully resisted. It looked like he was coming around and his hands moved. Still frozen, I knew what he was trying to do. He was going to push me off. I was blocking off his air and I should move but I couldn't. Next thing I knew, my body felt like it was on fire. Not the same fire I felt from the shot of 151 earlier, this feeling was so much more intense. What I felt now when his hands touched my bare shoulders started from my warm center and shot through every nerve washing me over with immense sense of pleasure. I felt myself trembling after his hands jerked away and he looked down his chest towards me. His bright green eyes connected with mine, and I knew if I stayed any longer, it was pushing the boundaries of professionalism.

Snapping myself out of it, I quickly slid to the right of him and sat on my knees. His was still looking at me, his face blank of expression. He was going to yell at me, I need to apologize and then get the hell out of here.

"I'm so sorry Dr. Cullen, I didn't see you. I was trying to get downstairs, but I tripped on my shoes when you came in. I hope you head is alright, do you need me to get some help. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, I'm a horrible klutz." I couldn't stop babbling my apology.

"It's ok. I'm… fine, I think." He started to sit up slowly, grabbing the back of his head. His eyes squinted slightly from pain. I had my hand over my mouth to stop me from saying anything more. "Are you ok Ms. Swan? You took a big spill there too."

"I'm f-… uh how do you my name." We hadn't met but yet he knew who I was. That was odd.

"Um, well, my father told me you would be here and that Jasper would bring you with him tonight. I figured who you were when I saw you sitting next to him when I arrived." He looked like he was editing what he was saying as he was getting to his feet. When he finally stood up he patted his slacks to de-wrinkle them then held a hand to me to help me up off the floor.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. Again, I'm very sorry for knocking you over." I blushed and checked my dress to make sure I hadn't ripped it in the fall. I noticed that it had slid down some, exposing more of my chest then was allowed as lady-like, so I quickly pulled it up. I would be mortified to flash my boss during our first meeting.

He let out a small chuckle, "Its fine, I'm still alive and I'm conscious. No harm, no foul. Are you sure you are alright though? You sounded very panicky before I came in. Did you lose something?" He started to look around the room, something caught his eye near his feet and picked it up off the floor. I noticed it was a small blue book. It looked familiar.

"Yes, well, Esme had given me a tour of your beautiful home earlier tonight, which is quite lovely, and when we stopped in here she said I could borrow a book from the collection and then return it after I promised to come and visit. When we went to dinner, I couldn't remember where I had placed it. I came upstairs to look in for it but didn't see it anywhere. Then I remembered I left it on one of the side tables near the bar downstairs. I was going to go get it and then… well… you know what happened next." I looked down at the floor, embarrassed, and bit my lip.

"That book wouldn't happen to be _Pride and Prejudice_, would it?" My head shot up to see him holding him holding the blue book up for me to see that it was in fact the book I had misplaced. I started to tell him my thanks when he gave me a crooked smile that made my knees go weak instantly. Next thing I knew Dr. Cullen was trying to prevent me from falling by holding me up in a tight grip and I was once held against his chest, only we were upright this time.

"Are you sure you're fine, Ms. Swan?" His hands were holding me close against him, and his voice cracked with concern. It felt wonderful to be in his arms and my heart raced.

"Yes, yes, I'm ok. I just lost my footing. I'm not used to wearing these heels." I quickly lied, enjoying his hold on me too much. Before I did something inappropriate, I slid out of his grip and then stepped out of my heels to try and support my lie. I went to pick them up.

"Please, allow me to get those for you, I don't know if you have all your balance back yet." He smiled bending forward swiftly and then placed my shoes in my hands when he stood up.

"Thanks." I was continuing to embarrass myself in front of this sexy, beautiful, god-like man and I needed to go now before I would do any more damage. I moved to leave the room.

"Wait, you don't want to forget the book, now do you. I know Esme would be rather disappointed if she found out you didn't take it with you. She wouldn't have a good excuse for you to visit and help her with one of her little projects." He held the book out for me.

"I would have come to visit anyways. She did promise to finish her tour from earlier, I'm leaving now, so I'm hoping to cash in on a rain check later." I was finding it strangely easy to talk with Edward.

"Oh, you aren't going to finish it tonight?" He seemed disappointed.

"Yes, unfortunately. I asked Jasper to take me home after dinner. I'm feeling a bit jet lagged from my flight and I had a few drinks with dinner so the combination makes it hard to stay fully conscious. Better to get home and get some sleep. Still need to settle in before Monday morning meetings." I was rambling.

"You're right. It's probably best for you after having to deal with the lot downstairs. Let me make sure you get down the stairs in one piece." He motioned that I should exit before him.

I waited briefly in the hall for Edward as he closed the library and then joined me.

"So what hall did the university place you in?" We started our descent to the ground floor slowly. I was trying to concentrate on not taking a nosedive, which he was making rather difficult with his close proximity.

"I think its Hammond Hall?"

"That's the co-ed one next to the Behavioral Science building isn't it?" He was trying to make small talk.

"Yes, I believe so. I'm still not familiar with the campus. I think Alice Brandon pointed it out to me when we came back from the grocery store today."

"You met Ms. Brandon?" I nodded. "She's a little spitfire, that one." I loved that he laughed, it was hypnotic and I joined him with my own slightly nervous laugh. Though I should have paid more attention to walking instead of him, it was at that moment I tripped again, thankfully it was at the bottom of the landing and I was able to grab the banister just in time, dropping my shoes in the process. Jasper was back at the door waiting for me, shaking his head at my little display.

"Did you throw back another shot up there, Bella?" He held out my coat and I slipped my arms into the sleeves. Edward was picking up my shoes I dropped and then placed them in front of me. I was lifting my foot to slip them on, when his hand took my ankle and he guided me into the shoe. My breath caught at the shock of his action. When he had the right one on, he helped me into the other. Something about this simple act was making my inside turn into mush and my brain was not fully functioning. He stood up after making sure my feet were secure in the shoes.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen. It was very nice to meet you, and again I'm so sorry for earlier." I held out my hand to say goodnight.

He took my hand, it was warm, and the burning fire in me ignited again. "You're Welcome Ms. Swan, and the pleasure was all mine. Don't worry about earlier, I'm still alive, that's all that counts right?" I nodded. "And please, you can call me Edward when we are away from the University." He was still holding my hand in his, and I thought I felt his thumb rub a few small circles on the back of it. I closed my eyes from the pleasant sensation.

"Then I guess you can call me Bella in that case. Good night Edward. I will see you on Monday?" I opened my eyes and saw his staring back. My earlier desire to leave was disappearing. When he finally released my hand, I could still feel the burning sensation linger.

"Until then, Bella, sleep well." He smiled his crooked smile and then turned and walked away from Jasper and me. My head swirling confusion.

"You ready to head home there girly?" Jasper slung his arm around my waist to steer me out the door. The walk to his car was quick, and I was buckled in the passenger seat in no time. Jasper then handed me something in a tupperwear container.

"What is this?" I tried to see what was inside, but it was too dark out.

"Leftovers. I noticed you didn't eat a lot at dinner, so when you were in the library, I asked Esme if I could take some of the prime rib for you to eat later."

"Thank you Jazz. That's sweet. I think I may help myself to it as a midnight snack."

"Did you enjoy yourself tonight?"

"It was alright, there were a lot of more people there then I thought there would be. Thanks for driving and saving me from your sister and her fiancé."

"All part of my services that come with me being your friend." He gave a small salute I chuckled at. "So what was Edward taking about when he said to not worry about what happened?"

"Oh that, well I accidentally ran him over when I was leaving the library. I think I gave him a concussion." Jasper let out a loud laugh. "I left a great first impression with him. Surprised he did take back the fellowship from me afterwards." I looked out the window into the night sky when I answered.

The stars were bright and twinkling. It had been several years since I had been able to see a night sky like this. Forks was always too cloudy and rainy to see the stars. It was beautiful and peaceful looking up tonight and my eyelids were becoming heavy as we continued to drive. I knew jasper was trying to talk to me, but I was drifting off to sleep that I didn't hear a word he said.

"Bella? Bella, wake up? We're here." I felt the soft nudge of Jasper's hand on my shoulder.

"Hmm?" I looked around sleepily and sure enough, the headlights of the car illuminated the front of my residence hall.

"Oh." I unbuckled myself and opened the car door. Jasper walked to my side and slid his arm around me to guide me up the stairs to the door of the hall.

"Thank you again for your help today Jazz. It was really nice of you." I leaned in and gave him a hug.

"Sure thing there . It was a good time today. Say, I know you are going to be busy for the next few weeks, but if you want to catch a lunch or get some dinner sometime, give me a call and I'll be happy to join you." He gave a little wink.

"I think I'll do that. Have a safe drive home Jazz. I'll call you soon." I opened the door and turned back looking through the glass door to wave at Jazz as he drove away.

It was over. My first night in Chicago was finally done. I knew I had made a complete fool of myself through most of it, but I didn't want to give up and run back to Forks. I had to stay and see things through.

When I made it into my room, I immediately took off my coat and kicked the damned heels away from me. I unzipped my dress, sliding down to the floor, and then picked it up to put it in my laundry bin I purchased today with Alice. I walked to my bathroom only wearing my bra and panties and stood there facing my mirror for some time looking at my reflection. I was such a spaz tonight. I brushed my teeth for a few minutes trying to not think of all the stupid things I did.

I pulled the pins out of my hair so that it fell in soft curls to my shoulders. After all the pins I could find were out, I washed my face and decided that a bath sounded very fitting at the moment. I sat on the side of the tub as it filled with the soapy hot water, my mind drifting to thoughts of those green eyes that mesmerized me tonight.

I knew it was wrong. He was technically my boss and my mentor. It would be bad form and unprofessional to have a relationship with him. But that was what I wanted more than anything right now. I wanted to feel him against my body again, only this time on purpose. I wanted to have him crush his lips against mine, and have him make love to me all night.

The tub was full enough, so I shut off the water. I unclasped my bra and dropped it to the floor and then slipped my panties off to join its counterpart. Once my body was submerged, my mind went back to Edward. Imagining him showing up outside my room and throwing me on my bed, his long fingers caressing my breasts, his lips kissing every inch of my skin. As images of him flooded my mind, the fire was returning and it made my blood pulse with desire.

Though I had taken to pleasure myself during my relationship with Jacob when I was sexually frustrated, it wasn't anything to how it felt when I started tonight and thought of Edward. It didn't take me as long to start reaching my peak soon after I began. When I slipped a finger inside of me and thought of grabbing that head of bronze hair of his, I was almost there. I was pulsing all over and was about to go over the edge when my cell phone started to ring.

"Fuck me." I groaned. I splashed the water angrily then stepped out of the tub.

Wrapping a towel around my dripping body, I took out my cell from my purse and looked at the caller ID.

"Of all times to call…" I flipped open the phone. "Hey Jake, What's up?"

I knew I wouldn't be able to finish what I started earlier in the tub, so I settled myself into my bed for the next hour to talk to my best friend. Maybe it was a good thing to be destracted.

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**A/N: Everyone, thank you so much for reading my little story. Also, thank you to everyone who reviewed. Please let me know how you guys are liking it.  
**

**I'm going to try and get a few more chapters out really soon, sorry it takes me a while. I usually post most of the chapter on the weekend because I work a lot during the week.**

** Up next is Edward's POV. I hope you like it.  
**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**EPOV**

I wanted the world and time to stand still when I looked at Bella Swan lying on my chest. But like all good things in life, they never last forever. Before I could stop her, she slid off onto her knees on the floor next to me. Still staring into her eyes, I was at a loss for words. She was so beautiful as she looked at me like an angel watching over her charge. I must have died because she was my vision heaven.

I nearly lost control of myself to not attack her with my mouth when she spoke, "I'm so sorry Dr. Cullen, I didn't see you. I was trying to get downstairs, but I tripped on my heels when you came in. I hope you head is alright, do you need me to get some help. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, I'm a horrible klutz." She was nervous, I could tell because she was rambling. I do the same thing every time I get nervous.

I tried my best to sit up, my head was throbbing as I held the back of it with my hand, "It's ok. I'm… fine, I think." I was still having a hard time acknowledging she was really there. She looked worried and a little scared as she continued to look at me. I wonder if she was injured in the fall.

"Are you ok Ms. Swan? You took a spill too." She blinked when I said her name. Shit, was I supposed to know who she was, we hadn't been introduced yet. I hoped she wouldn't catch that.

"I'm … uh how do you my name." Crap. My damn luck. My heart raced as I tried my best as I came up with a half truth.

"Um, well, my father told me you were here and that Jasper brought you with him tonight. I figured who you were when I saw you sitting next to him when I arrived." _Oh and I want to spend hours upon hours kissing every inch of you and worship at your feet, you divine goddess. _I did my best to compose myself and stood up. My head was a bit dizzy, but thankfully I didn't sway too noticeably. My slacks were bunched up a bit and wrinkled, so a patted them out.

Bella was still kneeling on the floor, looking up at me. It felt wrong to have her being the one to look up. She was the beauty and I should be the one kneeling to her. I held up my hand to help her, and it felt so right and perfect when she took it.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. Again, I'm very sorry for knocking you over." Her cheeks flushed and she looked down. She was embarrassed to be around me, why. Did she not know she had this power over me? I looked at her and followed her gaze.

Oh dear, her dress had slipped and she had just noticed that. I swallowed back the saliva that pooled in my mouth at the sight of her chest being more exposed. I was having an eternal struggle in my mind. Wanting the dress to fall lower and reveal to me the perfect supple breast I knew were covered behind the thin blue fabric was battling the need to cover her up and prevent her from further embarrassment for exposing herself to her boss at our first meeting. I snapped out of it when I saw she was pulling up her dress. I was disappointed to be denied of that sight, but then laughed at my own ridiculousness.

"Its fine, I'm still alive and I'm conscious. No harm, no foul." I looked at her and saw she was still a bit shaken and nervous; her eyes kept looking from my eyes to the floor. "Are you sure you are alright though? You sounded very panicky before I came in. Did you lose something?" I looked around the room to see if there was anything that looked like it had been left here by someone else, when I realized I was no longer holding the book I brought up. I saw it on the floor next to my feet beside the green leather chair and picked it off the floor.

"Yes, well, Esme had given me a tour of your beautiful home earlier tonight, it's quite a sight and when we stopped in here she said I could borrow a book from the collection and then return it after I promised to come and visit. When we went to dinner, I couldn't remember where I had placed it. I came upstairs to look but didn't see it anywhere. Then I remembered I left it on one of the side tables near the bar downstairs. I was going to go get it and then… well… you know what happened next." Her face flushed again, it was simply endearing. And then she bit her lip, and I almost lost it. That one action started to make me hard instantly.

Wait. She said she was in here earlier this evening and Esme allowed her to borrow book. I looked at the one I held in my hand and thought that this wasn't just a coincidence. "That book wouldn't happen to be _Pride and Prejudice_, would it?"

Her head shot up and she saw the book I held out to her. She looked relieved and thoroughly happy. She was about to say something when I flashed a smile at her. Suddenly Bella's legs gave out on her.

She wasn't very coordinated.

I reached out and caught her pulling her close to steady her stance. Her face was against my chest and I couldn't help myself when I quickly buried my face in her hair and inhaled deeply. She smelled of strawberries and freesia.

I nearly fell over with her scent intoxicating me. It took all my strength to contain my composure. "Are you sure you're fine, Ms. Swan?" My voice was a bit off. I was worried she was injured since she couldn't stand. I should have let her go, but it felt nice to have her close.

"Yes, yes, I'm ok. I just lost my footing. I'm not used to wearing these heels."

I looked down at her feet and saw sexy navy high heels with what looked to be at least a five inch heel; I was surprised she didn't break her delicate and small ankles. While I continued to look down at her feet, she slipped out of my grip, and I suddenly was filled with a sense of great loss. She quickly stepped out of those death heels and she started to bend over to get them. I stopped her.

"Please, allow me to get those for you, I don't know if you have all your balance back yet." I bent down in front of her to pick them up and I gently placed them in her hands.

"Thanks." She started to leave the room and I was hurt she was leaving, when I remember I was still holding her book.

"Wait, you don't want to forget the book, now do you. I know Esme would be rather disappointed if she found out you didn't take it with you. She wouldn't have a good excuse for you to visit and help her with one of her little projects." I didn't know where the confidence to speak with her like this came from, but it was nice. It was new. I decided to push myself a bit more as I held out her book flashing another smile.

She reached for the book and took it from my hands. "I would have come to visit anyways. She did promise to finish her tour from earlier. I'm leaving now, so I'm hoping to cash in on a rain check later." Why was she leaving? No, she had to stay.

"Oh, you aren't going to finish it tonight?" I couldn't stop the sound of disappointment in my voice.

"Yes, unfortunately. I asked Jasper to take me home after dinner. I'm feeling a bit jet lagged from my flight and I had a few drinks with dinner the combination makes it hard to stay fully conscious. Better to get home and get some sleep. Still need to settle in before Monday morning meetings." She did have a long day, and me keeping her here was probably not a good thing.

"You're right." I conceded. "It's probably best for you after having to deal with the lot downstairs."

She had a few drinks tonight, so that probably explained her lack balance. I wanted to make sure she didn't have any more accidents. "Let me make sure you get down the stairs in one piece." I motioned that I would follow after her as we left the library.

She waited for me outside as I turned off the lights to the library and locked it up for the night. She held on tightly to the banister while her book was tucked under her arm and her free hand held her shoes.

I wanted to hear her voice again. How could I get her speak? I remembered that being part of the fellowship, the university placed her as a resident advisor in one of the halls on campus.

"So what hall did the university place you in?" I tried looking at her without her catching me. I was surprised she didn't notice.

"I think its Hammond Hall?"

I knew that building, I walked past it every day on my way to my office. "That's the co-ed one next to the Behavioral Science building isn't it?"

"Yes, I believe so." I figured it wouldn't look to suspicious if I would stop by her apartment and walk with her into the lab every morning, I could say for the first few weeks I was making sure she wasn't getting lost.

"I'm still not familiar with the campus. I think Alice Brandon pointed it out to me when we came back from the grocery store today." She met Alice. That little pixie would probably love Bella. I looked back at the woman and I could picture the two of them becoming fast friends.

"You met Ms. Brandon?" She nodded. "She's a little spitfire, that one." I laughed thinking of all the times Alice would start heated debates in my lectures. I never discouraged it because it was a nice every once in a while.

We were close to the bottom of the stairs and I saw Jasper waiting for Bella with coats over his arms, and he waved at us. It was then that I saw out of the corner of my eye Bella tripping over something and falling forward. She dropped the shoes she held and reached for the banister with both of her hands, in time to safe her from eating it big time. I could hear soft chuckles from Jasper, which made me feel a twinge of anger towards him.

"Did you throw back another shot up there, Bella?" He was holding out a jacket for her to put on. Drinking was obviously not a good idea for her. I would note that for future reference.

I picked up her fallen shoes and placed them in front of her feet once she had her jacket on. I was going to let her step into them on her own, but I couldn't control myself. I needed to touch her again. As gently as I could, I wrapped my firm hands around her thin ankle and placed her foot in the first shoe. I was totally out of line, but no rational thought was left in my mind. Once her first foot was secured in place, I did the same to her other foot. When I was done I stood up to say my good bye, even though my heart was pounding so hard that I couldn't breathe. It would be difficult to wait until Monday to see her again.

"Thank you Dr. Cullen. It was very nice to meet you, and again I'm so sorry for earlier." She held out her small hand for me. I felt that a soft hug or a short kiss would have been more appropriate, but then I remembered I was technically her boss and a handshake was the only acceptable option.

So I took her hand and I felt the electricity I felt before, it coursed through me. "You're Welcome Ms. Swan, and the pleasure was all mine. Don't worry about earlier, I'm still alive, that's all that counts right?" She nodded and her face turned slightly red. "And please, you can call me Edward when we are away from the University." _Or anything you wish. I will come when called by any name you give me._ I was still holding her hand and I didn't want to release it. I realized that I was rubbing her hand with the pad of my thumb. _This is so wrong, you need to stop Edward._ Her eyes closed and I knew she needed to go.

"Then I guess you can call me Bella in that case. Good night Edward. I will see you on Monday?" She opened her eyes and I tried to convey with mine the want I had for her.

"Until then, Bella, sleep well." _I know I will._ I shot her another smile, seeing her go a deeper shade of red once more and turned away. I needed to leave before I followed her to Jasper's car and asked to tag along.

I walked back to the living room, looking for Ben or Angela and saw them standing next to my parents, hand in hand. I made my way over to join them.

"Edward, my boy. You look like you are feeling better." Carlisle had a small smile and took a sip from his glass, his usual after dinner dink of Crown on the rocks.

"Yes, a little bit. I think I just ate to much today. I needed a quick walk and it felt better." I looked to Ben and he nodded.

"That's good to hear." My mother patted my arm and held it in hers. "Did you get a chance to meet Ms. Swan before she left? I was going to introduce her to you when I continued the tour of the manor, but Jasper said she was exhausted from today and needed to get some sleep. The poor dear has had a busy day."

"Yes, I was able to meet her before she left. She seems really nice." _And is absolutely breathtaking to the point my heart races at the very thought of her._ "I think she will do just fine with the team." I fought to keep the stupid grin that was trying to break through at bay when I spoke of her. My mother smiled warmly at me with a strange look in her eye but I tried to quickly change the subject.

"Where's Emmett?" I didn't see my annoying brother or my soon to be sister-in-law anywhere when I looked around the room.

"They took off about a half hour ago, something about an early start in the morning." Angela answered and yawned a little.

Was I really talking to Bella that long upstairs? It felt like it happened so fast. "You look like you are getting a little sleepy there Ang. Are you going to be able to drive?"

"I'll be fine, besides I'm the only one here that didn't have a drop of alcohol, you boozers." We all laughed, my mother most of all.

"Before you go, I had Maria pack up some leftovers. Jasper took some for Bella after he told me she hardly ate tonight, so I figured I could send some off with you all." Bella didn't eat? I hope she's ok.

Ben, Angela and I followed my mother to the kitchen after we said goodbye to my father who went to speak with Aro Venicci, a member of the board of trustees. When we pushed through the swinging doors there were many containers of food stacked on the counter.

"I know you two don't have any food in the house right now, so I packed up a bit of everything." Esme started to put the containers in a large paper shopping bag then held it out for Angela to take. When she was done, she packed up three containers for me in a smaller bag.

"You didn't finish your desert so I had Maria pack you two of them." She handed me my bag and gave me a small peck on the cheek and wiped it with her thumb to remove her lipstick that marked me. "I love you dear. I'm so happy that you could make it tonight."

"I'm glad I could make it too, mom. Everything was wonderful." I leaned in and gave her a hug.

"Please visit me more often. I do miss you." Her words were soft when she whispered in my ear.

I couldn't deny my mother when she spoke like that. "I promise." I squeezed her tightly once more before I released her.

"I love you."

"Love you more, mom."

The three of us left her in the kitchen as she composed herself before returning to the guests.

Once we loaded the week's worth of food in the trunk, I remembered that there was half a bottle of scotch by the greenhouse still.

"Hey Ang, go ahead and warm up the car I'll be back in a moment." She got in and I heard the ignition as I ran off to the greenhouse to retrieve the bottle. No one seemed to have missed it inside, so it was going home with me.

When I was back and slid inside to the middle of the back seat Ben turned slightly and gave me a thumbs up and a wink when I showed him the bottle.

"So what was Isabella like? I wish I had a chance to meet her tonight, but I didn't see her after dinner." Angela signaled on to the main road back into the city.

"Like I said, Bella's very nice. She didn't speak a whole lot, but I think she was just overwhelmed with the whole night. I did most of the talking anyways." I kept seeing her beautiful brown eyes look at me in my thoughts.

"_You_ did most of the talking?" Ben asked incredulously. "Edward Anthony Cullen controlled the conversation?"

"Um, I guess so. Yeah. What's the problem with that?" I was confused. Why was that an issue?

"Nothing, I guess there's nothing wrong with that." He looked and Angela and there was a quick exchange of smiles I caught between them quickly. What the fuck was that about?

"When are you going to be stopping by the lab on Monday?"

"I don't know. I meet with the board of trustees at nine and then I think there is a quick brunch and meeting with the heads of the departments around ten thirty. I'm thinking I'll be by around noon. You think the rest of the team will be able to get in then?" I was hoping that one member of the team would be able to make it just fine. Maybe I could give her a tour of campus afterward. She did say she wasn't familiar with the campus yet.

"Angela and I looked over the schedules that the team sent in, and it looks like that should be a good time. Newton will be done with his adventure hike before nine; I know Yorkie doesn't have anything that day until after six. Tyler is free all day and Alice and Bella should be done with the RA introduction meetings by eleven."

"Perfect. I think I'll order lunch for all of us. We can meet at the lab, give everyone a quick review of responsibilities and the stations and then the food can be here by one."

Ben turned to face me dead on, and scratched his head. "Wow Ed. What the hell happened to you? Usually you aren't this nice to the other members of the team until the semester starts. Not that I'm complaining or anything. Just, what's the deal?" I knew what the reason was for the change, but I wouldn't admit it to them.

I would play the "dick" card as I called it, trying to establish that I would not accept any fooling around and half-hearted efforts into the research. I took this seriously, and this was my livelihood. I would usually have to replace my undergraduate assistants with this tactic, but I never felt bad about it. But here I was, planning on treating everyone to lunch on the first day. I was not taking a good stand.

"Well, I want to try something different this year. We always seem to replace people at the beginning, so maybe if I started off nice, people wouldn't need to be replaced, and they'd actually do what's expected." It sounded like a solid enough reason.

Angela finally joined in as she pulled up in front of my townhouse. "Or maybe a certain wound-up Neuropsychology professor has a certain fondness for a brunette from Washington?" She turned to look at me as I unbuckled my seat belt.

"I have no clue what you mean there Ang, but I can assure you that I have nothing but a professional respect for all the members of the team." Crap, is it that obvious?

"Whatever you say Edward." She popped the trunk for me when I got out, still holding the bottle of scotch and retrieved my bag of food. When I closed the trunk I walked to Ben's open window.

"Thank you again guys for driving. I want you to drive safe and I will see you at noon on Monday."

"Night Edward." They called back in unison.

When I could no longer see them in the distance from my house I let myself in. It was dark so I turned on the hallway light that illuminated a majority of the area. I put the food my mother gave me away in the fridge and then found a glass and poured myself some scotch on the rocks.

I stood in the door frame of my kitchen and stuck my free hand in my pocket where I felt the silver cigarette case I had nicked from my mother's hiding place. A cigarette sounded pretty fucking good at the moment.

After a quick smoke out back, I had finished my drink and decided to get ready for bed. I climbed my stairs easily tonight and I knew there was a significant change in my attitude, and I liked it. I quickly changed into my usual boxers and tank ensemble for bed and brushed my teeth.

Tonight had started off full on anxiety, panic and dread of having to deal with all those people at the dinner. I never expected that a an evening I had hated for all these years would eventually turn into one of the best nights of my entire existence. If I hadn't gone, I wouldn't have met Bella like I did. I knew I would have eventually met her since were to work together, but we probably would never have had the same interaction as we did tonight and I would never forget every moment.

I quickly thought how lucky I was to have forgotten my trench that day back in May. If I hadn't forgotten it, her application would have never been found and I would have chosen someone else. I shook at the thought of how close it could have been.

Now that she was here I had to do what I could to make her feel comfortable and to want to stay. I wanted her to make it through the next three years with the research and the fellowship, and then I wanted her to stay here, with me, for the rest of my life.

As I started to fall asleep, I saw her face in my mind again. Her soft, curly hair falling around her face. I remembered the smell of the strawberries and freesia from that moment in the library. The warm smooth feel of her porcelain skin, and the burn I felt that engulfed me when I touched her. Her wide innocent eyes as they looked into my own, her soft luscious lips I wanted to capture in mine.

I wanted to take her in my arms and never let her go.

I then remembered her dress when it had slipped down after we stood up from the floor after the fall. It had been so low and close to exposing her to me. I cursed now that I was not given the opportunity to see that sight.

I started to drift off in sleep now; dreaming of what I would see if I had stopped her from fixing her dress and had instead pulled it down slowly off of her. I was growing hard when the vision I had of her breasts were realized in my fantasy. I would take my hands and softly run them down her arms, pausing close to her breast and then move in to gently massage them with my palms, making her body go limp. I'd bring her tight into my arms and press her chest to mine, feeling her nipples pert with arousal.

I wouldn't stop myself as I'd kiss her deeply and sucking on her pouty lower lip, her moaning in my mouth making my erection hard against her stomach where it wouldn't go unnoticed. Our kissing would grow until she tried to pull back, gasping for air. When she would, I'd dive my face down and take her exposed nipples into my mouth one at a time, sucking and nibbling on both of them until she moaned my name out loud.

I was just on the verge of going over the edge, gripping tightly on to my enlarged cock as I stroked it hard and fast. I was ready to release, and I knew it would be very big and messy, but I couldn't care less. When I reached my climax I screamed her name, "Bella!" into the darkness of my room. Whimpering and moaning as I emptied myself into the sheets of my bed. There was a immense feeling of joy and sadness that filled when I finished.

A joy that for the first time in over ten years I had not gone to bed dreading the next day or needing to take a Xanax before falling asleep. There was something in my life that made me want to get up in the morning and to move forward.

But also a sadness because the reason for all those things was not asleep beside me.

I quickly stripped the covers and changed the sheets. Once I was back in the comforts of my bed, I fell asleep once more and dreamt of the goddess I would see again on Monday.

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**Please review. I love hearing everyone's thoughts.**

**I will update soon. :)  
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	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: This is a special chapter. **

**I thought seeing a view of the evening from another character's POV would be a little treat for readers. **

**It would allow you to see Edward and Bella from an outsider.**

** There were many POV's that I had in mind, but I felt everyone would enjoy Ben's the most. I hope you enjoy.  
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Chapter 9

**Ben Cheney's POV**

Angela was putting on the final touches of her make-up before we would leave for the department dinner at the Cullen estate. She was so beautiful in her satin forest green dress and I was still coming to terms that she had married me.

Quietly, I snaked my arm around her waist from behind. "You are simply ravishing, my beautiful wife." I placed a kiss softly at the base of her neck between her shoulders.

"You're not so bad looking either, my sweet husband." She twirled around under my touch and kissed me on my lips.

"We should get going. Ed's probably on his third panic attack by now." I looked at my watch and we had about ten minutes before we needed to pick him up.

Angela finished putting on her lipstick and looked solemn as she put it away in her bag. "I feel so sorry for him, Ben. All these years we've known Edward, it hurts to see that he tortures himself like this, throwing himself to the wolves. He deserves better in his life."

"I know. I would say that maybe if he got a girlfriend he wouldn't be so bad, but that's not an option." Angela nodded at that.

We both met Edward Cullen during our senior year of our undergraduate program, having been selected as part of his research team. He was new to teaching at the university, and was a nervous wreck outside the lecture halls. It took him weeks before he spoke to us like an educated human being rather than a programmed anti-social robot. By the end of that year, Angela and I decided we would continue with our Master's and Edward had opened up to us as a friend and was asking us to return as leads on his team under his direction.

The last time that I could remember him going on a date was about four years ago. Ang and I set him up with a mutual friend and that went _so_ well. From what I was told, they made it up to placing their food order when Edward suffered from one of his panic attacks and left our friend there, having her pay for both meals. It took several weeks for Lauren to return our calls of apology and Edward had vehemently refused any dates from then on out. Edward attached a lot of women, and they would always throw themselves at him, but his nerves always got the best of him. I knew it had been several years, maybe even eight or nine, since he had even had sex. I could never imagine going that long, but understood that physical closeness was a major factor in triggering his attacks.

When we finally arrived at Edward townhouse, Ang got out to drag his ass into the car. After she rang the bell, she turned and waved back at me as she waited for him to answer. Finally he flung himself from the door and locked up his fortress of solitude.

Once he sat in the back seat and belted himself in, I turned down the radio so it would help calm his nerves. I felt the bouncing of his leg shack the car as we drove. I kept looking back at him as we got closer to the dinner, making sure he was still ok, and that we wouldn't need to pull over so he could have a mini breakdown. Angela kept quiet and would casually check him over her shoulder every now and then.

When I turned into his parent's mile long drive, his leg bounced like a humming bird's wings flapping. If I wasn't already aware it was him doing it, I would have sworn something was wrong with my car.

One final look at him in the mirror and I saw his eyes shut tight. Here we go. I took Angela's hand to alert her and she frowned. We sat parked for a moment in the drive, waiting for Edward to collect himself before we went in.

Everyone was already seated in the dining hall as we entered. Ed followed behind Ang and me as we stepped through the double doors. As the wait staff was closing them behind us, I took Angela's hand in my own once more and walked in the direction towards Dr. Jennings who was trying to catch my attention. When she pointed to the two empty seats at her table I realized that was our assigned seating. I pulled out Ang's seat for her then took mine just as the waiter offered me a dinner roll.

I looked around the room. There were a few people I didn't recognize mixed with the faculty and their spouses. When I found Edward at his table, I was surprised to seeing him just standing behind his chair. He continued to stand there for about a minute, his face had a look between confusion and shock.

"Hey, Hun, Ed is acting strange, so I'm gonna keep a close eye on him tonight."

"If he has a _moment_, I want you to make sure he's ok. We can leave if he needs to get out of here quickly." She whispered back and I took her hand and kissed the back of it. She cared about him just as much as I did.

I looked back at Edward sitting at the table with his family and it looked like he was fine now, so I started to dig in to the meal.

The food was, as always, unbelievable. Esme Cullen always served the best and would never settle for anything less. After a few bites of the prime rib, with melted in my mouth, Dr. Jennings asked Angela and I if we had met the Cullen Fellowship recipient, Isabella Swan.

"I'm afraid not yet professor. Ang and I just got back from our honeymoon this afternoon." Dr. Jennings looked like she just remembered this information.

"That's right. Congratulations again, I hope you had a lovely time."

I tried to swallow the savory meat before I replied. "We did. Took lots of pictures."

"Well you will have to stop by my office and show me when you can." Ang and I both agreed we would do so. "Anyways, that recipient, Ms. Swan, she's quite something. She's a little reserved, but I think that will be just fine for your research team. She sure is intelligent enough. Dr. Cullen would probably appreciate that." She took a bite of a carrot from her dinner and chewed.

"Where is she seated tonight?" Angela looked around the room to find Ms. Swan.

"Over at that table. She came with Jasper Hale; he's the brother of Emmett's fiancé." I followed the direction Dr. Jennings pointed to.

Seated next to a young blonde man I didn't recognize, was a younger, attractive woman. Her hair was pulled back and her face was flushed red as she bent over her food, poking at it and hardly eating. She was trying to pay attention to the dinner conversation at her table, but her eyes would dart over to the other side of the room as if she was expecting someone to come over.

"She looks so young." I stated as I turned back to face the table.

"Mmhm. But from what I hear, she was top of her class with her during her undergraduate program and has a couple years experience in counseling centers."That was all that was said about the Swan woman for the remainder of the dinner services.

When desert arrived, a loud sound of chair being pushed back suddenly met my ears.

"Ok, so who had money that he wouldn't make it through dinner?" Jane Benedict looked around the table and I saw a few timid hands raise. She and her brother Alec laughed and went back to wolfing down their deserts.

I turned to see if it was Edward who they were talking about. Sure enough, he was walking quickly to leave the room. His fists clenched and he shut his eyes just as he passed the table Ms. Swan sat at, and I found it odd that her eyes followed him so closely.

"Hmm, that's odd." I mumbled

"What's that?" Ang asked.

"Nothing." Edward was throwing himself from the room and I heard the sound of him running down the hall before the doors slammed shut.

"I'm going to let him have a head start, but I'll go after him." I reassured Ang after seeing her worried face.

I finished the soufflé and threw back half of my wine before I excused myself from the table.

I walked into the hallway and I saw the front door was left open. I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. It was a bit chilly tonight. I couldn't see him, but a faint rustling sound around the house caught my attention. I walked to the direct of the sound and saw an old greenhouse close by and a small billow of smoke drifting up behind it. Great hiding spot there, Ed.

Sure enough, he was sitting on the ground, cigarette in hand when I rounded the corner.

"Can I bum a cig?" I asked after I sat down next to him.

He place one in my outstretched hand along with a Zippo lighter. "Does Ang know you smoke?" he took a sip of something that looked like a bottle of expensive scotch. Even when he had his panic attacks, Ed had good taste with liquor. I quickly lit my smoke and inhaled.

"On occasion, during times of stress. Spring semester of my senior year with my undergraduate degree, I must have gone through a pack a day." I put the lighter on the ground between us when he offered me a drink. "Thanks. So, is it really that bad for you in there tonight?" I leaned back and looked up. I thought about the look on his face before he stormed out of the room. He looked like he was in a lot of pain, physically and emotionally. I exhaled the smoke.

"I'm just not feeling so well right now, and I had to get out of there." He took an extremely unnecessarily long drag of his cigarette which I knew would not feel good. He let out a loud cough.

"I hope the scotch helps." I took another sip from the bottle and handed it back to soothe his coughing.

He took a big gulp and when he put in on the ground I saw the bottle was already half gone. There was a long silence between us as we sat there. I thought of something that could possibly take his mind off the dinner party. There was something he had been looking forward to.

"I got a chance to see the fellowship recipient, Isabella. She was sitting next to Rosalie's brother. Dr. Jennings pointed her out to me and Ang." His eyes widened briefly then he composed himself again. "She's a lot younger looking then what I had imagined." He continued to just sit there and nodded without speaking. "I hope she's up for the challenges she'll have to deal with for the next few years." He closed his eyes and I realized I wasn't helping. I took another drag of my cigarette and saw he had stopped smoking his and it was just burring down past the filter.

"I don't think I can hide out here the rest of the night." He sounded like he was surrendering to some unknown antagonist. "Esme will be livid if I don't at least try and make an effort to be courteous and sociable." He took one last hit of his smoke and then extinguished it. When he stood up he swayed slightly and I knew it was his medicine mixing with the large amount of scotch that sat in his stomach.

I put mine out and joined his on his walk back, shaking off the dirt from my pants. When we got to the front of the house, several cars were gone meaning people were beginning to leave, and I knew this would make it a little easier on Ed.

Though we had been drinking outside, I followed Edward to the bar to order another round. When I got my drink I noticed that he had stepped away and was now holding an old book in his hand.

"Hey Ben, I'll be back in a moment. I have to put one of my mother's books back in the library. I'll be down in five minutes, and then we can get out of here." I nodded and raised my glass to him as he walked towards the staircase.

After Edward's departure, I found my wife speaking with the Carlisle Cullen, Emmett Cullen and his fiancée, Rosalie Hale. I walked over and joined them.

"You're back. Where's Edward?" Ang took my hand in hers when I approached.

"He had to put something away, he'll be back soon. He wants to leave." She agreed that sounded fine.

"I think Rose and I should get going too. We have to get an early start in the morning." He gave a sly wink to Rose who smacked his chest in return. I don't think and early morning was on his itinerary.

Esme Cullen was joining our group followed by Rose's brother, Jasper.

"Are you taking off too, sis?" He had coats in his arms and a small Tupperware container in his hand.

"Yes, my dear brother. It was good to see you again. Sorry we couldn't talk a lit tonight. We'll have to get lunch together soon. Give me a call we'll set up something. And be a gentlemen when you take home that poor girl you came with tonight. I saw you looking at her. Tisk, tisk." Rosalie gave her brother a quick hug as he laughed.

"Scouts honor, I'll be on my best behavior. But if she starts anything, I'll let her take the lead." He winked.

I felt a bit sorry for Isabella at the moment. Jasper seemed like a nice enough guy, but she seemed like the type of girl who wouldn't be so impulsive and make a move like that. Especially with someone she had just met.

We all wished Emmett and Rosalie good night, and I was getting concerned that Edward wasn't back. I looked at my watch and saw it had been about a half hour since he went upstairs.

Jasper hugged Esme goodnight and promised he would visit her soon. I shook his hand and told him it was nice to have met him.

Angela and I were the only ones left with Dr. Cullen and his wife when Edward finally joined us. He had a content and almost euphoric smile on his face. Angela and I looked at each other, but we were both at a loss for words.

"Edward, my boy. You look like you are feeling better." Carlisle had smile at his son and took a sip from his drink.

"Yes, a little bit. I think I just ate too much today. I needed a quick walk and it felt better." He looked at me, asking me silently to agree to that and I nodded I would.

"That's good to hear." His mother took his arms and held on to them lovingly. "Did you get a chance to meet Ms. Swan before she left? I was going to introduce her to you when I continued the tour of the manor, but Jasper said she was exhausted from today and needed to get some sleep. The poor dear has had a busy day." This was probably not a good thing to bring up with him. He looked tense when I spoke with him about her earlier.

I was shocked with his reply. "Yes, I was able to meet her before she left. She seems really nice." He continued to smile, and it looked like he was fighting the urge from breaking into song. I raised my eyebrows. "I think she will do just fine with the team."

"Where's Emmett?" It was obvious he was trying to change the subject and looked around the room.

"They took off about a half hour ago, something about an early start in the morning." Angela answered him and yawned. I knew it was an act on her part so to remind him that he wanted to leave earlier.

He didn't notice her acting skills like I did. "You look like you are getting a little sleepy there Ang. Are you going to be able to drive?"

"I'll be fine, besides I'm the only one here that didn't have a drop of alcohol, you boozers." I couldn't contain my laugh at that, even Esme was amused.

I started to move to the door when Esme stopped us. "Before you go, I had Maria pack up some leftovers. Jasper took some for Bella after he told me she hardly ate tonight, so I figured I could send some off with you all."

We said good night to Dr. Cullen before we followed Esme to the kitchen. My eyes bulged when I saw all the containers on the counter.

"I know you two don't have any food in the house right now, so I packed up a bit of everything." It was true, being away for over two months, our fridge was bare. Angela thanked her as the large shopping bag of food was handed over.

We made our way to the car after Edward was given his leftovers and said his goodbye to his mother. He was a little sad when we left her in the kitchen, but that was always expected since she was the one person who he was the closest with.

When we loaded the trunk with the food, Edward looked like he remembered something. "Hey Ang, go ahead and warm up the car I'll be back in a moment." He darted back to the direction of the house but instead of going in, he went around to the greenhouse.

The car was warm by the time he returned and when he got in, I shifted to see he was holding the scotch we had left behind earlier. I gave him the thumbs up.

We were on the main road when Angela spoke. "So what was Isabella like? I wish I had a chance to meet her tonight, but I didn't see her after dinner." She made a turn.

"Like I said, Bella's very nice. She didn't speak a whole lot, but I think she was just overwhelmed with the whole night. I did most of the talking anyways." He voice was very soft and sounded as if he was recalling a dream

Wait a minute. He did most of the talking?

"_You_ did most of the talking?" I was shocked. "Edward Anthony Cullen controlled the conversation?" Ever since I had known him on a friendship level, Edward never liked to be in charge when speaking to anyone. It was like pulling teeth to get responses from him. Especially with anyone he had just met.

"Um, I guess so. Yeah. What's the problem with that?" He sounded taken aback, as if this was news to him.

Something occurred to me at that moment. One thing that could possibly create this change in Edward's behavior. I had noticed he stopped calling her Ms. Swan, and was instead calling her "Bella" which was very informal for him to do so. It was all clear then. Edward Cullen was attracted to Bella Swan.

"Nothing, I guess there's nothing wrong with that." I looked at Angela then and I saw she came to the same conclusion as me and we shared a knowing smile.

"When are you going to be stopping by the lab on Monday?" I figured I would change the subject since I knew he would never admit to his attraction.

"I don't know. I meet with the board of trustees at nine and then I think there is a quick brunch and meeting with the heads of the departments around ten thirty. I'm thinking I'll be by around noon. You think the rest of the team will be able to get in then?"

"Angela and I looked over the schedules that the team sent in, and it looks like that should be a good time. Newton will be done with his adventure hike before nine; I know Yorkie doesn't have anything that day until after six. Tyler is free all day and Alice and _Bella_ should be done with the RA introduction meetings by eleven." I put a slight emphasis on one of the names and sure enough he reacted as I expected. A smile showed on his face at the simple mention of her name.

"Perfect. I think I'll order lunch for all of us. We can meet at the lab, give everyone a quick review of responsibilities and the stations and then the food can be here by one."

Angela squeezed my hand then and I looked at her roll her eyes. He already had it bad for her. I turned and scratched my head. "Wow Ed. What the hell happened to you? Usually you aren't this nice to the other members of the team until the semester starts. Not that I'm complaining or anything. Just, what's the deal?"

He would always be a bit rude and more robotic when the year started with the research team. He told me once he did this because he wanted to make sure that the new members would take this seriously. No shenanigans.

"Well, I want to try something different this year. We always seem to replace people at the beginning, so maybe if I started off nice, people wouldn't need to be replaced, and they'd actually do what's expected." He tried to sound convincing, but Ang and I could see through it. He was going to try and impress Bella.

Angela parked the car in front of his house when she spoke, "Or maybe a certain wound-up Neuropsychology professor has a certain fondness for a brunette from Washington?" I could hear his fingers fumble with his seatbelt being caught off guard. I suppressed a laugh.

"I have no clue what you mean there Ang, but I can assure you that I have nothing but a professional respect for all the members of the team." It was my turn to roll my eyes.

"Whatever you say Edward." Angela opened the trunk for him when he got out. I saw he was still holding the bottle of scotch. Someone wasn't finished drinking tonight. When he closed the trunk, he stepped up to my open window.

"Thank you again guys for driving. I want you to drive safe and I will see you at noon on Monday."

"Night Edward." We called out before Angela drove us away.

"I think this semester is going to be quite interesting"

"How long do you think it will take him to grow a pair and make a move?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. I've never seen Edward like this. We are all in new territory here." It was true, no one knew this Edward.

"If he doesn't act on it after a month, I think I'll have to have a talk with him. Man-to-man."

When we pulled into the car port and Angela shut off the car, I leaned over and gave her a sweet kiss on the mouth. I pulled back before I stepped out of the vehicle and I saw she was slightly frowning and she let out a sigh.

"What's wrong babe?" I reached for her hand.

"I just hope he's not a fool and by the time he does make a move, it's not too late. Jasper Hale is already setting up some groundwork. I don't know if Edward would be able to handle it if she started seeing someone else."

"We just have to keep an eye out then, and if anything happens, we'll be able to be there for our friend."

She squeezed my hand tightly. We stepped out of the car and made our way upstairs to the apartment. As she unlocked the door I scooped her up quickly, bridal style.

"Ben! What are you doing?!" She smacked my shoulder as hard as she could, but I could hardly feel it.

"I'm being a good husband, and finally carrying my bride across the threshold." As I walked through the door she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled my face to hers to kiss me.

* * *

**I had a few readers ask me some questions lately and I thought it would be nice for me to share with everyone else.**

**First: How old are the character's in the story.**

**Here is the list of characters so far:  
**

**Bella - 25  
Edward - 32  
Jasper - 29  
Rosalie - 29  
Emmett - 34  
Jacob - 24  
Alice - 23  
Tanya - 23  
Esme - 54  
Carlisle - 56  
Charlie - 54  
Billy - 54  
Ben - 26  
Angela - 26**

**Second: What is the meaning behind the title, _"Breaking the Barrier"?_**

**Well when I started to write, the title was actually in reference to Edward's research neuroscience and hypnosis. When I attended college I was a participant in a hypnosis experiment and the process involved relaxation and required me open my mind to the research team that was conducting the experiment and therefore breaking the barrier I had that guarded my mind from others. However, this story has evolved on it's own and it seems the title covers more barriers then I had originally planned. There's the virginity issue with Bella, the comfort level for Edward with his anxiety, the barrier Bella has up regarding her mother, and finally crossing the lines of professionalism while working with someone you are sexually attracted to.**

**If you have any other questions, please let me know. you can send it in a review or send me a PM. Again thanks for the Reviews and you continuing encouragemnet and support. **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I do not own anything**

**Sorry this update is up late, a lot has gone on this week.**

**Congrats to my BFF, she gave birth to a healthy Baby Girl this week, my friend Penquinn had her birthday too, and then my Internet was down for a while.**

**I hope you like this chapter and I will be getting Edward's Sunday up soon.**

**btw, the email addresses in this chapter are fakes, do not attempt to write them.  
**

* * *

Chapter 10

**BPOV** – Sunday

_His eyes gazed at my lips as I quickly licked them. The immense sense of anticipation we both felt was making my blood boil with lust and any minute I was going to give in and take what I wanted. I stared back into his bright green eyes and completely lost myself. It was too much to hold back and I lunged myself at him. The sex-crazed animal within me was unleashed._

_I crushed my lips hard against his, feeling our teeth hit together through our flesh. His hands held me around the waist and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. As I continued to deepen my kiss, he groaned and it fueled me on more. I opened my mouth a little, and sucked on his bottom lip hard hearing him moan as I nipped at him. I slid my tongue across his still closed mouth, and then he granted me entrance and was intoxicated with him even more. _

_Our tongues tangled together and his hands flew to the back of my head, gripping onto my hair, pressing me closer as he feverishly darted his tongue in and out of my mouth. When we broke apart to catch our breath, my head flew back as assaulted my neck with deep, passionate kisses. His trail followed down my collarbone where he nibbled and made me moan aloud in pleasure. His hand slipped down from my hair to the front of my shirt where he started to unbutton it and the exposure to the open caused my nipples to harden with pleasure._

"_Please, more." I cried as his lips kissed my skin down to my chest where he grazed his hands against my bare breasts._

_His voice was low "Mmmm. So sweet." He slipped his face lower and took my nipple in his mouth and sucked hard. _

_I griped him harder in my hands, digging my fingernails into his shoulders._

"_I want you Isabella, I want you now." He growled._

_I lost it all then; all my inhibition, my sense of self preservation. "Take me Edward. Take me now, I'm yours." I felt his wicked smile on my skin as he continued to nibble on it._

_He kissed me lower and lower on my body. His mouth felt so good that I was already close to my peak and he hadn't even entered me yet. His touch left me burning not only on my exterior, but on the inside as well. All my nerve endings where aflame and the further down he went the more I was getting closer to climaxing. I saw his head of messy bronze hair hovering over my lower body, when he looked up into my eyes, staring deeply._

"_I need you." Was all he said and my eyes rolled back, his words sending me over the edge. I started to see a light overtake my vision, and it grew brighter and brighter. Soon it was too bright and my head was in serious pain. _

It was Sunday morning and the damn sun was hitting my face through the blinds of my dorm room window and my head was pounding as my eyelids finally started to open without my permission.

"Ugh…" I groaned.

Dear God, why did I drink so much last night? I hadn't felt that intoxicated when I came home, when I was in the bath or during my phone conversation with Jacob. Maybe the rush of meeting my Adonis of a mentor masked it all. But here I was with my tongue dry as sandpaper, eyes burning, head pounding and spinning at the same time, and now my stomach was feeling queasy.

"I'm gonna be sick."

I put my hand over my mouth and ran to the toilet as fast as I could, making it there with little difficulty.

It was a good thing I didn't eat so much last night.

When I finished, I flushed the bowl and picked myself off of the floor. My body ached all over.

"Ugh." I said again as I looked in the mirror at the haystack on my head. I must have been tossing and turning a lot after I feel asleep. Well, with a dream like I had just woken from, I was positive I was tossing around a lot.

I brushed my teeth twice and swished some mouth wash which I spat it out in the sink.

Much better.

I figured that taking a shower would be the best way to de-tangle my hair so I quickly rinsed off and conditioned my hair twice for good measure.

I stepped out when I was finished, dried myself off and combed my tangles before I got dressed in my favorite jeans and white tank with a loose plaid shirt I took from Charlie's closet before I left. I helped myself to a few pieces of bread to soak up any remaining alcohol in my body and downed at least two large bottles of water with an aspirin chaser before I decided to check my email.

I had a few emails in my inbox. Two from Charlie, Jake even sent me an email which asked how my flight was that he sent before we spoke last night, and Sue Clearwater sent me an email as well. I deleted all the junk mail and then I saw one addressed to me from a University of Chicago email address. I opened it to read since it was marked as urgent.

_**To: "Mike Newton" (**_**_HikerLvr4Reels _**_**); "Eric Yorkie" (**_**_SuaveTechi2001 _**_**); "Tyler Crowley" (**_**_Fight4CrowleyGirli _**_** ); "Alice Brandon" (**_**_1986fashionPiXi _**_**); "Isabella Swan" (**_**_ForksSwanSong913 _**_** )**_

_**CC: "Ben Cheney" (**_**_BCheney .edu_**_**), "E. Cullen" (**_**_EACullen .edu_**_**)**_

_**From: "Angela Webber-Cheney" (**_**_AWebber .edu_**_**)**_

_**Subj: Research Team Meeting – Urgent**_

_**Attached: **_**_BellaItaliaMenu .doc_**

_**To Our New Research Team,**_

_**Welcome to the start of a brand new semester. I hope that all of you had a wonderful summer and are ready for this next year ahead of you. Dr. Cullen, Ben and I would like to thank you once again for being a part of this year's hypnosis research team. We hope that all of you are as excited as we are to get started and begin to gather data for the research soon.**_

_**At this time, we have scheduled our first team meeting of the year for this Monday at noon in Lab 231 in the Behavioral Sciences Building. This is just an introductory meeting so that we can meet all the members of the team since everyone is finally here and go over the expectations and purpose of the research together. There will also be a quick tour of the lab to familiarize you all with the equipment and computers that will be used during the experiments and research. **_

_**If there has been any changes to your weekly availability, we ask that you please bring those with you to the meeting since Dr. Cullen and I will begin to draw out training and work schedules for everyone this week.**_

_**Also, remember to bring paper and writing tools to take notes to this meeting. Expect tomorrow's meeting to last from 2-3 hours and lunch will be provided. Please take a look at the menu attached to make your selection and send in your order as a reply by 9pm tonight (Sunday).**_

_**If you have any questions, please feel free to contact Dr. Cullen, Ben Cheney or myself and we will be happy to assist.**_

_**We all look forward to seeing every one of you soon.**_

_**Angela Webber-Cheney**_

_**MA, Neuroscience**_

_**University of Chicago**_

**_AWebber .edu_**

_**(877)555-2343**_

I opened the attached menu, and even though my stomach was still a bit unsettled from before, the Italian food listed did sound rather tasty. I quickly picked the mushroom ravioli and sent it as a reply to Angela's email and took another slice of bread to chew on. When I closed out of the browser, my stomach lurched again, but for a different reason then the effects of the alcohol I consumed last night. The man that starred in the most sensual and realistic dream of my entire existence would be in the lab at that meeting. I was seeing Dr. Cullen tomorrow.

I sat in my chair for a while thinking about our brief introduction last night, and how much he affected me. It was not appropriate for me to have the thoughts I did towards him. He was my mentor and was the person in charge of my fellowship, so he was technically my boss, it wasn't right. I shook my head free of the images of me straddling him in an office chair I imagined as his and took another bottle of water out from my fridge while looking around my room.

Before I left Forks, Charlie had told me he was willing to help pay for things I would need that couldn't bring with me on the plane. I could use the credit card I had with me and send him the statements so he could reimburse me . One of those items was a television. I never watched a lot back in Washington, but I thought having ESPN on in the background as I did my studying would help me not be homesick so much. Also, I was supposed to save the money I was given as an allowance through the Cullen Fellowship to help me buy a car out here since I couldn't bring my old truck. It wasn't in the best of shape, and I knew it would have never made the journey all the way out to Chicago in one piece. I told Charlie to find someone to buy it and when he did, to send me the money so I could buy a used car out here.

Besides a TV and a car, I was still in need of a few other items, so I started to make a shopping list. When I finished writing it all down, there was quite a few things I needed but I was sure that I wouldn't be able to carry most of it without someone else's help or vehicle. There were only two people who I had phone number for that lived in Chicago, so I decided to try and see if Alice would like to help me out again, she did ask that I talk with her today about last night, I figured I could do that as we picked up the items I needed. I opened the contact list of my cell phone and hit the send button when I found her name.

After the third ring, "Hel-lo?" her voice sang.

"Hi, Alice? It's Bella Swan, you played Barbie with me yesterday?"

"Bella!!! How are you? Did you have a good time last night? Did they like your dress? I want details! Tell me, tell me, tell me!" I could practically hear her jumping up and down over the phone.

"Last night was pretty good. Uh, Alice? I was wondering if I could ask for a favor from you today." I hated asking anyone for anything. I felt bad when I did.

"As long as it's not to give you my first born child, go ahead and ask."

I laughed, "Well, there are a few more things I need to pick up today for my room, and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind going with me. It involves shopping and I promise to talk about last night's dinner." I was hoping she would say yes.

"Sure thing, just say the word _shopping_ and I'm there! When do you need to go?"

"I can be ready in ten minutes."

I heard the sound of her rummaging through her room for something. "Sure, I'll be right over." She hung up before I could say goodbye.

I was just pulling my hair back into a ponytail when I heard the rapid tapping of Alice on my door.

When I opened it, the smile she was wearing fell and she looked me over from head to toe.

"What are you wearing?" She sounded offended.

I gave myself a once over to make sure there weren't any stains or large holes in my clothing. "What? I used to wear this all the time in Forks, most of my clothes are like this." I bit my lip feeling a bit out of place all of a sudden.

Alice just rolled her eyes. "I guess that's fine for now. But hear me out, you. I will get you out of those logger clothes and into some style soon. It's my duty as your friend to make sure you look hot." She took my arm and pulled me out of my room and waited for me to lock up.

"What do we need to get today, besides a new wardrobe for you?" I rolled my eyes as she bumped her hip against my side which made me almost lose balance.

I pulled out my list that was in my purse and unfolded it. "Let's see. I need a television, a land-line phone, an iron and ironing board, a room fan, a dozen or so note books, some binders, pens and pencils, highlighters, some lamps and I wanted to pick up a plant to put by my window. We don't need to get all of that today, but it's just a few things I noticed I was missing." She nodded and said she was going to pick up a few things too. "Oh and I need local newspaper for the classified section."

"Why do you need to look and the classifieds?"

We both stepped off the elevator and made our way to the front doors. Tanya was sitting behind the desk smacking her gum and looking intently at the computer like she did yesterday. I picked up my pace to reach the exit faster.

I kept my voice low as I told Alice I was saving up to buy a used car once my truck was sold. She told me to check the school newspaper when the semester started because they would occasionally have ads for cars placed by students and faculty members that were usually pretty good deals.

We got in Alice's Porsche and she drove us to Target that was a few blocks away from campus and would have most of what I needed. When she locked up her car, I got a shopping cart and followed her to electronics. The TV would take the longest to pick out.

There were rows and rows of TVs, flat screens, plasma, LCD, large, small and everything else in between.

"Ok, I just need a basic television where I will be able to have some kind of sports on in the background as I study." I told my pixie friend.

A few moments later, Alice was balancing a large box in her hands trying to get it in the cart.

"This is perfect for you. It has a DVD/VHS player built in so you can play videos from the library, it also has picture-in-picture and a whole bunch of fun stuff."

"Um, I don't think I can afford that Alice."

"Sure you can, it was on clearance, and you cannot pass on that deal." She pointed to the price tag on the shelf, and I agreed, it was a pretty good deal, so I just nodded allowing her to put it in the cart. We picked out a phone for my room and then made our way to the house wares section.

"So, you said you would tell me about last night. How did it go?" She was checking out some paintings and framed posters that were close by.

"It was alright. I was so nervous, I only knew one person there, and that was just because he was the one that picked me up from the airport."

"He was the one that drove you there last night, right?" I nodded. "Was he hot? I bet he was. He probably was drooling at you in that dress when you got in the car." She giggled while I blushed.

"He's not that bad to look at." Jasper was rather attractive, and his southern charm was adorable. "He did say I look 'purty'." Alice giggled again and put a poster in the cart. "It was very nice of him to keep me company. He hardly left me alone which was somewhat comforting. I have a hard time meeting a lot of new people at one time." I admitted.

"Did you meet Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his wife? I've always wanted to meet them. He's sort of famous on Campus, with being a large benifactor to many programs." we moved to the next aisle where the lamps were.

"Yes, they are so nice and warm. Not what I had expected, which was a good thing. Esme even lent me a book from their library when she took me on a tour of the estate."

I was looking at a set of three different sized lamps when I was taken off guard by Alice's next question.

"Did you get a chance to meet Dr. Edward Cullen too?" She played with an antique looking lamp that had a rodeo horse as the base.

"Um yes. Yes I did. He was really… Nice. We talked for a little bit." My face flushed again as I picked up the lamp set and put it in the cart that was almost full already.

"He's gorgeous, isn't he. A bit too quiet and shy for me, but very sexy especially for an older man. Hell I would take him if I was given the chance. It's a shame he's faculty and I'm a student." My mouth slightly opened in shock at her comment.

"He's a nice looking man." I swallowed hard and started to push the cart away.

"What's wrong?" Alice stood next to me, her hand on my back trying to comfort me.

"I… I just kind of embarrassed myself in front of him last night is all. I had a bit too much to drink because I was nervous to be there and fell a lot, being the klutz that I am. He probably thinks I'm a drunken idiot and should have never been given the fellowship." I bit my lip, thinking of the multiple times I fell last night, especiailly on Dr. Cullen himself.

" I bet he doesn't. He was probably as intoxicated too. From what I hear he hates to be around a lot of people as well, and is known to avoid them or just drink a lot. But that's just something I've heard."

I didn't believe Alice when she said that Edward Cullen was quiet and shy before, and now I seriously thought people were making up too many lies about him. Dr, Cullen was not like that at all when we met last night. He was nice and I thought friendly. He spoke to me just fine, making me a speechless and a bumbling, rambling idiot. He didn't appear to be intoxicated from what I could tell because he never stumbled when I fell into his warm comforting arms after he shot me that leg weakening smile of his. Just thinking of that smile now made me warm all over and I sighed heavily.

"Hello??? Earth to Bella. Are you there?" Alice's hands waved in front of my eyes and I heard her musical laugh.

I noticed I was standing in the middle of the aisle and other customer were grumbling complaints as they walked around me.

"Oh, sorry. Spaced out a moment." I quickly started to walk again.

"Did something else happen last night that you aren't telling me?"

"No, nothing. Just had a great dinner, too much alcohol, and almost fell out of my dress in front of the man I will be working with for the next three years."

"Ha! I bet Dr. Cullen liked that."

I was so embarrassed I had let that slip. Damn it Bella! Watch what you say around people. Stupid word vomit.

"I was so mortified. I can just imagine him regretting giving me fellowship because of my behavior."

We had made our way to office supplies and the cart was so full of items when we were finished, it was hard to see over it as we made our way to the checkout counter.

Thankfully we were able to get everything in Alice's car and we agreed to have a quick lunch at a café near campus before heading back.

She ordered a grilled chicken honey mustard salad and I asked for a burger and fries. While we waited for our food we took turns asking about each other's life. Alice was from New York, only daughter of a Wall Street broker and a well know interior designer. She didn't have a lot of friends growing up and spent most of her time with her mother or with her nanny that would take her shopping quite often. She decided to attend the University of Chicago to study marketing and added psychology as a second major after taking a few courses for some of her prerequisites. Last year she took Dr. Cullen's Developmental Psychology class and he had asked her to join his research team which she happily agreed to take. He was her favorite professor, and not because of his looks. She was a resident advisor like me, only she was in the all-female hall next to mine. We had a meeting tomorrow morning with all the resident hall directors and she told me that we could sit together then, which I agreed to.

When the food arrived, I told Alice more about my life between bites of food. About my father raising me after my mother had passed, Jake and I growing up and how we had dated and were engaged for a week before we both decided to just be friends. She asked if I had a picture of him and I opened my cell phone to show her one I had of him that I took on the Fourth of July, his mouth stuffed with a hot dog.

"That's hot." she chuckled and handed me back the phone.

I told her about me decision to come back to school and get my Master's in Neuropsychology and the work I did at the counseling centers. The conversation was easy between us and I was having a really good time in her company. I never had any real girl friends growing up since I usually hung out with Jake and the rest of the La Push boys. Alice was truly my first girl friend, and I liked that.

When we got back into the car to get back to campus, Alice asked me if I was thinking about asking Jasper out.

"I don't think so Alice. He's nice and attractive and all, but I still new to being single, also I just moved here and have a lot of work in store for me with school and all. I wouldn't have enough time to date. I think maybe we'll go out just as friends when there is time, but nothing more than that." The entire time I said this I was picturing Edward. Hugging him, kissing him, being alone with him and never letting go. "I need to focus on me right now." I shook my head trying to clear it. Alice huffed in disappointment but dropped the topic.

When we had unloaded her car and set up everything in my room, It was almost 5pm. I was a little tired, but mostly I was wound up. I was anxious about tomorrow and worried about seeing him again. Alice asked me what I was doing for dinner tonight and I told her I was just going to make a sandwich and go to bed early. She reminded me to meet up with her before the RA meeting tomorrow morning and said goodnight before she left.

After I ate my turkey sandwich, I laid down on top of my bed and stared at the ceiling. Thinking about all that had happened in the last few days. I had traveled across most of the country and was in a strange and new beautiful city. I had made two new friends already and was happy that I wouldn't have to worry about not making any. I was attending one of the best Master's program for neuropsychology in the states, and would be involved in a fascinating research experiment in hypnosis with one the world renowned neuropsychology, Dr. Edward Cullen.

It seemed like evey time I did or said anything today, I would think of him and our brief time from the previous night and when I would, my mind would be thrown in a sea of images of him.

I turned my head to look at my alarm clock as it glowed _6:22pm_ and saw the copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ Esme Cullen had lent to me. The one I had misplaced. The book that Edward Cullen had found and handed to me after I had run him over. The reason we final met the way we did. My stomach flipped.

I needed to get out of the room at that moment. I needed to clear my head for an extended amount of time. I stood up and quickly took out my jogging clothes. Although I was a clumsy a majority of the time, jogging never seemed to be affected and it would always help me when I needed a distraction. I slipped into my sports bra, a fitted tank and my running capri pants. I laced up my running shoes, put my iPod in my runner's arm cuff and fixed my pony tail before I locked up my room and took the flight of stairs to warm up. When I got outside I stretched a little and put the ear buds in place.

Although I was still not familiar with the campus, I decided to stick to jogging around the perimeter, knowing that I would probably not get lost by just following the my way around the buildings. I made it to the sidewalk by the campus main entrance I had recognized from the times I had driven through with Alice and Jasper. The surface of the walk was fairly flat as my feet hit the cement with each step. I focused on staring straight ahead of me and the beat of the music on my playlist, matching my strides to it.

I reached the first corner and turned right again. The jog was very helpful. I thought of nothing most of the time, which was a godsend.

Every once and a while I would look up at the structures I passed, my jaw open in wonder. Jasper was right, they were truly exquisite to look at. It surprised me that I only had one close call of eating it when I tripped over crack in the cement halfway around the circuit. I was almost an hour later and I was approaching the main entrance again. My jog had done what I wanted it to do. It took my mind off him. I smiled and turned my iPod to slower music as I slowed into a light walk when I was almost at the entrance.

I turned into the campus and began to walk back to my hall. The sun was setting and the lights around campus where starting to turn on. My residence hall was across the street as I made it to the crosswalk nearby. A silver car pulled up to the stop sign and waited for me to cross then. I noticed it was a nice car too.

During my time with Jacob I had come to appreciate cars more. It was only natural since Jake spent a majority of his time talking about what came into the shop daily. Occasionally we would go to car shows in the Seattle area and he taught me a lot about engines and I was well versed in how to take care of myself if my truck ever decided to break down on me. Because of this, I would always take my time looking at cars I found to be attractive. I looked at the make of the car that was waiting for me now, a Volvo C30. It looked like a fairly new year model. As I was getting closer to being in front of the car at the crosswalk I looked over some more of the details I could make. I wouldn't mind owning one myself someday, but I could never afford it. I was just about to look back to my hall to finish crossing when a flash of a familiar crooked smile behind the steering wheel caused me to stumble a little then freeze in the middle of the road.

Dr. Edward Cullen was the driver. I stared dumbly at him and saw him chuckle and give a slight wave at me. I felt numb all over and quickly realized that I probably looked like my brain dropped out of my head. Which it had, figuratively. Snapping out of the trance his smile put me in, I gave a wave back and bolted out of the road and ran the entire way up the front stairs of my building, through the lobby, passing the elevator and taking the stairs as fast as I could. I hurriedly opened the door to my room and flung myself onto my bed. I pulled a pillow over my face and screamed in frustration. My little jog that I thought would help turned out to make things even more complicated.

There were a few things that were very clear in my mind at that moment. One, my attraction to Dr. Cullen was so strong it let me unable to think when I was even close to him. Two, I would be forced to spend a lot of time in his presence since I was on his research team and would be his TA. Third, I would never be able to pursue anything with him because of his position on campus. And Finally, not being able to do so with the feelings I had for him was complete and utter torture.

It was times like these I wish I could talk to my mother. When I was younger, she would always help me with anything, giving me advice with a hug and a kiss on my head to make me feel better. In my young eyes it always seemed that she could do anything in the world, even solve world hunger. She was the best thing that this world had to offer for me. After she passed away, it was hard for me to open up fully to anyone. Even though Jake was my best friend, I could never tell him everything and Charlie and I never really had deep conversations unless it was about baseball.

Having no one to talk to about these types of situations, I kept a journal that I would write in that kept all of my thoughts, concerns, my fears, and my hopes. I wrote in it when I needed to, but I would always write like I would if I was writing to my mother. It was silly, but it would always soothed me once I finished.

I got up from my bed and took the journal that I had since junior high off the bookshelf and started to write.

_Mom,_

_I really need you today. I am so confused and lost that I wish you were here with your guidance. I made it to Chicago yesterday. I finally made the move to do something for me. Charlie is sad that I had to go so far, but I know that he understands that this is good for me. I know you would be proud too, all my hard work in high school and college paid off and I have the opportunity of a lifetime. It's so beautiful here, you would love it. _

_I made two friends so far. My very first day, in fact. Jasper Hale is a architect from Texas, he's new to Chicago like me. I know you would appreciate his southern drawl, it makes me laugh every time he talks. He helped pick me up from the airport and took me to the department dinner. He was such a gentleman and I look forward to his company in the future. My other new friend, Alice Brandon is something else, but I do mean that in the best possible way. She loves to shop and is so full energy that it rubs off on me. She's the first real girl friend I have made, and it feels nice. I'll be working with her on the research team along with attending RA meetings together. Maybe she can come to Forks one holiday, I think she'll scare the crap out of Charlie with her persoballity, they are polar opposites it's rather humorous._

_I'm excited to start my work with the hypnosis research I told you about, but I am also very confused which is why I wish you could be here to help with your advice. The man in charge of the program, Dr. Edward Cullen, is very smart man. I met him last night at the dinner and he was very nice to me, even though I was a complete and utter fool around him. See, Mom, there is something about him that affects me. I have never met anyone like him. There are feelings I have that I cannot recognize every time I see him. I can't breathe, my heart pounds and my mind goes completely blank of all intellectual thought. I don't know what to do, and it scares me. I have to work with him several times during the week and in the lab for the next few years, and I don't know if I can handle it. He's my mentor for my thesis, and when I can process any information in my brain, all I want to do is kiss him. I know I can't because it would not be professional, but I keep thinking about it. I just wish you were here mom. I know you would help me and would tell me everything will be fine._

_There is a meeting tomorrow with the entire research team, including Dr. Cullen. When it is done, I promise to write you and let you know how it went._

_I love you mom, and miss you more each day._

_Bella_

I closed my journal and wiped the tears that streaked my face when I finished writing. After I put my journal away, I took a long shower and quickly got ready for bed. It was around 9pm when I was under the covers in the dark, unable to fall asleep just yet. I stared at the ceiling some more as if it held the solution to my situation, but was left with disappointment. I was praying that I would make it through tomorrow with little difficulty. I shut my eyes unwillingly and drifted off to sleep, unfortunately meeting Edward in my dreams again.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I do not own anything.**

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Chapter 11

**EPOV – **Sunday

"Mmmmm." I stretched my arms out with a smile as I woke up Sunday morning. It was the first time in the better part of a decade that I woke up happy. It felt like I had been living someone else's life and now I was finally me, in the moment and I liked it. Amazing how the world can turn itself on its ear after one, seemingly perfect chance meeting.

I sat in my bed, scratching my hair as I thought about the events of last night. Looking back, I had to laugh at my initial apprehension for the evening. I was scared shitless about being there with all those people, and I would have given anything to cancel. Thankfully, I was a good son and chose to go. Otherwise we would have never met the way we did. It wasn't probably the best way to meet for the first time, but I would never ask to have it differently.

Pulling myself out of my memories, I climbed out of my bed, quickly re-made it and then strolled into the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. I dressed comfortably in a light gray sweater and khakis when I was finished and gathered my other clothes from the bathroom floor along with my dress shirt from last night and my sheets. I carried the laundry down the stairs to the washer and sorted out the loads. Before I placed the shirt form last night in the machine, I caught a faint scent of something familiar. I brought the shirt closer to my nose and inhaled. Strawberries and freesia. It was her. I stood there clutching that shirt to my face taking hit after hit of the scent, arousing and soothing me simultaneously. I was never going to wash this shirt.

When all the laundry was in, besides my now favorite shirt, I added the detergent and the fabric softener and started the wash. I made my way to the kitchen and put together a quick breakfast of coffee, eggs, sausage and toast. I read the comics section of the newspaper as I ate my food. Oh Marmaduke, you really crack me up.

I cleaned my dishes in the sink when I was done and then placed them in the dishwasher.

I made a quick call to Angela and asked her to send out an email to the team about the meeting tomorrow at noon and that I decided to have lunch provided by my favorite Italian restaurant, Bella Italia. I heard a slight laugh from Angela after I gave her the name and thought nothing of it. I told her she could find a menu online to send with her email so everyone could pick out something they would like and I would order some breadsticks and a desert. I wanted everyone to have their order in by 9pm tonight and I will place the order in the morning. After we hung up I decided it would hurt to watch some TV before my appointment today.

I flipped through the channels with no specific intent for any programs and ended up settling on the sports recap of the Mariner's game from the previous night. I wasn't a fan of any particular team, but I always had a fondness for baseball since I was little. When the show concluded, I ran upstairs to get my wallet and my cell before heading out the door with my keys to head out to Dr. Liam's office.

For the last few years I had gone to Dr. Liam for my… issues. He was an older man, probably a little older than Carlisle, with white hair and thick reading glasses. I started attending therapy sessions with him right after received my Master's and he was more than willing to work with my availability by holding our appointments on Sundays so they would not conflict with my speaking obligations. I was his only patient for that day.

When I pulled up the familiar brownstone office, I wasn't hesitant to walk in today as I had been in the past. I never had too much difficulty opening up to Dr. Liam, but I was still very cautions around him. It was always difficult for me to be completely open with my feelings and thoughts with everyone, let alone someone who analyzes everything you say and tells you what the fuck is messed up in your head.

I opened the door to the office and saw him sitting behind his desk, waiting for me.

"Morning Dr. Liam." I smiled at him as I slid into my chair.

He pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose as he took in my obvious change of demeanor.

"Good morning Edward. You look like you are having a good day so far." He stood and took a notepad with him as he sat the chair close to me and started to write immediately.

"Yes, well, I have been feeling a bit better than usually lately." _Extremely better, unbelievably better._ I felt a slight twitch of a smile I tried to hold back.

"Well, would care to discuss what has brought on this change." He had a bemused look and he crossed his legs waiting for my response.

Best to just dive on in I guess.

I looked around his office, gathering my thoughts I was going to share with him. I saw a picture of Dr. Liam and his wife Siobhan and daughter Maggie in front of some building and the look of pure joy he had on his face in their embrace. I knew what feeling that caused his look. It was the same feeling I felt last night when the angel fell into my arms.

"Last night I attended the department dinner that my parents throw every year. I never liked going to them since there are always too many people asking me too many questions and I usually feel trapped. I have enough stress already with the meetings I attend two weeks before the semester starts, the dinner just makes it a bit more… challenging."

"These sorts of situations have caused your attacks in the past, correct?" He looked up from his notes at me.

"Yes, usually I have to excuse myself from the evening before dinner even starts or I tend to over indulge myself in alcohol." I heard the scratching of his pen as I looked at my hands fidgeting with each other.

"You said usually when you spoke of the dinner party. Was there something different that happened last night?"

_I'd say there was._ "Yes. I was still very nervous before my friends Angela and Ben drove me to my parent's estate. I had taken my medicine to prepare, and even that didn't seem to feel like any help when we arrived right before the dinner service started." I let out a sigh; I was getting close to the revelation for my change.

"Go on." He urged

"Well, we got there after the cocktail hour and everyone had settled in for dinner at the tables in the dining hall." I took a deep breath. "I had just found my seat and was making away across the room to get to it when…" I didn't know why I stopped.

"When what? Edward. What happened?" He stopped writing and leaned forward waiting for my response. "Did you have a panic attack?" He looked concerned.

"No, uh, not really. I did have a _moment_ of sorts but, well, thing is… I saw someone and it sort of, how should I say this? Um, it sort of rattled me." I looked down and felt heat in my cheeks. I was having a hard time formulating complete sentences.

"Was this _someone_ a female, per chance?" He sat back up in his chair and started to write faster now.

"Yes." My answer was just about a whisper.

"I see. Where you attracted to this woman?"

There was an uncomfortable silence before I answered. "Yes, very much so."

"Tell me what you felt exactly."

"It's hard to describe exactly. I only had a quick glimpse at her, but my insides had this strange sensation in them. I felt like my body was on fire and I couldn't breathe, but not the same way I have a hard time breathing with my attacks. I thought that it was just a weird side effect of the Xanex, but I had never felt this way before. She was beyond a doubt, the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. After that sight of her, I was so in shock that I didn't remember when I reached my seat."

"Interesting. What happened next?"

"Well, I kept thinking about her throughout the dinner. I didn't know who she was or who she was with and I found myself looking around the room for her, ignoring my family's conversation at the table."

Dr. Liam laughed suddenly as he wrote. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Sorry, please, go on. "

"Ok, so my father finally snapped me out of my distraction when he started to talk about the Cullen Fellowship Recipient who was supposed to be at the dinner. I hadn't met who I chose for the position yet, and I was expecting to meet her that night, which I was afraid I wouldn't be able too with my nerves earlier."

I paused allowing the doctor to catch up with his notes.

"When my father told me where the recipient, Ms. Swan, was sitting, I kind of lost it. see... she was the woman that I saw when I arrived. I was thrown completely off guard I practically ran out of the room."

"Where did you go?"

"I went outside and sat behind the old greenhouse on the property. I had to get out of there. I was upset, confused, angry, and excited all at once and I needed to get out of the house."

"Why?"

"Since Ms. Swan was selected for the fellowship, she would be required to spend a lot of time working with me on the research I am conducting and she would be my teacher's assistant for one of my classes. I would be with her so often, I was scared that I would not be able to control myself because, well… because all I thought about was kissing her. I imagined her on my bed, and kissing every inch of her, and it scared me." I would have said more, but I wanted to keep those thoughts private to myself.

"It's not appropriate because I'm also her mentor for her Master's thesis. I mean, not totally wrong, or illegal, but it would not be professional." I was so embarrassed for saying that, because now it was out there, someone else knew. I buried my face in my hands and inhaled deeply, calming myself down because those images of her on my bed invaded my mind again.

"Mmhmm. Very interesting." He smiled as he wrote now. "What happened after you went outside?"

"My friend, Ben, came out to check on me. He probably thought I had a panic attack and wanted to make sure I wasn't running for the hills or anything. To be honest, I thought I was going to have one too, but not for the usual reasons. He wasn't very helpful because he kept speaking about Ms. Swan and asking if I met her yet since she would be on the research team with both of us. And then," I sighed. "I just gave up."

"Gave up? What do you mean by that?"

"I figured it would be any help to me to just hide from this. I would be seeing her almost every day when the semester started anyways so it would be pointless. I sort of wished that I wouldn't have to see her again that night, but that wasn't in the cards for me. We were literally thrown together when we met not soon after I got back inside the estate."

"Really? Tell me what happened when you finally met in person." He was sounding extremely interested.

"I was returning a book I found downstairs to the library when she ran into me and knocked me on the floor. I thought she was a hallucination from hitting my head on the floor so hard." Dr. Liam laughed again, but I continued. "When we concluded there was no major damage to either of us, we spoke for a little while before she left. She didn't talk a lot, even after I tried asking her questions."

"Hmmm." He wrote something down. I was going to ask what he was amused by, but he didn't give me a chance.

"When you concluded your conversation, how did you feel?"

"Like _me_, how I had felt before, well, before my nerves got the best of me. I wanted to converse with her more. I wanted to know everything about her life. Her likes, dislikes, how she takes her coffee, everything. I felt more comfortable than I have in years, it was scary and exciting and I wanted more. When I shook Bella's hand goodnight, I never wanted to let go. And when I left, it was difficult and I felt sad that I wouldn't see her until tomorrow." Tomorrow, it seemed so far away and so close at the same time. I wish today would just end already.

"Have you been taking the Xanex regularly?" His question broke me from my thoughts.

"Um yes, wait, shoot I forgot to take it this morning." I never forgot. It was almost like clockwork that when I would get up I would take one after brushing my teeth, but not today.

I continued going over what happened the previous week, the different conferences I had been invited to already and my anxiety about the meeting with the trustees. Finally the hour was over.

"Edward, I would like you to try and stay regular with taking the prescription for now. Next week, I think week should discuss possibly lessening the dosage, but for now stay with what I prescribed. I'd also like you to let me know how this week goes for you with your meetings and of course any situations that come up with this Ms. Swan." I nodded my head.

"If anything happens and you need to speak with me, you have my cell and office number. Call. Don't put it off for our session on Sunday, if you need to talk, call me right away." He was finishing up his notes on the pad of paper, there had to have been at least ten pages full of his handwriting.

"Thank you Dr. Liam, I will. Until next time." I shook his hand and exited the office.

When I was in my car, I noticed it was close to noon and that my mother would be home from church and would be having lunch soon. On a whim, I called to ask if I could join her today.

She was more than thrilled to have me over. I stopped at a florist that was open and picked up a bouquet of Sterling Roses, which were her favorite. Esme always wanted to grow some of her own but hadn't been successful the last few years.

When I rang the bell at the estate, the door flung open so fast and my mother rushed to hug me immediately.

"Oh Edward, darling. I'm so happy to see you so soon already." She held me close.

"Mom, it's good to see you too. Now I can't breathe and you are ruining your flowers."

"Oh, sorry." She stepped back and I saw her wipe a tear away. It made me sad to think that I hardly came over that much to visit. I decided right then I would remedy that. "While I am thrilled that you wanted to come over, I do have to ask why?"

"Why do I need a reason to be with my mother who I love so dearly?" I handed her the roses as we walked to the dining room which had gone back to its daily arrangement. The long table in the middle of the room and the serving tables around the walls. Three places were set, meaning my father would be joining us. "I also thought it would be a good way for me to apologize for missing drinks last night."

"Oh, there is no need. I understand, you were being a good friend to Ben and Angela and helping them. They are such a lovely couple. When I heard they finally married, I said to Carlisle, it was about time."

I laughed, "I said the exact same thing." I pulled out her chair for her to sit.

"Are you feeling better today? You didn't look well last night during dinner." Maria entered from the kitchen with a pitcher of water in one hand and a bottle of white wine for my mother.

"I am. What a difference a good night's sleep makes." I smiled and then thanked Maria when she filled my water goblet.

Carlisle entered the room and joined us then.

"Edward! What a nice surprise to have you for lunch. How are you feeling?" He sat down in his chair as Maria filled his water goblet.

"Good, just got back from my session with Dr. Liam and decided I would crash your lunch." I laughed and my parents both looked at each other questioning my behavior silently.

Carlisle spoke, "Well, it's nice to have your company. What did you think of the dinner last night?"

Our food was being served, a nice spring salad to start.

"I enjoyed myself; the food was delicious as always mom." I took a few bites.

"It was rather good this year, wasn't it?. If I hadn't sent the leftovers with the Cheney's, Bella or you, we would probably be having it for dinner tonight." I laughed thinking of my mother having leftovers for dinner.

This was the most I had laughed in quite some time.

"You said you met Ms. Swan last night, Edward. Do you think she will be able to fit in with the research team?" My father asked.

"I think she will defiantly be an asset. She is very intelligent, and you read her application, right?" He nodded as he ate. "I have no doubt we will see her published in a journal one day. The whole team is meeting tomorrow for a quick introduction and a tour of the lab. So I hope she doesn't feel too overwhelmed. I'll make sure she is ok when I have lunch delivered for everyone."

"Lunch? You are providing lunch for the team?" I nodded to my mother. "That is very sweet of you. I'm sure they will appreciate that." She took my hand and gave it a squeeze while my father had a questioning look.

I looked back down at my food and changed the topic. We spoke about Emmett's impending marriage to Rosalie, my mother's plan for a gardening club party soon before it would be too cold for her roses, and my father planning on a trip to Oxford in October where he was asked to participate in a week long seminar.

"That sounds nice. Are you joining him over there, mom?"

"Yes, I plan on visiting some friends that moved to Kensington little while ago. I also wanted to visit some galleries for some new pieces. I'm planning on redecorating some of the guest rooms."

"I can't wait to see the final product. Everything you do is beautiful." It was true. My mother could do no wrong with her sense of décor.

I told them how Dr. Liam said that we would discuss decreasing my Xanex dosage and both Carlisle and Esme were thrilled to hear that, saying they did notice that there was a change about me.

When lunch concluded I decided to stay for a while afterwards. Esme showed me the rooms she was planning to redo, one was where Grandma Masen would stay for her visits, covered in millions of roses on the walls and frills on the curtains. The other was what I used to call the jungle book room. The walls had been painted dark green and several fake plants lined the room. A portrait of a Black Panther hung on the wall opposite of the giant windows which reminded me of Bagheera from the Disney movie. When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time looking at the handsome feline waiting to strike her prey. I would be sad to see it change, but I realized that with time, everything changes and it's a fact that we all needed to accept.

After looking at the rooms, we all ended up in the library, and I couldn't help myself from smiling when I remembered the last time I was in this room. I would forever love this room no matter where ever I would go. I looked over to the bookshelf where the Austin novels sat and my smile grew wider. I found my mother looking at me amused.

"What are you smiling about, dear?" She walked over and took my left arm and hand in hers.

"I was just thinking how much I like that painting in here, that's all." I pointed to the anniversary gift I gave them over the summer.

"Yes, well, it's a perfect fit where it's at." I could see the double meaning in her sentiment. The hour was growing later and I realized that dinner would be served, and while I would love to have joined them, I wanted to get back home soon.

My mother asked when I planned on visiting again. I told her I wasn't sure, but hopefully soon. I was planning to be around more often. I hugged both of my parents goodbye and waved to them as I drove away.

I was almost home when I remembered that I wanted to go over my notes for the meeting with the board of trustees in the morning but I had left them in my office on Friday. I turned my car around to the direction of campus. I was nervous about that meeting with the board, it was important because a majority of the funding for research would need to be approved by them. The feeling of panic of that meeting was dulled with the sense of anticipation for my team meeting later on at noon.

I was turning the corner to the main street in order to get to the campus; it was pretty empty this time of night. That wouldn't be the case once the semester began though. There would be the traffic of students coming back from their weekend jaunts.

The entrance to campus was around the corner now and I was getting ready to signal my turn when I saw a female jogger take a spill and she almost fell into the street. I had a brief moment of concern but thankfully the she was able to right herself. I laughed when I saw the woman hold her head and shake it; obviously she hadn't been paying attention.

I finally drove on to campus and over to the Behavioral Sciences building. I couldn't stop myself from looking at the residence hall that was across the way. It was Bella's building; I remembered she told me that she was placed as an RA there. I wondered which floor and room she was on and if her window happened to face the Behavioral Sciences building or not.

I finally made it to my office and saw my notes lying on the desk.

I wasn't in too much of a hurry to get home; no one was waiting for me anyways, so I figured I would check my email while I was here to see if the food orders were in yet. I had one hour left until they were due, but it was worth a shot.

Once my inbox was opened, there were a few emails from different speaking engagements, one from Emmett that looked like a chain letter her forwarded, and two from Angela. One was the email she sent this morning about the meeting for tomorrow and the second was her email with everyone's lunch order.

**To: "E. Cullen" ()**

**From: "Angela Webber-Cheney" ()**

**Subj: Lunch Orders**

**Edward,**

**First of all I have to say I find the name of the restaurant sort of interesting, smooth move there. **

**Anyways, everyone responded to the email. Tyler Crowley said that there may be a chance he will be a few minutes late, something about a impromptu football meeting, but he will be there, and everyone else was fine with the time.**

**Here are the food orders:**

**Mike – Eggplant Parmesan**

**Tyler – Fettuccini Alfredo **

**Eric – Three Cheese Lasagna **

**Alice – Chicken Marsala**

**Ben – Spaghetti and Meatballs**

**Angela – Spaghetti and Meatballs**

**Bella – Mushroom Ravioli ****:)  
**

**Don't forget the breadsticks and the desert! Ben and I will pick up some waters and sodas so don't worry about that.**

**Hope you had a good Sunday, and I'm sure you are excited for the meeting tomorrow, just like Ben and I are.**

**See you soon Ed.**

**Ang.**

I was confused for a moment with Angela saying it was an interesting choice of name for the restaurant and with the smiley face beside Bella's order. But after a moment I understood everything. Her comments in the car last night, the looks between her at Ben when they dropped me off, and now the email.

They knew.

I wasn't so successful at hiding myself from them last night as I thought.

Crap. I'm going to hear about this from the both of them. I cradled my head in my hand with embarassment.

I printed off the email shut off my computer and picked up the note cards. When my office was locked up, I made my way to my car. I started the engine and put on the CD that was currently in the stereo and let the classical music wash over me. Debussy always calmed me.

It was finally dark outside as the campus lights were turning on. I pulled out of the parking lot and onto the campus road that separated the Behavioral Sciences building form Bella's dorm. There was a stop sign in front of the building and someone was about to cross, so I waited for them tapping my fingers in the wheel intime to the music. I noticies the pedestrian looked like the jogger I had seen earlier. Capri running pants, a fitted tank top, iPod in a runner's cuff, chestnut hair pulled back in a pony tail. And then I realized I recognized that hair.

Her exposed skin had a slight sheen of sweat that glistened in the street lights, her face was slightly red from her exercise, but Bella was as beautiful as ever when she came closer. I noticed her eyes were in the direction of my car, but she wasn't looking at me. She was checking out the car, and I saw a smile spread on her face. She liked my ride. The woman had good taste. She was walking right in the very front of the vehicle when I saw her eyes trail up taking in more of the details and I smiled in anticipation, she would see me soon.

I knew when she saw me because she tripped and froze in the middle of the road. IShe was caught offgaurd. She was staring now at me, and all I could do was laugh at her expression. She looked shocked, embarrassed and confused; it was the most adorable thing to see.

She didn't move from the street and continued to stare at me. I decided to take some action so I waved at her. That shook her from where ever her head was at. Her face flushed deep red as she waved back at me quickly and then she was gone. I saw her run the rest of the way into her dorm. I was free to drive on, but I waited there in the road at the crosswalk. I waited and looked up at her building. A minute later a light on the third floor turned on and I released a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. The rest of the hall looked empty and dark so I assumed that was her room.

It was a good thing that there was hardly anyone on campus tonight; otherwise they would have been very upset being stuck behind me. I finally convinced myself to go home after a few minutes of watching her window. No need to be a stalker, she would be working with me practically everyday now.

When I pulled into my driveway and shut off the engine I sat my head back against the head rest. Today had been completely unexpected but I was happy with that.

I had gone all day without taking my medicine which I had never done since I started taking it about eight years ago. I would need to be sure and take one before bed so as to not have any attacks in the morning during my meetings.

Lunch with Esme and Carlisle was very enjoyable. I hadn't visited them as often as they would have liked for a few years which I knew they didn't like, but I had my own personal reasons. I always felt that I was under constant evaluation by them. It wasn't like I felt they thought badly about me, I just never liked them pitying me. Ever since my episode after receiving my Bachelor's it was difficult for me to see the sadness in their eyes. My father was able to conceal his more over time, but Esme, she wore her heart on her sleeve. Today was a new change in that. I didn't feel the sadness and pity from them like usual, what I saw today was more or less hope. Hope that I was getting better, that the change they noticed was good.

Of course the best part of the day was twenty minutes ago. I had been wishing all day for Monday to arrive faster just so I would be able to see Bella sooner. I knew that she would make that day well worth going through, but there she was tonight. Sweaty from her run, but still as beautiful as she was when she was dressed up the night before, opposoite ends of the spectrum but both breathtaking.

As I walked into my bedroom I pictured her face in my mind when she realized I was in the car. It was something I would never allow myself to forget. I stored that image in my mind, it was never going anywhere.

I pulled out Angela's email I printed out earlier from my back pocket and put in on my night stand.

Quickly sheding my clothes down to just my boxers, I made my way to the bathroom sink and brushed my teeth. I wasn't tired form the long day I had, but it would be best to get some sleep with all that was happening tomorrow. I swallowed my Xanex and returned to my bed, sliding in comfortably between the sheets then setting my alarm clock.

I picked up the email with everyone's order and read it through again one final time before I put it back in it's place and shut off the light.

Before I let myself fall asleep, I let out a soft laugh, "Figures, she's choose my favorite dish."

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**So next chapter is Monday, the big research team meeting. I'm excited for it. Let me know if you are too!**

**Thank you everyone!  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I am so sorry this is late getting out. Went out of town with Penquinn to Sedona.**

**Thankfully she did help me with some ideas for this chapter, since I let her read the first draft. **

**She was also lucky to be privy to what will happen for the rest of the story. So don't hate her.  
**

**I will try and work on more chapters for next weekend. Thank you for reading!**

**I do not own anything related to the Twilight Series.  
**

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Chapter 12

Monday

**7:00am – EPOV**

My alarm clock went off and just like yesterday, I woke happily, and looking forward to a majority of my day with some excitement. I was still nervous about meeting with the board members, but I quickly pushed all thoughts of that aside and began my morning routine to get ready.

After reliving myself and brushing my teeth, I took a quick shower, not even waiting to be completely rinsed of the suds before turning the water off. I was in such a rush to be done. I toweled myself dry and made my way to my dresser to pick up a pair of clean boxers and slid them on. I now stood in front of my closet and for the first time in my life I drew a blank on what to wear. I usually just took any suit that happened to clean and was the least wrinkled. Today was different. I felt like I needed to make a good impression, and lied to myself that I wanted to impress the board, and absolutely no one else.

Finally after a couple of minutes staring into the void of the closet, I took out the dark brown three-piece suit I hadn't worn in many years. In the past, my mother used to tell me I looked "quite dapper" when I wore it, and I do admit, it had its own classic charm. I placed it on the bed then went to retrieve a crisp white collared shirt, my brown leather belt and dark blue neck tie.

I dressed and I was soon back in the bathroom doing my best to tame my unruly hair with little success. When I was somewhat pleased, I took a moment to look over my suit once more to make sure I looked fine. Suddenly, I realized the color of the vest I wore reminded me of the color I saw when I looked into her eyes and at that moment, I couldn't breathe.

I thought I was having an attack. I shut my eyes and meditated on my place of serenity. I saw the black, the void, but instead of the darkness of space I was so used to seeing, a heavenly glow appeared and my own personal angel filled my serenity. Her doe eyes looking at me under her eyelashes and her hair was swirling around her face with the force of a light wind. I shook my head to clear my mind; she was invading my serenity, though she was so beautiful, I was more shaken then before. I saw my bottle of Xanex on the counter. Dr. Liam said I needed to keep taking them, and today was not the day to forget. I popped the lid off, took one of the pills, then slipped the bottle in the pocket of my vest; I would need it for later.

I left the bathroom, picking up my wallet, cell phone, the lunch orders, and walked down the stairs to the kitchen. My calm and excitement I felt when I first woke up was now starting to subside and my nerves were beginning to show. I skipped my usual quick breakfast and decided to get an early start to campus. Why put off the inevitable? Rushing out, I grabbed my briefcase in the hall and my keys before I made my way through the front door and locked it behind me.

"Here we go. It's going to be fine." I reassured myself.

I had no recollection of the drive from my townhouse to campus because the only thing I remember is I put my keys in the ignition and then I was immediately making my way to my office. I made it there in record time before 8am. As I reached the front doors of the building, I fought the urge to look behind me at the residence hall

**8:00am – BPOV**

My alarm went off and my heart nearly popped out of my chest.

"Jesus Fucking Christ!" I swatted at the screeching to put it on snooze and then fell back to sleep. Ten minutes later it went off again and I turned the bloody thing off.

Rolling over, I hugged one of my pillows close to body and sighed defeated. It was Monday and I needed to get up. I didn't even bother making my bed when I got out, I figured I could catch a nap sometime later today.

I pulled an old Forks High sweatshirt over my head and changed from my pajama shorts into a pair of jeans. At lunch yesterday Alice said that it wasn't necessary to dress for the RA meetings, she was planning on showing up in a velour track suit anyways.

After I brushed my teeth and combed my hair back into a pony tail, I had a few minutes to check my email again and munch on a cold pop tart. I unwrapped the silver package while I waited for my inbox to load.

There wasn't too much in there to get excited about. A couple more spam emails, some even about enlarging the size of the male anatomy, and another email from Jake. He told me about this man who came in to his shop yesterday to get his car repaired after a crazy ex-girlfriend scratched several expletives into his paint job and shredded the car's leather interior. I laughed when I read that Jake wrote he was glad we ended out romantic relationship on good terms so he wouldn't have to expect that from me. Though he pissed me off and left me frustrated sometimes, I would never have done anything that extreme.

I wrote Jake a quick reply back, telling him about shopping with Alice yesterday, how I had a busy today and was looking forward to seeing the research team and was going to try and make a better impression with Dr. Cullen today. Hopefully the absence of alcohol would leave me a bit more coordinated than Saturday night.

It was time to meet up with Alice in order to head over together for the RA meeting. I finished my breakfast, took a pen and one of my new notebooks to write on and locked up my room. As I walked through the lobby I noticed it was empty and dark this morning since all the resident advisors that were here would be attending the meeting. I made my way to the front door and down the steps.

"Bella! Ooo Bella!" Alice was running from her hall to meet me as soon as I cleared the last step from my hall. She looked like a small bumble bee in her yellow velour outfit and her coal black spiky hair. If I was so tired I would have laughed.

"Morning Alice. Do you have any other setting then hyper?" I asked.

"Morning to you, Miss Oscar the Grouch." She laughed and bounced her way closer to me.

"Yeah, well, it's almost 7:00am right now where I'm from and I usually don't get up until 8:00am there. Still not used to the whole time zone change thing, but I'll get there and hopefully before the semester starts." I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head; my ears were a little chilly this morning.

The RA meeting was to be held in one of the conference rooms of the central campus union, so I followed Alice's lead on the walk over. When we crossed the street to the other side of the road, I snuck a peek at the building we were passing, it was beautiful like all the other ones on campus and rather large but something about it piqued my interest.

"Alice, what building is that?" I pointed as we continued to walk.

"That's the Behavioral Science Building. That's where our lab is for the research."

I was living right next to the building I would be spending a majority of my waking hours at. That was a relief, at least I didn't have far to go, especially if I needed to work late with research or with my thesis. It was also a bit overwhelming to know that the world's most attractive man worked three hundred feet away from where I slept.

We arrived at the union and found the conference room. It was pretty full in the room today because every RA on campus was here for the introduction meeting. When Alice and I checked in we were told that all other meetings in the year would be smaller, and usually only consisting of two to three halls combined at the most.

I scanned the room to look for a free spot for the two of us to sit. I saw some near the front, but that Tanya girl was next to them so I nixed that area and contemplated just standing against the wall when I finally saw some chairs off to the back and left of the room. I grabbed Alice and drug her over to them, with her chuckling all the way.

"Sorry, I just wanted to make sure we got these before we would be forced to sit with that girl Tanya. She was quite rude when I moved in."

"It's ok Bella, I was about to do the same. I don't think many people care for her. She thrives off being a mega bitch to people." I laughed as we sat down and noticed the conversations everyone was having were quieting.

Right then the Director of my hall, Marcus, introduced himself and began the meetings. I opened my blank notebook and began taking notes while my mind started counting off the time.

Only three hours left until I would probably make a fool of myself in front of Dr. Cullen... again.

**9:00am – EPOV**

I had spent a majority of the hour before my meeting with the board of trustees going over my notes for my presentation. I was still nervous, but not as much as before, I could feel my medicine working its way through my brain. My stomach wasn't doing flip flops so much anymore as it was more or less vibrating with anticipation. It was time to for the meeting to begin.

There was a rapt at my door as I was slipping my coat back on and buttoning it up in order to leave. I opened the door to see my father waiting for me.

"Good morning Dr. Cullen." He nodded his head in greeting.

"Good morning to you too Dr. Cullen." I shut the door when I entered the hallway.

"Are you ready for the presentation?"

"As good as I will ever be, I guess. I know I should be used to giving it by now, but I still get a bit anxious."

"Everything will be fine. You took you medicine today right?"

I nodded.

"Just remember to breathe and know that everyone on that room respects you and the work you do, especially me."

"I know, I know." I picked my head up and gave a slight smile that I felt to be false, but my father nether the less smiled back in response. We reached the end of the hallway where the Behavioral Science Meeting room was located. "Here goes nothing." I opened the door for my father and followed him in.

Seven seats were occupied around the table. Seven people I had to convince to give me and my team money for the research this year. I knew almost everyone for the last four years, but it never made asking for money easier. Taking a deep breath, I readied myself and began my prepared speech.

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen of the board. I hope I find you all well today." A good start, maybe a bit too formal, but I continued and just dove into what I prepared for today.

"I want to say thank you for meeting to discuss the budget for my research…"

I did my best, and I stayed mostly calm and collected throughout my presentation. There were a few questions that were asked but thankfully I was prepared and had my answers down. Every once in a while I would look over to my father who sat on the far right end of the table. When he caught me looking he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and sent me a quick smirk to reassure me I was doing just fine.

As I was wrapping up my presentation I had a good feeling that we could afford the new EEG machine we were in need of for this year when all of this was over.

**10:00am – BPOV**

After introductions of all the residence halls and their directors and letting us know some important dates to mark on our calendars, they made the resident advisors play some get-to-know you games which were fun, but left my feeling a bit awkward and sort of out of place. A lot of the other people in the room were more outgoing than me. A lot of them kept telling me to speak up every now and then. Alice tried her best to stay by my side when it wasn't required for us to move around. Sometimes the game would become a bit personal, especially at one point when I was asked about my mother. I had taken a long pause to think of an answer that could change the topic, and I felt Alice's small hand take mine.

"It's ok Bella; you don't need to share anything you don't want to." She whispered and I nodded to hold my tears that were welling up at bay. Thankfully the game session ended and the directors got into the important matters with the halls.

There sure was a lot involved with being a resident advisor. More than I thought there would have been. Decorating name tags for our residents, working the front desk, running monthly hall activities, monitoring study hours and participating in training for crisis intervention, CPR and much more throughout the year. For the next two weeks we were supposed to do our preliminary training with our halls to get ready for students to arrive for the start of the school year. Since I was in an upper classmen hall, I wouldn't be required a lot of the extra work freshmen hall advisors had.

Before the meeting was over, Marcus gave me my key for the Hammond office and front desk along with the activities closet key, just as Tonya had told me. Once I had the keys on my key ring, he informed me that there would be a quick mixer for our hall tonight so we could get to know the other RAs in a bit better since we would start working tomorrow when we began our training. I feigned my excitement for that and told him I was looking forward to it. I knew better then to expect alcohol to be served there which would make the situation less uncomfortable.

The meeting ended a bit earlier than everyone had expected which left me plenty time to get back to my room to shower and get dressed for the research team meeting. I kept my head down as Alice and I walked to the doors of the union and I felt a jolt of electricity go through me as we exited the building which I associated that with my nerves for later.

I lost myself in thoughts about the research meeting, the questions about my mother from the RA meeting but more than anything else, Edward Cullen and his piercing eyes judging me while holding me captive with his gaze. I remembered his bronze hair in disarray and I longed to run my hand through it and his delicious crooked smile that made me melt. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going when I bumped into Alice, who had stopped ahead of me and was waiting for me to snap out of my daydream.

"Oh! I'm sorry Alice, I wasn't paying attention. Sorry."

"It's ok, penny for your thoughts? You looked like you were need in there for a while. Is it about that thing with your mom? You don't have to tell about her, but just let me know what's going on."

We stood there on the walk and she took my hand in a friendly hold and waited for my response.

"It's nothing, just… I'm ready for our next meeting to be done and over with. I don't think I could stand being in there knowing Dr. Cullen thinks how much of a clumsy idiot I am." I shrugged and looked down at the sidewalk.

"He's not going to think that. You are a smart and brilliant woman. If you weren't, do you really think they would have given you the fellowship? I mean come on!"

I tried to smile but I felt it didn't reach my eyes and I knew Alice wouldn't believe it.

"Ok, try this; I'm sure it will make it easier for you. If you feel intimidated with Dr. Cullen or if you start to worry he is judging you, just picture him clothed only in a pair of boxers." That was the worst idea she could have given me.

"Thanks Alice, but I don't think I could do that."

"Well, it was a thought."

We started walking again and I told Alice I would see her in a little to meet up in front of the Behavioral Science building to head up to the lab together. When we crossed the street we both took off for our respective halls.

As soon as I was back into my room, I felt my stomach pull from the nerves of my next meeting. I wanted to make sure I got through it without injuring my pride, any important limb or anyone else's for that matter. I tended to be clumsier when my level of stress increased and at the moment I was wavering between a level nine and level ten.

"Arg!" I yanked my hair tie out and shook my hair in frustration.

I quickly undressed and hopped in to my small shower to distract myself. When I finished, I still felt a little tired from my early morning, so after I laid out my outfit I was planning to wear, I set the alarm on my cell phone for twenty minutes and decided to take a quick nap.

Maybe my nerves would die down with some rest.

**11:00am – EPOV**

I was shocked when my meeting with the board concluded. I knew I had done pretty well, but not so much that they granted my research a $300,000 budget. That was more than I had originally anticipated but I didn't complain. We would be able to afford the new EEG machine, replenish our supplies needed for our initial evaluations and finally compensate a greater number of participants who made it to our final round of research. The other plus was that any leftover amount could be rolled over to the following year.

My father came up to me afterwards and patted me softly on the back so not to make me jump.

"You and your team deserve it, Edward. You all work hard and it's well worth the investment."

"Thank you Carlisle. It will defiantly be put to good use." I couldn't wait to tell Ben and Angela the news later today.

"Just promise me that I can test out your new EEG unit when it arrives."

I chucked. "Sure thing, though Angela may fight you for that honor."

"Age before beauty, remember that Edward." He gave me a wink.

My father and I walked over to the central union for the faculty brunch being held in one of the smaller lunch rooms. I felt a buzz of energy go through me as we passed people that were exiting the building after a meeting that was held in the large conference room had concluded.

I wasn't hungry still, so when entered the lunch room and just helped myself to a regular coffee, taking my usual post against the wall in the back and counted the minutes. I watched everyone else mingle with each other, discussing additions to their syllabi and how they were going to change the format for their finals because last year's were too easy for the students. The atmosphere today felt as daunting as my parent's dinners usually did, but at least I could use an excuse that was appropriate so I could leave the brunch early.

A couple of professors from the psychology department stopped by me to ask about my conferences I spoke at during the summer and of course to ask me to pass on their congratulations to Ben and Angela. Word of their quickie wedding had spread quicker through the faculty and staff than any other piece of gossip in the past.

When I felt I put in enough time, I informed my father, who was trapped by Jane and Alec in one of their uneasy anecdotes, that I was leaving to get ready to meet with my team. He understood I was done with the brunch and I told him I would call him later tonight to let him know how everything went.

I made it outside and the weather was quite wonderful today, a little bit chilly, but still sunny with some clouds. The walk back to my office was quick and I decided to get started and run off copies of the packets I made for this year's research focus. I also made sure my PowerPoint presentation that coincided with it was in order and that it was void of any spelling or grammatical errors. What a way to present yourself on the first day when you can't spell a simple work such as dopamine or serotonin correctly.

It was around 11:30am when I picked up my office phone to call Bella Italia Restaurant to place the lunch order for a 1:00pm delivery. Once I was done putting in everyone's choice, along with my plate of mushroom ravioli, a family serving or tiramisu and two dozen breadsticks, I gathered all the papers and my briefcase and made my way to the stairwell.

I preferred to take stairs when at all possible so I could avoid being in close proximity to a lot of people, especially when there could be a chance of you being unexpectedly stuck in that space for an extended amount of time for any sort of reason.

I made it half way up the stair well to the second floor when I started to feel somewhat lightheaded and out of air. I sat myself down quickly before I lost my balance and forced myself to take deep breaths since I could feel one of my attacks coming on. I should have been feeling this way before or during the board meeting, which was now confusing me as I sweated buckets and leaned against the wall for support. I had no clue why I felt this way, probably just a delayed reaction. I took the bottle of pills out of my vest pocket and swallowed one down. That should provide some help and I waited for about five minutes for it to kick in.

"Not today, please not right now." I chanted to myself, I couldn't lose it on the first day and disappoint her. I didn't want her to see me as weak.

Why did I care what she thought? I really shouldn't. There's nothing I could do, I mean she probably wouldn't like me anyways, which would be best for her anyways. I was too fucked up for anyone to love.

Wait.

Did I want her to love me? No, that's ridiculous. I don't know anything about her, really. Besides if anything did happen between us, I'd ruin it… or something would happen to her like Irina, and I'd be lost forever this time.

I needed to not think this way. I had an important meeting to attend. I would be professional. No shenanigans from anyone, not even from myself.

Finally I was able to gain some composure and my breathing became less labored and slowed. My sweating stopped and I took a handkerchief from my coat pocket and patted my forehead. I gathered my papers and briefcase then I picked myself up and continued my climb to the second floor.

When I had left my office, I was on track to make it early to the meeting, and would have had enough time to talk to the Cheney's about the good news for all of us. But with what happened in the stairwell a few moments ago, I was lucky to just be making it in time. I was known for being a stickler for punctuality and would get the "look" from Ben if I were late.

I pushed myself through the door and rushed to the direction of the lab, trying to make sure I wasn't going to drop all my lose papers I was carefully holding because it would be a pain to reorganize all of them. I was so focused on the papers that I missed hearing the sound of the elevator ding open as I began to pass it.

**11:40am – BPOV**

"Oh my God, this isn't happening!" I slammed my phone down on my nightstand. I was going to be late for the meeting.

"Fuck!"

I was supposed to only take a twenty minute nap which escalated itself to just around forty minutes since I slept through my cell phone alarm going off… twice. This left me with little time to get dressed and across the street to the second floor of the Behavioral Science building.

So much for making a good second impression. God hated me.

I quickly dressed myself, taking a spill after my right leg got stuck in a pant leg.

"Shit!" I was going to have a bruise there in an hour.

My fingers fumbled when I tried to button my collared shirt and slipped my feet into my shoes.

I brushed my hair as quick as I could, I pulled a few hairs out in the process but I was able to put it up into a loose bun that was semi decent. I took the notebook I prepared for this meeting, and snatched my purse and cell as I ran out the door. I didn't feel like waiting for the elevator so I ran down my flight of stairs and out the hall as quickly as I could. I was thankful that I wore flats; I would have had to call the hospital if I chose heels, for some unknown reason.

I saw Alice wasn't waiting for me outside the building, so I knew she had already up to the lab, I thought she could have at least waited because I had no clue where the lab was except that is was on the second floor, according to the room number. Maybe she was running late to. I hope that was the case.

When I made it to the department building I was thrown off with the numbering for the rooms. The order didn't seem to make sense. Eventually I found a door that indicated it was the main office and entered it quickly. I saw an older woman sitting behind the front desk. Hopefully she could help me find the lab.

"I'm Bella Swan. I'm running late for a meeting with Dr. Cullen's research team. Can you tell me how to get to the lab?" I practically yelled out my question.

"Oh Dear, yes. Ok, you need to go straight out the door here and take the elevator up to the second floor. When you step out, take a right. It will be the fourth door on the right, and hurry. Dr. Cullen doesn't like to start things late. He sort of likes to keep to a schedule."

Wonderful. "Thank you." I called back as I booked it from the room.

The elevator took forever to reach the ground floor. When it opened I ran in and quickly pressed the button for the second floor and then the button to close the doors faster. It was taking forever to close and I pressed it again . I tapped my toe and bit my lip hard as I waited for the slow elevator to reach my destination.

"Come on, come on, move damn it!."

Finally the light flickered on the number two indicating our arrival and the door dinged as it opened. I had less than a minute to make it to the room and I ran out into the hall and took a right when I suddenly crashed into someone I hadn't seen that was passing the elevator as I ran out.

"Jesus Christ!" the man exclaimed in a panic as papers flew everywhere in the hallway and a thud of briefcase hit the floor. Instantly I recognized the voice and my stomach churned and my face flushed with embarrassment.

"Kill me now."

**11:59am – EPOV**

As soon as the doors opened of the elevator something solid ran into me knocking me off my feet to the ground and I dropped all the papers I was holding. I hit my head hard, and I probably had a concussion now after two hits to the back of the head in three days. I saw the swirling of my outlines I copied in the air and the crinkling of the paper as they scatter all around the floor. I was furious.

"Jesus Christ!" I yelled. It would take forever to reorganize them.

I heard a sharp intake of breath from the person that ran into me who was on the floor as well. I never liked confrontation but I had the urge to lay one into this moron that took me out. As soon as they spoke though, all my anger and panic dissipated.

"Kill me now." Bella's soft voice cried from embarrassment next to me on the floor. I could hear her choke back a sob and my heart wrenched for the girl.

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**Ok, I swear the next chapter will be the meeting. Hopefully I'll have both POV's done for next weekend.**

**Please keep reading and reviewing. Also keep sending in questions, I will answer them.  
**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So sorry I haven't posted in a while. This is a super long chapter, which I hope makes up for it and well, there was just a lot going on that needed to be included.**

**I won't be updating next weekend since I have company in town, but once I can I will try and get the next chapter as soon as possible.**

**Please send in questions you may have. Any questions sent in will be answered at the end of chapters.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything twilight related.  
**

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Chapter 13

**EPOV**

_Kill me now." Bella's soft voice cried from embarrassment next to me on the floor. I could hear her choke back a sob and my heart wrenched for the girl._

I rolled over to my side and brought myself up to sit on my heels as I looked around at the array of paper that now littered the hallway. It would take me a good while to put all of the outlines back in order which meant the team would have to forgo using them in today's meeting. _Shit._ I should have been angry with the situation, but knowing that my own personal angel was possibly injured beside me, concern consumed me instead. Quickly I flashed my eyes to see Bella still lying on the linoleum floor, face flushed and her hands cover her eyes and her body shook with what looked to be silent sobs.

Was she hurt? My head swam with possible injuries she could have. I hardly knew the woman, yet her well being seemed to be more important than anything else in the world at the moment.

"Miss Swan?" I ran my hand through my hair nervously waiting for her to reply.

"I'm so s-s-sorry Dr. C-Cullen. " Her voice shook and she stuttered with her emotions. She bit her lip from embarrassment and I ran my hand through my hair once more. The back of my head throbbed with pain from the impact of meeting the floor as my fingertips passed the new welt.

"Are you injured, Miss Swan? Do you need me to get help?"

"No, I'm ok, Dr. Cullen." She finally took her hands away from her eyes and wiped some tears that had fallen. She didn't look at me as she started to sit up. "I'm so sorry, I was running late for the meeting and I didn't see you when the elevator opened, and … I'm just …. I'm sorry. You must think I'm a total idiot." She stopped and took a deep sigh while she fidgeted with her hands and her eyes roamed the hallways, carefully trying to avoid looking at me.

I stood up and closed the distance between us and held out my hand for her to take to help her off the floor. Her head quickly snapped in my direction and she stared at my hand for a quite some time looking as if she were afraid to take my help.

"I promise I don't bite, Bella. Let me help you up." I leaned forward more to her and offered my hand again. She looked down at the floor before looking up at my face. Even with her now red eyes and tear streaked face, she still made my heart race when I stared at her. I tried to send a reassuring smile to her letting her know that I did not think she was an idiot as she had said. She was far from it.

Finally she lifted her hand and slid it in to mine. There was that same jolt of electricity I had felt the night of the department dinner. It shot through my entire body at the moment of contact between us. Did she feel that too? _You are a complete fool Cullen. _

I gently pulled her up off the floor and helped assist with her balance by placing my free hand on her back. When I did, the electricity grew more to where I couldn't bare it anymore and quickly dropped her hand and took a step back as soon as she was standing. As soon as I did, her beautiful face grimaced in what appeared to be pain.

"Are you sure there are no broken bones or anything?"

She quickly looked down at the floor and around the hall, biting her lip harder. "No I'm fine, thank you."

A door down the hall quickly opened and we both heard the sound of footsteps approaching our location. I continued to gaze at her and her eyes darted side to side at the floor looking as if she were trying to think of something to say. She gently rubbed her elbow lightly and fidgeted with her shirt.

Bella still looked upset and I did my best to lighten the mood for her.

"So, Miss Swan. Are you sure you aren't a hired assassin?"

She looked up at me and wiped another tear that had fallen. "Excuse me?" She blinked. "I don't understand Dr. Cullen."

I let out a slight laugh. "Well, I could have sworn that in the last three days you've tried to take me out twice." A stray hair had fallen out of place of her loose bun. Before I could stop myself, I lifted my right hand and swept the piece away from her face and tucked it behind her ear. _No, no, no. Cullen, stop. _Her eyes widened and I felt myself start to lose all train of thought when I looked into those chocolate pools. The footsteps we heard moments ago were now stopping in front of us.

"Dr. Cullen? Miss Swan? Is everything ok?" Ben looked around at the mess of papers and then at Bella and me.

Bella turned and looked at him questioningly.

"Yes, Ben, everything is fine. Miss Swan and I just happened to be in a rush to make the meeting on time that we accidently ran into each other. Thankfully no damage so we don't need to exchange insurance information." There was an uncomfortable silence in the hallway as Ben shot looks between the two of us. My attempt at humor failed once more.

"Um…" Bella's voice cut the silence and my heart kicked into overdrive. "Could one of you please tell me where the restrooms are? I would like to freshen up a little bit if that's alright." I looked down at my feet wishing for this moment to be done with, maybe hide under a rock from the awkwardness of it all.

Ben walked towards her and politely took her elbow to lead her to the restrooms that were behind us a few doors next to the stairwell I had taken. I watched them both until she thanked Ben and disappeared through the door. I turned, took a deep breath and bent over to start collecting the outlines.

Ben's loud sigh alerted me that he was now standing behind me. Still crouching on the floor, I turned to look at him. He had removed his thick glasses and was cleaning them with the hem of his sweater vest.

"So, are you going to tell me what I interrupted a few moments ago, Dr. Cullen? Or do I need to ask Miss Swan?"

I tuned back and continued to collect the papers and stuffed them into my briefcase. "Like I said, we were in a rush and didn't see each other and, well, you know."

"Mmhmm." Was all he said and he bent down to pick up the rest of the papers. When I gathered the last of it, I looked over my shoulder to the door she had disappeared through and let out a sigh.

"Dr. Cullen?"

I snapped my head back over to Ben whose eyebrow was raised.

"Is everyone else here Mr. Cheney." If he was going to be a dick, he was going to get Dr. Asshole from me today.

"Just waiting on you, Bella and Tyler. Everyone else is here. I take it no outlines for today?"

"Obviously, no." I closed my case and pressed the clasps down with a click.

I Stood up and straightened my tie and adjusted my coat before I started to walk down the hall to the open door of the lab, Ben close behind me.

As I entered the room, all eyes were on me and I felt a pang of anxiety once more. I patted my vest pocket, my pills were still there. _Good._ I walked to the desk that was in front of the white board at the front of the lab and placed my case on the top. I opened the case and took out my USB with my PowerPoint on it and quickly plugged it into the front computer.

Angela stepped away from the other team members and approached me, placing her hand on my shoulder, which caused me to flinch for a moment, but then I calmed back down.

"Edward? Is everything alright?" She could see I was out of sorts.

I patted her hand and tired to politely remove it from me. "It's ok, just running a little bit behind today."

As my PowerPoint presentation uploaded on the computer, I noticed that Bella hadn't returned from the bathroom and I was becoming concerned. Maybe she was injured and was unconscious in the ladies room. My heart started to race again and blood pulsed in my head. _ Quit over thinking things._

"Um, Miss Brandon, can I speak with you for a moment." I figured I could enlist the help of Alice Brandon since she knew Bella and, well, she was allowed in the ladies room for obvious reasons.

The little energizer bunny of a pixie dashed over to me enthusiastically. "Yes, Dr. Cullen?"

"I know that you and Miss Swan have gotten to know each other this weekend," she nodded and waited for me to continue. "Well, she sort of took a fall out in the hallway a few minutes ago and went to freshen up in the ladies room, would you mind checking to see if she is alright?"

Alice's blue eyes filled with concern for her new friend. "Of course, sir. I'll make sure to come back with her." And with that she darted out the door into the hall. As I waited for them to return my eyes glazed over as I pretended to look at the computer monitor.

**BPOV**

I thanked Ben Cheney when he left me at the door to the ladies room and quickly rushed in to the stall at the farthest end of the restroom and locked it, sliding to the floor. The tears I had tried to hold back with little success earlier now erupted into loud cries of embarrassment.

_I am such a fucking idiot. He's going take me out of the fellowship. I don't belong here. I'm just a walking catastrophe._

I hugged my knees to my chest and cried hard. I felt lost and confused. Dr. Cullen was probably disgusted with me. I was scared he was going to yell at me in the hallway just a moment ago, but he probably was just trying not to cause a scene. He acted like he cared about my injuries, but he was probably just doing so to make sure I wouldn't sue the university for some reason. It still burned from his touch where he pushed back a piece of my hair. I patted that side of my head feeling the warmth as I slunk closer to the floor.

I wished more than anything that I could talk to my mother, but since that was not an option I needed to talk to my best friend. I picked my cell phone out of my purse and hit send when I found Jake's number. After the second ring he answered.

"Hells, Bells, how are you Hun?" Since it was Monday, he was most likely in the shop and I could hear the sound of metal hitting metal and other machinery in the background.

I couldn't help the sniffle that slipped out.

"Bella, honey? Is everything ok? What's wrong?"

"Jake, I fucked up so bad." I bent my head between my legs and pressed my free hand over my eyes.

"I bet that's a lie. What happened?"

"I… I… I don't deserve to be here, Jake. I'm just a fucking klutz who has basically almost killed her mentor twice in three days. I don't belong in Chicago, I should have never left. Dr. Cullen is going to take away the fellowship from me." I couldn't contain my tears.

"Bella, I love you Hun, but do one thing for me real quick, ok?"

"What's that?"

"Shut up until I'm done."

I bit my lip and wiped away the tears that were flooding from my eyes. I could hear the sound of a door closing on his end and the background noise was silent.

"Good girl. Ok, I want to make something perfectly clear to you and no snide remarks back at me for saying this. You are a brilliant woman who has every right to be there. Yes, you have a klutzy moment here and there, but that doesn't count as you fucking things up."

"But Ja…"

"Isabella Swan, so help me god, let me finish." I bit my lip harder to where it started to hurt. "That Dr. Cullmore…"

"Dr. Cullen." I corrected.

"Cullen, whatever. He will not take away the fellowship thing from you. You are blowing this up out of proportion like you always do. I've known you for almost all of my life and I know that you are smart enough for anything, and, what? Two instances of you falling on your ass does not mean you are not worthy of the opportunity that has been given to you. You belong there. Even though I wish you were still here in Seattle, I know better that Chicago is where you need to be. If you decide to leave because you don't believe in yourself like everyone else does, I swear I will fly out there and see to it that you stay."

"What? You gonna walk me to and from everywhere or something?"

"If I have to, I will. Maybe I'll borrow Chief Swan's trusty handcuffs to keep you from running."

I couldn't help the broken laugh that escaped. "Ok."

"Ok, what?"

"I'll try." I said softly. I could hear the sound of the bathroom door opening and the sound of high heels clacking on the floor.

"Excuse me, I didn't catch that Bella." I could hear the sarcasm in his voice

"I said I'll try. I will stay, but if they let me go…"

"Bella…"

"Ok. Whatever. I'll call you later tonight, alright?" The sound of the high heels stopped outside my stall and I noticed the owner's feet were rather small.

"You better, Bells. Or else I'm flying out there to make sure you didn't take off somewhere. I will talk to you soon. Love you Hun."

"Love you too, Jake." I closed my phone and placed it back in my purse. I took a few deep breaths to help stop my crying.

"Bella? Are you ok?" I recognized Alice's voice. It wasn't as bubbly as usual. I could tell she was worried about me

I lifted myself off the floor and took some of the toilet paper to blot my eyes of the remaining moisture.

"I'm fine Alice." I unlocked the door and Alice rushed to hug me softly. "Really, I'm ok. I just took a spill into Dr. Cullen and had a moment in here. No permanent damage." _At least not physically._

"You took a spill into Dr. Cullen, again?" She still looked concerned, but I saw a slight twitch of a smile that played on her lips.

"Yes, again. I didn't see him when I ran out of the elevator and we sort of… crashed. All the papers he had were scattered around the hall . Another idiot move for the Swan. I bet Dr. Cullen hates me. "

"No, he could never. He actually sent me to make sure you were ok. You were on the phone with Jacob when I came in, what was that about?"

"Yeah, I needed to talk to him. He's still one of my closest friends. I told him I don't belong here because I keep fucking up and the semester hasn't even started. He told me to shut up and to stay or he'd use force to keep me here." We were standing in front of the sinks and mirrors as I turned on one of the taps to wash my face.

"I would force you to stay too. You do belong. You are smart, Bella. Just because things beyond your control happened that embarrassed you, it doesn't mean you don't deserve the wonderful opportunity you have been give."

"God, I guess I have no choice to stay with both you and Jake threatening to keep me here."

"Damn straight." Alice handed me some paper towels to dry off my face. My eyes were still puffy and red.

"Here." Alice handed me a bottle of visine and I placed a drop in each eye which cleared up most of the red instantly. "And use this." She threw me a tube of mascara. I eyed her tentatively. "Just do it, no one would be able to notice that you were crying." I did as she told me and I pulled out my own lip gloss knowing that would have been next on her agenda . "There, much better." We both looked at my reflection in the mirror. It wasn't totally perfect, but it was an improvement to five minutes ago.

"Are you ready to get in there?" She gave my arms a slight squeeze.

"No, but I'm just gonna suck it up and see what happens."

"Well, I guess that's a start." We both laughed as we exited the ladies room.

"So… Bella?"

"Yes, Alice?"

We passed the bloody elevator I would forever hate and were quickly approaching the opened door to the lab

"What does Dr. Cullen's body feel like?"

"Oh my god! Alice, please." My face flushed red. _He's wonderful, smells delicious, send jolts of electricity to every part of my body, including my core, has gorgeous soulful eyes, makes my legs weak with his smile, oh and makes me have crazy dreams of him taking my virginity in his family's library with toe curling orgasms. Shit, I had a problem._ "To be honest Alice… I didn't even notice, because all I wanted to do was die from embarrassment."

"Ok, I understand. But if it was me in your place. God, I would relish every minute. That man looks like a sex god."

_That he does, my friend. That he does. _We reached the door and crossed the threshold and the first thing I saw was Dr. Cullen staring intently at his computer in the front of the room. _Please don't do anything else stupid, Bella._

Alice pulled me over and sat me next to her and another man with sandy blonde hair that was styled to stick up in several directions.

I took the opportunity to look around at the lab I would _hopefully_ be working in for the next three years. The walls were sterile and white, there were a few inspirational posters and pieces of M.C. Escher artwork. On every desk was a relatively new computer and several black filing cabinets lined the room. There was a small office to the side of the desk where Dr. Cullen sat at. I decided to avoid looking at him and averted my eyes elsewhere around the room. The room extended further than I had originally thought since I entered. In the back there was a glass divider that separated the computer section of the lab from a room that consisted of two large sofas and three soft reclining chairs. The room appeared to be lit, but was still dark compared to the florescent lighting in the front. There was another door that led to another room behind the glass room that I couldn't see well due to the distance.

"Hello there beautiful." The man with the sandy hair suddenly spoke to me.

I turned to look at him. "Uh, Hi."

"You must be Isabella Swan, the fellowship girl, right?"

"Bella, actually. Yes, I'm here for the Cullen Fellowship." He was making me sort of uncomfortable.

"Mike, Mike Newton, gorgeous." He held out his hand towards me and put mine in his. Instead of shaking it, he lifted my hand to his mouth and placed a soft kiss while shooting a wink at me.

Alice let out a small giggle as I took my hand out of his and not so subtlety wiped the spot his lips had touched. I don't think I could take even a semester of this. _Another sign I should go._

"Nice to meet you." I quickly turned my face and looked down at my desk and pretended my notebook was rather interesting.

Mike leaned into me and whispered, "You got nothing to worry about, sugar. My boyfriend says I'm a pussycat." My head turned back to him and he winked at me again.

"Oh." Was all I said as my face turned crimson and I bit my lip for having assumed that he had been hitting on me. Alice couldn't control her giggles as they shifted to full on hysterics at that moment and I sunk a little further in my chair as the rest of the room turned at looked at our table, Dr. Cullen was the only one that didn't move.

A young man in a football jersey quickly entered the room and sat at another table that was empty as Ben Cheney walked over to door and shut it. I quickly scribbled the date on a piece of my notebook paper and waited as Mr. Cheney and another woman with dark hair and glasses stood in the middle of the room to address everyone.

**EPOV**

I had been sitting and staring at the first slide of my PowerPoint for fifteen minutes, checking the clock at the bottom of the screen every now and then.

I knew when Bella had returned to the room when my entire body felt a tingling sensation when the smell of familiar strawberries and freesia hit my nose. I tried my best to not move a muscle as I became more intoxicated from the overwhelming power of her scent.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tyler Crowley make his way through the door and took a seat, everyone was finally hear and the Cheney's took their place in the front to address the rest of the team. I continued to stare at my screen until Ben started.

"It's great to finally have everyone here. As many of you know, I'm Ben Cheney, one of the leads for the hypnosis research you will be a part of this year. I believe most everyone met last semester before the summer and I. I know that most of you are aware that we do have a new addition to the team this semester. As you all know, every few years there is a recipient selected from several applicants all over the country to take part in the Cullen Neuropsychology Fellowship. This person not only is here to work on their Master's program, they are also selected to take part as a vital member of our research team. A few of you have already met her," Ben paused and I saw his eyes quickly dart to my direction which caused me to shift in my chair uncomfortably. "But for those of you who have not I'd like to introduce Miss Isabella Swan who is joining us all the way from Forks, Washington. I do believe you prefer Bella, though, am I right Miss Swan?" I tried to fight the urge, but it was a losing battle as I looked over to where I knew she sat.

"Yes, Mr. Cheney." She responded. Her cheeks were flushed red. She didn't like being singled out and the center of attention. _I feel the same way angel._

"Please, Bella, you can call me Ben." She nodded to him. "Also there is another announcement I would like to make. Some of you may have already heard this through the grapevine, but over the summer Angela and I were married." Some of the team members clapped at the announcement. "Thank you. Since it was rather a spur of the moment decision, we were not able to have a proper celebration. Due to that we are planning on throwing a very belated reception in the next few weeks. Since a lot of us will be working closely together for a few semesters, we would like to send an open invitation for you all to attend." Ben took Angela's hand and squeezed it tightly before releasing it as a few of the male team members hooted and hollered.

"Alright, party!" Mr. Crowley crowed.

"Now with that being said, I want to turn over the rest of the meeting to the faculty lead for this year's research, Dr. Edward Cullen."

I took a deep breath and stood from my chair after clicking computer to start my slides. Ben took my seat and Angela took an empty one next to him.

"Thank you Ben. Welcome everyone. I'm Dr. Cullen. As many of you know I am the professor for the undergraduate Developmental Psychology and the Advanced Abnormal Psychology courses. I am also the lead mentor and advisor for the Neuropsychology Master's and Doctoral tracks. Most importantly I am your Faculty Lead for the Hypnosis research you all will be helping to administer." I nodded my head to Ben to indicate the change in slides.

"I do want to apologize, I had provided outlines for everyone today. Unfortunately…" I stopped and looked quickly at Bella who started to cover her face with her free hand. "Unfortunately I misplaced them before making my way to the meeting here today. I should have them for you when we meet Wednesday afternoon when you receive your lab schedules. In the meantime, please feel free to take some notes today." I snuck another peek at her and saw her face was no longer covered and she was now looking at me apologetically. I nodded to her to let her know it was ok. Ben gave a not so subtle cough to get my attention and I went back to my slides as her eyes quickly darted back to her notebook as she wrote something down.

"I believe that everyone is interested in the focus for this year's research. After much thought I submitted to our trustees settled that we will be conducting an Electroencephalography analysis of hypnosis dreams with positive reinforcements in a laboratory setting." I saw black faces on some of the team members. "I know that's quite a mouthful, but what it really boils down to is that we will study brain waves in participants that undergo individual sessions of hypnosis . We'll measure activity once they are under and are in a guided positive hypnotic dream." There was a flurry of pen scratching as I nodded for the next slide.

I continued my presentation, talking about how the research would be broken into three parts. The first stage would be initial participant phase everyone would take part in with administering. This would be where all those that sign up to participate in the study would take a short evaluation to determine if they would be considered susceptible to hypnosis. The second phase would consist of the Master's students and the leads conduction group hypnosis sessions to test those selected from the evaluation to determine if in fact a participant is susceptible to hypnosis. The final phase would be were participants would have in individual hypnosis sessions while wearing an EEG cap that would measure the brainwave activity. It seemed that everyone in the room was eager to begin with the training to start the research.

A few questions were asked. Mr. Yorkie, wanting to know how old the machines we would be using were. I told them relatively new and in fact there would be a new machine purchased this year with funds from the trustees. I knew Angela was probably dancing for joy in her head at this news.

Mr. Newton asked what to expect as a majority of the sex of participants. I found this to be quite an odd question, but answered that a majority were usually female from previous studies, to which I noticed a hit of disappointment. _That was odd. _I couldn't help but look over at Mr. Newton's neighbor who was laughing along with Miss Brandon at his reaction to my response. When her laughing subsided, her eyes looked directly at me and then quickly away when she noticed I caught her stare. She continued to bite her lip every now and then when she would write something down. This continued for the rest of my presentation and every time she did, my slacks would strain from some pressure that would begin to rise and I would need to look away and nod for the next slide.

I ended after thirty minutes, leaving around fifteen left before lunch was scheduled to arrive. I handed off the meeting to Angela who would take everyone on a tour of the lab facilities and excused myself with Ben to go and pick up the food I requested be delivered to the front office.

I shrugged out of my coat and made sure I had my wallet before following Ben out to the hall and down the stairs.

"Good job Edward. Not major issues, eh?"

"No, thank goodness. And thank God for Xanax, right?" We made it to the first floor and headed to the office.

"Sure. Among other things, I'm sure." _What? "_What's for desert today?"

"I got the family serving of tiramisu."

"Right on." He opened the door for me where we saw Mrs. Alistair talking to a man that had several large brown paper bags from Bella Italia.

"Ah, Dr. Cullen, I believe you are responsible for this?" Mrs. Alistair pointed at the bags.

"Yes, I'm afraid I am." She smiled at me and went to sit back at her desk, slightly fixing her grey hair before returning to her typewriter.

I handed the delivery man the money for the food and thanked him with a generous tip. When Ben and I had loaded all the food up in our arms and made our way out of the front office. He had insisted on taking the elevator, claiming he couldn't hold the door open for me if we took the stairs. I gave in, with some hesitance, but he had a point.

When the door shut, the small death box grew darker and I tensed until the doors opened and I jetted out of the lift swiftly.

We were silent all the way to the second floor and even to the lab which was currently unoccupied since everyone was in the back rooms. After we put the food down on the front desk, Ben brought over napkins, plastic cutlery and some beverages and set them down on the desk. I pulled out the lunch order list I still had to remind me of who ordered what as Ben and I distributed lunches to the vacant seats in the computer section of the room.

"Ed, who had the mushroom ravioli again?"

"Bella and I both have it." He handed me the box with a knowing smile. _Stupid, all-knowing bastard._

"What? Ben, seriously, what the hell is up?" I knew what it was, but I wanted to be able to deny it to him so he would drop it.

"I guess nothing… yet. But we'll talk about it soon." I placed her meal at her seat she occupied earlier and took my own when I returned to the front.

"Ben, I need to check some emails and make some calls, so I'm going to just take my lunch in the lab office for a bit. If you need me, just knock.

He shook his head in amusement. "Sure thing Ed. Guess we'll see you when everyone is gone then."

I turned around and took a fork , napkin and a bottle of water from the table before retreating to the small office in the lab. I didn't really need to check my email, but I knew I needed an excuse to be out of the room and away from her before I did something I would regret.

As I entered the room and turned to close the door, I meet her deep, beautiful chocolate eyes looking in my direction from her chair. We stared at each other for only a moment, which felt like an eternity to me. I was frozen, and I knew my idea to retreat had been a good idea. It was too much to see her again and I quickly slammed the door a little harder than was necessary and ran to sit at the desk.

My body was shaking and I felt a panic attack coming on again. I was going to lose it, and quite possibly in a big way. The stress of the trustee meeting and the faculty brunch were cakewalks compared to Bella Swan's shear presence. My hand shook and I strained to breathe properly as I retrieved my wallet quickly and pulled out Dr. Liam's card since he told me to call if I needed help.

I inhaled deeply several times as the phone rang after I dialed the last digit.

_Ring… Ring… Ring… Ring…_

"Dr. Liam speaking."

"Doctor, its Edward Cullen. Something's not right…"

**BPOV**

Ben Cheney and Dr. Cullen left the lab to pick up our lunches as Angela Cheney started to talk about the lab. We were to take a quick tour of the facilities, but I couldn't care less at the moment. I was still humiliated from the hallway but was feeling slightly better since my talk with Jake and Alice.

When Dr. Cullen's presentation began I told myself over and over to not look up at him because I knew that I was probably not his favorite person in the world at the moment. I didn't want to see the anger or resentment he probably had towards me for running him over again and messing up the papers he had been carrying There was a small part of me that thought that I was probably blowing things up, maybe Jake and Alice were right. I mean there was a moment when Dr. Cullen started to talk about outlines he was going to hand out to everyone, and I realized that those were the papers I had caused to fall everywhere. I thought he was going to single me out for the reason he didn't have them, and I felt the flush of embarrassment and I tried to cover my face and hold back the tears I thought would break through again.

But he didn't. He covered for me, claiming to have forgotten them. I broke my rule to not look at him as my eyes rose to meet his. I tried to convey silently to him that I was sorry when he looked back at me. I saw a slight nod, different from the nods he was giving to single the changing of the slides. We didn't look away from each other until Ben gave a loud cough and I broke my gaze to pretended to scribble in my notebook.

When Angela asked for us to join her with a tour, my legs were numb and they wobbled when I stood up.

Mike saw my balance issue and was able to catch me before I fell over again. Since finding out about his preference for the male sex, I wasn't so embarrassed.

"Well, ain't you the brand new baby gazelle, Hun." I thanked him for catching me as Alice gave another giggle at his statement.

Angel began her tour by pointed out the new models of computers that were set up around the main room of the lab. We would be using these for data entry for the preliminary evaluation and for formulating pie and bar charts for our reports. We were told that the filing cabinets in the room contained past information and medical histories of previous participants that were locked up for confidentiality reasons. The only persons that would have a key were Dr. Cullen, Ben and Angela and Mike and I would receive ours soon since we were the only Master's degree students on the team.

When we were done with the computers, Angela motioned us to the glass room partition. This room was were the group hypnosis sessions were to be held. Inside, it was painted a warm yellow color and was rather relaxing with the soft lighting. There were heavy blinds that could block out the florescent light from the front of the lab. I also noticed that there were two video cameras in the room facing the sofas and chairs.

"Excuse me, Angela?" I raised my hand to get her attention.

"Yes, Bella?"

"What are the cameras for?" I pointed to the two in the room.

"That's an excellent question. See, even though the group hypnosis sessions are conducted by at least two members of the team, it's difficult to catch everything that you will be documenting with your own eyes. These cameras were installed so that we can play back each session in order to evaluate movements and mannerisms of participants later. We also record the individual hypnosis session as well in order to re-evaluate and document. Here, let me show you all how the individual rooms are set up."

She motioned us through the other door which led to another area that had a small hallway of three doors which were three small rooms which had a reclining chair in each room and two of the rooms contained state-of-the art EEG machines. A greasy dark haired young man, who I found out was named Eric, was ogling the machines once we stood in one of the rooms.

"These are the Individual hypnosis rooms. When we reach the third phase of data collection this is where we will be using the EEG machines on the participants. There will be one participant and one of the team members conducting the hypnotic suggestions. As of right now that will consist of Dr. Cullen, Ben and I. We will be training Bella and Mike with running their own sessions later on in the semester."

"Wanna be each other's guinea pigs, sweetie?" Mike elbowed me which made me laugh.

"Sure, just don't make me cluck like a chicken when I'm under, you knuckle head." I was starting to like Mike. He was a bit flamboyant, but I could see him hanging out with me and Alice. Maybe he could go shopping with Alice when I wasn't available. However, I didn't think that I would take him to hang out with Jasper any time soon. I had a feeling I would need to beat him away from Jazz with a stick.

"That's pretty much it for the tour everyone. Now if you want, you all can head back to the front. Dr. Cullen was kind enough to provide us with lunch today." Angela's eyes fell on me and she gave me a slight smirk. _What did that mean?_

When we entered the front again, there was a strong scent of garlic that filled my nose.

"Mmmm, that smells so good." Alice took my arm as we walked to our seats from earlier. I noticed that Dr. Cullen was rushing to the office off to the side as I went to the front desk to get myself a fork and a drink. As I was picking up a handful of napkins to take back to my seat I saw a movement in the door frame of the office and looked up at it.

Dr. Cullen was staring at me. I couldn't look away from him as his emerald eyes pierced into me. My skin felt on fire with his gaze. I noticed that his eyes suddenly tightened and his body was shaking as he was holing on the door. I felt like everyone else in the room had disappeared and it was just us alone in the room. The compulsion to walk to him was strong as if I was drawn to him by some magnetic force. Just as I was about to take a step, he shut his eyes tightly as if in pain and slammed the door.

I was wrong, it had all been an act. The kindness in the hallway and him covering up for me in his presentation. He was just trying to not make a scene, but I could clearly see now that Dr. Cullen hated me.

I fought the urge to cry when the wind from the door closing hit my face. I walked back to my seat and slowly sat down thinking of ways to avoid being in his way while I was here at the University, for however shot my time would be.

"Oh my God, Bella, you have to try this. It's so damn good." Alice spoke with her mouth full of her Italian meal and held a piece on her fork out for me to taste.

I bent over to take a bite of her Chicken Marsala. It was pretty good and just spicy enough for my taste.

"You're right, pretty good." I swallowed with some difficulty the chicken and took a swig from my water.

"What did you get?"

"Mushroom Ravioli. It's one of my favorites. I used to make it back home for me and Cha- my dad." I opened the box to my meal and inhaled as the flavored steam rose. "Wow. I need to find out where this restaurant is so we can go there sometime."

"Mmhmm." Was all Alice could say as her cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk.

I must have been hungry because I inhaled all of my meal within ten minutes. My stomach felt distended when I closed the lid and pushed the box away from me.

"I cannot eat another piece of food." I sighed as I wiped my mouth clean of the marinara sauce trapped in the crevices.

Everyone sat around for a while after finishing their lunches talking to each other as some helped themselves to tiramisu and the remaining breadsticks.

Alice and I had a chance to speak to Ben and Angela a little more during this time. We found out that they knew each other during their undergrad programs and only started dated when Dr. Cullen had invited them to join his research team. The both received their master's over a year ago and Dr. Cullen was helping them with their individual dissertations. I was shocked when they started to take about their recent nuptials.

"So it was the end of the spring semester and Ben was putting away some of the participant information in the file cabinets as I was cleaning the EEG caps. We had been discussing me finally moving in with him since I had been pretty much staying the night for many times a week over the last few months. We couldn't come to a definite decision since and were figuring the logistics of breaking my lease. I could tell we were both getting frustrated when finally he slammed one of the filing cabinets. I was shocked by the noise that I dropped a cap I sterilizing on the floor." Angela paused and looked at Ben who shot her a playful wink.

"When I bent over to pick it up I saw Ben was already handing it to me as he was kneeling on the floor. I took the cap, but he didn't let go. When I went to ask him what was wrong, he proposed."

With tears in her eyes, Alice asked, "What did he say?"

Ben got up out of his chair and stood behind Angela, Placing his arms on her shoulders and giving a soft gentle kiss on her head, "I looked up at her and said 'I don't have a ring for you, but I hope that you will accept my heart. I've loved you from the moment I first saw you and I will love you until my eyes close for the final time. I want to begin my forever with you as soon as possible and I want you as my wife. Marry me, please marry me today.'" Angela leaned into his arms with a sigh of a woman truly in love.

"And of course I said yes. After we finished for the day we headed to the courthouse, got married in front of the judge and then next week we were off to Europe."

"That's beautiful." I whispered to myself. I don't know why but when I looked away from the exchange of tenderness between the Cheney's, the image of Edward Cullen flooded my thoughts.

Alice's voice tore me away from daydream, "Bella, I'm going to head back to my hall and get ready for the RA mixer tonight. You want me to come over later and help you get ready?" She sent me a not so innocent smile.

I knew it was best to never say no to Alice. "Sure, say around five?"

"I'll be there with bells on." She handed her course schedule for the semester to the Cheney's as she danced out of the lab. I wouldn't be surprised if she did come over to my room with bells on the way she carried herself, that demon pixie.

After a few more minutes, Ben was cleaning up the leftover food and trash while the other team members filtered out of the room to head out to their other obligations . Angela was talking to me about her dissertation when the door to the lab's office swung open. I had forgotten he was still in there. He had his food container in his hands and made his way to Ben who was holding a large trash bag where he threw it in with a thud.

"Thank you for finally joining us, Dr. Cullen." Angela called back to him with a sarcastic smirk. My face flushed thinking he had probably been avoiding lunch with everyone because of me.

"I had work t-" he froze when his eyes fell on me and I noticed that he took a deep breath and then looked away. "I had to answer some emails." He picked up the remaining tiramisu and handed it to Ben to put in the trash and I looked away to Angela who was staring at me and shaking her head with slight laughter. I felt there was something I was missing and decided it was probably time to go.

"Um, well, I should probably take off then." I pushed myself out of my chair. "I have a torture session to endure at five." I pulled out my course schedule and handed it over her.

I fought the urge to run out of the room as fast as I could, and walked to the front to throw away my garbage in the trash bag. He was still standing there next to Ben, having some sort of silent conversation between the two of them. I didn't want to say anything, but I figured that I would try my best to make amends for earlier.

"Dr. Cullen?" I didn't look at him, but I could feel when his eyes were on me.

"Uh, Yes, Miss- Miss Swan?" He picked up his coat jacket and slung it over his arm waiting for me to respond.

"Thank you very much for lunch today." I played with my notebooks binding and bit my lip.

"It was no trouble. I just wanted to, uh, make sure that everyone on the team, um, well, got to know each other a little more."

"Thank you again." I was going to just leave it there and leave, but my brain filter was shut off. "I also want to apologize for earlier. I hope I didn't ruin your papers." I took a quick look at his face to gauge his reaction, he didn't appear to be mad, more like he was sad for some reason. He didn't say anything else, and my stupid mouth continued to rattle on. "I just want to say that I look forward to working with you this year and I do appreciate the opportunity to be here." I turned to leave the room before I had a foot-in-mouth moment.

"Miss Swan?" He called to me before I exited.

"Yes?"

"If you are available, would you mind meeting with me in my office Wednesday at 9am. I have a few things to go over with you."

_Gulp. He wanted to talk about my behavior. Maybe he was going to dismiss me. Jacob was wrong, I don't belong here._

"Sure, I'm free. I will meet with you then. " I looked down at the floor walked quickly out to the hall.

I immediately thought of where I put the receipts to the items I bought for my dorm room, hopefully I could get some refunds before I left to go back to Forks.

**EPOV**

I hung up the phone after I finished speaking with Dr. Liam. I was still on edge, but not as bad as I had been twenty minutes ago. I had told him about the incident in the stairwell and the one right before I called him. I knew it was because I was thinking about Bella and seeing her on person that had triggered the reaction.

_Why did she have to affect me so? _

No other woman had ever done this to me before. Not even Irina. Sure I had seen my fare share of attractive women in my life, but none of them held a candle to the beauty of Bella Swan. Even her name was the most beautiful name I had ever heard. What made it worse was that Bella was the only woman that I had specifically dreamt about. Not just when I slept, but in daydreams as well. Before my incident I would dream of soft flesh, an arm, a leg, a mouth opened and kissing my skin, never a woman as a whole or a woman that I recognized. I never thought I would ever dream of a woman again with the years of nightmares I had, but that changed Saturday night.

I am Dr. Edward Anthony Cullen, world renowned Neuropsychologist, published in multiple research journals, and respected by my peers. I was an intelligent man, but one woman reduced my brain to a pile of mush and anxiety.

I wasn't supposed to take another pill for a few more hours, but I needed some relief. I swallowed another Xanax, finished my bottle of water and leaned back in the chair praying that I would just become numb.

A few minutes passed and finally my heart rated leveled out. I looked at my watched and saw it was around 2:30pm and the lab sounded relatively quiet, and hoped all the younger team members had left for the day. I knew Ben and Angela would still be here until I came out because they had to know something was up. They would make sure I was alright because they were good friends.

I picked myself up out of the chair and picked up my uneaten lunch. I wasn't hungry and I didn't want to take it home with me. I opened the door to the office and saw Ben near the door throwing away the garbage in a black trash bag. I crossed the room and dropped my uneaten meal in with a loud thud.

"Thank you for finally joining us, Dr. Cullen." Angela called over her shoulder to me.

I started to walk back to retrieve my jacket, "I had work t-" I froze when I noticed Bella was still here, seated next to Angela. I took a deep breath to calm myself down since my heart rate sped up again and then looked away to avoid looking into her eyes again. "I had to answer some emails." I needed to keep myself occupied until she left so I picked up the leftover tiramisu and handed it to Ben to throw away.

"Um, well, I should probably take off then." I heard Bella stand up from her chair. "I have a torture session to endure at five." Torture? What was that about? I was confused and realized I had raised an eyebrow on question of it.

Ben smiled at me in a way that made me want to smack him upside the head when he filled up the trash bag with discarded water bottles and empty soda cans. I shook my head at him to tell him that nothing was going on and to knock it off. He responded to my silent request with a laugh that was soft enough for only me to hear. I grinded my teeth in frustration.

I heard her footsteps approach us and I looked down at the ground as she threw away her trash. She was almost to the door when I heard her pause and her body turned to face me.

_Please don't talk to me. Just go Bella. I'm a fuck up who is a complete and utter fool around you._

"Dr. Cullen?" Her voice was soft and I could hear some sadness in her tone. I looked up at her but her head was down looking at the floor. It made it a little easier to not see her eyes.

"Uh, Yes, Miss- Miss Swan?" I reached over to gather my coat and held it over my arm as I waited for her to continue.

"Thank you very much for lunch today." She was fiddling with her yellow notebook in her arms when she bit her lip. _Please don't do that angel. _The pressure was building in my slacks once more.

"It was no trouble. I just wanted to, uh, make sure that everyone on the team, um, well, got to know each other a little more."

"Thank you again." It looked like she was about to turn and leave, but then something stopped her and she spoke again. "I also want to apologize for earlier. I hope I didn't ruin your papers."

She was apologizing for the accident earlier. I knew she was still embarrassed from it, but she shouldn't. I didn't want her to feel that way. I wished for anything that she could be happy, and I would do what I could to make sure of that. _Wait, what was I saying? She probably wants nothing to do with me. _

She looked up at me then and I felt warm all over. She continued, "I just want to say that I look forward to working with you this year and I do appreciate the opportunity to be here." And then she turned to leave. I didn't want her to go just yet. I needed to find a way to speak with her again. Before she was out the door I remembered I needed to go over her role as a TA for my class and my grading rubric. It would also allow me to talk to her about today and reassure her that everything was fine. _More than fine. – Oh shut up Cullen._

"Miss Swan?"

She stopped and turned to face me again "Yes?"

"If you are available, would you mind meeting with me in my office Wednesday at 9am. I have a few things to go over with you." _ I want to make everything ok for you._

"Sure, I'm free. I will meet with you then. " And with that, she left leaving me a nervous wreck.

"That was quite a show, Ed." Ben clapped me hard on the shoulder.

"Please Ben. Just leave it alone. I just need to talk to her about the TA responsibilities and to make sure that she is ok after the incident today."

Angela picked up a bottle of water and took a sip. "What 'incident'? What happened before the meeting Edward?"

"Nothing, nothing happened. I'll see you two later." I picked up my briefcase and flew out of the room before another comment could be made and made my way to my office where I locked myself inside for the remainder of the day.

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**I will try and post soon.**

**Last chapter I was asked about Irina? Who is she in the story?**

**I can't tell you much, because Edward needs to share that, but she is very important for why Edward is the way he is. **

**When it is time, Edward will let you know**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **I do not own twilight

Sorry this chapter took forever to write even though it's pretty short. Had a lot going on, but I will try update more often now.

Like I promised before, here is another "Special Chapter" of BtB.

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**Chapter 14**

Dr. Liam POV

**Illinois Department of Human Services**

**Outpatient Case Management Monthly Psychiatric Report**

**Date: **_September 2, 2009_** Mental Health Care Provider: **_Avery, Liam William PhD., MD_

**Patient Name: **_Cullen, Edward Anthony PhD._** Occupation: **_Neuropsychologist/Educator_

**Date of Birth: **_June 20, 1977_** Age: **_32 _**Sex: **_Male_** Residence: **_Chicago, Illinois_

**Case Number: **_00214672611_** Case Manager: **_Kate A. Garrett_

**Diagnosis: **_Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (DSM-IV-tr Axis I) including moderate to severe panic attacks and mild to moderate depression._

**Frequency of Sessions: **_Once a Week_** Pharmaceutical Treatments: **_Alprozolam (Xanax); __Clonazepan (Klonopin) _

_Over the course o the last year the patient, Edward, had been showing signs of improvement with his overall diagnosis. Symptoms of depression have shifted to a more mild diagnosis over time. Although he still suffers from some nights of insomnia, fatigue, and inappropriate guilt from his ordeal, the patient's weight has increased due to now maintaining a regular eating pattern after meeting with a nutritionist, his psychomotor agitation is no longer as noticeable and recurrent thoughts of death have all but diminished. Since beginning our sessions five years ago, his involvements with social engagements and obligations have still caused anxiety, but he and I have noted that his panic attacks have been decreasing in their frequency. There is still disinterest in a majority of activities, but not as much as when patient was first entered into therapy. There have been changes in the patients' social relationships that have improved his overall state of mind. One major social attachment that has proven to be beneficial with his transition into a comfortable routine has been with his co-workers at the university, a couple that he had mentored while they received their Master's degree. Outside of his family, they have been the only source of continued support for him. However, with the absence of his closest friends for the last two months due to their recent elopement, his interactions have decreased, yet he had actively made the decision to not seclude himself in their absence as he would have done otherwise in the past. He maintained his obligations for speaking engagements and mentioned to have ventured out to eat in the public on his own on several occasions. This is a vast improvement which shows signs that his condition is possibly heading towards recovery, not entirely of course, but to a level where he will eventually not be dependent on his prescriptions and will begin to make further social relationships with others. _

_Edward has still been suffering from bouts of insomnia and severe nightmares that involved aspects of his incident from ten years ago, which coincides with his diagnosis of PTSD. During the first two sessions of August, patient openly discussed memories of the frequent nightmares, often revolving around certain memories of brutality. He did acknowledge that waking from these dreams left him shaken and a majority of the time emotionally broken to the point of tears. I noted that when he began to mention the other party of the incident from his memories during these revelations, signs of panic attacks would start to appear, and he would cease any further discussion and change topics to focus on aspects of his work, umcoming speaking engagements or his older brother's impending nuptials._

_At our third session for August, there was a notable change with the patient in his physical appearance as well as his emotional state. It appeared that there were less noticeable dark circles around his eyes, and his skin appeared to not be as pale as it usually was. The patient admitted to attending a social function held by his parents the night before, and that his current state was due to the events that transpired that evening. In previous experiences, attending this social engagement brought about great stress with the number in attendance due to light agoraphobia associated with his PTSD. Patient admitted to taking the prescribed Xanax and consuming alcohol while in attendance at the start of the evening, in order to "numb" him in attempt to ease his anxiety ahead of time. After further inquiry, the patient also admitted to have made another social connection with a female who was in attendance at the social function. Edward indicated that he had been distracted with her presence after he first took notice of her that he removed himself from the event briefly. He feared that what he felt was possibly an anxiety attack, and hid him away in attempts to avoid disturbing others in attendance. He informed me that he quickly returned to the party and soon after was given the opportunity where he could converse with this woman in private. _

_The female in question, whom he called "Bella", was there due to being accepted as part of an education fellowship that the patient oversees at the University of Chicago. In previous experiences, because of his incident, the patient typically would not make personal connections with members of the opposite sex since being in close proximity would eventually cause severe panic attacks to arise brought on by flashbacks. Because of this, the patient has not been involved in a sexual relationship since his incident._

_After inquiring further, the patient openly admitted to a physically attraction to "Bella". Going into quite a bit of detail in regards to her appearance. There were several moments where the patient would take extended pauses in speaking which appeared to be moments of reflection. When mentioning their interaction the previous night, facial indicators and body language showed signs of relaxation and ease. It is my belief that there is a possibility that the patient is showing signs to make a more dominate connection with "Bella." This is an area which we will need to discuss further if a stronger relationship should occur in future sessions._

_Patient also admitted to having slept through the night before our session with no interruption of nightmares or flashbacks. There was no mention as to if there were particular dreams he may have had and their themes, which we may need to attempt another session of hypnotherapy to explore. Before the session ended I inquired about his medication intake, to which he admitted forgetting to take his prescription for the day. After noting that in his file, I was aware that there had been no mention of a panic attack within the last week. Taking into account his current state of mind and the admission of no medication being taken, I suggested talking about decreasing his intake for our next session. I informed the patient that he would need to continue his regular dosage until then. _

_Being aware that there would be further interactions with "Bella" during the rest of the week, I offered my mobile telephone number in the case that there he would experience a panic attack. I had been expecting a call later on the week, but midday on the Monday after our session, Edward called my number out of breath. He informed me that earlier in the day he did in fact have a panic attack in the stairwell of the building he worked in, which lasted around 15 minutes where he had severe chest palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, and mild nausea. He attributed the attack to stress from earlier meeting in the day. His voice indicated that was probably not the true reason, but I decided to not push further. Before he called, he told me that he had just completed presenting to his research team at the university, which "Bella" is a member of. He said that he was having a difficult time breathing afterwards and secluded himself from the others in the room and called me. It is my belief that "Bella" is the reason behind these episodes, for reasons attributed to his trauma._

_On Wednesday of the same week, I received another phone call from the patient. He was in emotional distress as he spoke to me with rushed words. "Bella" had just left his office after a meeting they held that morning in his office. According to Edward, he needed to provide her with his outlines and lectures for a class she would sit in as a TA for and he provides her with the materials she would need to assist. He also wanted to apologize for an accident that had occurred between the two of them on Monday. He was taken aback when she arrived at his office and informed him of her intent to leave because she felt that she was not right for the position she was given. He admitted that he was finally able to convince her, but felt hurt that she had thought to leave. He said that he would feel extreme amounts of pressure and would have too many obligations without her assistance that it would trigger an attack. As he spoke there were several instance of stuttering and speech breaks to indicate insecurity, uncertainness, and denial. From this conversation it was evident that Edward has a strong romantic attachment to "Bella" and that was the cause of the hurt he felt. Although a romantic relationship for him at this time may not be in the best interest for his treatment, the brief interactions the two of them have had has brought up some positive changes in the patient where he has been able to sleep without interruptions for a few consecutive nights and more interest in becoming social. Edward admitted to partaking in lunches on campus that week with fellow professors rather than eating meals in his office, and also more nights out to dinner with the couple he works with on his research team. Since his incident, the patient's interactions with his family had become strained and had only attended past functions when he felt that were unavoidable. In a phone conversation on Friday of the last week of August, he confided in me that he was seeing his mother and father after our sessions, which I encouraged. By strengthening familial ties, he will eventually strengthen ties with others._

_On the last in-person session for August, we discussed decreasing the patient's intake of the Xanax prescription and also the possibility of taking a milder SSRI. I prescribed klonopin as a new alternative as it would not be as strong as the Xanax and would allow him to take less throughout the day. By doing so, the patient can eventually become less dependent on the medication, with help from regular therapy sessions and practice in stress management. I also suggested that in some sessions down the road to attempt hypnotherapy sessions again in order to look deeper into some hidden memories from his past and as part of a dream analysis, to which he agreed to. There had been previous attempts with his former therapist, and a few attempts in our first sessions that proved little success due to severe panic attacks arising. Since then there has been an improvement with his condition that there may be a possibility it may prove to be successful or at least more beneficial. Patient has also agreed to keep a journal documenting events that occur right before any panic attacks that he has, and to bring it in to our sessions to discuss. _

_It is my belief that the combination of these practices will help with finding a pattern to his symptoms and possible triggers. Also, I belive that at this time there is a common trigger to the most recent events, which is also a catalyst for the patients' current improvement. _

"_Bella."_

_

* * *

_**Reader Questions**

**Q. _Will Jasper and Alice ever meet?_**

**A. **Yes, but I will not say when. Patience is a virtue... ;)

**Q. _Does the relationship with Edward and Irina have something to do with Edward's condition?_**

**A. **Yes.

**Q. _Is Jacob secretly gay since he never slept with Bella?_**

**A. ** No. As of right now, the only gay character in BtB is Mike Newton.

Just because Jacob had no interest in sleeping with Bella does not make him gay, he has his reasons.

This situation will be made clear in future chapters.

**If there are any questions that you may have, please post them in your reviews or PMs to me. **

**I will try and answer what I can.**

**Also, I have started a new story. It's a side project called "Streets of Blood." It is going to be very dark with very mature content. **

**For now the prologue is the only thing up.**

**You can find the link to the story on my author profile page.**

**Next Chapter of BTB we will hear from Bella. **

**Please keep sending in your reviews, I love every one I get!  
**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I do want to apologize real quick about not updating for a while. I have recently been dealing with a life changing event that has left me thinking about taking an indefinite break from writing this story. But as you can see, I'm back in the BtB world. I just could not stay away.**

**I want to say thank you to all of you who are still reading BtB and leaving all your reviews. I do read each and everyone of them and don't forget that I have my reader questions at the end of the chapter.**

**Also, I will be taking a short break in a few weeks since I will be attending the Twilight convention here in Phx. If any of you are attending, send me a PM. I would love to know who may be going.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.  
**

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**Chapter 15**

BPOV

Two Weeks.

I've been in Chicago for over two weeks and I was surprised beyond belief that I was. After the first few days I was here, I was sure I would now be back in Washington State helping my father tidy up the house and back working at the clinic. But no, here I was getting dressed and ready for the first day of classes as a Master's student. I was blow drying my hair straight as I thought over all that happened since I left the lab on first Monday I was here.

_After I left for my hall, I ran up to my room and made a call to my father._

"_Charlie Swan speaking." Always in police chief mode after all these years._

"_Hi dad. How are you?"_

"_Bells, I'm good now. I miss you. How's Chicago? You all settled?"_

"_Dad… I'm fine. Sorry I haven't called you sooner."_

"_What are you talking about? You called me when you got in, that was soon enough. You're on your own there kiddo, you don't need to check in with me every day, you know."_

"_I know, I know." I took a big breath for what I was about to say next. "Dad..."_

_I knew he could tell the sadness in my voice. "Bells, honey what is it?"_

"_I want to come home. I think I made the wrong decision." All I heard was silence mixed with my father's heavy breathing._

"_Dad?"_

"_I'm here. Are you sure about that sweetheart? I mean you've only been there a few days, I don't think you've given this enough time to think it through."_

_I bit my lip and closed my eyes and a tear streaked down my face, following the path of its predecessor's. _

"_I'm sure. I don't think I'm cut out for Chicago. I can just go to Washington State for my master's. I'm sure I could start up during the spring semester with some help from my old professors. I mean I know I could get them to send some more letter of recommendation"_

"_If you truly think that is the best decision, I'll support you Bells. But I want you to at least take a week to think this through and it will give time for you to take care of what you need to do if you do decide to come back home. I'm sure Jake would be happy to have you back."_

"_I bet he would." I rolled my eyes; both Billy and Charlie had been hoping that Jake and I would get back together and marry ever since we ended our engagement. They never gave up hope that we would all officially be family one day soon. I found it hilarious since most fathers would be trying to threaten boys away from their daughters with shotguns, while it seemed he was eagerly waiting to help me send out the invitations. _

"_Ok, I'm pretty sure I won't be changing my mind, but I'll take the week to notify the proper people." Most importantly Dr. Cullen, which made my stomach bottom out at the thought._

"_I love you Bells, and call me with news."_

"_Love you too dad." It was one of our longest conversations we've had in a while. _

_After I hung up the phone I took a look around my dorm room. I figured I would start packing up and get items I needed to return to Target back in their boxes. I pulled the boxes I had saved in my closet and my suitcases out and started to get to work. Before I knew it, there was a knock at my door. I looked at my cell phone for the time and saw the mixer for the RA staff was starting soon._

"_Hello Alice." I opened the door to see the pixie bouncing up and down in excitement._

"_Heya Bella. You ready to go?" She ran her eyes up and down at my outfit and I realized I hadn't changed out of the clothes that I wore to the group meeting._

"_Um, let me change and then we can head out."_

"_Oh thank god. I thought I was going to have to force you to change. Might meet some hotties tonight if we are lucky."_

"_Oh, hardy har har, Alice." I grabbed a pair of black skinny jeans I hardly wore and a light blue sweater on my way into my bathroom to change._

_I heard the sound of Alice rummaging around my room as I slipped my top over my head. "Bella?"_

"_Yes?" I started putting my hair up in a messy bun._

"_Why did you put the stuff we got from Target back in their boxes? And why are your suitcases out?" I opened the door and took my oversized case out of her hand and flung it into my closet._

"_We'll talk about it later ok. Let's just get this thing over with tonight, I really feel like getting to bed early."_

_Her face red and her nose was flaring as she spoke, "You bet your sweet ass we will talk about _this _later. I think I already know what you are up to, so I'll grant you some fun before I give you a talking to you will never forget."_

_I was never more frightened of a person than at that moment._

"_Ok… well after you then." I ushered her out the door as we made our way to the mixer._

_After two hours of bad music, warm punch and stale chips, I figured it was time to go. I did my best to talk to the other RAs but I figured not to get to know them too well since I wouldn't be here long. I was going to tell Marcus, the Director after my meeting with Dr. Cullen on Wednesday._

_I walked over to Alice who was busy chatting with an attractive man with long blonde hair that was pulled into a ponytail. His eyes darted to me as I approached and I saw the flash of a smile that left me feeling dirty. _

"_Alice, I'm gonna head back to my room. I'll see you tomorrow." I leaned in to give her a hug before making a quick exit._

"_Wait up Bella." She called to me. I saw Alice writing something on the man's hand before she rushed over to my side._

"_So…" I waited until we left the room. "Who was that?"_

"_That's James. He's an RA at the Jorgen, the all-male hall."_

"_What did you write on his hand?"_

"_Just my number." She said it matter-of-factly. _

"_Tell me how that goes." She smiled at me as we reached my room and I knew it was time for the inquisition._

_I threw my purse down on my nightstand and sat on my bed waiting for her to begin._

"_Were you going to tell me you were leaving or was I going to just find out when I stopped by to find an empty room?" She tapped her toe on the floor as I felt my face flush._

"_Of course I would have told you Alice. I'll be here until the end of the week to get things in order, so it's not like I'm leaving tonight."_

"_No, you aren't leaving at all Bella. I know what this is about. What ever happened today is no reason to run away. You have this wonderful opportunity, suck it up and do something great. Besides, I don't want to lose my friend." I could see tears welling up in her eyes. I got up from my bed and crossed over to her, running my hand up and down her arm to comfort her._

"_Alice, I would stay in touch with you after I left and we could take turns visiting each other, but I have to go. Chicago is not working for me."_

"_Fine. I think you are making a mistake, but I can't force you to stay. At least let me help you before you go. And don't forget to give me your address."_

"_As long as I can have yours too." She nodded and she gave me a tight hug. For some reason I knew she and I would always be lifelong friends no matter the distance, even after knowing each other for so little time._

_Tuesday passed by in a rush of RA training that was practically pointless for me, but I did my best to pay attention and participate. Alice and I had lunch while I told her my new plans to attend Washington State in the spring and about the Forks clinic. When I explained to her how small Forks was, and that the closest decent mall was in Seattle, she nearly spit out the sip of soda she took back in my face._

"_You're kidding me?" I shook my head no in response. "Well, I guess for my first visit you better just stay at a hotel with me in Seattle since I have plans for your wardrobe still, Ms. Swan." I gulped nervously because I didn't like the sound what was in store._

_My room was mostly packed up by that evening. I had everything in their boxes and found the receipts to return what I could. Alice said she would take me to Target on Thursday to return my stuff. I was going to be living out of a suitcase until the end of the week, but I decided to lay out my clothes for tomorrow to avoid wrinkles and leave with at least a better impression for Dr. Cullen then when I first met him. I set aside the fellowship contract I had yet to sign along with Esme Cullen's book she had lent me the night of the party. When I had everything ready for the next day, I went to bed early and confident I was doing the right thing._

_The next morning I got ready fairly quickly. I was to meet Dr. Cullen in his office at 10am; he was probably going to dismiss me, so I figured I would take that responsibility from him and beat him to it. I ate one of my granola bars and checked my email one last time before leaving; the only item was a new email about my course schedule waiting for me to open in my inbox. Since I didn't need to look at it now, I logged out and brought up a travel webpage I would look at later. I was planning to book my flight back home after I met with Dr. Cullen and Marcus so I could see when I would officially need to leave. I had about twenty minutes until my meeting so I picked up the oversized purse I used as a makeshift briefcase and slipped my papers and the book into it before I left my room._

_My heart was pounding with nervousness as I found my way to his office door. I only had to say that I was leaving and then go. I would never have to embarrass myself in front of him for the rest of my life. There was a part of me that wanted the complete opposite and was telling me to stay, that it was worth it._

_I swallowed back that last thought and raised my hand as I knocked on the wooden door. _

_Instantly I heard him respond. "Come in." his velvet voice sent shivers throughout my body and warmth spread through me. This was not a good sign._

"_Morning Dr. Cullen." I walked into the room and my breath hitched at the sight in front of me. Dr. Cullen was sitting at his desk, slightly leaning over an open book. His bronze hair in disarray and gleaming in the sunlight that came through his office window. He looked up from his reading and I saw his bright green eyes gazing at me behind a pair of the sexiest reading glasses I have ever seen. He was wearing a crisp white shirt and a golden tie. This man was too gorgeous to be real. I stood there and suddenly looked down at the ground when he quickly stood from his chair._

"_Good morning B- Ms. Swan. Please, have a seat." I looked up and saw him point to one of the oversized leather chairs that faced his desk. I crossed the room and sank into it. It made a faint hissing sound as air escaped the cushion. I took deep breaths to calm myself before I informed him of my intent to leave. Dr. Cullen sat back down and removed his glasses._

"_Thank you for meeting with me this morning Ms. Swan. I'm sure you must already have a busy schedule with your RA training and settling in and such."_

"_Um, yes, well I have been keeping busy." I looked down at my feet and crossed them as I bit my lip. I needed to just say it, and say it quick then get out of here. I looked around the room gathering my thoughts again. God I loved this office. There was a large bookshelf behind the desk that was filled with hundred of books of academia. His desk was oversized and was made of a rich dark wood that appeared to have been taken from the 1930's. Everything, besides the computer and the office telephone reminded me of how college offices would look like in movies from that time frame. Classic, masculine and expensive to say the least._

_I heard him cough before he spoke as if he had been lost in thought. "Ms. Swan, there are a few things I wanted to discuss with you before the group meeting this afternoon..." I had to stop him. I had to take myself out before he did_

"_Actually, Dr. Cullen, If I may, I need to let you know something." I paused and looked up to see him staring at me. His face was frozen as if he was trying to figure out what I was going to say before I spoke. He gestured with his hand that I continue. "I need to let you know that I do appreciate the opportunity for the allowing me to come here for the Cullen Fellowship. It was an opportunity that I never thought I could have been given."_

"_Was?" he sounded offended and in disbelief at the word. I needed to say my peace and get out of here. _

"_Yes, was. I just want to say thank you for putting up with me over the last few days, but I do not believe that I deserve to take this opportunity away from a more deserving candidate." I reached into my large purse that I had set on the floor and pulled out the contract and the loaned book. I placed both on the desk and pushed it over to him. "I just wanted to return the contract and your mother's book. I will be leaving at the end of the week and I do apologize for the short notice. Thank you for considering me Dr. Cullen." I stood up with my purse in hand to leave the room. Before I took one step away, he spoke._

"_Ms. Swan, sit please." His voice was harsh and it made me flinch. I turned back around and sat not meeting his eyes which I could feel on my face._

"_May I ask why you leaving? Why come at all if you are going to give up before you even start? I put a lot of consideration into selecting a candidate for this Fellowship, and you would not be here if you were not the most qualified." I looked up at him then. His lips were tight and his eyes were fierce as they looked into my own. It scared me yet I found it strangely attractive on him. "There were over seventy applicants from all over the country vying for this position and you were chosen Ms. Swan. You. Your application was the most impressive I have ever seen." I blushed at his comment and bit my lip. I was so certain he was going to tell me to leave, but I was sorely mistaken. I had let my own thoughts jump to conclusions. His face softened when he spoke again._

"_I'm afraid I'm not going to accept you resigning and running away. You see it's too short notice to find someone to replace you on the team, I don't think I would be able to find someone as qualified either. I'm going to have quite a bit of work with the research and my courses that you will just have to stay." _

"_Dr. Cullen, I –"_

"_Bella," he paused making sure I wasn't going to speak. "Ms. Swan, if you leave I will be left without a TA for my developmental course, meaning I would have more work to deal with and also we would be short staffed with the research. It would be completely unfair to me and the others." He was right, it would not be fair. He was leaning across his desk towards me, his eyes searching for something. He closed his eyes as if accepting defeat that I was in fact leaving. I felt horrible; I took this opportunity he gave me and practically spat on it. I let out a sigh and he opened his eyes at the sound._

"_Dr. Cullen. I apologize. I just felt that, well, after some of our interactions over the past few days; I thought that it would be best for me to leave."_

_He lifted an eyebrow at me and suddenly let out a laugh. He shook his head in amusement and then smiled at me with a crooked smile that turned my brain mush and a rush of arousal centered around my core. What. The. Hell. Was. That. I coughed to jerk myself out of the haze he put me in and continued._

"_I can see I was hasty in my decision. If it is alright with you, I think I will stay then." I refused to look at him. _

"_I think that is more than alright with me Ms. Swan. What would I do without you here?" His words hit me in an odd way and I looked up to catch his face turn a little red. "Um… oh… well since this matter is now dealt with, I think you should sign the contract and you can take back my mother's book until you have finished with it. She would be surly disappointed that you never had a chance to read it." He pushed the contract and book back to me across the desk. I slipped the blue novel back into my purse quickly and began signing and dating the terms of my contract for the Fellowship. When I finished Dr. Cullen took the paperwork and placed it in the top drawer of his desk with a small smile. Now I was here until I was finished or eventually dismissed._

"_I do need to discuss some important matters with you, and I assure you it has nothing to do with taking out a new insurance policy since you will be sticking around."_

_He laughed at his own joke as I felt my face turn redder._

_For the remainder of the hour we discussed some of my duties with being a TA for him along with the research. I was to attend every developmental class so to follow along with his lectures and be on hand in case students had questions or requested tutoring. On Friday afternoons I would hold a recitation for the course where students could come in for an hour and we could go over any and all questions they had and to have test review sessions similar to a study hall. I would also assist him with grading quizzes, midterms and papers that he assigned. The developmental course was a popular undergrad course and he informed me that he usually had around 200 to 250 a semester. He gave me a breakdown of his grading and samples of poor papers and papers he deemed "A-worthy" which caused a small laugh out of me. He told me that I may need to run a lecture in his course at some point in the case he would miss a class due to conferences he was asked to speak at. I was never one for speaking in front of large crowds, and he must have noticed my hesitance._

"_Is that going to alright with you Ms. Swan? I mean, if not we could always just cancel the course for the day if it's going to be a problem."_

"_No, I can do it; I just have a hard time public speaking." I shrugged as I admitted my weakness. Dr. Cullen merely nodded and gave me a soft smile._

"_To be completely honest with you, I have a hard time with that too." I felt like blurting out "bullshit" to him. He spoke at conferences around the world; he was just saying that to make me feel better._

"_Whatever you say Dr. Cullen." _

"_No, I truly do. I just use a technique to get over it. Before I speak I close my eyes and visualize something that brings me peace, I call it my place of serenity. It's something I learned when… um, back during my Master's program."_

"_What if that doesn't work?" I asked him. It couldn't be as simple as that. _

"_Go back to the old adage of 'picture them in their underwear.'" He laughed._

_My face felt on fire at his words for at that moment, all I could picture was Dr. Cullen sitting in his office chair in nothing but a pair of dark green silk boxers. His hair messy as ran his hand through it and then he would slip on those sexy reading glasses. I closed my eyes to calm the pounding my heart was going into._

"_Are you feeling alright Ms. Swan?" His voice was full of concern._

"_Yes, sorry, didn't sleep to well last night." I lied. _

_After a beat, he continued talking about the rest of my responsibilities. On Wednesdays around one o'clock would be weekly meetings with the research team to discuss testing and results. For the first few weeks of the semester we would be training to run research sessions and to familiarize ourselves with the lab computers. Testing schedules wouldn't be discussed for at least a month after the start of the semester until we were prepared._

_Finally we needed to set up a time to meet for my one-on-one mentor sessions with him. This would be when we would go over my progress in my courses and gain input on my thesis. Since his developmental course took place in the mornings and my Master's courses took place in the afternoons we decided to hold out meetings in the evening. I had suggested Fridays since I had a very light schedule on those days, but Dr. Cullen said that might conflict with his conferences since most of them tended to take place around weekend. Finally we agreed to meet on Thursdays around 6:30pm. _

_It was time to end our meeting and although I had come in with different intention, I was leaving knowing that I really should have not been so dramatic. I would need to call Charlie as soon as I got back to my room, he would probably be a bit disappointed I wouldn't be home, but would be happy that I stayed too. And Alice, well I would have put down money she would probably throw a "Bella's staying" party once I told her. _

_I rose from my chair to head out, but I figured I would try and leave Dr. Cullen with a better impression than the last two times we were in close proximity. So I held out my hand over the desk to him. He stood up from his chair and took my extend hand in his. When I felt his touch, the same sensation of electricity I felt at the department party shot through my body. My head shot up to meet his face looking back at mine almost mirroring my current feelings of confusion at what just occurred. Did he feel that too?_

"_Um, I just want to thank you again Dr. Cullen. And I do want to apologize for when I first came in. I will do my best for you." I shook his hand and noticed mine start to squeeze around his more. His fingers were long and I could feel that they were course as to be expected of a man's yet gentle at the same time._

_He looked at my face and I noticed that his eyes shot down to my lips for just an instant before looking back into my eyes. "There is no need to thank me Ms. Swan, you deserve this experience, and I hope that you do enjoy it. It will be a lot of work, but in the end I hope you feel it was the right thing. And please don't feel you need to do this for me, do your best for you." He smiled that crooked smile again and I felt my knees start to wobble. My heart was pounding in my chest when I felt his thumb rub small circles into the back of my hand. I needed to leave before I did something embarrassing like asking him to take me on his desk. Oh my God, I can't believe I thought about my mentor doing that, I was going to inappropriate places. I quickly released his hand and stepped away towards the door. I felt hollow with the loss of his touch. _

_The room was not that large but my walk to the door seemed to take forever, and I could feel that he was right behind me. Suddenly a jolt shot through me again as I felt his hand on my lower back when I reached the door, which he opened for me._

"_I expect to see you at the team meeting later today, is that clear?" I could hear his teasing tone with me and for some reason it I felt the urge to play along. When I crossed the threshold back into the hallway, I turned around and look up at him under my eyelashes._

"_We'll just have to see about that, won't we?" I tried to fight the smile that was working its way through but I felt my control start to slip. I knew that I was bordering of flirting with this man, this man who I would see practally everyday, who I would work with for what I hoped to be at least three years, who made my knees weak and made me think naughty things. It was entirely wrong, but it felt good. Until I saw the look on his face. Quickly my playfulness was pushed aside when the look of panic crossed Dr. Cullen's face._

"_Dr. Cullen?" He was breathing very hard and I could see his grip on the door was strong and his knuckles were turning white. "Edward?" My voice was barely a whisper. I was confused; he was so upbeat a moment ago. "Is everything ok?" I stepped closer to him, but just as I was about to reach out to him he stepped back._

"_I'm fine, I'll… I'll see you with the other team members Ms. Swan." And he quickly shut the door in my face. The wind caused from the motion sent my hair flying around and into my vision. As I pushed my hair back away from my face, I tried to think about what I did wrong to cause that reaction. I guess I shouldn't have said that to him. _

_I walked back to my room which only took me five minutes to reach. This was going to be nice once classes were in session, I loved being so close. I kicked off my shoes when I was in my room and laid down on my bed to make some calls._

_Charlie was a little disappointed I was not coming home, but he told me that staying was probably best for me. He said that Jake had called him Monday after I called to let him know about my breakdown in the ladies room of the Behavioral Sciences Building. Charlie said that he agreed with Jake and I was starting to get annoyed with everyone telling me how I deserved to be there. I knew it all along, but still it was becoming tiring. Before I hung up, Charlie told me that I needed to call Jake and let him know I was staying._

_As soon as Jake picked up his phone he went off on me again before I even had a chance to say hello. I let him rant for a good two minutes about how I needed this; I deserved to be here, yada yada yada… when I finally interrupted him. I told him about how I was going to stay, that it was official since I signed my contract. He said good because he was just about to buy a plane ticket to Chicago and fulfill his promise from Monday. He told me to call him soon and I told him I would keep him updated with my experience. _

_Alice was as I expected. I called her to invite her to lunch before our meeting and I told her about how Dr. Cullen convinced me to stay. I had to cover my ears when she squealed with happiness in the café she took us to._

"_Shh... quit or they will throw us out for disturbing the peace." I looked around an noticed the other patron grumbling in distaste at her behavior._

"_Sorry. Oh yea! I'm so happy you are staying. Don't do that to me again, you hear?" I nodded. It would not be a good thing if I did, I could only imagine the consequences._

_When our food arrived, she told me about her plans to go out with James later that weekend since we would have Sunday free from training. Students would be starting to arrive next Monday in order to get settled before the semester began. She told me she was having a hard time deciding on an outfit, which might call for a quick shopping trip one day this week and we discussed possible locations James might be taking her too. After we finished eating she insisted on paying the bill which I grumbled at, and we headed back to campus for the group meeting._

_When we arrived at the lab we were one of the first to arrive. Alice and I took our seats next to Mike again as everyone else tricked in. Dr. Cullen was the last to arrive and he looked a bit flustered, but when he looked over to where I was sitting he smiled to which I nodded to him that "yes, I'm still here."_

_The group meeting covered the same information Dr. Cullen shared with me in our private meeting from earlier. Angela passed out our meeting times and the schedule she had set for training. We were to start practicing group hypnosis sessions that were to be done after participants completed the initial written portion of the study. Alice was excited to find out that she was included on the list since she thought she would only be working with the first part and in the lab entering data. We were to train together with Angela sometime in October. At the end of November I would be training on individual hypnosis with the EEG machine which made me excited. This was the part of the study that I found the most fascinating._

_The rest of the week was pretty much uneventful. I put my room back together and in between my RA training, I took some time to explore the campus. It truly was a beautiful campus. I was looking forward to when the main campus library to open so I could spend a few hours in there. I loved the smell of library books. It was as if you could smell the years of time on them, it was one of my favorite scents besides my strawberry shampoo and freshly laundered clothes. _

_Jasper called me a few times as well. Friday morning he called to invite me to lunch that day around 1pm. I asked Alice to join us, but she said that she couldn't because she still needed to find the right outfit for her date with James. We would be stuck in training all day Saturday and she said it would probably take a majority of the day so she would need to go today. I could never understand why some women needed to spend so much time shopping but I wished her luck. I'm sure whatever she found would be stunning on her._

_There was a little over an hour before Jasper was to pick me up. I was busy checking my student email account when I received a message about the campus bookstore being open already to purchase books. Since I had nothing else to do I printed out my schedule I received earlier in the week, picked up my red backpack and my wallet out of my purse and walked the ten minute path to the store._

_I only had three courses I was taking this semester. There was _Introduction to Clinical Neuropsychology _with Dr. Amelia Duvall, _Methods and Statistics in Neuropsychology_ with Dr. Eric Peterson and _Neuropsychology of Memory_ with, wait, Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I didn't remember seeing that before. I thought that was a typo and I went to an available bookstore associate to clarify._

"_Excuse me miss?" I called to a tall blonde leggy woman wearing a blue store polo._

"_Yes, how can I help you?" She put down a stack of books she had been stocking._

"_Um, I was just looking over my schedule and I just wanted to confirm that I have the right books for the right instructors. I handed her my schedule and she took off to the section of the store that held the course books._

"_Here's you clinical book for Duval, stats with Peterson, and memory with Cullen. Is that everything?"_

"_Dr. Carlisle Cullen is teaching Neuro Memory?" I could have sworn there was a different professor teaching when I received the first copy of my schedule._

"_Yes, I guess the previous professor recently found out about some of his soon-to-be ex-wife's indiscretions, and let's just say he didn't take it so well. Dr. Cullen decided to come back from retirement to teach that course. I hear that he's quite attractive for an older man, if you catch my drift." She gave a wink._

"_Oh, well I think that's all I need. Oh wait. I also need a copy of the Developmental Psychology course book with the other Dr. Cullen."_

"_You lucky bitch." I heard her mumble as she walked an isle over to get me my book._

_I seriously thought about selling one of my kidneys when it came time to pay for my books. I handed over my credit card to purchase the $500 worth of books and packed them up in my backpack. When I was outside I saw a weekly newspaper that listed events around town and picked myself a copy as I made my way back to my hall. I dropped off my backpack and transferred my wallet to my purse and made my way to wait outside and read the events paper while I waited for Jasper. _

_It was a lovely sunny day and I found a picnic area outside the hall that had a good view of the street so I could see when Jasper arrived. I looked over the events for the Sunday, I figured I could try and find something to do with some free time that day. There were a couple of bars that had free shows and an art fair downtown. I guess I could get familiar with the public transit system this weekend when I checked that out. _

_There was also a classified section in the paper and I scanned to see if there were any vehicles I could possibly look into purchasing when the sound of footsteps behind me drew my attention. I didn't like people sneaking up on me. When I turned to see who was approaching, my breath hitched, as it seemed to always do when I was near Dr. Cullen._

"_Ah, Ms. Swan, I see you are enjoying the weather today."_

"_Yes, I'm not used to the sun like this, so I figured to get out and enjoy it as much as possible. Where I grew up, it practically rained every day. It's a nice change." It seemed very easy to talk to him when the rest of my body was affected._

"_Well, I'm glad you are enjoying our sun." He winked and my face flushed. Damn it. "Are you looking for something to do this weekend? I see you have a copy of the _Reader_." He pointed to the paper I still had open._

"_Yes, I have some free time this Sunday and figured to get out and see what there is to do around here. The art fair seems to be calling my name." I gave a slight smile. My eyes transfixed on the man in a light blue collared shirt, with a silver silk tie and charcoal slacks. This man looked like sex in anything he wore. He shifted his weight slightly as he continued to look back. It was becoming too intense for me so I decided to turn my attention back to the paper, but I wasn't able to read a single word on the page._

"_I'm just heading over to the union to pick up something to eat." His voice was low and there was a hint of apprehension in how he spoke. "If you haven't already eaten, you could join me if you like." _

_I turned back to look at Dr. Cullen, his face was difficult to read. "Oh. Thank you for the offer, Dr. Cullen, I-" The sound of a horn honking cut me off and I saw Jasper waving at me from the driver seat of his car. "I'm sorry, I would like to, but I sort of already had plans for lunch." He looked hurt at the news, but quickly it changed to hold a smile that didn't reach his eyes._

"_That's fine. Maybe some other time then. I'm sure with all the work we'll be doing together, there will be other opportunities." I nodded and picked up the paper from the table. I was secretly hoping that I would get a chance to share a meal with him. Maybe breakfast in bed eve. No, stay away from those thoughts._

"_Enjoy your lunch Ms. Swan."_

"_You too, Dr. Cullen." I nodded my goodbye and walked over to Jasper who was now standing outside his car in front of it._

"_Hey Jazz."_

"_Howdy Darlin'" god his southern drawl was adorable. I laughed and gave him a hug when I reached him._

"_So where are we eating at?" I mused._

"_How do you feel about the best bbq that Chicago has to offer?" I decided to take a quick look over my shoulder to where I left my mentor and saw him stalking to the other direction with his head down. From his body language he looked upset. I decided not to dwell on that and turned my attention back to Jasper who was now opening the passenger door for me._

"_Sounds delicious." _

_Saturday we had our CPR training followed by an afternoon of making door decks for our residents and some role playing on possible situations we might have with residents. When it was my turn I was given the situation of a girl dealing with the breakup from her boyfriend, and Alice had volunteered for the role of one of my "residents". It was hard to keep a straight face as she pretended to be bailing her eyes out. In the end, Marcus had to take over so he could demonstrate techniques that would be appropriate for the situation. When we were done for the day, Alice invited me to her room so we could have a girl's night and she could show me her outfit for her date. We painted our toenails, well, she painted while my toes looked like I had a three year old give me a pedicure. I told Alice I never really had any female friends growing up, so I never did this sort of thing. She laughed but she understood and she decided that until I had more practice she would finish for me. We fell asleep on her pink frilly bed while watching the Breakfast Club. She had a thing for a young Emilio Estevez, and I told her I like the bad boy Judd Nelson. _

_When Sunday morning came, Alice was in full on date prep mode. I helped with whatever I could and at noon she was practically pristine for her date. James hadn't told her where he was taking her yet, but she said she liked surprises. I walked with her to the lobby where she was supposed to meet him and told her to call me when she was done to let me know how it was. She knew I was going to the art fair and told me what buses I should take to get there. I gave her a hug when we both saw James sitting in one of the chairs in the front. He racked his eyes up and down, and I felt that it wasn't just Alice he was checking out, and it made me shutter in my mind._

_After forty five minutes on the bus I finally made it to Millennium Park where the fair was being held. There were hundreds of booths set up with vendors and artists. I was in awe of the buildings and surrounding the area; they were pieces of art themselves. I thought about calling Jasper to ask if he wanted to join me, but I remembered he was out of town on a business trip until Monday. I was looking at looking at landscape pieces from a local artist when my cell phone started to ring. I pulled it out of my purse and noticed the caller ID said Alice. I thought that was odd, her date shouldn't be over with yet, and I flipped it open to answer._

"_Alice, what's up?"_

"_Bella I need you to come get me right away please." Her voice was panicky. Something wasn't right._

"_What's wrong?"_

"_I'll tell you about it when you pick me up, please hurry."_

"_Ok, tell me where you are."_

"_The ladies rooms in the lobby of the Hotel Monaco. It's just down the road from Millennium Park."_

"_Ok, I'll be there in a few." I hung up the phone and asked the artist where Hotel Monaco was from here. She told me that I needed to take a few blocks south and I would be able to see it._

_Twenty minutes later I walked through the lobby to the reception area._

"_Excuse me, can you tell me where the ladies room is?" The clerk pointed to the right and I found the room easily, especially since James was standing right next to the door._

"_Hey there sexy, what are you doing here?" He looked over at me and licked his lips. So gross._

"_Nothing, excuse me, I need to step in there for a moment." I pushed my way passed him._

"_If you see Alice, tell her to hurry it up."_

_I found Alice sitting on a chair in the lounge area hugging her knees to her chest._

"_Bella, I need you to take me home. I didn't know he would do this. I'm not like that. I just want to go."_

"_It's ok, we'll leave, I'm here now, and we can go." She took my hand as I pulled her out of the ladies room._

"'_bout time sweet thing, you ready to head up." James went to grab Alice out of my hand and I pulled her to my back as I turned to him._

"_She isn't going with you anywhere your sick pervert. We are leaving and don't ever call her. She's not interested in anything you have to offer."_

"_You could join us if your jealous." He gave a wicked smile. I was full of rage at the sick bastard I couldn't help my actions as I slapped him hard against his face._

"_Fuck off you asshole." Alice and I bolted out of the building and we hailed a cab that was passing just in time._

"_Thank you Bella. I'm so sorry. I didn't know he was going to take me here. I thought we would just get lunch and walk around, but he told me he wanted to take me somewhere special and he got a room, and I freaked out. I mean, I'm not a virgin and all, but I would never sleep with someone on the first date, and he was being aggressive about it, and I ran to the bathroom because he wouldn't let me leave. I'm sorry."_

"_Alice, it's ok. Your one of my closest friends, I would do this for you no matter what. I just can't believe I slapped that sick bastard."_

"_Well, he deserved it. You really are the best." She hugged my side as tears streaked her face._

_We decided to not talk about what happened that day ever again, to move on and make sure who ever we decided to date in the future was a gentleman. _

_The last week before the semester started was full of helping students move in to their rooms, more RA training, lunches with Jasper and dinners with Alice. Aside from the research team meeting on Wednesday, I hardly saw Dr. Cullen, which I found to be both a relief and a disappointment at the same time. In my spare time I had read a majority of the Developmental book and was finished by Sunday night. Before I called it a night, I looked over the lecture notes Dr. Cullen had sent me to be prepared for the first week of the course. I wanted to be prepared and prove that I could handle this._

When I deemed my hair dry enough I applied some eye shadow, mascara and a little lip gloss. I figured I would try to look a little professional on my first day of classes. Today would be full of going over syllabi, but it wouldn't hurt to look like I took my education seriously. I looked back at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and figured I looked alright. I smoothed out my steel grey skirt that had a slight flare at the knees and made sure my burgundy blouse was tucked in. I approved and was ready to set out. I picked up my large purse and loaded it with the lecture notes and the book for Dr. Cullen's class. His was the first I had today and I decided to be a little early to get a seat near the front.

I arrived at the large lecture hall around twenty five minutes early and found a seat on the far side in the front near the windows that looked over the front of campus. As I took my seat I became focused on a tiny yellow and black bird flying around a tree near the window. I was fascinated as it dove in and out of the branches like he was playing a game of solo hide and seek. I rested my hand on my chin as I watched the bird walk along one of the larger branches that was next to the window. I was so caught up in the tiny creature's show I didn't notice the figure that stood in front of my desk.

"It a Hooded Warbler." The velvet voice spoke to me breaking my concentration.

Dr. Cullen stood there with a look of amusement and a smirk. "Excuse me?" I asked.

"That little guy," he pointed out the window to the yellow bird that was now chirping _wheeta wheeta whee-tee-oh_, "that's a Hooded Warbler. Males have a black hood on their head, where part of the name comes from. You'll see a few of them around campus. Cute little buggers." He chuckled and I smiled back. He seemed carefree as he spoke about my winged friend.

"Are you an ornithologist on the side, Dr. Cullen?" he shook his head in amusement at my little tease.

"No, sorry to disappoint Ms. Swan. I just happen to remember reading up on them in my undergrad biology course. Seeing those little guys everyday makes it hard to forget." He looked around the room at the students that were now filing into the hall and took a deep breath. "So are you ready for your first day as my TA?"

"As ready as I can be. I read the text last week, so I hope I can remember the information."

"You read the entire text?" he sounded to be in disbelief.

"Yes, I'm a fast reader and I felt I better familiarize myself with the material since it has been a long time since I took a developmental course." I raised my shoulder to indicate is wasn't a big deal.

"It's only the first day of the course and I'm already impressed with you Ms. Swan." He looked down at his watch and sighed. "Time to face the masses, you ready?" I laughed as I nodded. "Here goes nothing."

He walked to the podium at the front of the hall and set his briefcase on the desk next to it. I saw him close his eyes for a moment; I figured he was trying his serenity technique he told me about. A smile stretched across his face, it looked like it was working. At that moment I wanted to know what he was imagining to make him so calm and happy. The noise of the students talking started to quiet when he cleared his throat and open his eyes.

"Good morning everyone. I'm Dr. Edward Cullen and this is Developmental Psychology." He continued his introduction and I took the opportunity to look around at the other students. I wasn't surprised that a majority of the course consisted of females, since the common ratio at any university was around 4 females to every single male. What did surprise me was that there were expressions on the female faces. All of them were practically eye fucking Dr. Cullen with their gaze. Now I understood why he said this course was fairly popular. A laugh slipped out of me that I tried, unsuccessfully, to cover up as a cough which caused a few heads to turn in my direction. One I noticed to be that of Tanya from my hall. Her eyes shot at me like daggers, and I quickly turned to the front to see Dr. Cullen looking at me chuckling himself.

"As I was saying, since this class is rather large this semester, the university has assigned a Teaching Assistant to help me with the work load. She will be here every course and will be assisting me with grading along with running the Friday recitations and tutoring should you need any additional help. Ms. Swan is currently attending the University of Chicago to obtain her Master's in Neuropsychology and she is certainly qualified to be here." He sent me a wink which made me blush. "Ms Swan, would you mind helping hand out the syllabus?" he opened his briefcase and took out the numerous copies he had prepared.

I quickly got out of my seat and tripped slightly as my foot missed a step, but thankfully I caught myself in time before falling on my face. When I reached his desk he gently handed me the stack. "Thank you." He whispered to me. I turned around and took in the full effect of the lecture hall; there was not a single free seat here. I immediately thought back to what he said about me possibly running lectures in his absence and that made me gulp in fear.

I separated the stack into smaller piles as I passed them to the different rows where the students passed them around until everyone had a copy. When I was finished I made it back to my seat without any difficulty.

"I have listed my office hours on the top of the syllabus, I will only be available at those times, otherwise you will be out of luck. Also I have included Ms. Swan's university email should you need to ask any questions or to set an appointment for a tutoring session. With that said, I will let you all read the rest of the syllabus on your own time, for now let's get started with our semester together."

There were a few groans as the sound of notebooks being taken out was echoed in the hall. It was a common belief that most professors waited until the second class to begin the course work, but I was learning Dr. Cullen was not the norm in anyway.

For the first lecture, he covered the history of Developmental Psychology. Although I had already read the material for this chapter, I still was fascinated. His neat handwriting on the whiteboard was elegant and I envied at how perfect it was compared to my chicken scratch.

Watching the way his lips moved as he spoke I couldn't help my mind wondering off. I imagined us alone in the lecture hall late at night. He would be going over his plans for a future lecture. As he continued to tell me his plans he would walk closer to me at my desk. Sending me that sexy crooked smile of his. When he was directly in front of me he would start to remove his neck tie. When it was cast aside he would reach out and run his long fingers across the apple of my checks which would set me on fire. His tongue sweeping over his lips as he closed the distance between our faces as he bent closer. I imagined him cradling my neck as his lips would brush gently against mine. Before my daydream went further I was brought back to my current soundings when my neighbor dropped her pen. I tried my best to focus back to the lecture that was currently going on and ignoring the thought of what it would be like to make out with Dr. Cullen. All too soon it was time for the class to end.

"Thank you all for showing up today and I look forward to the rest of the semester." He stepped away from the podium and started packing up his briefcase. I sat in my chair as I waited for the students to file out of the room. I was planning to ask him if he needed me to assist with anything before the next course. As I waited, I noticed several stragglers surrounding Dr. Cullen in the front. All female of course, asking nonsensical questions that made me laugh. Sometimes these girls try too hard at throwing themselves at a man, especially an man that was off limits to them, as was the case.

I let myself look away from the mating show and tried to find my feathered friend outside. I found him fluttering around putting on another air show for me. I decided to give him a name. Warby sounded good to me. I continued to watch Warby for around ten minutes when the hall was finally silent. I turned back to the front and saw Dr. Cullen was now alone, arms crossed over his chest waiting for me.

"Are you sure _you_ aren't interested in ornithology Ms. Swan? Maybe neuropsychology isn't the right path for you." He joked.

"Warby is fun to watch, but I prefer spending my time studying people's brains." I picked up my purse off the floor and made my way over to him.

"Warby?" he raised his eyebrow at me.

"Uh yeah, his name is Warby. I'm thinking of taking him home with me. Although I don't know how my residents would feel about the chirping. Maybe I could train him to chirp Beatles songs."

"You are a strange bird yourself, Ms. Swan but maybe that's why Warby likes you." We both laughed at this. "So, what did you think about the class? You think you can handle it?"

"Oh I think I'll be fine, just warn me on your absences so I can call in sick on those days."

"Will do." He picked up his briefcase and started to move to the door when he nodded that I walk with him. "Was there a particular reason for you staying after, or was it just for Warby?"

"Well, I just wanted to see if you need me to do anything before the next course. You know run copies or anything." I was trying my best to keep up with him, but his long legs took large strides.

"I think I'm fine, you're already ahead of the game with reading the book already. Before I forget, I need a copy of your receipt for your books. Part of the fellowship includes the cost of you books here. Just one of the perks about working with me." He stopped and I realized that we were standing in front of his office.

"Well, I will get that to you soon. If you do need anything else though, please don't hesitate to let me know."

"I will remember that." He moved his case to his other hand and it seemed like he wanted to say something more, but he didn't. We stood there outside his door looking at each other for what seemed like forever. His free hand ran through his messy hair and I found myself longing to run my hand through it as well. I really needed to leave before I acted on my impulse.

"So, uh, I guess I will see you later than Dr. Cullen." I stepped away and started to walk down the hallway to exit the building when I thought I heard him respond.

"I look forward to it."

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**Reader Questions:**

**Q: **Why does Dr. Liam have Bella's name in quotes? Does he not believe that she's real?

**A: **In chapter 14, Dr. Liam uses quotation marks when he writes Bella's name because it is not her proper name. In previous sessions Edward would address her as Ms. Swan or Isabella. Bella is actually considered a nickname. If the documentation was needed for legal matters, it would signify that Bella was not her legal name provided on her birth certificate.

**A lot of people like the Dr. Liam chapter. Who knows, you may be hearing from him again in the future.**

**Please keep sending in your reviews and your questions. Edward's POV is up next.  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: First things first. I am sorry to to my readers that were upset about my last A/N from chapter 15. Please know that it was a difficult time for me a few weeks ago, but things are better now that I am getting used my new situation, and I promise to try and work on BtB until the end.**

**Thank you for the reviews from the last chapter. I do have to let you know this one was a bit difficult for me to write. I am warning you that personally, I cried at least 5 times while I was writing it. With that said... I hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight  
**

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**Chapter 16**

EPOV

"So, uh, I guess I will see you later than Dr. Cullen."

The promise of seeing Bella soon weighed heavily on my mind. I wanted nothing more than to be in her presence every minute of every day because having her near me was more comforting and soothing then any prescription drug I had taken for my anxiety. I wanted to shout to her as she walked away that I needed her for always but I felt that would be the quickest way to scare her, we had only known each other in so little time, and she would flee back to Washington. I just had to say something though so that she would know that some part of me craved her.

"I look forward to it." Was all I could say as her figure walked slowly and carefully away and out of the building. Though I doubt she heard me. Wednesday morning was too far away.

I opened the door to my office and dropped my case next to my coat rack. When I reached my desk I flopped myself in my chair and loosened my neck tie. Over the course of the last two weeks I had usually called Dr. Liam following every interaction I had with Bella, because each time left me feeling like a wrecking ball hit me in the chest for some reason or another. Today was different though. Maybe it was the new medication I just started taking, maybe it was the distraction of classes finally in session, or maybe, just maybe I was finally seeing the good in the world. And Bella was defiantly good. No, she was perfection.

I spent my lunch time in my office thinking about her.

_I was certain that after our meeting that first Wednesday I was slipping back. I had wanted to discuss what she would be doing here and what exactly her duties would involve, but when she had interrupted to let me know she was leaving, well, I couldn't have that. I made the excuse that it was because I couldn't find a replacement in time, but I was lying to her, to Dr. Liam when I told him and myself. If she was gone, my life would crumble, and it scared me shitless. I didn't understand what could make her want to leave, but then when she mentioned our interactions, I could see. She thought that our little "run-ins" would make me think less of her. I could never think that. Even if she knocked me over every day, I would always be there to catch her and savor the moment. Though I should find her embarrassment irrational, I found it to be quite endearing._

_I had tried to make light of the situation, joking about insurance plans to have her around which seemed to work, and I mentally patted myself on the back that she agreed to stay. We talked more about my class she would be sitting in on and her hesitance to give lectures in my absence. I told her about my technique for my place of serenity, which only my father and Dr. Liam knew about. When the hour was finished, I wished that I could have more to discuss with her. Or maybe we could possible grab lunch together. I wasn't ready to give her up, but I had nothing. When she stood to leave my head was rushing, and when she threw out her hand in a simple gesture it took all my control not to jump up and grab her and shower her body with affection. I held out my hand anyways because I just needed to feel her again, even in the smallest possible way. When our hands connected though, I wasn't prepared to feel that jolt that course through my veins. I felt her hand hold mine tighter and my thumb caressed her hand on its own accord. She spoke to me and my eyes were drawn to her soft pouty lips. My body felt like jello and I wanted her lips on mine. When she withdrew her hand I felt the pangs of emptiness and it scared the shit out of me. I need to feel her again. _

_Without even thinking I followed her to the door and the arch of her lower back called to me like a siren's song. I knew it was probably not wise, but my brain had already left an hour ago. I placed the palm of my hand softly against her back and opened the door for her, because thankfully the gentleman in me was still there. The sensation of feeling her filled me again with warmth, but also I could feel the strain of my pants as my length was filling with pressure. I didn't know how I would be able to control that in the future, but I could care less._

_I knew she had already agreed to stay, heck she signed the contract and everything, but I wanted to make it clear that she was not leaving. When I teased her with saying I expected her to be at the meeting I thought she would laugh in her musical way, which would have left me content enough. _

_But she didn't. When she turned around and looked up at me through those long thick lashes, she was breathtaking. I wanted to hold her against me and kiss her deeply, inhale her essence and make her mine. I wasn't ready for what she said though. _

_When she said it, it brought me back to that night, ten years ago when the one person I had once loved uttered the same phrase and I lost it. I thought I was suffocating. I felt the phantom pain that shot out through the only physical evidence of that night along my left side. Wave after wave hit me and I felt scared and helpless. I remembered holding on the doorknob for dear life because I needed something to cling on to or I would collapse into the darkness. I knew that it was too late to hide this from Bella, she already noticed it and was trying to help. She broke the wall of professionalism we had when she whispered my name. It was the most beautiful thing I heard, but it frightened me. I told her I was fine, I didn't want to completely break down in front of her so I slammed the door, separating her from my pain._

_I had made my second call of the week to Dr. Liam afterwards. When I was finally off the phone it was time for the research meeting, missing out on lunch with one of my colleagues. When I made it to the lab, I just made it there in time. I was scared that after her seeing that little episode in my office she wouldn't show up, that I had frightened her away. I was anxious but when I saw her there, waiting, I felt all my anxiousness dissipate, and relief washed over me. She was still here, and we smiled at each other in an agreement that she wasn't going anywhere. _

_I often thought about her the rest of the week. I had faculty meetings and spent a lot of time in my office working on my lectures and materials for my courses. It was busy work, which was welcomed. On Friday my father popped his head into my office. It was very rare that I would see him since he would typically be in his office or away with my mother enjoying the aspects of not having to teach anymore._

"_Good morning Edward." He was chipper today and he used my first name, which tipped me off that something was up._

"_Morning Carlisle. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit today?" My father smiled as he sat himself in a chair across from my desk, the same one Bella sat in earlier in the week. I seemed to be associating everything with her._

" _I was just checking in to see how you are doing. It was a nice surprise to have you for lunch Sunday."_

"_Well, I hope you could set an extra setting every Sunday from now on for me."_

_Carlisle smiled brightly at this. "You mother and I would love that. Anyways, I actually came here to share some news with you. You may or may not have heard, but Professor Van is taking some time off for, well, _personal reasons_."_

_I had heard something about that at one of the faculty meetings earlier this week. Something about his wife and her golf instructor, but I hardly cared for water cooler gossip. I found it intrusive and disrespectful. "Yes, I think I may have heard about that. What's the news that you have though?"_

"_Well, they needed to find some professors to take over his course since he won't be around. Some of the other faculty members have agreed to take over the undergrad courses, but they needed someone with neuropsychology background to take over his Master's course on memory." _

_So the department wanted to offer me the course. Figures. I would take it, but I already had other obligations that I wouldn't be able to take on another course._

"_Well, I would be honored to teach the course, Carlisle, but unfortunately I do have a busy schedule as it is. You could tell the department thank you for the offer." I heard the slightest chuckle slip out of my father and it confused me._

"_Well, I would tell them that, if in fact that had offered it to you."_

"_I'm confused." And I certainly was._

"_The department actually offered me the position. To come back and teach this course, and after speaking with your mother, I agreed. It's been only a few years, but I'm looking forward to it. It will also mean that I will have to report to you now since you are head of the Neuropsychology department."_

"_That's wonderful news Carlisle. I promise to not let nepotism get in the way." I got out of my chair and gave my father a hug which he returned._

"_That was pretty much it then. I'm going to head back to my office and get some more work done on my lesson plans. I'll let you mother know you'll be joining us Sunday."_

_I walked him to the door and said my goodbye to him. It had been a while since I worked with my father, and now our roles here at the university had switched. I was happy for him because I knew how much he loved teaching._

_I worked for a little while longer in my office when I felt I needed to get out for a walk around campus. It was a beautiful day outside and I needed the fresh air. I had been cooped up long enough. I followed the path around the campus for a good half hour. The warmth and sun of the summer months would soon leave and it was nice to enjoy one of the last days before the fall officially arrived. It was approaching one o'clock when I started to grow a bit hungry. I was behind Hammond hall and was cutting through the path on the side to make my way to the union when I saw one of the most beautiful sites in my life._

_Her back was facing me as I slowed my approach to the picnic table she sat at. Her hair was flowing down her back in soft waves with hints of red catching in the sun and every so often she played with a strand between her fingers. Her head was bent over something, she was reading, and whatever it was had her attention. I was very close when I stepped on a few leaves that had fallen from the trees, announcing the arrival of the fall. She sat up at the sound and turned to face me and her face was as angelic as I remembered. _

"_Ah, Ms. Swan, I see you are enjoying the weather today." Keep it light Cullen._

_She took a moment and then responded. _"_Yes, I'm not used to the sun like this, so I figured to get out and enjoy it as much as possible. Where I grew up, it practically rained every day. It's a nice change." _

_I wanted to know more about her childhood and her life now. I wanted to know everything._

"_Well, I'm glad you are enjoying our sun." I sent her a wink and I saw her turn a deep red. I loved it. I walked a bit closer to her and recognized that she was reading the _Chicago Reader_ which typically wrote about things to do around the city. I used that paper frequently when I was younger. "Are you looking for something to do this weekend? I see you have a copy of the _Reader_." I pointed over to it._

_She glanced quickly over at it and then back to me. _"_Yes, I have some free time this Sunday and figured to get out and see what there is to do around here. The art fair seems to be calling my name." She loved art. Another item to add to the list that was the mystery of Ms. Swan._

_Her eyes quickly glanced over the length on my body as if she was taking me into her and evaluating. It was a bit unnerving like she could see through into me and I shifted slightly. I continued to stare into her eyes, willing her to speak again, I would give anything to hear her say my name again, but she looked away and turned back around to the paper. At that moment my stomach growled softly and I remembered why I was headed in this direction when an idea formed in my head that could keep me in her presence a little longer._

_I wasn't sure if she would agree, but I figured to just go ahead and give it a shot. _"_I'm just heading over to the union to pick up something to eat." I paused for just a moment to control myself. "If you haven't already eaten, you could join me if you like." I silently prayed that she would say yes._

_She slowly turned around again and I tried to control my desire to have her.__ "Oh. Thank you for the offer, Dr. Cullen, I-" then an annoying car horn sounded that cut her off, she looked over at the vehicle and I followed her gaze. A young man was behind the steering wheel and waving at her. I knew someone like her would not be available, it was too good to be true and what she said next confirmed what I already knew she would say. "I'm sorry, I would like to, but I sort of already had plans for lunch."_

_Life simply was not fair for me, yes I came from a family that was well off and I had a job that most would say is fulfilling. But I was never lucky enough to find complete happiness that came from companionship. And Bella being unavailable proved it to me. I felt the pain of loneliness I had grown accustomed to but I tried my best to cover it up by giving a smile that lied._

"_That's fine. Maybe some other time then. I'm sure with all the work we'll be doing together, there will be other opportunities." If I were only so lucky._

_She gave a slight nod to my statement as she got up and gathered her things._

"_Enjoy your lunch Ms. Swan."_

"_You too, Dr. Cullen." She bowed her head in a goodbye and walked to the man that was standing in front of his vehicle. He looked somewhat familiar, but I couldn't make him out fully due to the distance he was at. When she reached him my heart broke when she embraced him in a hug. I lost my appetite then and turned to walk a bit more campus, get my mind off of her. But I knew it would be of no use. I hung my head in defeat and pulled out my cell phone as soon as I was behind Hammond hall again and call Dr. Liam._

_Sunday I met with Dr. Liam and he wrote me my prescription for Klonopin. He wanted me to take the next week to ease off the Xanax and then start my new medication. He informed me that he would be sending in my monthly report to my case worker, Mrs. Garrett, so to be prepared if she called me about his report. When the session ended, I made my way to my parent's estate, like I promised. Again my mother was ecstatic to have me and we spent two hours talking about my father returning to teach and more on their trip in October. When I left my parents, I made a stop at my pharmacy to have my prescription filled and then made the drive back to my townhouse. I passed Millennium Park and saw the art fair Bella had mentioned. I debated whether or not to stop and look around, maybe she would still be there. But I thought I better not, because I didn't want to look like a stalker, which I felt would not be the best thing. I reasoned that I would see her enough at the university and besides, she was already seeing someone._

_The last week before classes started was full of more meetings, lesson plans, research meeting on Wednesday and waiting on the delivery of the new EEG machine I ordered. When it arrived after the meeting, Angela was as happy as a child on Christmas morning. She was in hyperactive mode and was looking for her first test subject to break it in. Although I had my share of being an EEG test subject, I didn't want to have a head full of the electrode gel for the day, so I excused myself and left Ben to assist. _

_Friday morning I had to leave to New York briefly for a conference, and for the first time in a while, I was not speaking. I sat for two days in lecture halls around Columbia University and in the evening would meet up with my soon-to-be sister-law for dinner. My oaf of a brother was out of town, again, and Rosalie was left to her own devises of wedding planning and also looking for an interior designer for their new loft in Manhattan. Her heart was set on getting some woman named Marian Brandon, but it was close to impossible to hire her since she was in such demand, especially with famous clients. I tried to pay attention with everything she said, but I found it difficult when my mind would start to wonder about my first class on Monday morning, knowing Bella would be there._

_I caught an early morning flight to Chicago Sunday and made it to my appointment with Dr. Liam. We discussed his suggestion of hypnotherapy sessions soon. I had tried those when I first started therapy and in the early session with Dr. Liam, but they seemed pointless to me. However, with the change in my prescription, I was beginning to see that there may be a change happening and agreed that we would eventually try soon._

_After lunch with my parents, I drove straight home to relax for my last evening before the official start of the school year. I opened up my laptop and went over my lecture notes for tomorrow. I sent a copy to Bella so she could have them as well. She probably hadn't had a chance to read the text yet, so the notes would probably be of some help. _

_I decided to go to bed early figuring the sooner I fell asleep, the sooner tomorrow would arrive. After another night of peaceful, uninterrupted sleep I was becoming happily used to, I woke up and quickly dressed and made it to my office in record time. I organized my syllabi for my classes and went off to the copy room on the second level. Twenty minutes after I handed my copy request to the pimply faced undergrad behind the desk, I headed back to my office to waste the last hour before the class started._

_I stood in front of my office window and watched the students walking across the campus. Faces new and old walked by and I thought about the future teachers, doctors, political advisors and journalists that would come from this lot. Something about being one of those persons to help them reach their dream job always left me feeling that maybe this life I was living did have some purpose, no matter how painful the rest of it was for me. This is why I am still here, still educating and not locking myself away from the world. If it wasn't for my position here, I would be a total recluse, holed up, in my townhouse, wasting away my trust fund by avoiding as much human contact as possible._

_The annoying chirping from the trees outside broke me from my thoughts. The fluffy yellow and black hooded warbler had always annoyed me since I first attended the university when I was just a lowly freshman. In my introduction to biology that first semester I remember us covering the study of birds, or ornithology. My professor at the time was an avid enthusiast and spent a good portion of her lectures on the subject telling us about the species that were around the state. Her favorite was the Hooded Warbler, and ever since that lecture, I noticed them around the campus. Their chirping I found to be rather annoying, and the ones on campus were so used to being around us humans that they never shied from displaying their feats of flight. _

_I watched the annoying yellow creature for a little while and then glanced at my watch. My class started in fifteen minutes. I sighed and packed up my briefcase to head to lecture hall B. It was the largest one in the building and I needed it because my class roster was full to capacity this year. I never understood why my course was so popular, but I hoped that it was because these students were interested in helping others in the future. _

_When I reached the hall, it was already halfway full. But I paid no attention to the faces of my students, because all I saw was Bella Swan sitting in the front row by the window. Her hand delicately under her chin and gazing to the trees outside. A small smile stretched across her face and I wanted to know what cased that. I walked over to her and stood in front of her, following her line of sight and saw her watching another Warbler dancing around for her. My previous annoyance for this bird evaporated and was replaced with appreciation, because anything that made this woman smile deserved it. I watched with her for a little while before I spoke to her and told her about the little guy. I even called him cute. We spoke for a little while. She shocked me when she told me she read the entire text in a week. I was impressed and I told her so. I, myself, could probably not even pull off that feat, especially since I now required ridiculous reading glass for any long periods of reading. I hated growing old._

_I would have talked to her all through the class hour, but I had a job to do and needed to begin my class. When I reached the podium I took in the full capacity hall. I have spoken to larger numbers of people before, but still, I hated to speak to any size crowd. I closed my eyes for a moment and drifted to my new place of serenity. I imagined Bella standing in a field of lilacs and sunflowers, wearing a satin dress of dark blue that hugged her frame as if it were molded to her body. Her hand would run through the flower as she smiled in the rays of the sun. Her long flowing hair gently blowing in the wind and the look in her eyes telling me that I was the only one in the world for her. _

_When I opened my eyes, I felt calm and confident to begin, and even more content because even though my eyes were open, she hadn't disappeared, she was sitting there in front of me. I started talking about the syllabus, it was the same thing most students heard on their first day. The breakdown of grades, schedule of exams and papers, topics cover, plagiarism code of conduct and so forth. I started to talk about Bella's position when I heard an outburst of a small laugh that caused me to stop. Bella's eyes were wide in shock at herself and I knew she was covering it up with some sort of fake cough. It was another thing about her I liked. She was starting to always surprise me in little ways and I chuckled at how adorable she was. _

_I had Bella assist me with handing out the syllabus and after each student had a copy I began my lecture. I never believed in waiting until the second day like most of my peers, I felt that you come to college to learn and that means you will learn on the first day. Get your money's worth as they say. I could tell that many of my students were not so interested in the early history of the subject, but it was material I would include in my exams so they would need to learn it. Every once in a while as I spoke out to them, I would look over to Bella and see her watching me with rapt attention. I do admit I tried my best to show off my knowledge, smiling every so often, being a cocky intelligent bastard was probably more like it, but I wanted to impress her, like she impressed me. _

_When the class ended I placed my lecture notes back into my case and waited for the students to leave, I expected Bella to join them, but she just sat in her chair looking over at me for a while, but my attention was diverted when a group of students approached me._

"_Excuse me, Dr. Cullen?" a high pitch voice purred to me._

_A young woman with strawberry blonde hair stepped up to and tucked a piece behind her ear. _

"_Um. Yes, Miss?"_

"_Denali, Tanya Denali. I'm a junior here in the Psychology department and I just have to say, I am so excited to finally be taking this course. I've heard nothing but wonderful thing about you." It looked like she had something in her eye because she was certainly blinking a lot._

"_Well I certainly hope you like the subject matter. Did you have a question about something?" I was curious as to why she approached me, there shouldn't be any questions on the first day, but if a student needed help, I would try to assist._

"_Yes, I was curious if _you_ happened to offer one-on-one tutoring sessions?" Tanya bit her lip and looked up at me in a way I recognized. This was not good. She was an attractive young lady, but I was not going to lose my job over a hormonal co-ed throwing themselves at me and then possibly calling a sexual harassment case._

"_No, Miss Denali, I do not offer individual tutoring sessions. If you do require extra assistance you can contact Ms. Swan and set up an appointment. She will be more than happy to accommodate you." The look of hurt was evident on her face, but I knew that this would not be the last time this sort of situation would occur with her. I would need to be careful and I saw the look of determination on her face as she walked out to the hall._

_Other students asked me questions, thankfully they focused on my field of concentration and some asking me about when they could have the opportunity to apply for next year's research team. Finally the hall was deserted and the only other person besides me that was left was my goddess of a teaching assistant. _

I could hear Warby chirping outside my office bringing me out of my memories and instead of the grimace I usually held, I smiled and thought if it were at all possible to train one of those birds to sing _I want hold your hand _.

The rest of that first day I spent answering email correspondents with my peers and looking over the schedule of conferences that I had until December. I caught a late lunch with the Cheney's and then returned to finish my notes for my Abnormal Psychology courses I had on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I usually preferred this course although it was sometimes personally difficult when I touched on certain topics, but the class was often smaller in size, and the students were usually seniors that were serious about their majors. However after Tuesday, I found the developmental class far more enjoyable this year.

When the afternoon abnormal class ended I set myself up in my office for my office hours. I didn't expect any students, being it was the beginning of the first week and I had yet to assign any work, but I had to be there just in case.

I was packing up for the day around five, when someone knocked on my door that was already open. It was Carlisle. His first class back from his "retirement" must have just finished.

"Evening Professor." I joked. "How was your first class back?"

"It was as to be expected." I smiled at him because I knew he was looking forward to it. Carlisle loved working with the Master's students.

"How many _victims_ do you have this semester? Share the goods, old man." He laughed heartedly as he took a seat.

"I don't know about victims, Edward, but I have five very talented and intelligent students. I don't think I could have asked for a better first day."

"Oh yeah, that's wonderful. I think this is good for you. I know you loved your free time, but I think having you back suits you." He nodded and I could see the twinkle in his eye that I haven't seen in some time.

"I agree, I'm grateful for everything that's happened in the last few months, not just for me, but for our family. I think it's been a long time since we've been so lucky."

"Don't get all emotional on me now professor."

"Emotional? Me? I laugh at the thought. No, but really Edward, things are going well us. How was your first few classes? Ms. Swan tells me she is already enjoying being your TA. I hope you haven't already given her a ton of work yet. I mean it's just the first week."

Several thoughts suddenly ran through my mind. When did he speak to Bella? She likes my course? Is she already bombarded with a lot of work? Maybe I should call her in to see if she needs any help.

"Ms. Swan? You spoke with her?" I asked. I tried my best to not sound concerned.

"Yes, she is one of my students. She came up to talk with me after class. Fascinating young woman. Her mind goes a mile a minute, and she has such a passion for the field. I think you made the perfect decision selecting her. She's got a lot of untapped potential and we'll probably be reading journals from her in the future."

"Oh, well, yes." I cleared my throat. Having my father talk about her was making it hard to not dwell on the fact that I was quickly becoming completely wrapped up in her. "She did have the best application of the bunch." I looked down and fidgeted with a stack of papers, tapping them on the top of my desk and then putting them away in my file drawer. I wasn't sure what they were exactly, but I needed to do something to occupy me with so I wouldn't ask my father more about what they talked about.

I looked up at the sound of my father's voice. "Hmmm, interesting." He was leaning back against his chair, legs crossed with an amused look on his face.

"Um, what's interesting?" Crap. What did I do?

"It's nothing I'm sure." That was obviously a lie, but I didn't want to push it. "So, when is you next research meeting? I heard you already received a new EEG machine. Has Angela already broken it in, or will I be so lucky to get a crack at it?" I rolled my eyes.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but Angela was practically chomping at the bit when it came in, I don't even think is was fully set up before she started connecting Ben up to it. You snooze you lose old man."

"I'm not that old, Edward. Quit making me sound like that. Cripes, I don't even have grandchildren yet. Once you start giving me a few of those, maybe I'll allow you calling me old." He shot me a wink but at the mention of grandchildren I immediately imagined a small baby girl, with my bronze hair wrapped in a soft pink blanket, held in my arms and cooing at me as I looked into a set of small familiar chocolate eyes and rosy cheeks.

I closed my eyes hard and leaned forward to my desk, crushing my lids with the palms of my hands and wished that image away. That was something I would never have, especially since I knew the woman whose eyes matched those of the imaginary baby's was already someone else's.

"Edward? Are you alright?" My father stood and rounded my desk. He rubbed my shoulders to calm me down since my breathing was starting to become erratic.

"Breathe. Edward, take a deep breath in." I tried my best but it hurt. Not the same hurt I was used to in the past. This pain was something I never wanted to feel again, to feel alone, and to feel my future would always be that way. I would never have my own child and I would never find a love again. This was worse than all my panic attacks combined. I heard the sound of my door closing and I felt the pressure of my father rubbing my back. Something similar to what he and my mother would do when I was upset as a small child. I couldn't take it anymore.

I started to cry. I cried for the last ten years of my own personal hell. I cried my Irina. I cried that I was still alive and she wasn't. I cried for many things. For her family who lost her. For my own when they lost me to my guilt. For the things I said to my brother, my mother and to Carlisle. For thinking about joining Irina. The year I was helpless in my rehabilitation. The friends I lost. The loss of future I had planned for. For everything. And what hurt now most of all was that even though I had lost so much, my father still had faith that I would still find love and have a family of my own.

It seemed like I had been there crying my eyes out in my office for hours. He never left my side, never stopped reassuring me that it was ok, that he was there and would always be. Finally the tears started to subside and my breathing was calming down. My body still shook but it was relaxing more.

"Edward, I'm taking you home alright? I'm going to call you mother and have her set up your old room. I don't want you to be on your own tonight. Do you understand." I said nothing, my voice was stuck in my throat, so I nodded my head once.

"Ok, I have to run to my office to get my things, so I'm going to have to leave for just a moment. Are you going to be fine to stay here until I get back?" His voice was soft as he spoke, like it was when I used to run into my parent's bedroom at night when I was afraid of the dark as a child.

"I'll be fine." My voice cracked.

"Two minutes." Was all he said and he ran out the door and shut it behind him.

I opened my eyes and the room was burry with my tears still in my eyes. I wiped away the wetness from my face and turned off my computer and slowly packed up my case. I took a tissue from my desk and patted the corners of my eyes. Thankful the sun had already set and darkness had covered the campus which meant the building would practically be empty for the day so no one would see me like this. I looked at the clock, it was a little after seven. I had been crying for well over an hour. I hadn't done that in quite some time.

Soon my father returned and I walked over to him as he waited for me in the doorway. When I reached him I looked at his face and saw the fear her had for me in his eyes.

"Let's go home son." Was all he said as he held me by the shoulders and walked slowly with me to his car.

The car ride was silent. As soon Carlisle started it, he shut off the radio. The only sound the filled the vehicle was the hum of the Mercedes and my sniffling. I leaned my head against the window and watched the faces of the _normal_ people of the street smile and laugh as they went on with their lives because their lives were perfect.

We pulled up the drive to my parent's estate and I saw my mother exit the house as soon as the headlights of my father's car shone through the windows. Before the engine was cut, my door was opened and my mother was helping me out of the vehicle.

"It's ok baby. You're home. Your father and I are here and we love you sweetheart. It's going to be fine. Do you want something to eat. Are you hungry?" She walked me through the entry of my childhood home and sat me on one of the couches in the living area. My mother removed my tie and forced the blazer I was wearing off my shoulders as I just sat there. Someone took off my shoes and I felt some remaining tears fall across my cheeks. When my mother's arms wrapped around me, I was back to being five years old again and being comforted by the one woman who had loved me my entire life. I leaned into her and rested my head on her lap like I used to growing up. She kissed my temple and rubbed small circles on my back.

"I love you honey. It's going to fine. I'm not going anywhere."

"I know. I love you too." I felt a tear drop fall on my face that came from my mother. I knew she was scared, but she would never leave me.

"I'm going to call Dr. Liam. I'll be back in just a moment. How is he?" My father's voice cut through the tension in the room.

"He's fine. When you finish, can you ask Maria to prepare some warm tapioca pudding and chocolate milk."

"Of course." His retreating footsteps walked down the hall and I heard him shut the door to his study.

My eyes were sore from crying but I knew I was calming down. The pain was slowly going away with each minute my mother held me and I could finally breathe. I started to lift myself up off my mother's lap and ran the back of my hand over my eyes to dry them again.

When I was finally upright, my mother continued to rub my back in small circles. Her eyes were red from her own tears. I leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"Thank you mom. Thank you for being here. For everything." She held me close in a hug.

"You are so important to us Edward. We would do anything for you. Are you feeling better?" She released me and I sat back against the couch.

"Much."

"Do you want to come with me to the kitchen for something to eat?" I nodded my head. "Come on honey, let's go then." She took my hand and I got up off the couch and we made it to the kitchen where there was a chair next to the kitchen island and a dish of tapioca and a tall glass of chocolate milk which was always my favorite desert whenever I need to be comforted. My mother led me to the chair and when I sat down she handed me a spoon and kissed my head again.

When I started to eat my father came in and took my mother's hand and brought her into a hug. I did my best not to watch. I hated them being so afraid for me. They stood together and against the granite counter as I finished my desert.

My father broke the silence. "Are you going to be able make you Developmental course tomorrow?"

"Yes, I think I can. Could I borrow a suit in the morning?" I was thankful my father and I basically had the same build. My bother could never share clothes, otherwise he would look like the incredible hulk shredding my father's dress shirts.

"Of course, I will have them set out in your bathroom before I go to bed."

"Thank you. What did Dr. Liam have to say?" I finished off my glass of milk.

"He would like you to come in tomorrow afternoon, you'll need to miss your team meeting. If you like I could go for you. "

"Ok, I would really appreciate that dad. I know you are already familiar with most of the research, just let me know how it goes and if any of the team members have questions."

It was quiet in the kitchen as I sat there, being watched over by my parents waiting for me to go off like a time bomb.

"Sweetheart, can you tell us what happened?" I saw Carlisle try to stop her from asking, but I figured it was time to finally open up. I was tired of keeping them out and I needed them as my life support. The events of tonight were an accumulation of the last decade.

"It's ok, I'm ready to talk about it. I need to let you two know everything. I don't think I can say everything, it will probably take me awhile. I will talk about what happened tonight, but I'm not ready to talk about the incident just yet, but I will soon." My father held my mother close to his chest as more tears fell from her eyes.

I looked up at my father and my mother and saw the love and understanding they had for me. Seeing that put me at ease as I told them about Carlisle talking about grandchildren that I could have one day, and how his hope triggered my episode. How I thought about Irina and her parents. How I thought that I should meet with them soon because I needed to.

I also apologized to my parents for the things I said to them in the past, and for the pain I caused them when I had tried to take my own life and the hurt for cutting them off and distancing myself. I reassured them that I would never do something like that again. I told them I planned to speak to Emmett and apologize as well, it was long overdue.

When I finished my mother gave me a final hug before excusing herself to go turn down my bed and told me to sleep well.

After she left the kitchen, my father and I stayed back. I stood up and took my dishes to the sink to rinse them out. As I started the tap, my father walked over and placed his hand on my shoulder and I soaped up a sponge to clean with.

"I need to ask you something I think is important, and I want you to tell me if you don't want to talk about it."

I was somewhat worried what my father wanted to know.

"Earlier in your office, I noticed something when we were talking before… before we came home. Something I think might be the reason for some changes your mother and I have noticed in the last few weeks. I have my own suspicions, and I promise I will not say anything about this, not even your mother, but I would very much like to know." My father was never one to beat around the bush about something. My heart was pounding as to what exactly he was going to ask me.

"Dad, what is it? Please, just ask me, because you are making me very anxious." I turned off the water and turned to look at him.

His eyes darter side to side as he looked at me, as if he was mentally testing the waters of my nerves.

"What I want to know is…" he paused and swallowed hard. "I want to know are you in love with Bella Swan?"

_Am I in love with her. I don't even know her. We've only spoken a total of five times. _

I looked back to the sink and the dishes I had just washed as I took in the question my father posed to me.

_How can you love a person in such a little amount of time. It just can't be possible, can it? I mean she is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I called her an angel and a goddess that night of my parent's dinner. She is fascinating and unusual in a good way. She draws me in with every small movement she makes, every sound, laugh, smile. I dream of her every night, I visualize her in my place of serenity. It's the first time I look forward to my developmental psychology course because of her. Every time I touch her I feel a force pushing us together, like magnets. When she is away I feel empty, hollow, and scared. I see me holding a child we could have together. Since the first moment I saw her, my life had been consumed with her._

I knew the answer to his question. Although I thought it was too soon to admit it, and I would never be able to be hers, I was absolutely certain.

"Yes. I'm in love with her. Completely and undeniably." I hung my head and dropped the sponge I had been holding.

My father dropped his hand of my shoulder and leaned against the counter. "I thought so. For how long?"

I answered instantly.

"Since the dinner party."

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**It was really difficult for me to write about Edwards breakdown in this chapter. It felt so real to me, that I started to feel his pain and his heartache. What he experienced is something no one should ever have to go through. I love Carlisle**** in this chapter, and the love that he and Esme show made me cry all the more.**

**Reader Questions**

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**The next chapter is Bella's POV. Also a hint as to what it might include.... let's just say September 13th is fast approaching.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: So this chapter originally ended up being a bit long, so I am splitting it into two chapters. **

**There was a lot that needed to be said, especially since we get to find out a little bit more about Bella's past.**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight  
**

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Chapter 17

**BPOV**

When I got back to my dorm room, I dropped my purse at the foot of my bed and sat on the end.

"I'm fucked." I whispered to myself. And it was true. I was completely and utterly infatuated with my sex god of a mentor. All I thought about on my walk back from the Behavioral Sciences building were the types of scenarios that would involve us being together and the thought of him possibly being my first was more and more appealing as distance separated us.

I kicked off my flats and fell back on the bed as I bit my lip, lost in thought. How the hell would I be able to think properly when I would be around him at least four days a week? I wanted to crawl under the covers of my bed and dwell more on that, but my cell phone decided to ring at that moment.

I sat up and dug into my purse and retrieved the annoying electronic device, ready to through it against the wall, when I read the caller ID. Quickly I opened my cell to answer.

"Hey Jazz." Even I could hear the slight smile in my tone. Jasper had always made things comfortable and easy-going ever since I first met him.

"Hey Bella, how's my favorite girl doing?"

"Well, I'm sure your mother and sister would love to know you prefer me over them. " I giggled.

"Oh um, well, how's one of my favorite girls doing then." I laughed heartedly.

"I'm fine, just got done in my first class for today and relaxing in my room. What's up?"

"Well, I was just thinking about getting some lunch and wanted to know if you wanted to join me."

"Sure, I don't have anything until 2, I'd love to." And I meant it.

"Ok, well I'm just about five minutes away, so come down and I'll pick you up." I said my short goodbye and put my shoes back on. After a quick check in the mirror and an application of lip gloss I was heading down to the lobby. As I passed the front desk, I heard the sound of a loud scoff. I turned my head in the direction of the person it came from and was not surprised to see Tanya behind the computer I had been used to seeing her at. I imagined she spent most of the day looking at clothing stores and gossip sites. She glared at me when our eyes met and flipped her hair over her shoulder as she muttered "Whatever."

I decided not to think too much of it, especially when I saw Jaspers blue Lexus IS idling outside. I bounded down the steps and slid in to the passenger seat.

"Someone is happy to see me today." Jasper chuckled as he pulled away from the curb and off campus.

"You know me too well Jazz. Lunches with you are the only things that keep me going." I jokingly punched him in the arm and he feigned being hurt.

"Ok, Evander, you in the mood Chinese today?" I was playing with the dial of his radio; he had it on some country station when I first took my seat. I knew it was probably rude to do so without asking, but I never cared for that style of music, and I ended up on a channel that played classic rock. "You know, if you were anyone else I would have kicked you out of my car for changing stations, but I like you too much to do that." I turned to look at him and saw his eyes look at me in a side glance. There was a slight flash of red in his cheeks as if he said something that embarrassed him and then he looked away.

"Well, I'm just trying to expand your taste in music is all, and Chinese sounds great." I leaned back in my seat and watched out my window as the city went by in a blur. It seemed that everyone here was always in a hurry, at least while driving. Both Jasper and Alice drove like maniacs when I would ride in their cars. They had a lot in common with each other and I really hoped that my two new friends would meet soon because something in the back of my mind knew they would get along.

It was comfortably quiet and relaxing for a few more minutes until we pulled into the parking lot of a small Chinese restaurant. Jasper held the door open for me and I thanked him as we entered. The entire place was red and gold and covered in artwork and statues. Not what I had been expecting from the outside appearance. Just made me appreciate the phrase of never judging a book by its cover. We took our seats in a small booth in the back of the room and looked over the selection of food, everything sounded good.

"What are you going to get?" I looked over my menu at Jasper who had already set his down.

"I always get the sweet and sour pork and wonton soup. What about you?" He smiled at me as he waited for my response. There was a slight look in his eye that made me think something was up.

"Um, I'm torn between the Kung Po Chicken and the Beef and Broccoli."

"You can get both and take home what you don't eat."

I thought about it, "Nah, I think I'll just get the chicken." He nodded his head and rested his arm on the back of his seat as he continued to look at me. Our waitress came over and took our order and hurried back to the kitchen after taking back our menus. "So, how's work going? Any new major accounts?" I took a sip of my water that was sitting in front of me.

"It's going. I got the account for that trip I went on a few weekends ago and then I have a dinner meeting this Friday to finalize the contracts. How about you, your first class was with Edward, right? How was that?"

_How was it in Edward's class? Fantastic, wonderful, dream worthy, he makes me think about naughty things I want to do with him_, "It was fine." I shrugged my shoulders to play off that nothing too much happened. _Oh expect for the fact I was possibly falling for my mentor._ I shook my head to clear my mind of that thought and laughed to myself.

"What? What's so funny?" Jasper leaned over the table closer to me. I quickly came up with a reason for my laugh.

"Nothing, I just found out why Dr. Cullen's class is so popular is all. The female population of the Undergraduate class certainly do have a special appreciation for him." I thought back to the group of girls that accosted Edward after class.

"Oh I'm sure. My sister Rose tells me how women always seem to throw themselves at him whenever he's out visiting her in New York. But he just ignores him. I guess he's always has since his incident a few years ago." He took a sip from his water glass and looked in the direction of the kitchen as the waitress came back and sat a cup of wonton soup in front of Jasper and a cup of egg drop soup in front of me.

What did Jasper mean by incident? "Jazz, what incident? Did something happen to Dr. Cullen?" I was suddenly very concerned and I set my spoon down on the table, unable to eat at the moment, my insides chewing at my stomach.

"I'm not sure exactly what happened. Rose told me a while ago that there had been some sort of incident he and his girlfriend were involved in. He was severely injured afterwards and she passed away. I'm not sure of the exact details to be honest because no one is entirely sure. Rose told me that when her fiancé, Emmett, told her, he was only able to give details that had been released from the police during the investigation. Edward didn't even talk to his family for a few years afterwards and once he finally reconciled with them, he just didn't tell anyone anything. And I guess the whole thing kind of put him off from getting involved with anyone, which is understandable." He ate the rest of his soup and acted as if the story he told me was just an everyday sort of conversation.

I tentatively sipped my soup and mulled over what I just heard. Edward lost someone he cared for, possibly someone that he loved. It left him broken so much he didn't talk to his family for a while. I couldn't even imagine what pain he had gone through. Sure I lost my mother and I loved her very much, but I was young, and my father and my friends were there for me. Edward cut himself off from pretty much everyone. Of course I understood that he would not be interested in romantic relationship after going through that, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed because that would mean he would never want to be with me. _Seriously, stop thinking such things. Dr. Cullen would never be interested anyways, he's too smart, and beautiful and too good for you._

It was quiet again until our main course arrived. When our food was set in front of us, Jasper picked up his fork and poked at the pork on his plate for a little bit before setting it back down on his dish. He took a deep breath as if he was calming his nerves and then looked up at me as I shoved a bite of Kung Po Chicken in my mouth.

"So, I was wondering if you had any plans this Thursday night." Jasper played with his fork waiting for me to respond.

I chewed my food and swallowed, "I just have a meeting with Dr. Cullen at 6:30, but after that I'm free. I was just going to catch up on some reading and then call it a night. Why?" I had been planning to read Esme's copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ so I could return it soon.

"Well, I was wondering if you would like to join me for dinner that night…" He looked down at his water glass briefly and then back to meet my eyes, "As a date that is."

I choked a little on some remaining food in my mouth and grabbed for my water. I was not expecting that.

"Are you ok?" Jasper asked and it looked like he was about to rush over to give me the hymlic maneuver.

"I'm fine." I croaked out. I was processing that Jasper, my new friend, asked me out to dinner, in a way that was more that as two friends. He was an attractive man; I acknowledged that when I first met him and he always treated me with respect and was a complete gentleman.

"Well, I totally understand if you don't want to. I mean, I wouldn't want to ruin our friendship. It's just, I really like you Bella, and I would be so honored if you said yes." I saw the sadness in his eyes and knew he was preparing for me to turn him down.

In the past, the only person I had ever gone on a date with was Jacob and we had a relationship for over four years after that. Even after we decided to end our romantic relationship, I had never once accepted a date, feeling as though I wasn't ready. But as I sat looking at the defeated look on my new friend set further in, I told myself it was time to move on. When I agreed to come out to Chicago it was for me to go out and do something for myself, to find me and to start living my life on my own. And that included moving on and dating.

"Jasper." I whispered, ready to answer him. I reached over and took his hand in mine and he looked up at me.

"It's ok, Bella. I understand." He gave a slight smile.

I gave his hand a slight squeeze and a smile back. "Jasper, I think I would really like to accept you invitation."

I saw the hurt in his eyes disappear instantly and small twinkle replace it. And a small smile grew on him. He flipped his hand over and took my hand to his mouth and gave a slight kiss. "Thank you, Bella, Thank you." And then he let me go and we finished our lunch while talking about my upcoming classes and buildings Jasper worked on back in Texas.

When Jasper dropped me off back at my hall, he leaned over to my side and gave a slight peck on my cheek before we said goodbye. He said he would call me tomorrow and to let him know how my first Master's course went, which I promised I would. When I was on the sidewalk waving as Jasper drove off, I had a feeling of nervousness for Thursday night. I wasn't exactly sure what to expect, and if this would completely ruin whatever friendship we had already in place. However, I also felt a sense of disappointment because even though I did like Jasper, he wasn't the one person I wished I was going on a date with, and I quietly chastised myself for it as I marched up to my room to get ready for my first Master's course.

The rest of the day was a haze to me, I went to my Clinical course with Professor Duvall, and then was on call for the dorm, so I ordered a pizza and Alice stopped by to watch movies with me, waiting to be interrupted by students and their problems.

"Bella, you seem a bit out of it today. First day not go so well?" She picked up a slice of the pepperoni pizza.

"No, it was actually pretty good, just thinking about things." I popped open a can of soda and took a swig. The carbonation caused a slight hiccup.

"What things?"

"Well I went to lunch with Jazz today and he sort of asked me out on a date for Thursday."

"I knew he would." She giggled.

"You did?" She just nodded and bounced a little on the bed. "Well shit, Alice, give a girl a heads up sometimes. I was completely thrown off."

"Oh come off it Bella. I never met the man, but he calls you all the time and you go to lunch with him enough that most people would already consider you two dating. From what you've told me about him, he sounds good for you. I know you said it's been awhile, but I think it will be just fine." That little pixie, always saying the right thing to make me feel better.

"I guess. I am just worried that if it doesn't work out I'll have lost a good friend, and I don't have many of those out here, besides you of course." I winked at her at the last part.

"Everything will work out the way it's supposed to be. If it's not meant to be… then who gives a fuck, right?" She was blunt but I appreciated it.

Thankfully I only had three students come by my room for help that night. A male resident had locked himself out of his room and I had to open it for him, a female resident needed help finding the laundry room and my final visitor was a student name Seth. He was a sophomore I helped check in during move in last week, and he asked me for my personal phone number in case he needed my assistance, which I politely declined to give out. Alice was sitting on my bed, laughing her little ass off at the entire exchange. When he left and I shut the door, I turned to glare at her as she tried to contain her fit of hysterics.

"It's not funny Alice." I fumed.

"I think it is. Someone has a little crush on his RA." I rolled my eyes and told her I was going to bed. I said goodnight to her as she left and promised to keep her up to date on my Jasper situation.

Before I knew it, it was already Tuesday morning. I was to work the front desk of Hammond for three hours that morning before going to Lunch with Alice and then I had my Memory class with Dr. Cullen Sr.

When Alice and I parted ways after lunch, I packed up my backpack with my memory book and several blank notebooks. I was a bit nervous to get to Dr. Cullen Sr.'s course for some reason, He was just as well known as his son among my former professors back in Washington. I remembered reading an article of his in my senior capstone. Dr. Grady spoke of him with such reverence; I imagined she had an academic crush on him. If she had seen him in person, there would be no denying her attraction would grow tenfold. I remembered meeting him at the department party, and realized that Edward Cullen had defiantly inherited some good genes from that man.

I made it to the small classroom on the third floor a little early and took a seat near the front. It was common knowledge that Master's courses were relatively small in size, and neuropsychology was not a very popular field. In my cognitive class yesterday there were only four of us. A few minutes before the class started, Mike from the research team walked in and sashayed his way over to me.

"Hey there gorgeous. How's your first week going?" He bumped my shoulder with his, and pursed his lips in a silly pout.

"It's going alright. Already have my work cut out for my cognitive course, it's nice that Dr. Cullen's Developmental class is a breeze, just have to sit and wait in that class." I laughed.

"You are such a lucky bitch. I'm so god damn jealous. That man is just, ugh, sex incarnate, a dripping wet dream. I hope he bats for the same team." Mike looked lost in thought, and I'm pretty sure I knew what he was thinking. Probably the same thing I dreamt about every night for the last two and a half weeks.

"I don't think so Mike, sorry. From what I hear he prefers the fairer sex." I saw the look of disappointment as he tilted his head to rest in his hand.

"A _girl_ can dream…" was all he said and I could not help the laughter that erupted out of me just as Carlisle Cullen entered the room. His eyes caught mine and a warm smile spread on his face and I saw a similar crooked smile his son had appear. I clamped my mouth shut to fight off the remaining laughs I held and my face blushed. It was going to be difficult to not think of Edward during this class since his father taught it and was a constant reminder of my dream man.

Carlisle called the class to order and went over the syllabus to class. I already had to read a hundred pages in the text before next week, and another paper was assigned to me. I would be locked in my room this weekend it seemed.

I was fascinated with all Carlisle had done in his career. Winning several awards in the psychology field and starting up several philanthropic organizations for neuro research. As he spoke of the medial temporal lobe for his first lecture, I grew more appreciative of my opportunity to be here. I had two of the best Neuropsychologist in the world helping me reach my education dream. Mike and the woman from the bookstore were right, I was a lucky bitch.

When the class finished two hours later, everyone started to exit the room, stretching their arms and legs from sitting so long. I packed up my bag and approached Dr. Cullen who was gathering his papers and putting them away.

"Excuse me, Professor Cullen?" I held the straps of my backpack that rested on my shoulders.

"Yes, Ms. Swan. It's a lovely surprise to have you in my course this semester." He took of the silver rimmed glasses he was wearing and placed them in his breast pocket of his dress shirt. I saw flecks of a familiar shade of green in his eyes and Edward's face flash in my mind.

"Yes, I was happily surprised to see I would have you as one of my professors this semester. I have to say it's an honor. I read some of your work in my undergrad studies in Washington, my professors spoke very highly of you."

"That's right. I believe a Dr. Grady uses some of my journals as part of her capstone course there. I think she has a thing for my brain." He winked at me and I giggled.

"Professor, I am just looking forward to this semester with you. I can't wait to get into it."

"Well, what are you looking forward to most? And please, pull up chair, I'm done for the day and we can stay here and chat a while." He gestured to the side of the front desk and I brought a chair from the side over and sat down, removing my bag.

"Honestly, everything. It's just always been fascinating to me. But more importantly I am excited for the section on Memory Rehabilitation. I think it would be very enlightening, and maybe might help with my thesis eventually."

Carlisle leaned back in his chair, it made a small squeak, "It's one of my favorite sections too." I could see that it was true, but I felt there was something behind his answer he wouldn't share as to why. "So you mentioned your thesis, have you already picked out a topic to present?"

Ever since my senior year in Washington State, I knew what I would want to write about if I ever got into Grad school. "Yes, I was hoping to focus on Neuropsychology and cognitive functioning in Person's with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The changes in brain wave activity while undergoing a short term memory assessment and a stress test assessment."

I couldn't understand the expression on Carlisle's face when I finished speaking. It was almost a mixture of concern and intrigue. "How long have you been thinking about this topic?"

"For some time, at least a couple of years. It is kind of personal in a way, but I feel I could gain some insight into it since I would like to work with PTSD cases in the future."

Carlisle leaned forward in his chair, and propped his elbows on his knees and held his face in his hands. "Do you mind if I ask why it's personal to you? I'm just curious is all."

I shook my head. "I don't mind discussing it with you." I took a deep breath because it was always very difficult me to tell my story. I usually didn't like to discuss it with strangers, but Carlisle reminded me a lot of my own father that I felt I could share with him.

"When I was about ten I lost my mother in a car accident." Carlisle quickly sat back up and held a grave look at me. "You see, I'm from a small logging town in Washington called Forks, and it rains pretty much every day there. My father is the police chief in town and my mother used to be a Sunday school teacher. We are all very happy, and my mother would always tell me how blessed we were to have each other. And I believed it too. We did so many things together, and I loved every moment of my time with them. My mother was actually my greatest confidant, and I would share everything with her.

"Growing up, I was always in and out of the hospital for cut, scrapes, broken bones and the lot. Still am for that matter. I was born a natural klutz which my mother always reassured me was inherited from my father's side. However as I grew older, I noticed that my mother was going to the doctors more often. She started to fall a lot around the house and at church and soon she matched me in my number of bruises. She would joke around with me as we compared our injuries. As her accidents continued to happen I started to think that she was the one I inherited the klutz gene from after all."

I stopped for a moment because I knew what I was going to say next. Carlisle remained silent and waited patiently for me to continue.

"So, like I said when I was about ten years old my mother took a pretty good spill one day while my father was off at work. She wasn't able to get off the floor some time and refused my help when I offered it. Finally when she got up she made a call to her doctor about coming in for a checkup, but the only availability they had was that day. My mother usually had my father drive her for her doctor visits because they were in a town over. He tended to drive us anywhere that required us to travel some distance. My mother only drove to and from the supermarket and church at most. I didn't know why at the time, but I eventually found out.

"I still remember my mother's face after her day when she was finished on the phone, this fall was different than the ones in the past and she was scared. My mother never showed that she was afraid of anything, so it was obvious that this was something serious. She agreed to see the doctor and tried to find someone to watch me so I wouldn't have to wait around in the office. After a few calls, she wasn't able to reach anyone or they were unavailable and was resigned to take me with her. I had never been to her doctor's office, and was anxious to go with her. It was just starting to rain outside and she bundled us up in our coats before she put me in the back seat of her car and her hands where trembling when she started the ignition. I thought nothing of it at the time, but I was too young to really know what happening with her.

"The rain started to come down heavier when we were about twenty minutes outside of the town. That was when it happened. My mother was taking a turn in the road and I was watching her in the rearview mirror."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"That was when I saw my mother's eyes roll back into head and her face turned pale white as a ghost. It was probably one of the most frightening things I had ever seen. You see…" I swallowed hard. "It turns out that my mother had developed Epilepsy and her episodes were becoming more and more frequent, especially in her last few weeks.

"Well, when she went into this final seizure, her body was convulsing heavily and she never saw the other vehicle that was coming the other direction in the lane over. Our car crossed the over the road line and collided with the other vehicle, which caused ours to flip over a few rotations before stopping when it came in contact with a telephone pole." I could still see the way my mother's hair whirled around the cabin and hear her screams while the vehicle was rolling.

"I remember smelling blood when I came around finally when the car came to a stop and my mother's limp body in the front seat. I was yelling for her to wake up and she didn't. I tried again and still, no response. I was then able to unbuckle myself from my seat and crawled over to the front. My mother's eyes where close and blood dripped from her mouth. I shook her with as much force as I could, crying and trembling begging her to wake up. I knew she was dead, but I didn't want her to be.

"Soon enough I felt someone dragging me out of the car by my waist and I was still screaming. Screaming to get my mother, to bring her back for her to hold me and tell me we would be ok. I was covered in her blood and the EMTs on the scene were trying to sedate me so they could examine the extent of my injuries."

The tears were falling from my eyes and I tried to wipe them away. Carlisle handed me a handkerchief and I thanked him.

"My father arrived on the scene just as they were pulling my mother's body out and I saw him fall apart and crumble to the ground. I'd never seen him cry in my life, and it frightened me even more. I was struggling to get off the stretcher that they had me on and run over to my father, but they held me down and I felt a prick in my arm and that's when everything went black.

"When I woke up, I was in the hospital, my left leg in a cast, and my father was sitting next to my bed and holding his head in his hands. When he saw that I was awake, he told me that my mother was now in heaven. I cried some more and asked him why, why would God take her. I just didn't understand. He told me about my mother's condition and that the doctors had found out she had been having more seizures recently because she was pregnant. The stress on her body sent her nervous system into shock causing more episodes. So not only did I lose my mother, but I lost my baby brother or sister.

"For several months afterwards my father was not only suffering from the grief of losing his wife, but he was suffering with the pain I was going through. I started having vivid nightmares since the accident and they felt so real that when my father would come in to wake me from them, I would be confused that it hadn't happened. Each night I saw my mother's pale lifeless face, see her blood, my father's heartbreak from his loss and I would wake screaming to high heaven. Charlie, my father, didn't know what do with me. He told me he talked to a counselor at the station and they had suggested I go see a child psychologist. I met with the doctor several times a week after school and during our sessions she told me that I was having the nightmares because the accident was a very important and scary thing. That it would take me some time to get better from it not only physically but emotionally because it changed things. She said I was really sad about losing my mother and that my brain was having a hard time forgetting the accident. When I was older I knew that she was really saying I was experiencing post traumatic stress.

"I continued to see the doctor for some time, even into high school and the nightmares started to be less frequent, I still have them now and then, but now I'm lucky to only have them about once a month.

"When I started to attend college for my undergrad, I was enrolled as undecided in my major, but when I took a psychology course as a Gen-Ed requirement, something clicked and I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to take my experience I had, learn from it and help others. I hated what I went through. It was painful and even though I was young, I knew enough that no one should have to experience what I had."

I sniffed and wiped the remaining tears from my face.

"Well, that's it in a nutshell I guess." I gave a nervous laugh and blew my nose into the hanky.

Carlisle looked at me with sadness in his eyes, I was expecting him to say he was sorry for my loss or something similar along those lines. Most people I shared my story with did.

"Have you told Edward about your thesis yet?" I froze and looked up at him, confused at what he just asked.

"Um, no, we haven't discussed it yet. I was planning to bring it up in one of our mentor sessions soon."

He looked down at his feet for a moment lost in thought. And then her looked back up at me and nodded his head. "Thank you for sharing that with me Ms. Swan. I know it was probably difficult to share, being as we don't know each other that well."

I grinned slightly. "You remind me of my father in some ways Professor, so telling you about her wasn't as bad as it has been in the past. Do you mind if I hold on to your handkerchief until I can return it to clean?" I held up the small cloth.

"Of course. Keep it for however long you like." He sat up straighter in his chair and gave a soft cough. "So tell me Ms. Swan, is my son already driving you crazy with his work for his developmental course?" He started to stand and picked up some more papers and put them in his case.

"No, at least not yet." I stood up and slung my bag over my shoulder.

"I do wish I had him as my instructor when I took that course as an undergrad. I love his class." I realized what I had just said and could feel my face blush red. I tried to recover, "He's very intelligent, and he makes the subject fascinating with the detail he puts into his lecture. I mean, we just covered the history of the field on the first day and I was blown away. Pretty sure he'll be tearing my thesis to shreds when I get started. But in all honesty, having his input will be worth all the nervous breakdowns I'll probably go through writing and re-writing it." I laughed.

Carlisle closed his case and looked up at me with a bemused smile. "Well, I certainly hope that everything works out well for you and for Dr. Cullen. And just let me know if he starts riding you hard with his demands. He's known to be a bit particular about things. Scared off a few of his former TAs in the past."

As soon as Carlisle mentioned about Edward riding me hard, I immediately imagined myself straddling the younger Cullen in his office chair wearing nothing but a smile. I felt my entire body tingle at the thought. I couldn't let my attraction to Edward distract me anymore.

I couldn't help but think about what Carlisle had said about him scaring off his TA's in the past. He seemed to me to be pretty accommodating, and pretty level headed. "Really? Hmm, he doesn't scare me. He's actually been rather kind to me, especially when I nearly took him out with my acts of clumsiness around him. I can barely walk a straight line sometimes, even on flat surfaces. It surprised me when he actually convinced me to stay."

"What do you mean by that? Convinced you to stay? Where were you going?" He raised an eyebrow.

I gulped. "Well I had some doubts about staying here, but Dr. Cullen said that I deserved to be here and that it would be unfair to the research team and him if I left. He said he wouldn't have it for me to go because he would need my help with all his work. I realized he was right and that my doubts in staying were rather irrational and, well, I'm still here."

"Hmm, interesting." Carlisle's eyes darted side to side as if he was solving some sort of math problem.

"What's interesting professor?"

"Nothing, don't worry about it." He looked at his watch and I realized we had been here for a while, he probably needed to go home for dinner with Esme or something along those lines.

"Oh, I'm sorry for keeping you Dr. Cullen. I'll let you go for the night." I stuck out my hand to shake his which he returned. "I can't wait until next class." I turned to leave the classroom.

"Take care Ms. Swan." He called as I exited.

When I got back to my room I helped myself to some left over pizza. I gave Jake a quick call to catch up and fell asleep watching an ESPN recap on a Mariner's game. Again I dreamt of Edward that night. Ever since the first time we met, my usual random dreams were replaced by the most sensual and arousing I had in my entire night and each night they would become more and more real to me. Often I would wake up panting and out of breath.

I woke up Wednesday with a shit eating grin when my alarm went off. I would be spending a majority of the day in _his_ presence and it bright a bounce to my steps as I showered and dressed for the day. I had extra time this morning and made a stop at the student union coffee shop and picked up a muffin and coffee. I finished quickly and headed over to the lecture hall. When I arrived, Edward was already there setting up, his back to the door and looking over his notes on the front desk.

I approached him to ask if he needed any help with today's lecture. I would do anything for this man, and that thought was scary.

I tapped his shoulder and he turned to face me. "Morning Dr. Cullen. I was just wondering if…" but I didn't finish my question. I saw the dark circles under Edward's eyes and those were blood-shot as well, as if he hadn't slept the night before.

"Dr. Cullen, is everything ok?" I stepped forward and my hand immediately moved to touch his arm, but I stopped halfway and brought it back to my side.

"I'm fine, Ms. Swan. Just had a bad night sleep is all. Is there something you needed?" He ran his hand through his hair and I noticed his clothes were a bit loose on him as if they weren't his.

"I, uh, just wanted to know if you needed any help with the lecture this morning." I stared at him as he looked away to his lecture notes.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes in what seemed to be frustration. "No, I think I will be ok. Thank you for asking." He turned and went to the white board.

"Any time." I mumbled and walked away to take my seat by the window.

The entire lecture I tried my best to pay attention and listen to questions student posed, but I couldn't concentrate. There was sadness in Edward's eyes as he spoke, and his energy from the first day was not there. I was looking at a completely different man. As the hour went on it looked as if he was purposely trying to avoid looking in my direction for some reason and I had the impression that I might have done something wrong. I kept going over and over in my mind thinking about what could have made Edward so upset and look so tired.

When the classes ended for the day, I felt that it would not be wise to stick around, no matter how much I craved to be in his presence. That it would be better to leave and see how he was later today at the meeting, maybe he just needed to have lunch and relax in his office.

I was almost to the door when I heard him call my name.

"Ms. Swan, can I speak with you for a moment?"

I sighed and turned around. He was standing by the podium looking at some papers he was shuffling in his hands.

"Ms. Swan, I want to let you know that I will not be able to be at the research meeting today. My father will be attending in my place, so if you have any questions, he should be able to answer them and he will inform me about it when I speak with him." He refused to look up at me as he spoke.

I was upset to say the least, "Is everything okay?" I whispered.

"Yes, I just have a doctor's appointment is all. I should be fine for our meeting Thursday evening." I nodded taking in what he just said.

"I hope everything is alright. We'll miss you." _Shit. I did not just say that._

Again, he pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a loud sigh. "I will see you later Ms. Swan." And with that he packed up his things quickly ran out of the room leaving me standing there in disbelief.

I met Alice for lunch and when we finished we stopped at the campus post office. I had yet to check mine yet, but I didn't expect much to be in there. But then I remembered what the date was and prayed my box would empty.

"24….11….28…2…" I turned the dial combination and it clicked open. There staring at me in the face were two brightly colored envelopes. I knew the significance of them being there and quickly tired to shove them in my backpack without Alice noticing. Thankfully she was distracted with a fashion magazine she received. I went to close my mail box when I saw a small slip of paper still inside. I pulled it out and saw it was a notification of a package for me. I tried to think of who would send me one. Charlie would have told me if he was sending me something right?

I closed my mail box and walked over to the small window I was told to take the slip to. I handed the slip to the mailroom attendant and waited for him to get my package when Alice came up and stood next to me.

"What's up? Why are you at the window?" She tried to lean over the counter to look in the back, but she was too short to do it successfully.

"Nothing, I just have a package. No biggie, probably a shirt of mine Charlie found in the laundry." At least that was what I hoped it was.

When the mailroom attendant came back, I signed for it and he placed it in my hands. One look at the box and I knew this was not a shirt of mine Charlie sent. Someone had drawn balloons and had scribbled in large letters "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" on it. I groaned at the monstrosity.

"Oh my god!" Alice screeched. "It's you freaking birthday, and you didn't tell me!"

"Shh, Alice, we are in public, please remember that." We left the post office and headed over for the meeting.

"Bella, how come you didn't tell me it was your birthday?" She sounded hurt.

"I just don't like to make a big deal out of it. I hate the attention to be honest. It's just another day, so what if I'm a year older. Besides, I don't need anything."

Alice huffed and I could tell she was annoyed. "So when is it. The actual date."

I didn't know if I should tell her or not. If I did, I had a gut feeling she would plan something, but if I didn't I would hurt her more and I couldn't do that to her. "It's the 13th, Sunday."

"Hmmm." I knew the wheels were turning in the pixie's head.

We took our seats in the lab and I set the large box on the table to look at it better. The return address told me everything. Sue Clearwater had always been like a second mother to me since mine had passed, and every year she would always make me my own private batch of her delicious brownies for my birthday. That tradition didn't stop this year evidentially, even being halfway across the U.S.. When I figured out what could be in there I immediately ripped the box open without hesitation. There sat another colored envelope, and my brownies. I tossed the card in my backpack and quickly opened the Tupperware container inside and popped a piece of chocolaty goodness in my mouth.

"MMMMM oh god." I moaned as Mike sat down next me at that moment, snickering at my reaction.

"Someone seems to be having a foodgasm, from the looks of it." I nodded my head and joyfully chewed my present. "Maybe I could have one too." He went to reach for one and I quickly slapped his hand away.

"Mine." My muffled, since I was still chewing and savoring the first piece. Alice giggled.

"Please…" he pouted his lips and batted his puppy eyes at me.

"Oh fine, but just one." I placed a brownie in his outstretched palm and he bowed to me in thanks. Another tiny hand shot out in front of me and I placed a piece in Alice's hand and she thanked me. The sounds of food induced bliss surrounded me as the rest of the team asked for their own brownie to enjoy. I was thankful to still have a bit left over to enjoy on my own.

"So what's the occasion, Bella." Angela was nibbling her brownie.

"It's for her birthday!" Alice exclaimed. I shot her a look trying to convey that I wasn't speaking to her anymore, but she only laughed and finished her brownie.

"Oh really? That's wonderful. Are you doing anything special for it?" Angela wiped the corner of her mouth to remove traces of the desert.

"No, I usually don't do anything. I was telling Alice earlier I usually don't like to. At most, my father used to just order pizza so I wouldn't have to cook. That was celebration enough for me." I popped another piece in my mouth.

"I think we should go out! It's your birthday, everyone has to go out for their birthday!" I heard mumbling of agreement with Alice's statement.

"Ugh, I know you won't give up, but I'm on call Sunday, so I can't go out, besides, I have class the following day."

"Well, how about Friday? Are you on call then? It may not be on the actual day, but you wouldn't have classes the next morning." Alice knew my schedule and I laughed that she had even asked.

"I guess, you know you are twisting my arm here." Everyone laughed at my frustration.

"Yea! Angela, Ben, you guys can come right?" They nodded their heads. "And Mike?" She looked over the table at him.

"Of course Pix. Wouldn't miss it." Mike winked at me and I fumed even more. Great, more people to embarrass me.

"And you could invite Jasper, I'm sure he would love to be there. Besides, I've been dying to meet your potential boy-toy." Alice giggle.

"ALICE BRANDON!" I can't believe she just said that in front of the team. Making me look like some kind of floozy. I slouched down in my chair as my face grew red. I noticed Ben and Angela exchange a quick look and then excused themselves when Carlisle Cullen walked in. It was time for our meeting to start and today we would be going over the computer program we would use to enter in data. We went right into using the computers with little introduction. Every so often I saw Carlisle look over at me from the corner of his eye and then back to the Cheney's as they talked about exporting data into pie and bar charts. It was somewhat odd and I started to think about Edward away at a doctor's appointment and if he was ok. Maybe he was coming down with something. Would it be inappropriate to bring his chicken soup to our meeting tomorrow?

Alice was passing notes to me during the meeting to try and nail down a time and place for my birthday celebration. I told her I didn't know any places around town and told her to pick. In the end it was decided to have dinner at _Karma_, a nearby sushi restaurant and then to go clubbing at _Versailles_, a brand new swank night spot, according to Alice. I just hoped I wasn't expected to dance. That would be something to ruin the night.

I called Jasper when got out of the meeting. He apologized that he hadn't called earlier he said that his firm has been working like crazy preparing for some major projects and he that he even had to miss his lunch since he was stuck in meetings. I told him it was alright, his work was really important to him. I agreed to have Jasper pick me up at 7:30 on Thursday for our date, we were going to go to a little bistro and then we would go to a nearby park to watch Shakespeare in the Park. I told him it sounded wonderful, and it did. I would read the plays in high school for fun, so I was really looking forward to the performance. Before I hung up I mentioned Alice's plan for my impromptu birthday soiree. He said he had his work dinner, but he would defiantly try and make it to _Versailles_. He told me he was looking forward to our date and that he would call me later.

I had a hard time falling asleep that night. I continued to think about how upset Edward looked when I saw him in his class. I wished there was something I could have done to have seen his smile again.

It was well after 3am when I finally slipped into unconsciousness, and for the first time since I had arrived in Chicago, I didn't dream of him. Instead, my mother visited me in my sleep. It wasn't the usual nightmares I had about her since the accident. This time it was different.

We were sitting on the front porch of the house in Forks, and she was holding my hand. It was slightly raining and we were looking out to watch the sunset when she turned to me and smiled. She told me that it was time to let go and kissed my forehead as she used to do when I needed her as a child. I cried into her shoulder as she told me I would be fine, that everything would be fine. She told me that she loved me but I had to let her go because I needed to help others. When I asked who needed me, she told me I would know, that they would come to me when it was time. I then blinked back tears that were in my eyes, but when I opened them she was gone. Vanished into thin air, but in her place a Hooded Warbler was perched on the back of the chair where she had sat. It was small and fluffy as the one I had seen before, but his wing was broken, and was crying a sad sort of song. It needed care or it would surely not survive. I was concerned for the little guy, but as I reached out to touch it, everything faded away and I was left alone in the dark.

* * *

**Next chapter will have "the date" and Bella's birthday.**

**Readers Questions**

**Q. **Is Irina Dead?

**A. **Yes, she died in the incident 10 years ago.

**Q. **Is Edward responsible for her death?

**A. **No, but he feels that he is.

**Q. **When you saw Edward was in "rehab" does that mean he was institutionalized?

**A. **No, he was in rehabilitation for his injuries, but he was under psychiatric care at one point that will be discussed in the future.

**Q. **In Breaking Dawn, Irina and Tanya were sisters. Are they sisters in BtB?

**A. **No, they are not related in BtB.

**This is one question I have been asked a lot lately.**

**Q. **Please stop torturing Edward. When will he and Bella finally get together?

**A. **Soon.

**Thank you for all your reviews. Please keep sending in your questions**

**Also, I am currently working on chapter one of **_Streets of Blood._** So keep a lookout for it being posted soon.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: So I just want to let you know that it may take a little while until the next update.**

**I'm attending the TwiTour Convention this upcoming weekend in Phx, so I won't have time to finish the next chapter. I do appologize.**

Disclaimer: I do not own anything.

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Chapter 18

**BPOV**

Thursday came and I had my last Master's course for the week. The professor was my least favorite of the bunch. He was a pudgy man and a bald head, but what made him my least favorite was the monotone voice he spoke with. Thankfully most of the class had been to review the syllabus and then we were told to take the rest of the time to read over the first two chapters and begin an outline for a summary on the chapters. When we were let out, I worked a few hours at the front desk. It wasn't too exciting. Just a few students needing to check out some sporting equipment and locked out residents. I went back to my room to relax afterwards and then made a call to Sue to thank her for the card and her brownies that the research team loved. She told how much everyone back home missed me and when I told her how Alice had wrangled me into going out, she let out a loud laugh and said that I should enjoy myself and to expect another batch of brownies when I came home for Christmas.

The other cards I had received were from Charlie and Jacob, so I had to call them up and rip them a new one since they both sent me gift cards to a book store. Although I appreciated the gifts, I told them it was completely unnecessary. Charlie told me I was his only girl and to allow him to spoil me every once in a while, especially since I was so far away and Jake just told me to stop whining, that he loved me and to buy a big book to which I rolled my eyes at. I spent the rest of my free time reading Esme's book until late in the afternoon.

I didn't know how long my meeting with Edward would be today, so I decided to get ready for my date with Jasper ahead of time. I opted to wear my black dress pants and a sleeveless satin green top. I figured it would be a bit cold later in the evening, so I finished the ensemble with a black bolero jacket. I slipped on some black flats to be on the safe side and pulled my hair up into a French twist. My make-up was simple and finished with a coat of pink lip gloss.

At 6:30 on the nose I knocked on Edward's door which was already slightly ajar.

"Right on time Ms. Swan." He sounded a lot better than the last time I heard his velvet voice.

When I opened the door my eyes briefly widened when I saw his hunched over his desk, wearing those fuck-me reading glasses and his neck tie slightly loosened. I wanted to pull him by the damn thing and breath him in. He stood up as I entered and I went straight to one of the chairs in front of his desk and sat down doing my best to push back my office fantasies of him.

"Evening Dr. Cullen." I pulled out a notebook and a pen to take notes I might need for our meeting. When I sat back in the chair, I saw his eyes appraising what I wore. He opened his mouth to speak, but then shut it a second later.

I looked down at my outfit and felt a bit formal. "Sorry for being a bit dressed up this evening professor. I'm going out to dinner a little later."

"Oh, yes, well, I thought for a moment there that there was a special dress code for our meetings I was unaware of." He let out a small laugh that sounded forced and looked down at his desk for a moment and then looked back up. I saw the slightest trace of a frown on his face and I felt a pang of guilt for a second.

It felt wrong to mention my dinner plans to him, but then why should it matter anyways. It's not like Edward would be interested in his TA. He was a brilliant professor, published in journals from all over the world, and I was plain Jane from Small Town, USA, totally ordinary.

After a moment of uncomfortable silence and my toe tapping nervously on the floor, he spoke.

"How are your classes this week?" I could tell he was trying to be polite.

"They're fine, I already have quite a few assignments due, so this weekend is going to consist of me holed up in my room." He just nodded and it was quiet once again.

When the silence was broken again he told me that Carlisle had stopped by earlier in the week to tell him about my potential in the field and that he thought I was a great addition to the hypnosis research. I blushed. I was curious as to why he didn't bring up my thesis I had shared with his father. Surely it must have been brought up when they spoke, but he never even touched on it. I guess we would bring up later on then.

We talked about the developmental course, and I shared with him how no students had signed up for tutoring just yet, but I was actively checking my emails in case. I groaned to myself when he mentioned that Tanya Denali might be seeking some tutoring since she brought it up with him after class on Monday. I wanted to say that hell would freeze over before I would help her, but I was obligated to help with my position. Something about that girl just rubbed me the wrong way.

As time wore on I felt that this meeting was different than our previous conversations. It was very formal and I had a sneaking suspicion he wanted nothing more than to leave. Maybe he was still a bit under the weather.

I tried my best to pay attention as best I could but I was once again distracted by even the slightest movements he made. When he played with his tie, I had the image of him blindfolding me with it in my mind. When his hand ran through his hair, I was wanting to touch it again, run my fingers through it for hours. Upon closer inspection I noticed that the dark circles from yesterday were gone, and his clothing actually fit him a bit better today. There was still a hint of sadness in his eyes, but he was defiantly better. Maybe his doctor gave him something to make him feel better, and for that I was relieved.

It was around 7:15 when he looked at his watch and he seemed to be having an internal argument with himself.

"Well, Ms. Swan. I really don't want to keep you from your plans tonight, so let's just call it a night, shall we?" He stood up and walked around his desk to help me with my bag.

I had the slightest feeling he was trying to kick me out and get away from me as soon as possible and inside I was screaming I wanted to stay, but somewhere deep down I knew it would be rude to blow off Jasper and bother my mentor with my presence.

As I walked to the door, he picked up his briefcase and his jacket from the coat rack and followed me out the door.

"It was nice catching up with you Dr. Cullen, and I'm glad you are feeling better." I mentally slapped my head. I wasn't supposed to say anything and he probably wasn't the type to want it be known if he was sick.

His back was to me as he locked up his door and he bent his head as he turned to face the exit. "Yes, well you have a lovely evening Ms. Swan. I will see you in class tomorrow." His tone was flat and he took off down the hall and pushed the door to the exit open. I flinched when they slammed shut behind him and I was fighting the urge to cry.

My cell phone started to ring which pulled me out of the hurt I was currently feeling. I recognized the ring tone, which Alice had insisted on setting for me Monday night.

"_Brought down angels from the promised land. Gave 'em a place where they could dance. If you wanna see heaven brother here's your chance. Well I've been sent to spread the message. God blessed Texas" _

I rolled my eyes and answered.

"Hey Jazz." I started walking out of the building in the direction of my hall.

"Hey Bella, I'm a bit early, are you ready to go right now?"

I let out a deep sigh, "Yeah, I just got out of my meeting with Edward, I will be there in a minute."

"Is everything ok? You sound a bit down?"

"No, just a long day, I'm almost there."

"I can't wait. See you soon beautiful." I blushed and hung up the phone. When I reached the street I saw his car out front waiting. He turned his head in my direction and immediately got out and waited for me to get closer.

"Hey you." He whispered and he brought me in for a hug.

"Hi." Was my brilliant reply.

He walked me over to the passenger side and opened the door for me as I slid in.

When he returned to the driver's side I noticed that his radio was already tuned to the classic rock station from earlier. I turned and looked at him as he drove off campus.

He saw my gaze. "What? I figured I save you the trouble. I even saved it as my second station for the future." He pointed to his radio and showed me the button it was saved under.

"Second? I'm hurt, I thought I would have earned the number one spot." I teased.

"Nope, sorry Bells, you can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy."

Any worry I had that tonight would be awkward quickly disappeared during the remaining car ride. I had been sure that things would have been weird between us in this situation, but nothing really changed. In fact I was already enjoying myself as we sat and listened to the music until we reached the restaurant.

The bistro Jasper had picked out for tonight was a little bit outside of the city called _Pleinement_. He explained the name meant "To the fullest", the way life was supposed to be led he added. When we arrived, Jasper gave his name to the hostess and she led us to a table that had been reserved. The room was dimly lit with white linen table cloths that coved small tables and beautiful floral centerpieces decorated each one. We were taken to a table that was next to a large glass wall that overlooked a small lake, our view was perfect to watch the sun setting in the distance. If I had any real artistic ability, I would paint this scene and hang it on my wall to look at every day.

Jasper pulled out my chair for me, I would have refused had this not been a date, but to be polite, I allowed it. Everything on the menu was in French and although he knew what the name of the restaurant was called, that was the full extent of Jasper's knowledge of the language. When our server came by to take our order, I asked him for his suggestions and we both ended up deciding on a chicken dish. Our food arrived, and it smelled heavenly. I nearly licked the plate when I finished eating it and thought of ordering seconds just so I could take some home with me. It seemed that every place in Chicago had delicious food, and that I had been thoroughly deprived of this when I lived in Forks. Heck, gourmet in town there was the garden burger at the local diner.

Conversation with Jasper was very easy and comfortable. We talked about my classes so far, how I liked Chicago, we talked about his sister driving him crazy with her wedding talk, how excited he was for his next project at work and if I was having any luck finding a car for sale.

"I think there is a guy at work selling an old BMW, I could check if you like, get you a price at least." He sipped his glass of merlot.

"Thanks, my dad hasn't sold my truck yet, but I hope he does soon. The bus system is kind of confusing for me."

"If you ever need to go anywhere, I'll be more than happy to help, Bella." He smiled warmly at me.

After finishing our chocolate soufflé that we shared, Jasper paid the bill and helped me out of the chair. I felt his hand on my back, it was nice, but there was no electricity like there had been with Edward's, which I quickly beat myself up for thinking. Here I was on a date and thinking of someone else. Jasper guided me back to the car, and being the gentleman he was, he opened the car door for me again.

We only drove a few minutes when we pulled into a park down the road for a Shakespeare play that was being performed that evening. Tonight was _Twelfth Night_ which had always been a one of my favorites from the Bard. We found a seat near the players and Jasper wrapped his arm around me. It wasn't that cold to need his warmth, but I didn't want to be rude and shrug him off. The performance was rather good. We laughed when Olivia fell for Viola dressed as her brother and I cried when the Duke and Viola married. Jasper snickered when he saw me wipe my tears and I shoved his arm and told him to shut up.

The evening had been enjoyable. The wonderful food and the performance afterwards, it seemed to have been truly perfect. The only thing that that bothered me the entire night was the feeling in the back of my mind that Jasper was a good friend, but that there would never be anything more to our relationship.

After we arrived back at my hall, I went to open my door but Jasper insisted on getting it for me again. That was getting a little tiring. He held out his hand for me to take but didn't let go when he shut the door. It was nice, his hand was warm, and wasn't sweaty at all, but that was it. There was no spark, no jolt, nothing, just friends holding hands. I couldn't help imagining what it would be like to hold Edward's hand, sure I held it before whenever I shook it, but I wanted to know what it would be like to hold his hand in the same way Jasper was holding mine at that moment.

Why was I still thinking about him?

We walked slowly up the stairs to the front door of my hall and stood there for a moment. It was quiet with just the sound of a few cars driving on campus. I had a feeling of what was coming next, what was to be expected at the end of a date. It was always the same in every romantic movie I had ever seen.

"I had a really good time tonight." Jasper squeezed my hand.

"Yeah, me too. I don't think I've seen a better production of _Twelfth Night_. And the food was excellent." I was gnawing on my lip waiting for him to let go of my hand. I was becoming a bit uncomfortable.

"Bella, I was wondering if maybe, I don't know." I knew what he wanted to ask, it was obvious in his tone, but he still fought to find the words. "If …. Would it be alright to kiss you?" He turned to look at me, and his eyes met mine.

I knew this was coming, but I didn't know what to do. I had only ever kissed one other person in my life and I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to kiss Jasper. Of course he was a good looking man, movie star quality even. I imagined kissing men like him in movies I watched in back in high school. Like in Sixteen Candles, I was Molly Ringwald and I would kiss Jake Ryan over a birthday cake and after our first kiss, we would fall madly in love and it would be happily ever after.

Well, that didn't happen with my first kiss, so what's to say it would happen this time. I was so nervous that I was never really any good at it, Jacob never said anything, but what if Jasper did. If I did kiss him and I was that bad, would Jasper even talk to me again after tonight?

I was quiet as I debated it for a moment. I had my own reservations about so many things but eventually I told myself that maybe I should just try. Alice said that if things don't work out, then who gives a fuck. Right? Besides it was all part of me living my own life. If this was a mistake I would learn from it, but if Jasper was who I was supposed to be with, I would never know if I didn't kiss him.

"Yes." I couldn't say anything else. My palms started to sweat and I felt him step closer to me. His free hand reached up and held my face as he paused to look me in the eyes. He took a breath and whispered.

"You really are beautiful Bella."

I closed my eyes and waited for him to close the distance. It felt like forever and I was about ready to just say to heck with it and walk into my hall when I felt his lips gently press against mine. It was soft, almost testing to see if I was truly willing to kiss him back. I was still unsure of how I felt about this but then I felt his lip press again with a little more pressure and soon mine returned his movements. He ran his tongue slightly over my lower lip and my mouth parted slightly. He took the opportunity and caressed my tongue with his. It was nice, and I had to admit, even though I felt a bit guilty for kissing him back for some reason, I sort of enjoyed it. When we broke apart, he gave a small chaste kiss before he stepped back.

"Thank you for tonight Bella." He smiled at me and his eyes twinkled in the moonlight. "I'll call you tomorrow alright." I nodded my head and he let go of my hand.

"Sleep well darlin'." I heard his footsteps retreat to his car and I entered my hall.

When I reached my room, my cell phone buzzed and I went to check it. There were three text messages from Alice asking about my date. It was pretty late as it was, and figured that I would have more time tomorrow since she would probably want details on everything, but I had class in the morning and I was already pretty tired from the day.

I scrubbed my face clean and brushed my teeth before changing into my pajamas for bed. When I slipped under the covers, I was restless. I still felt Jasper's kiss lingering on my lips as I laid down in the darkness of my room. He didn't say I was bad. That was good. Right? But I was still confused. I tossed and turned the entire night. Why did I felt guilty about kissing him? Was it because it was too soon to date again? Was I not over Jake? Was this date a mistake? I had no clue. The only thing for sure was that when I did fall asleep eventually I didn't dream about my kiss with Jasper, I dreamt of only Edward.

It was Friday. Which meant my "birthday party" was tonight. I should have been happy about it like any other normal person, but more than anything I wanted to press fast forward and get it over with.

Once again Edward ignored me in his class. I told myself to not make it such a big deal, that I shouldn't even care about it but I was still very hurt that he didn't even say "Good Morning". When he finished his lecture he practically ran out of the lecture hall, a blur of bronze, beating everyone else out the door. I had a few students come up to me and ask if they had to attend the recitation. I told them that they would need to show up and I would go over what is expected for it. A number of students had dropped the course this week, which would mean there wouldn't be so many to address which was a good thing.

I went to lunch on my own that day. I called Alice to ask her to join me, but said she needed to get some things ready for tonight and when I came over to get ready she wanted me to spill the details of my date with my "boy toy".

Jasper had already called me earlier to say he was busy for lunch, but he was looking forward to seeing me later tonight at the club. So I sat in the student union by myself against the back wall and people watched as I nibbled on my grilled cheese sandwich.

At one o'clock I returned to the lecture hall and saw that most of the students were already there. There was a sigh of relief when the students found out that they were only obligated to show up to at least four sessions. I would be taking attendance, but only so to make sure they did show up for their required four times during the semester. It was a pass/fail course after all.

Alice told me to shower before I came over and to leave my hair wet, she was going to be doing my hair and make-up tonight. She also told me that she had picked up something for me to wear tonight, which I groaned at, but she insisted in her usual way, so I gave in.

I quickly washed my hair so I could take my time to shave my legs so I wouldn't end up nicking myself. Being accident prone was bad enough, throw in a sharp razor and disaster would eventually be expected. When I toweled off, I applied lotion to my legs and arms of my favorite body lotion of sweet smelling berries. I threw on a pair of jeans and an old band t-shirt before sliding into flip flops and left for Alice's.

When I arrived at her dorm room, Alice had her desk set up as a mini salon station. I rolled my eyes at the torture that was sure to ensue.

"Oh come on Bella, you have to look hot for your birthday. I'm sure Jasper wouldn't mind if you left him drooling." She giggled and danced her way to the desk motioning me to sit down.

"I really don't care whose drooling Alice." I mumbled.

"Why? did your date not go too well? What happened?!?" Her eyes were bulging out of her sockets.

"It was nice, dinner was good and I liked the play." I didn't want to talk anymore about it.

"Well something happened. Did he do something you didn't want?" I looked at my hands in my lap as my fingers fidgeted. "Or did he not do something you wanted him to do?" She nudged me with her elbow.

"Ugh, nothing happened. We had a good time, we had a good dinner, we kissed, and then he said he would see me later tonight. That's it." I nervously swept a piece of my damp hair behind my ear.

"Oh my god, YOU KISSED! How was it? Was it sweet, was it rough and dirty? Come on spill, details. Was there tongue?" I wanted to die.

"Alice, please, we had a nice kiss, but to be honest, I just don't feel anything more than friendship for him. I just don't want to lead him on if there's really nothing more than that." I bit my lip and looked at my friend.

"Are you going to tell him soon?"

"I have to, I still want him to be my friend, if I don't I'm sure I would just make things worse. Maybe when I see him tonight I can tell him privately." She nodded and I took that as her agreeing it was the best thing to do.

"Ok then. Time to get started on your beautification." She had a wicked smile which made my stomach bottom out.

"Let's get this over with." I grumbled.

Several hours and many beauty products later I was completely unrecognizable. Alice had managed to tame my unruly hair. It was shiny and soft as silk to the touch and framed my face with pin straight tresses. The effects of Alice's flat iron had left my hair a darker shade and made my pale complexion more noticeable with just the slightest hue of shimmery blush on my cheeks. My eyelids were covered in black eye shadow, as Alice would say, smoldering with sex appeal. The black eyeliner had left an almost cat like affect and my lashes appeared longer with the thick black mascara. It was the most makeup I had ever worn, but as I looked back at my reflection, I wasn't uncomfortable. I felt a sense of power and strength in me like I could do anything, and have anyone. Including the one that was out of my reach.

Alice dressed me in skin tight black jeans that accentuated my curves, especially my rear, and a small red corseted top that created almost less than comfortable amount of cleavage for my liking. Knowing my apprehension to bearing skin, Alice handed me a cropped black blazer, telling me I looked hot with or without it. To finish my "sex kitten" outfit, as I had come to call it, I slipped on a pair of black leather slouchy motorcycle boots that I tucked my jeans into. Smacking my ass playfully, Alice gave her seal of approval and soon deemed us ready to go once she had changed.

Alice and I took a taxi to the restaurant to see that everyone else in our party were already waiting for us. Mike was there with his boyfriend Andrew. I had only seen Andrew once before when he stopped by Carlisle's class on Tuesday to meet up Mike when class had ended. Angela and Ben were also there, but there was look of apprehension on their faces which I immediately forgot once Alice gave her name for our reservations to the hostess. Once we were seated I noticed there were two other empty chairs at table.

"Um Alice? Who else is coming tonight?" I pointed to the vacant spots.

She looked at the chairs and whispered to me, "Well one is in case Jasper gets out of his dinner early and the other is for a friend of the Cheney's. That's all I know." She gave her drink order to our waiter then. I tried to think why they would invite someone I didn't know to my birthday, but shrugged as I put in my order too.

Two Saketinis and a Sake Bomber (Upon Mike's insisting) later, I was feeling pretty good. I had decided to stay away from raw fish tonight to be on the safe side. So while everyone else enjoyed their sushi rolls, I happily ate my beef and noodle dish.

Jasper texted me that his dinner would probably run late, but he would meet up at the club later and to save him a dance. I texted back I would, if he really wanted me to break his foot, to which he replied it would be worth it. The Cheney's friend also didn't show up during the dinner, but they didn't seem disappointed about it.

For desert, the wait staff brought out a birthday cake in the shape of a large koi fish with sparkling candles. I felt my cheeks blush a brilliant red while the entire restaurant watched our table while everyone belted happy birthday to me. What I wouldn't have given to be curled up in bed with a book at that moment.

After my moment of humiliation, and the cake was cut, Alice told me it was time for presents.

"Alice, no. You guys don't need to get me anything. Really. Dinner tonight was more than enough." I grumbled and downed my third saketini.

"Too late for that, we already got them, so suck it up party pooper." There was stifled laughs from the rest of our party as she set down small wrapped box in front of me.

Mike passed her an envelope to give me and Angela set one in front of me as well. Now I was feeling like a childish asshole for being so rude and opened Mike's card first.

It was a funny card with a Chippendale's type man on the front, but once open revealed the same man in slightly less clothing. Again my face flushed redder than before and Alice quickly pulled the card away to laugh loudly once she saw the inside. Before she had taken it away from me I had removed the gift card inside. It was a hundred dollar gift card to a lingerie boutique, and again my embarrassment was evident on my face.

"Someone kill me please." I mumbled as I tried to slip the gift card into my clutch.

Andrew let out a silly laugh while Mike was wiping away tears of laughter at my reaction.

"Aww, come on Bella Babe. You need a little something _dirty_ in your life." Mike winked while I rolled my eyes and opened the other envelope.

Thankfully Ben and Angela had a little more class with their card and gift. Their gift to me was a dinner for two gift certificate for a wine bar in the area. I raised my eyebrow to Angela at the choice of gift.

"Well, it's in case you decide to go out with someone, you know." She sounded a bit uncomfortable as she spoke and I saw Ben reach for her hand on the table.

"Thanks Ang, maybe I'll take Alice for a girl's night out. That's really nice of the both of you." They nodded as I cautiously picked up Alice's gift.

"You know, Alice, you already are paying for dinner and you got me my outfit tonight, I think a present is just a bit over the top, and I don't like you wasting your money on me." I played with the ribbon bow on the box.

"Bella, you are probably one of my best friends in the entire world. I don't make a lot of girlfriends easily and I haven't for as long as I can remember. I like getting you gifts, I really do enjoy it. Besides Mamma and Daddy Brandon aren't hurting on the financial front, so it really is no biggie."

I let out a sigh and began opening the wrapping paper which revealed a very recognizable robin's egg blue color. I dropped the box on the table and my head snapped to Alice, whatever was inside was defiantly not from the dollar store.

"I had to wrap it or I knew you would make an even bigger deal of it. No give-backs." She picked up the box and forcefully put it back in my hands.

I slowly took off the lid of the Tiffany's box and that contained another velvet jewelry box. When I opened that I let out a small gasp.

On a delicate silver necklace chain hung a small silver pendant. It was in the shape of a clover like flower made of small hearts and in the center was a small diamond.

"It's beautiful Ali." I ran my hand over it with a feather like touch.

"Do you like it?"

I looked over at my first real girlfriend with tears in my eyes. "No, I love it." I flung my arms around the pixie while still clutching the necklace. She was giggling and hugging me back just as tightly.

"Can you put it on me Alice, I want to wear it tonight."

"Of course." Her smile was beaming from ear to ear as she took my necklace and clasped it on me. I touched it again when it made contact with my skin on my neck.

Mike's voice broke the silence that had fallen on our table. "I think it's time to move this party for some drunken debauchery and such."

Everyone paid for their meals and soon we were all paired up as we walked two blocks to _Versailles_. The line outside was already pretty long and I started to walk to the end of the line when Alice pulled me in the other direction while everyone else followed her lead.

"The line starts back here guys." I motioned over with my hand.

Alice was quick to reply. "We are so not waiting in line."

She skipped over to the large bouncer and a bleach blonde woman holding a clipboard at the door as was stayed back on the outside of the roped off area.

"Alice Brandon, I'm on the list." The woman took only a second to find the name and checked it off.

"Come on in, Giana will take you to the VIP area."

I rose my eyebrows as I followed Alice into the dark club. Once inside another man checked our IDs and gave us wrist bands so that we could all drink. A tall leggy woman wearing a black feathered hat over pin curls in her hair took us around to the VIP section where we immediately placed our drink orders.

"Wow." I took in the atmosphere of the place. There were recreations of 18th century artwork coving the walls along with cherubs that were painted on the ceiling. Shear purple curtains were draped around our section to provide some privacy from the other areas of the club.

I tore my eyes away from the décor to look at my birthday guests. Andrew was leaning over whispering something in Mike's ear as he giggled at something he said. Ben and Angela were holding hands on the sofa of our section watching the people on the dance floor grind on each other trying to be sexy, and I saw Ben wiggle his eye brows at her after watching a girl on the floor quickly drop to the floor and then slowly stand while rubbing her rear against her partner's crotch. Alice was busy on her phone texting someone and then quickly put it away to ask how I was doing.

"I'm having a great time, really. This place is amazing. I'm sorry I was being difficult about going out before. You always do too much for me."

"I'm just glad you are having a good time. When's Jasper coming?"

"He said his dinner is running late, so I'm not sure, but I know he'll text me when he gets here." I pulled out my cell to check if I had a text from him yet. Nothing.

"His name is on the list too, so send him a message that he just needs to tell Amelia at the door." I did as she instructed and put my cell in the back pocket of my jeans.

Andrew ordered us several rounds of shots, and I tried my best to take them, after four I had to refuse anymore for a while and sipped on a gin and tonic instead. I could tell that the boys were feeling the effects of the alcohol when they started to get a little touchy feely and then excused themselves to go out to the dance floor.

Several guys approached Alice and me asking to dance, we both refused for a little bit, but after a while I encouraged Alice to take one up on an offer, she really needed to go out and have some fun and I didn't need her to stay with me the whole night. She agreed to the next good looking guy that approached and I watched her bounce down the stairs to the dance floor. I watched her shake her booty with the guy for a bit until Angela touched my hand to get my attention.

"You having a good time Bella?"

"Yeah Ang, this is probably one of my more memorable birthdays." I smiled genuinely at her and Ben.

"So, am I right on hearing you went out with Jasper Hale last night?" I slightly chocked on my drink, surprised she would know. When I recovered I nodded as my answer.

Ben asked the next question, "How did that go? Did you have a good time?" I was curious as to why they would be so interested, but maybe it was just conversation to pass the time.

"It was nice. I had a good time. He kissed me, but there were no sparks, you know what I mean? I think I just want to be his friend. Hope he's ok with that, but nothing serious is going to happen between us." Both of them smiled at me before looking at each other and then Angela leaned into him.

The club started to get warm as more bodies filled up the place. Soon I was too warm for me with my blazer on and shrugged out of it, and accepted how much skin I was now showing. The music was pretty loud as it played for the next few songs, which is why I let out a yelp when Alice came back up and scared me.

"Bella, Bella, Bella! Come dance with me. Come on it will be fun." I could tell the shots were working their magic on her.

If sober Alice was hard to say no to, I knew intoxicated Alice was probably more difficult. "Fine, but I apologize in advance for stepping on you." She pulled me out of my chair and led me out of our section to the center of the dance floor.

Bodies were dancing all around us, and often there were people bumping into me. I was awkwardly dancing at first but soon I let the alcohol and rhythm take over and I loosened up. I heard the bass of the music pound and matched my sways of my hips to it. Once I did that, I stopped stepping on other people's feet and actually enjoyed myself. Alice playfully grinded with me, which made me and almost double over with laughter, especially once I noticed the looks we were attracting.

When the next song started, Alice waved over Mike and Andrew to breakup their tongue tango and join us. Mike wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned me back in a dip, attempting to play Fred Astaire to my Ginger Rodgers. When he brought me back up erect I playfully lapped his arm and turned to see Andrew spinning Alice in circles and she swayed slightly when she came to a stop against his chest. Each time the songs changed we decided to switch dance partners and I alternated between Mike, Andrew and Alice.

When the DJ decided to slow things down we all decided to take a break and get a drink from the bar before returning to the dance floor. Again, Andrew bought us around which we all downed rather quickly once the bartender had poured out the shots. I got myself another gin and tonic when Alice pulled out her cell, looking at it with a scrunched face.

"What is it Ali?" I sipped my drink and tried to look at the screen of her phone.

"Crap balls. It's Marcus. I guess there was a flood in the restroom on my floor and the water is soaking into the rooms. Ugh. I think I need to get back." She frowned as she started to type a response back.

"Are you sure?" I was having such a good time tonight with her, but I knew that she probably needed to go check on the damage.

"Yeah, I think so, I want to make sure nothing gets ruined or any of my electronics get wet, that would be bad. Are you going to be ok if I go?" She looked like she wanted to stay at the same time I saw her concern.

"Yes, I'll be fine, go, save your room. I have these two strapping lads to entertain me. I'll call you tomorrow, we'll get a hangover breakfast and I can let you know how things go with Jazz." I leaned in to give her a hug.

"Sounds good. Tell Jasper sorry I missed him, but you have a good night, ok Bella?"

Andrew walked Alice back to the VIP section to get her coat and walked her outside to see her to a taxi. Mike and I stayed at the bar to finish our drinks. When I was done with mine, my bladder was starting to feel rather full so I excused myself from Mike telling him I had to go to the ladies room. Thankfully it was rather easy to find the hallway to the restrooms and there wasn't a line so I was able to relieve myself quickly. I washed my hand and gave a quick check in the mirror to see if my sweating mussed my make-up.

When I walked out of the restroom I felt my cell vibrate in my pants. When I checked it, there was a text from Jasper saying he would be here in a few minutes which made me smile. I was a bit nervous to talk to him about us just being friends, but I still wanted to see my friend.

That smile soon disappeared when someone behind me covered my mouth with their hand and pulled me roughly down the hallway.

"You fucking cunt." The voice was menacing, but I recognized it instantly. "You think you can slap me and not get away with it, you are sorely mistaken."

My heart accelerated in fear as James forced me down the hallway and out the exit at the end. As the door closed, I tried my best to scream but his hand forcefully pressed hard on my mouth, silencing me. My legs kicked out trying to hurt him to release me as he tried to carry me through the alley behind the building.

"No one hits me, not even a little slut like you. I may not have had my fun with your little friend, but no one is here to stop me from having my way with you is there?" I heard the venom in his voice and my stomach began to churn. Tears started to streak down my face because he was right, no one was there, everyone that I knew was inside having a good time or in a taxi on their way home.

Suddenly he stopped walking and he threw me up against a wall near a dumpster. I could hear the dripping of a drainage pipe and cars on the street zoom by mix with his heavy panting.

"I'm going to teach you a lesson you won't forget, and I will enjoy every minute of it." I tried to run away from him but he pinned my hard back causing my head to hid the wall.

"Please, don't. I'm sorry, please don't do anything to me I beg you. I'm sorry. Please." I sobbed. I knew what he was going to do to me. It was evident in his dark eyes that were illuminated by a street light.

"Beg all you want. Scream if you dare, no one is going to save you. You're mine for the taking." He crashed his lips against mine as I painfully struggled tried to get my wrists out of his grasp.

I closed my eyes as he continued to assault my mouth with his. It was rough, it was animalistic and relentless. I wanted to close off my mind to what was happening but I wasn't able to as he took my wrists and held them together in one of his. My eyes flashed open at the sound of him undoing the zipper to his pants. More tears fell from my eyes, surely ruining whatever makeup I had left.

"You are a filthy little whore and you deserve to be fucked for what you did. You are going get on your knees and I'm gonna fuck that mouth of yours before I fuck your pussy so hard you will never forget me. Because no one can take away anything from me." And he then moved his mouth to my exposed shoulder and bit down hard. The pain from this caused a new stream of tears to fall.

I knew it would probably be no use, he even said so, but I had no other defense. He was too strong for me to fight off and I was scared.

"HELP ME! PLEASE! ANYONE HELP ME!" I screamed and my body shook with the sobs because I knew my attempt fell on deaf ears. The echo of my scream died out in the alley.

He laughed at me and I could still see the rage in his eyes, "I told you. No one will be able to save you now."

"No, no, please. God, help me. Please, don't do this James." I closed my eyes again willing for him to release me. This was just a nightmare. None of this was real.

I could feel his hot breath on me and my loud cries quieted in defeat. I couldn't stop him

"I don't listen to whores, no you are going to get on your knees in this filthy alley where you belong and you will take my cock."

I still kept my eyes close, quietly saying this wasn't happening to myself. I felt him try to force me to the ground when I heard a loud smack and James' hands released my wrists.

"Jesus fuck!" I heard cry out from James as another crack pierced the night.

I fell to the ground landing in a small puddle and wet garbage. I kept my eyes shut as I heard the sound of someone's body fall to the ground near me. Another sound of a person's shoes moving around.

"Oh Fuck, you bastard. I'm going to fucking kill you. Fu-" Then James stopped talking and all I heard were the sounds of moans. Someone had come and I realized they were hitting James with such force it was clearly audible.

I never opened my eyes and brought my knees to my face and wrapped my arms around them, still crying. I was saved, but was still scared. What's to say this person didn't have the same intension for me and was just getting James out of the way.

Soon the moans from James stopped all together, and the other person was breathing heavily. There was a sound of something being dragged on the ground and thud of it hitting the side of the dumpster.

I held myself together tighter at the sound of the other person approaching me. Their steps were quick and I heard the splash of them stepping into one of the puddles in the alley. The footsteps stopped and I could feel them crouch down in front of me and one of their hands touched my arms. I flinched at first, but the coursing electricity that shot from those hands soon eased me.

This person gently pulled me up into a standing position and I instinctively stepped back only to run into the wall. My crying was still frantic and my eyes still shut tight, fearing this person could be another James.

"Bella, open your eyes." The velvet voice called to me, but I shook my head. I was in shock and imagining things. "Bella, angel, please open your eyes. It's over, he's not going to touch you." I felt the person's hand gently sweep the hair that had fallen in my face out of the way and back behind my ear. The tingling sensation remained where he touched my cheek. It was too familiar to the time Edward had done the same action in the hallway before the first research meeting.

"Please open your eyes Bella, it's Edward. I need to know if you are alright. I need to know if you are hurt. Please." I could hear the fear in his voice and my eyes opened immediately.

When my eyes adjusted, I was looking into the green orbs I had lost myself in for the last three weeks. I wasn't imagining his voice because he was here. He had saved me from James and he was standing in front of me in a dark dirty alley, concerned for how I was. My crying ceased, but my breathing continued to be labored as I continued to stare back into the eyes that were searching mine.

His hand ran through my hair gently trying to comfort me. It was tender and warm. He stepped closer and my head instinctively looked up at him. My eyes were still locked on his as I felt his other hard sweep across my face to rid me of my tears.

"Bella, are you ok? Are you hurt?"

I didn't answer. I was too lost in his voice and eyes. I wanted to know why was he here but more importantly where was James? Would he come back for me?

"Bella, say something." He bent down to look me level in the eyes, placing both of his hands on the side of my face. His was scared, worried about me, there was something else there, but I couldn't place it. Something that I knew affected him to the core.

"Where's James?" my voice was barely a whisper, fearing he was still nearby.

I saw his eyes quickly look to the side for a millisecond but then back to me. His right thumb drying another one of my tears that fell.

"That's not important. Are you alright? You need to tell me." He was pleading. I wasn't sure of the extent of the damage, but I could feel my wrists burn a little and still felt James' bite on my shoulder.

"I'm f-fine. My wrists hurt, and he bit me, but that's it." My voice shook but my breathing was calming the longer he held onto me. His eyes closed for a moment, as if he had tasted something foul and say pain cross his face. I took that moment and turned my head a little to the side Edward's eyes had shifted to and could see James' unconscious body laying next to the dumpster. My breathing hitched and I looked back to my savior who didn't release me and opened his eyes again.

"You are safe now, I'm here and I won't let anything happen to you. I promise. Nobody will hurt you."

He was here, he would never let anything happen to me. He saved me from James and was holding me as if I were the most fragile being in the world. I could feel the heat and electricity pulsing from him and sensation was replacing the fear and panic before. Another feeling was building as my eyes searched his for it to be there too.

I unconsciously lifted a hand to his face and touched his face ever so softly. It was coarse from some stubble, but also warm and soft at the same time. When my skin made contact, the sensation I could feel left me burning inside. His eyes never looking away from mine closed slightly at my caress and he slightly leaned into my hand. I thought I saw him inhale deeply as if to relish in my scent.

I mimicked his action, leaning my face into one of his palms that was still holding me and inhaled as well. My eyes closed as his scent overwhelmed me. He smelled of honey and lilacs with a hit of his own masculine musk. Intoxicating, I nuzzled further into his hand and without my control I placed a small kiss into the palm of his hand.

I heard a sharp intake of air from him, and I opened my eyes to turn and look back him. The concern in his eyes still lingered, but I saw want I had been looking for just a few moments ago. Want.

My hand was still holding his Face as I leaned forward off the wall and pulled him closer to me. My breathing heavy as I ran my tongue over my lips before I closed the distance between us and pressed my lips to his.

I felt his body stiffen for just a moment before he finally relaxed and one of his hands dropped from my cheek and he wrapped his arm around my waist. My other hand rose to reach for the bronze hair I had dreamed of touching. With the first run through it, he let out a low moan which cause his mouth to opened slightly, allowing me entrance. My tongue slid in and I tasted his essence.

My body melded with his as his hold on me grew tighter, pushing me closer to him until there was no space between. My chest pressed against him issued another moan of pleasure, this time it came from me.

Our lips moved together as if they were performing an intricate dance, as if they had been practiced for many years and were together in sync. The fire within me rose more with each pass of our tongues and massage of our lips. My legs were growing weak and my body was beginning to feel like mush in his embrace.

I was losing myself completely with every touch Edward gave me. When he moved his hand to caress me elsewhere, it left a trail of desire burn brighter. I tugged his hair ever so slightly, and was rewarded with another moan, and soon I found myself pressed up against the alley wall his body flushed with mine.

A few moments ago, I was in the same position with James, it was one of the most frightening moments of my life. But now with Edward pressing his noticeable arousal to me, I was experiencing the one kiss I would compare all others to for the rest of my life.

Sure, I had dreamed of kissing him almost every night since I moved here, but nothing I had dreamed compared to kissing this man in the real world. It was beyond anything I could ever want.

I was becoming dizzy with pleasure and Edward was starting to gasp for air. I wanted more of this, more of him. More of everything with this man. I never wanted to stop kissing him because if I did, the world would cease to exist.

Our lips started to slow, I don't know how long we had been there, 10 minutes, and hour, a day. Time had no meaning. But our moment had to come to an end, James would eventually stir, and Mike, Jasper and the Cheney's would probably notice my absence soon. This dream had to come to an end.

Eventually, and reluctantly, I pulled my lips away from his. Both of us still breathing heavily. Again, my eyes were drawn to his like a moth to the flame. And I was ready to be consumed entirely by that blazing flame.

Again, my hand rested on his cheek on its own accord and stared deeply into the green pools. I felt I had finally found my reason, my true north. In the light of the evening everything had finally become clear. Although I was lightly damp in garbage water, and pressed up against an ally wall near a dumpster late at night behind some night club, I was happier than I had been in all my life because I was looking into the eyes of the man I knew I now loved.

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**Reader's Questions:**

**Q. **When will there be an Edward POV again?

**A. **Chapter 19, yea! Lots to cover....

**Please send in your questions, I love answering them. **

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**You guys are truly the best.**

Next Chapter: **Edward's POV. **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hey everyone, so so so sorry this is so late at being update. I was busy with the twi-tour conference, which I suggest you should go to if you are a twilight fan. I met Chaske Spencer and I now am Team Sam, told Chaske that too. Anyways, I do appologize and will try to update more often.**

**This is a big chapter, with a surprise POV thrown in. I hope you enjoy!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.  
**

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"_Yes. I'm in love with her. Completely and undeniably." I hung my head and dropped the sponge I had been holding._

_My father dropped his hand of my shoulder and leaned against the counter. "I thought so. For how long?"_

_I answered instantly. _

"_Since the dinner party."_

**Chapter 19**

EPOV

I let out a loud sigh and closed my eyes, feeling my father's gaze still on me.

"There's nothing I can do about it though. She's seeing someone." My heart broke even more as I said it out loud.

"Edward, go pour us some drinks and meet me out side, okay?" My father pushed himself away from the counter and headed out to the hallway.

I quickly rung out the wet sponge I dropped, returning it to the its holder and then walked into the living room to put on my shoes. Once they were on I walked over to the small bar set in the corner and poured my father and I two fingers of scotch from the new bottle in the front. I stood there for a moment once I recapped the bottle and let my thoughts take over again before my father's voice broke through.

"Are you coming?"

"Yes." I answered and picked up the glasses, walking over to the front door where he stood, holding the door open.

I handed him a glass and her quietly thanked me. When I reached the end of the concrete entrance I sat myself on a small step, where he followed suit.

We sat there for a moment as I took a sip, staring out onto the property. I always loved my parent's home; it was elegant and always reminded me of the types of homes from the Austen novels my mother would read to me as a young boy.

My father let out a soft cough to get my attention and held out my mother's silver cigarette case, offering me one. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"You knew she hid these?" I picked up a cigarette and took the lighter he handed to me and lit the end, inhaling deeply.

"Who do you think gave her the case son?" He took one for himself and lit it as well. I laughed to myself, shaking my head as I exhaled. Figures, they never had secrets from each other. Which means he would tell her that…

"Um, dad?" I quickly asked.

"Yes, what is it Edward?" He sipped his glass slowly. Running his tongue over his lips to catch any remaining alcohol that coated it.

"Could you not tell mom about what I said about Bella? I know you tell each other everything, but right now I just want this to be between us." I had just come to this conclusion myself, and I didn't want anyone else to pity me, even if it was my mother.

"I will try my best." He promised me.

We were quiet once again, just sitting there drinking and smoking. Once my father extinguished his, he placed his hand on my shoulder again.

"Son, I'm sorry for earlier. If I had known what I said would have brought up what happened, I wouldn't have said it."

I leaned over my knees and nodded my head slowly. "It's ok. I really didn't know that would happen. I think it has just been rather confusing for me lately." I took a final drag of my cigarette and crushed it onto a nearby rock to put it out.

"I know it's not my place, Edward, but I want to ask you to do a favor for me." I looked up at my father as he removed his hand from me and gripped his glass of scotch while looking up into the night sky.

For some reason my pulse started to pound. I wasn't sure what he would ask me. I was hoping that it wouldn't be going back to the hospital. I wasn't going to do anything to hurt myself or my family. It was wrong of me to do so in the past and after my attempt then I swore I would never do it again. I could never wish that on my mother most of all.

"Um, sure, but you are kind of making me nervous dad." I turned back to stare at my now empty glass.

"Don't be, it really is nothing serious. It's just I know you meet with Ms. Swan-"

"Bella." I interjected.

"Hmm, right, I know you will meet with Bella to mentor her with her master's program, but I would like you to hold off on discussing her thesis idea for a while."

"What do you mean? Did she tell you what she wants to write on?" I was confused. Part of my role as Bella's mentor was to review her thesis, provide input and constructive criticism. I was dying to see what her brilliant mind found fascinating and to be there for her, encouraging along the way.

"Yes, she told me after class today." He took a long swig, draining his glass and set it down on the ground. He then brought his hands together and intertwined them, staring intently as he flexed them. "I think it would be best for you to not bring it up for a while though. If she tries to brings it up in your first few meetings, just ask her to write up a few proposal ideas. I would like you to have a few sessions with Dr. Liam before you talk with her about it. Is that alright?"

I trusted my father enough to know that he had my best interest in mind, but I was upset at the same time that he would tell me not to uphold my role as a mentor. I was silent as I thought it over, but I knew my father and he was someone I trusted so I agreed that I would wait. Whatever her focus on for her thesis was probably not going to sit well with me especially in my recent state of mind. I would meet with Dr. Liam tomorrow and continue my Sunday sessions with him. I told myself that a month should be enough time before talking with her about it. I'm sure it wasn't too bad, but I promised my father, and I would not be proud of myself for breaking it.

When we went back into the house, my father replaced my mother's "secret" stash and I followed him up the stairs to my old room. My mother had already laid out a suit for me that was on top of my old desk chair along. I hugged my father good night and thanked him for everything before he retreated to my parent's room at the end of the hall.

Once I stripped down to my boxers and my under shirt, I tried my best to fall asleep. I was restless and around midnight I finally gave up on my attempts and went to my adjoining bathroom to find a Tylenol PM, in hopes to aide me into slumber. When I opened the cabinet I realized it was virtually empty, except for a toothbrush and toothpaste. I thought that was unusual, but shrugged it off. I brushed my teeth vigorously and then washed my face in the running water. When I dried myself off, I was still awake and even farther away from sleep than before. My mind was swimming with many thoughts of my family, Irina, but more so Bella. I sat on the edge of my bed next to my bedside table, waiting for me to become tired.

I watched the minutes slowly pass on the digital clock, the glowing green numbers being the only light illuminating the room. After the time read 12:20, I gave up on trying to fall asleep and decided to try and possibly find a book to fall asleep to. Once I was out of my room, my feet had a mind of their own and instead of heading on the direction of the library, I found myself ascending to the third floor and then my hand was on the doorknob of a room I hadn't entered in ten years.

I don't know what drew me there, but before I could comprehend, I was opening the door and making my way to the bench in front of my old Steinway. I stood behind the bench and stared at the black lacquer concert piano reliving all my memories here. I ran my hand over the birch wood that protected the ivory keys my fingers would caress so many years ago. Concerts for my family and friends at our holiday parties when I was young were embedded into my dear musical friend.

I closed my eyes as I lifted key bed cover and was flooded with the images of the compositions I had loving learned and created in this spot. I ran my hand lightly of the cool keys and inhaled deeply, trying to focus. Since the incident I had lost all interest in my first love. I knew how much it broke my mother's heart that I no longer played, but I had lost all my love and desire when I lost Irina. I felt guilty for it and at the time I didn't know why I stopped, but standing in front of the piano I realized I was punishing myself, along with punishing my family. I felt a single tear fall from my right eye as my hands stopped around middle C where the tear landed between my index and middle finger.

I removed my touch and pulled out the bench, slightly screeching in protest against the hard wood floor. As I sat in the bench I took everything in. The music room was dark and the full moon outside was glowing in the window, a single beam of light perfectly directed at the keys.

I positioned my hands and slowly started to play scales while pressing the softening foot pedal so not to disturb others in the house. As I finished playing the E scale I let the sound of the cords reverberate in the room and it echoed through my body. When everything quieted I waited staring at the keys once more. I took in a deep breath then and I immediately began to play the song I had written for my mother when I was in high school.

I was light and slow in the beginning, reflecting how kind and gentle she was as I grew up from infant to a terrible toddler. Transitioning to a more staccato melody depicting times where we did not agree on the same things as most children do with their parents during their adolescent youth and then finishing back to a soft melody that faded to finish that represent that even with difficult time, her love was always there to comfort and guide me. When I finished I thought back to earlier that night and realized how true that was. She was there comforting me and showing me how I was loved, pulling me from the darkness I put myself in and helping me to breathe. Encouraging me that I was strong and I would get through this.

Again I sat there in the silence of the room, my fingers still hovering when I began the next song. It was _her_ song, the song I wrote our sophomore year at the university in honor of our one year anniversary of dating. Irina had heard me play one day and asked that I write something for her. She never begged, but would occasionally hint that she would love for a song to call her own. One weekend I finally heard the tune in my mind and wrote it out and as a surprise when it was finished, I played it for her at the little restaurant we had gone to on our first date. It was fast with a jazz beat, the way she made my heart race when she would walk into the room or take my hand into hers. The song was her as she swayed with her walk and smiled when she laughed. The times she would playfully swat my arms when she was annoyed or the times she hugged me as she cried after a bad day, it was all her. As I played on I remembered the Christmas we spent with both our parents, midnight drives to pick up fast food when we had late night munchies and all the other moments of happiness we had shared in our short time together. I was lucky to have had her in my life even if she was so brutally taken away from me, but I knew she would always be a part of me even now.

The song ended and my hands fell from the keys into my lap and my head bent to where my chin met my chest.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. It should have been me." I whispered to the shadows. "I miss you so much, and I still love you. It's not fair that you aren't here." Tears fell once more from my eyes, ruining my shirt.

"I – I don't know what to do. I still love you, but I know you know how I feel about Bella. I love her too." It was wrong that I felt this way. I felt guilty for it but it doesn't make my feelings go away. "I shouldn't though because she's not you. I just… I just wish you were here, or that there was some way to know what I am supposed to do." My voice slightly cracked near the end of my prayer to her.

I could hear the sounds of the house settling and the wind outside the window as the tears started to dry. I dried them further with the palm of my hands. When I finally opened my eyes the room was much brighter than before, the moon shifting in its orbit and creating a glow around the piano in its light. It was then in that moment that I saw the notes. Notes to a new song, notes that were showing me the next chapter of my life. I saw them there; in front of as if they were clearly written on composition paper. It was a song. It was soft with a slow entrance where the main melody came in like soft ringing bells. The chiming of them rang as though they were talking, sparse at first, but becoming slightly quicker. It was feminine and mild, like a young girl, scared and alone for the first time. She was talking to someone, a stranger in their own right, and getting to know them. Timid to speak of much to begin with, but over time they would listen to each other and open up. All their fears and hurt of the past shedding with time. Tears of sadness turning into tears of joy as the girl and the other continued. It was a story of an acquaintanceship changing to friendship, and then that friendship evolving to something more, something of trust and comfort and eventually a union of love. It reached the crescendo when the two finally become one, and the young girl was no longer a girl, she was a woman, strong and brave and made better with her other half. As the piece concluded, the music grew softer and tender, blanketing the two in love that was pure and true, and with the final cord the love exuded hung in the air and it was beautiful to me.

I was afraid to remove my fingers from the keys for fear that I would no longer see the music, but I was becoming overwhelmed with exhaustion. It was just as fate would have it that after playing one of the most precious and beautiful pieces I had ever played, I would finally find sleep. I reluctantly stood up from the bench and moved to close the lid. The notes still remained in my mind, and I heard the music over and over as slowly walked out of the room and retreated down the stairs to my room. It was close to 2am now and I was quickly succumbing to sleep. As I slid between the sheets I stared up at the ceiling where the last light from the moon remained and closed my eyes.

I knew what had happened was a gift, and even though I did not understand the meaning of it yet, I knew it was special and important.

"Thank you Irina. I love you too." I sighed one final time and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

Esme POV

Once I had left my boys in the kitchen, I quickly made my way up the stairs and to the closet of the master suite. Even though Edward was still skinnier than usual, it was nice to know that Carlisle's clothes would fit him still. I shudder to think how my other son would appear in his father's clothes. The mental image of Emmett bulging in one of the suits would be a sight to be seen.

I finally found a decent suit, it would still be lose on Edward, but it would do for the time being. Picking a tie on my way out, I walked the hall to his old room. Once I flipped on the light all the memories of the evening flooded through my mind as I placed the suit on his desk chair. I looked at the pictures of him and his bother on one of the shelves and remembered seeing the scared little boy in my arms tonight. He was so broken and my heart cried to see my boy tortured. A mother should never have to see her adult son in such a state. It is one of the most frightening sights to see him close to losing all sense of reality.

I never thought I would see the fear and heartache I saw like that night we had found him laying on the floor in the bathroom, when he had given up on everything then. He lost his passions, he cut himself off from everyone and he lost his love. I had been so mad that my baby boy would experience so much loss and pain in his life. I had stopped going to church for several months, turning my back on my faith because I had believed that no God would allow this to happen to someone as wonderful as my Edward.

Carlisle and I had noticed a change in him over the last few weeks though. Sure there had been improvements prior to now, but nothing as drastic as it had been recently. I noticed the smiles shortly after the department dinner, and nothing warmed my heart to have him over for Sunday lunch that weekend. It seemed like God was finally answering my prayers I had been sending for the last decade, until tonight when I was afraid Edwards's world was crumbling once again.

When I received that call from Carlisle telling me Edward was having a panic attack and he was bringing him here, my heart stopped and the tears started to surface immediately. I knew he still had his episodes, but for Carlisle to bring him here meant he was afraid of the worst possible outcome, and so was I.

Carlisle and Edward were still downstairs as I went to turn down Edwards's bed. Once I smoothed out the sheets I looked up and saw the door to his adjoining bathroom. I knew he had promised us he would never try anything again, but after holding my son for an hour as he cried tears of pain, I didn't want to take any chances.

I flicked on the light to the bathroom and took the hand towels out of their decorative holding basket and placed them on the counter. Opening the medicine cabinet I quickly took every medicine bottle out, including the Tylenol. The razors were gone, so were the cough medicines and the mouthwash. I did the same to the cabinets under the sink, removing the cleaning supplies as well. When I was finished all that was left was a brand new toothbrush and a tube of tooth paste. I felt tears in my eyes as I left the bathroom and turned off the light.

I could hear the footsteps of my two men echoing downstairs as I marched myself and the "basket of fear" I named it to the master suite and shut the door behind me so I could hide it under the bed. When I felt that it was secured away, I changed into my night gown and made quick work of my evening regiment for bed. I finished and slid myself between the sheets as I waited for my love to join me in slumber.

A few moments into some reading from my new romance novel, Carlisle entered our room looking as grave as he did when he arrived tonight. He looked up at me and we silently communicated that tonight was just as painful as those nights after Edward's incident. Carlisle gave me a quick nod to me and went into the bathroom to change and brush his teeth. He emerged soon after and I closed my book for the evening and turned off my bed stand light as he joined me in our bed.

"Is he going to be fine?" I turned to embrace my love and clung to him tightly.

He placed a sweet kiss on my crown and let out a sigh, "I hope so. Dr. Liam is bringing in Edward's case worker for their session tomorrow and told me that we need to watch him carefully for a while. I don't think he will do anything to himself, but we can never be sure. Did you give him a suit and remove any possible …. aides?" He was barely able to say the last bit.

I swallowed deeply back the sob in my throat. "Yes, all the medicines, razors and cleaning supplies are under the bed." The tears I tried to hold at bay escaped my efforts then. "Carlisle, I don't want our baby to be sad. I want _my _Edward back. For the last two weeks I thought he was coming back, but after tonight… I'm scared. I can't let anything happen to him. No. I won't let anything happen to my baby boy."

He clung to me tighter and whispered into my hair, "I know my love, I know. We'll be here for him and I will watch him at the University." Another kiss was felt on my head.

"What did you two talk about after I left?" I lessened my hold on him and tried to rest my head on my pillow as he removed his glasses and placed them on his nightstand.

"Nothing of great concern for now, just work and such. You should go to sleep, love. Today was an emotional day for all of us." He turned off light and sank further between the sheets. "I love you, my wife." He gave me a final kiss good night.

"I love you, my strength." And we held each other until we could find sleep.

I tossed and turned for some time until I woke myself up a few hours later. I looked the alarm clock in our room as it glowed and it was just after midnight. Unable to stay in bed any longer, I rose and made my way to my secret stress reliever hiding place. I padded lightly down the stairs to the vase on the runner table in the hall near our coat closet where I hid the silver case Carlisle gave me and my father's lighter. I pulled them out, opening the case and noticed two cigarettes were missing.

"That silly man." I whispered. I should have known Carlisle helped himself to at least one, and Edward was probably the other thief. I had always known he and Emmett used to sneak out behind the old green house after helping themselves to my stash, but I always told myself, boys will be boys. It was a filthy habit, but I always turned to it when I was in times of great stress, such as tonight.

Just as I was about to take a stick out, I heard the sound of someone leaving their room. Their feet were light but still had a slight drag to their cadence. I instantly recognized it as my son's. I quickly replaced the holder and lighter and walked back up the stairs to find him. I passed by Edward's room and his door was ajar. I made a quick look inside to see that his bed sheets were practically thrown off completely and in tangles.

The sound of him continuing up the second set of stairs to the third level drew me out of the room and I followed quietly. I heard him open a door and I picked up my pace slightly, wanting to see where he was headed to. As I reached the last few steps, I caught a glimpse of the music room door shutting quietly.

I slowed my walk again and reached the door separating me and the room that my son had not entered in over nine years. The last time he had been there we nearly lost all the instruments we had collected over the years, and much of the music there had been destroyed. The result of one of the many hellish nights after taking Edward home from the hospital.

I stood by the door now, my head resting against it, waiting for the sounds of his fury to resurface once again. I took a deep breath and held on to the brass doorknob, anticipating my next move. My own anxiety was growing as I stood there. The shuffling of footsteps on the other side caused me to worry that I might not be able to do this on my own.

My held breath escaped me then at the sound of scales being played softly on the other side. I still held the door but my body relaxed infinitesimally. Several scales were played until they came to a stop.

_This is when the anger will come._ I told myself, but it didn't. Tonight something had changed in Edward and I knew once he started to play the song he wrote for me when he was in high school. There was a chair next to the door we placed for decoration, and I sat myself down as I listened to my baby boy play the gift he created for me.

The tears fell from my face again, but not in sadness this time. This time I was crying because he was coming back. He faced his own personal hell, cut himself off from the world, and this small act was him coming back to the living. Though he did it alone, he was returning to us and my heart was pounding with joy.

As my song finished, I waited to see what he would play next. A little Beethoven, Rachmaninoff, or Bach. Nothing prepared me for what happened next. My breathing hitch quietly as I recognized the song. It was Irina's. Of all the songs in the world he had learned and composed, I thought he would never play this one again. It was her. Her life, her joy in everything and her love for Edward. Like all the songs he composed, it was personal and was the very essence of the person who inspired them. He could create a beautiful scene with his notes, and at that moment I could see the girl I had once believed to be my future daughter-in-law. Her song was happy in nature, but as it continued, I felt sadness again for my son to have had to experience such a loss in his young life. I wiped away the fresh tears as her song finished. I figured he would probably leave shortly after, so I stood and began to head to the stairwell and was ready to return to the master suite, but I froze when Edward start to play once more.

It was slow at first. This was not something he had played before and I didn't recognize it from the pieces we had in our collection. He was composing something new. I was a lullaby of some sort. Soft and gentle. Delicate and tender. I pressed my ear against the door to hear it better. He played as if he was caressing the notes, playing them with his whole heart. The song became louder, the emotions behind the piece intensifying. There was love, pure love that was all encompassing. The notes played on and the music because stronger.

Edward's music was always inspired by something or someone. There was always meaning to his work. Something about this song reminding me of someone. I couldn't place it though. As the music swelled to the climax of the piece, I tried to think about what could have inspired him. It had to have been the same thing that caused the changes Carlisle and I had noticed over the last two weeks. It was the reason he came over for lunches on Sundays, the reason for seeing him actually smile during those visits. His father's accounts of him being happy with work.

It was something with the university. He never mentioned anything though I thought could be behind the change. And there was a change, I even saw it the night of the department dinner we had here. When he was leaving for the night, there was a spark of life in his eyes I thought had gone out permanently. He was usually a recluse at these events, but not that night. It had to have been something that happened that night. There was no other explanation. It wasn't the food, I noticed he barely touched it, and he left rather quickly before everyone had finished too. He had looked so torn during dinner but when he came back before he left that night he was brighter.

What was so special about that night? The same colleagues were there… no, he never really cared for talking with large amounts of people around. I hadn't changed anything with the décor. His brother was there with his fiancé, and her brother. Could it be he was happy to see him? No, Emmett was giving him a few good hits at the dinner table that night, and he wasn't really paying that much attention to anyone, let alone Emmett. Maybe it was finally meeting the new fellowship recipient; I knew how he was worried about how she would work with his research, fearing she would be another recipient that couldn't make it. Carlisle had shared the same concern.

She was a lovely girl too. She seemed bright, well versed and was very pretty. I knew she was very nervous when she came in that night. It's not an easy task to fly in across the country and then be taken to a party were the majority of her professors would be in attendance. I remembered her hand slightly trembled when shook mine that evening, and her voice was shy but slightly musical as she spoke. I thought taking her on a tour of the manor would help ease her anxiety about being around everyone, and I was proved right, especially after I showed her the library. As soon as she saw that room her face was lit up like a Christmas tree and I knew that when she took out the copy of _Pride and Prejudice_ I used to read to Edward, I couldn't pass the opportunity for her to borrow it. In that one moment I knew her secret weakness, and it let me in to a part of her life.

The way she held the book as we left the room was like she was clinging on to something precious. She walked with it delicately and tenderly ran her hands down the spine of it as if it held the world's worth of knowledge. When she thanked me, she did so with such warmth it was beautiful. I knew she was alone here in Chicago, her family thousands of miles away. And when I looked into her eyes to tell her that she was welcome to borrow anything from our library, I could see it had meant so much to her and my heart grew for the fragile young woman there.

Suddenly everything came together in my head. The song. Tender, sweet, delicate, fragile, warm, and loving. Edward had been so distant when we had been dining, but he said that he had to return a book to the library when he joined us later that night and the light was in his eye then. I remembered Jasper had said that Bella had misplaced something and needed to look in the library for it.

They had been in the library at the same time.

I gasped at the sound of the floorboards creaking behind me and turned to see Carlisle approaching me in the darkness. Tears still resting on my checks as I quietly flung myself into his embrace. We stood there listening to Edward play on, and I cried into Carlisle's shirt.

"Shhh Shhh. It's ok love, he's coming back." He held me close and ran his hands through my hair gently. "He's changing; our son is coming back to life." We swayed there as the song started to change as it was finishing, slow again, but with another emotion of love, strong and never ending.

"I know. I know." I sniffled and looked up into my true love's eyes. "It's…it's because of Bella, isn't it?" I quietly asked and the last note rang out in the music room.

Carlisle breathed in deeply and let it out as I felt his warm breath in my hair.

"Yes, it is. He loves her deeply. But it's not going to be very easy for him." I squeezed him and another tear fell once more for my son, hopefully finding his way again. "We need to go to bed my love."

We turned and descended back to the second level of the manor and again rested between the sheets in a loving embrace.

Before I finally succumbed to sleep, I prayed that Edward would find all the love he deserved with his own angel who was now helping my family come back together, and repairing my broken boy back to life.

I didn't know much about her, but at that moment I knew I loved Bella Swan as my own daughter. No matter what happened, I loved her for already saving my son.

EPOV

I finally woke up in a haze when the sun crept through the windows of my old bedroom. I wanted to stay in bed all day, but life and all the obligations I had called me out and into the shower. The tension from yesterday and the lack of sleep from the night before proved to make the processes of getting ready for the day long and even more tiring.

Once I was dressed in my father's spare suit, I looked myself over in the mirror. Dark circles shadowed my eyes which would probably lead to many questions from students and my colleagues.

_Looks like I'm avoiding as many public appearances as possible today._

Although my father and I had similar builds, it was clearly obvious that I wasn't wearing one of my own. I had lost a good amount of weight over the years that my once very well fit form was no longer evident. I am still in shape, just now more so on the lanky side, and a well tailored suit would usually play up my build, while my father's now almost tented me. Satisfied as I could be I let out a deep sigh, gaining my composure before heading downstairs to have breakfast with my parents.

As I entered the dining room where we used to have breakfast I noticed it was unusually absent of my parents or any place settings. Confused, I walked through the door that led to the kitchen and was surprised to see my parents seated at the kitchen island with Maria hovering over the stove, in quiet concentration.

My father looked up from the newspaper he was reading and nodded me over to sit with them. A bowl of fresh fruit was set out at my spot. As soon as I sat down and picked up my fork, my mother set down her architecture and design magazine and walked over to me, placing a kiss on my temple and giving me a light hug I leaned into.

"Morning sweetheart."

"Morning mom." She returned to her chair and I popped a few pieces of cantaloupe into my mouth as Maria served me a plate of bacon, eggs and some hash browns.

"Thank you Maria, you spoil me again with food." I gave her a small smile and she squeezed my shoulder affectionately.

"Just need to put some meat on those bones of yours. I shudder to think how you will hold up when winter arrives." Maria motioned for me to eat and returned back over to the stove to clean up.

I finished the bowl of fruit and tucked in to the hearty breakfast so as not disappoint the woman who was like a second mother to me when I was growing up. Whenever my parents were out of town for a conference or for some private trip, Maria would always tell me to eat, claiming no harm came from third helpings. Emmett always did what she said, which helped significantly with his now body builder like form, while I was always satisfied with one helping.

The crinkling of my father's paper being set down distracted me from consuming the rest of my meal and I sipped my glass of orange juice.

"Did you sleep alright Edward?" my father picked up his plate and set it in the sink for Maria to wash.

"It was ok. As best as it could be." I shrugged as my father returned to his seat and took my mother's hand in his.

"I'll be taking you to the University this morning obviously, and you have your appointment with Dr. Liam today after you developmental psych class. I'll go in your place to your research meeting and will report back to you. I know you don't have anything else scheduled for the day, so you are more than welcome to come back tonight if you want. Your mother and Maria can run out and pick up anything you might need."

"Thank you for offering dad, but I think I'll be ok. I think I would prefer to wear my own clothes for the rest of the week, but would it be ok if I come back this weekend. I would like to spend some more time with you both and maybe do some reading in the library, it's been a while."

My mother was the first to reply, "Of course sweetie, you are always welcome back home, you don't have to ask. We've certainly missed having you around. Your bother called yesterday and he might be in town in a few weeks and he'll be staying here too. I miss having my boys under one roof." I saw the sad smile she held.

"Well, tell me when that oaf gets in. I'd like to get some brotherly time with him as well. Maybe wipe the floor with him in pool again." I gave a light chuckle, the one game I was always the clear victor at with him.

"I'm sure he'd like that, or at least try his best to win back his dignity in that game." My father retorted and we all let out a good laugh at that.

When we were finished with breakfast, I gave Maria a peck on the cheek and my mother the same along with a long hug, thanking her silently for being there for me last night. The ride to the university was quicker this morning, the morning traffic was oddly light and by 8:30 we had arrived in the parking lot next to my Volvo.

I gave my father a hug before we parted ways for the day and thanked him for opening up their home to me last night to which he told me it was nothing to thank him for.

I made it to my office in little time and readied myself for my lesson plan and was in the lecture hall a good thirty minutes before class started. I had my notes ready and made a few changes and additions as I waited for the students to take their seats and begin the lesson for the day. I checked my watch every so often and I became slightly anxious knowing that Bella would be arriving soon, and I was not prepared to come face to face with her yet, especially after last night.

God was clearly taking his frustration out on me when I felt an electrically charged finger tap on my shoulder and the voice of my angel speaking to me a few minutes before class started. Against my own will I turned to face her.

"Morning Dr. Cullen. I was just wondering if…" and then her eyes widened when they met mine. I knew she noticed the dark circles, but I kept my mouth shut. "Dr. Cullen is everything ok?" and she started a slow approach and slightly raising her hand to my arm that I was certain was dreamlike but then withdrew her hand.

I breathed in her scent briefly before responding, "I'm fine, Ms. Swan. Just had a bad night sleep is all. Is there something you needed?" I ran a shaky hand threw my hair and noticed her eyes quickly look me over for some reason. I wanted to start the class soon before I did or said anything inappropriate.

"I, uh, just wanted to know if you needed any help with the lecture this morning." Her voice was low and full of concern. It was too much for me to take so I turned away from her and pretended to be looking over my notes for the day wishing I wasn't such a fuck up and that I was not a man torn apart from his past yet madly in love with someone so unattainable. Her presence was overwhelming me and I was starting to feel slightly panicked again, and I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration with my life at this moment.

"No, I think I will be ok. Thank you for asking." I tried to keep myself composed as I replied and then immediately decided that I should write notes on the white board to put some distance between us.

Thankfully I was able to get through today's lecture quickly and I forced myself to try and not look at her throughout the entire class period. I could still feel her eyes on me the entire time, but I was convinced that if I allowed myself to look at her, my entire being would collapse on itself in front of my students. As soon as the hour was up, I quickly gathered my things, I was going to take off as soon as possible, but then I remembered I would be missing the research and my father had offered to go in my place. I would have not said anything, but I wanted to be fair to Bella so she wouldn't be surprised. I was able to catch her before she left the room.

"Ms. Swan, can I speak with you for a moment?" _I love you more than anything. Ugh! Now is not the time to think that._

She turned around slowly and walked back to the desk in the front of the room where I had my case. I was shuffling some papers I left on the podium and tried my best to not look into those eyes that drew me in, that made me fall for her over and over.

"Ms. Swan, I want to let you know that I will not be able to be at the research meeting today. My father will be attending in my place, so if you have any questions, he should be able to answer them and he will inform me about it when I speak with him."

I heard the worry in her voice as she whispered to me, "Is everything okay?"

I wanted to tell her everything. My whole life story, but I knew she would never love a person with so many problems so I told a slight truth, "Yes, I just have a doctor's appointment is all. I should be fine for our meeting Thursday evening." I feared for what I would do that night being alone with her again in my office. Oh how I would love one chance to feel her lips upon my own.

There was a tense moment of silence before my angel spoke again, "I hope everything is alright. We'll miss you." _I'll miss you more than anything, love._

I pinched the bridge of my nose once more; I needed to leave because being around her was confusing, and torturous in all the right ways and my sense of control would not hold up any longer. I gathered the last of my things and told her I would see her later while trying to leave as quickly as possible.

I didn't even stop at my office on the way out of the building. As soon as I was in the Volvo, I pulled out my cell and called my father to remind him of the research meeting and then called the Cheney's to let them know I had a doctor's appointment and to expect my father in my absence. Angela was ready to rub it in how she was the first to break in the new EEG machine and they both sent their best wishes for my appointment.

I sped through the lunch time traffic and was in front of Dr. Liam's office within twenty minutes. I knew he was taking his lunch hour today to meet with me, which I felt guilty about. I didn't have to wait long in the waiting room before Dr. Liam appeared and escorted me to his office. As soon as the door was shut I recognized the curly hair that adorned the occupant that sat in a spare chair in the room. It was Kate Garrett, my case worker that the state had assigned me to around the same time I started seeing Dr. Liam. She was an older woman that was rather short and stocky with obviously color treated red curly hair. If she was here today, it meant that our meeting today was very serious. And that was certain.

Dr. Liam and Kate explained that I would start undergoing intense hypnotherapy session by the end of the month. I was to keep on taking my new prescriptions and if there were any more extreme anxiety attacks I was to call immediately and that we might have me go back on Xanax. They also told me that they wanted me to attend the PTSD support group again. They only wanted me to meet with the group at least once a week, but if I was having a tough time, it would be fine to go to two meetings weekly then.

Before we finished, I was asked to talk about what led to the episode last night and they tried to see if I had any thoughts of harming myself in round about ways. Both Dr. Liam and Kate told me to call either one of them if I needed anything and to not forget my medicine before I left.

Once I was out of the office, I stopped by a Chinese restaurant I used to meet Emmett at in college to pick up some kung pao chicken and then I returned to my town house where I changed into my comfy sweats and spent the rest of the day watching programs on the television, all the while thinking about what I was missing in the research meeting, especially what Bella was doing during that meeting.

Eventually the day wore on and it became darker to the point where I decided to go to bed early. Once I made it to the top of the stairs to my bedroom, I was overcome with many emotions of the past few days. The fear for my breakdown, the love of my parents, the hatred of my own personal hell I had lived in the uncertainty of my future from this point on. But the dominating feel I felt as I crawled beneath my covers was comfort, the comfort that even though I would push her away and even after ignoring her, Bella cared for my well being. If I could only find a way to have her love.

Thursday was a rush of work, meetings and my abnormal class lectures. I was both thankful the day would be over quickly, but also worried about my mentor meeting with Bella that evening. I was working away at answering some emails during my office hours when there was a knock at my door.

"Come in!" I called out as I sent off my reply to agree to seek at a seminar in Seattle next month.

I heard the door opening and out of the corner of my eye I saw Ben peer in as I hit the "send" button.

"Hey, are you free man?" he asked as he walked over to my desk.

"Yep, just answering some emails during my office hours. How was the meeting yesterday? Any scuffles between my father and Ang over her new "baby"?" we both laughed at that.

"It was good, went over the computer software and only had to break up our two knuckle heads once. Oh and man, you picked the wrong day to skip out too, one of the team members brought in these AMMAZING brownies that a friend from home sent them. I swear to god, Edward, they were freaking heaven to eat." He had a dazed look on his face as he spoke of these life altering confections, and I was jealous.

"Fuck, man. You think they have any left?" He shook his head in the negative affirmation.

"Doubtful, people's hands were slapped away after their first helping, the rest are probably gone by now. Makes you want to think twice before making doctor appointments now, doesn't it?"

I leaned back in my chair imagining how Bella must have enjoyed the brownies, her moaning in appreciation and licking the corners of her mouth where the residue of chocolate remained. I felt a pressure sensation that was building inside me then picturing her, and the tightness of my pants was becoming noticeable to myself.

"So, what brings you by my office today? Where there any troubles with the schedules?" I swiveled my chair around and discreetly adjusted myself behind the cover of my desk as Ben took a seat.

"No, I just dropped by because Angela and I are going to a dinner tomorrow night with a few friends, and we wanted to invite you along. One of the girls is celebrating her birthday so we are going to Karma for dinner and then going to Versailles afterwards. We know you don't go out a lot, but we would love to have you join us. It's going to be really small, just a few people."

He was right, I hardly ever went out, let alone to the club scene, but I figured I could possible make an appearance. Maybe going out would help with my easing my anxiety over time. I wanted to have dinner with my folks that night, but maybe I could meet up with them later at that club, just to hang out and have a few drinks.

"Maybe. I was hoping to have dinner with Carlisle and Esme. I could meet up with you all afterwards. Just call and text me to let me know where you guys are. I won't be too much of a burden would I? I mean these are your friends… I wouldn't want to throw things off." I played with a pen on my desk.

"Edward, you won't be a burden. I sure no one would mind that you were there. In fact, I think you will enjoy yourself. Maybe the birthday girl will let you dance with her." He smirked at me and gave a wink. It kind of made me uncomfortable, because the only girl I would want to dance with would be was Bella.

"I'll try and go, but there will be no dancing with girls. I'm just going the hang out. And no setting me up with anyone." I sighed.

"Ok, ok. I'll let Ang know, we'll have them add another seat to the table in case you can be there early. I'm pretty sure you will have a good time though. Trust me on this man." And with that he slapped the sides of the chair and stood up. "I'll see you tomorrow. Call when you are heading over." And he was out of the room.

Now I was left on my own to finish my office hours and then wait for the most beautiful creature in existence to grace me with her alluring presence.

A little after six, I received a confirmation for my Seattle engagement. I was supposed to be there at the local conference center for three days, on discussion panels and making a presentation near the end of the conference. I just needed to make my flight arrangements, reserve a car rental and book a hotel room. I was finalizing the details when a light knock sounded at the door, exactly at 6:30pm. I swallowed deeply and tried to calm my nerves for the next hour.

I finally had my bearings and called out to my angel, "Right on time Ms. Swan."

I was bent over my desk scribbling the confirmation numbers for everything as she entered the room, my glasses slightly slipping down the length of my nose from my position. When the door finally opened, I waited for a few moments before I stood to welcome her in to take her seat. As soon as my eyes met the image in front of my eyes, all the air in me had been knocked out by an invisible force.

There she was, walking towards me, looking like a vision in a dark pant suit and a green satin top. Her hair looked like silk as it was swept up and off of her face, making her chocolate eyes wider and deep, beautiful and dazzling. Yes, she dazzled me. I watched her as she drew closer and took her seat, I swore I was watching a movie and there was music playing that followed her.

"Evening Dr. Cullen." She spoke to me as she pulled out her notebook. It was a quick distraction, but then I appraised her outfit some more, and suddenly I was wondering why she was so dressed up. Did she dress up for me? Please let that be the case, dear God, please. She was now looking at me and noticed my wondering eyes and looked down at her clothing.

"Sorry for being a bit dressed up this evening professor. I'm going out to dinner a little later."

Of course she wasn't dressing up for me. It was for her boyfriend. Again my heart ached at this realization that she was not mine. She would never be mine. I could either sulk in this moment or shrug it off. Biting back the pain I felt, I decided to go with the latter.

"Oh, yes, well, I thought for a moment there that there was a special dress code for our meetings I was unaware of." And forced myself to laugh at my horrible tease. The pain threatening to break through the fake grin I held in place.

I decided to just move on from there, why linger and leave me suffering. We went over classes and her work load. I remembered what my father had said about not discussing her thesis, so I did my best to avoid discussing it at all costs. I tried to stay professional, only addressing her as "Ms. Swan" and talking of only academics. I felt stiff as I did my best to bite back all the love I had for this woman. Every movement or shift of her body was tempting me to break from this act I was trying to convey. I had to be strong.

I was checking my clock on my computer regularly and at a quarter after seven I had to leave or I knew I would not be able to keep my control so I wrapped it up for the night. I helped her out of my office and tried to avoid looking at her at all costs because if I looked at her it would be over for me and I knew I would confess everything. I needed to space myself away from her, my heart couldn't take any more pain this week. As I told her I would see her tomorrow in class, I practically ran out of the building and was in my car and speeding to my home in no time. When I pulled up to my place I parked my car in front and sat there for some time, hating myself and the way I had acted tonight.

"Fuck, cock-sucker, mother fucking, asshole, God damn it, fuck!" I yelled banging my hand on the outer edge of my steering wheel. Why did this happen to me? Why is life so fucking confusing and why did I have to be subject to this one giant mind-fuck of a situation. "FUCK!" I yelled one last time as my hand slipped and hit the horn.

I finally calmed down and entered my home, feeling more alone as I felt the emptiness of my living space. I was cold but it wasn't due to the temperature of the room and held my arms around me trying to hold in my pain. This day, this evening was painful for me, and I was worried at how I could continue to keep this up. Somehow I was able to get down some food for dinner, but I was emotionally spent once again and went to bed immediately after I cleaned my mess.

This week had been sure hell, I was only hoping tomorrow night would at least help me find some relief, and maybe things would start turning out for the better.

When dawn broke the next day, I was more than ready for it to be over. I had to endure one more class in the presence of Bella and then I could try and escape for the weekend. I was counting the minutes as I arrived in the Behavioral Science parking lot. I had one hour until class began and another hour until I could leave. I wasn't even planning on staying the rest of the day.

Once again, I did my best to ignore her in class. I put myself fully in the lecture, answering questions of the students who raised their hands and building up a wall around me to not let my torn emotions show. I knew I was being a prick, but I had to protect myself. It was probably even more of dick move as I practically fled the room when I wrapped up, not even waiting for the first student to leave the room, running away from her to the comforts of my car.

I called my mother as I was driving around town and she said it was completely fine to join them that night for dinner. I would be home eventually to change for the evening, but I was still compelled to drive for a few hours as a distraction.

I was turning the corner of the familiar street I would normally take for my pharmacy. Once I made the turn my eyes were instantly drawn to the little antique shop I had perused the day I purchased my wedding gift for the Cheney's and the next thing I knew I was parking my car and walking into Carmen and Eleazar's place, hearing the ding of the entry bell as I opened the door.

"Well, well, well. Long time no see there, stranger." The low scratchy voice I recognized as Eleazar's called to me from behind the counter.

"Hello, Eleazar. How are you? Where's Carmen today?" I walked closer and leaned against the counter. There was something about this shop and it's owners that were instantly calming to me.

"I'm fine, Carmen's visiting our grandchildren today, but she will be in later this afternoon. I was just about to start some tea, would you care to join me? It's earl grey." He smirked at me and I agreed to join him.

Eleazar excused himself and retreated to the back room only to return a short time later holding a tray with a tea pot and two sets of china tea cups on saucers and a small plate of sugar cookies. He set it down on the counter and offered me a seat to join him there as well, which I gratefully accepted.

Eleazar was a fascinating man, he told me a little of his life growing up in Spain and how he decided to immigrate to America through Elis Island. He had been in New York for around a year when he was passing a small dance studio when he saw Carmen through the window. He said it was love at first sight for him. He found out she was a ballroom instructor and one day, when he finally had enough guts, he enrolled himself for ballroom instruction. He said that once their eyes finally met the first night of his classes, they both knew they were it for each other and married five months later. After the birth of their first child, they moved to Chicago for his work with a company he had been a part of since he immigrated and had been here ever since until he retired seven years ago.

"So, why did you start an antique shop?" I mused as I looked around the little store, my eyes falling on an old standup piano in the corner.

"It was Carmen's dream to have a little store of her own one day, she had several ideas, but she was always fascinated by the history of things belonging to other people. She thought that a part of a person's soul would leave an impression in their own little trinkets. That their essence would pass on to the next caretaker and continue until the end of time, influencing all who were graced to cherish it in however short a time they had it in their possession." He sipped the last of his tea and let out a little sigh of content. "Even though it's sounds a little silly, it's gives me another reason to love her each day."

I sat there holding the small tea cup in my hand, swirling around the contents as the dreads created patterns. "No, it's not silly." I said as I looked up at him. "It's rather quite beautiful."

When we had finished, he took me around the store, giving me the VIP tour, as he called it. I was shown the back room, where items would come in, be catalogued and then appraised before being placed for display. I explored the small kitchenette that also held a tiny bed in case one of them needed a nap, they were the only ones who worked the store and some days would be rather long they would need the rest. Eleazar pointed out his favorite items in the store and I even played him a tune on the standup when we passed it on our tour. A few customers came in and out during my time there, and I explored displays when Eleazar excused himself to help them.

It was getting fairly close to the time when I needed to leave to get ready for the evening when an older woman came in to look for some special pin she had inquired about. I excused myself from the two of them and wound my way over to the jewelry display that still held the topaz necklace I had wanted to purchase for my mother. I told myself that I should buy it soon before I would forget, but the gleam of the sapphire and diamond ring above it caught my attention again.

I was so intrigued by it that I didn't hear Eleazar approaching and jumped slightly when he spoke.

"It's a rather exquisite piece, is it not?" I looked up at his face, a small trace of a smile there.

"Yes it is." I agreed.

"There's a lovely story that comes with that ring. Would you like to hear it?" I was intrigued to say the least.

"Yes."

He then pulled out a key from his pocket and slid it into the lock of the case, opening it and carefully removing the ring from its glass enclosed sanctuary. He held it between his fingers and turned it slightly in the light, the reflection off the diamonds cascading over us in rainbows of the prism light.

"Around a hundred years ago there was a man who was very well known in the world of business. A captain of industry, leading the way towards advancements in his work. He was a man absorbed in his job. Living one day to the next with little focus on anything else. He was often alone, except for the occasional women his family would introduce to him. But he never settled. Work was his life, his lover, his world."

"It was believed that this man would forever lead his life in bachelorhood, and eventually his family and the rest of the world accepted it. Over time, he grew distant and eventually contact with his family and friends drifted apart and he was finally alone in his own world he had built for himself. A cold world, but he accepted it as life."

"He became more and more successful in this life choice and was content with where he was. He had everything he thought he wanted. Money, houses, everything money could buy. He thought he needed nothing else. But life can be funny and cruel sometimes as many people know, and can throw a curveball in the most unexpected ways. As it did for this man."

"While on a trip to conduct business, there was an accident where all those who were traveling with the man had lost their lives, and the business man had been severely injured and was close to death. He had been unconscious for several days, and then woke up confused in a strange hospital room. Several of his bones were left broken, and he was told that he would probably need to use a cane to walk with for the rest of his life. He was angry to say the least, and doctors did their best to calm him but he grew more and more angry with each day, and the doctors and nurses were reduced to sedating him."

"The man had cut off most of his ties with his family by this point, so he was alone in a strange town, with no one there to be with him."

There was a strange sense of familiarity at that but I remained silent and listed on as Eleazar continued.

"One night, after being sedated, the man awoke to a darkened room. But he knew that he wasn't alone there, especially when there was a slight squeeze of his hand in the darkness. Just as he was about to yell at the person to leave him alone when a soft light was turned on illuminating the face of his guest."

"There, sitting beside his bed was a young woman, dressed in a nurse uniform, gently holding his hand. The man had never seen such a beautiful person in all his life that he was struck mute and continued to stare, stuck in a trance. She looked upon him with concern but also with a hint of happiness. He was silent and looked at her for some time. Silence filled the room for many minutes before she spoke to him, saying that it was nice to finally see his eyes. The man remained silent and stared at the woman as she continued to sit there with him. Finally the nurse spoke again to him asking if he was alright, and he responded with asking if she was an angel to which she laughed at."

"She then told him that she was a nurse at the hospital that worked the evenings and came in here one night after hearing moans and cries of pain from him. She admitted to giving him medicine, but the cries would sometimes not go away. She was concerned and she said that once she tried to hold his hand the noises he made quieted. And so she would come in every evening since and hold his hand in the dark. "

"When she finished telling him her story the only thing the man could do was say thank you. The nurse told him that she would be back every evening to check on him and he accepted. As the days continued, the man grew less and less angry. They stopped sedating him, and every night his angel came in and held his hand. They would talk sometimes of their child hood their favorite places and such, but were more than happy to just sit in the silence of the room looking at each other for however long they could have."

"He never asked for her name during their evenings together, addressing her only as his angel, to which she never complained. Weeks passed and the man was healing, just as every day his feeling for the nurse grew more from companionship to love and adoration. He lived each day in expectation for even one hour alone with her. All his years of solitude where wiped from his mind and he wanted nothing more than to spend his life with his angel nurse."

"Eventually the man was told that he would be able to leave the hospital, he would have one more night and would then be able to return to his life outside once more. He had one last night with his angel. That night they held each other's hands as usual. He had never told the nurse that he loved her, but this was their last time, and he had to let her know. He wanted nothing more to be with his angel. Finally he told her that he had loved her and that every night they had together he experienced a piece of heaven. His favorite time of the day was the time they had together and every moment away was dim in comparison. She admitted to him that she felt the same and he place a tender kiss on the hands that held him."

"He told her that he would return to her and she agreed to wait for him every night. The man left the next day to return home to his life and business, a changed man though. He saw his family he left behind and did his best to mend the ties he broke from them. He told them of his angel and how he wished to make her his bride which his family supported him wholeheartedly."

"The man's business and personal life had never been better and eventually he was able to return to that hospital to see the woman he loved. He had this ring right here made for her. Supposedly the colors of her eyes were the same as the color of the sapphire here." He pointed to the center of the ring and my eyes were memorized by it. "He returned late at night around the time they had their time together and waited for her there for many hours."

"Eventually she emerged from a patient's room and he called out to her, calling her name he had given her, Angel. When she turned and saw him there she ran into his arms, hugging him and crying to which he did the same. They loved each other very much and though he had been away for quite some time, their love never faded but grew stronger. He proposed to her that night in the hallway to which she agreed and she swore she would never take off her ring for the rest of her life. Of course, they married had their children and lived long lives together."

Eleazar held the ring up and turned it once more in the light, it was truly a beautiful piece.

"That's a wonderful story." I said. It was. "Is it true?" I asked. It was too perfect for it to be.

Eleazar brought the ring back down and offered it to me to hold. I held it out and he placed it carefully in my palm.

"Read the inscription." Was all he said and he jerked his head to my hand to urge me.

I looked at him in the eye for a moment before I tried to read the small script writing on the inside of the band.

_For my Angel. You gave me back my life with your love. My everything._

"Eleazar?" I asked.

"Yes."

"What was the nurse's name?"

"It took us several years to track in records, but we finally came across it about a year ago. Angelica DiBella."

_The Beautiful Angel._

I finally made to my parents house after cleaning up and dressing for the night. I decided to dress up slightly since I would be going out, but not too much. I wore my charcoal slacks and a black dress shirt with a charcoal neck tie. It would still look nice if I were to remove the tie later that night.

Dinner was nice with my parent's I told them about going out later with the Cheney's and my visit to the antique store. My mother wanted the address, but I pretended to have not remembered it because I still needed to purchase the necklace for her, and I didn't want to risk her seeing it before I was able to purchase it.

When dinner concluded, I stayed there for a while listening to my parents talk about their week, aside from the events of Tuesday night, and their plans for us this weekend. My mother insisted we attend the Chicago orchestra Saturday night and we all would be attending church on Sunday, followed by lunch of course.

It was past ten by the time I said good night to my parents, telling them I would be over sometime the next morning. They hugged me good night and told me to be safe.

I called Ben on his cell as soon as I was on the main road to the downtown area where most of the night clubs usually were. He was excited that I would be joining him, but I warned him to not push anyone on to me, which he said would not be a problem. There was something odd about his voice when we talked, but I figured it had to do with him talking over the music of the club.

Finally I arrived to the club and found a place to park. Ben told me that the people that they were with had us on the list at the door and I was supposed to give them the last name of Brandon. _I wonder if the person was related to Ms. Brandon from the research team._

Once I was in, I was hit with a cacophony of music and bodies gyrating and sweating in the club. A slight twinge of panic crept up on me, but thankfully I had remembered my medicine before leaving my parents and so I was able to hold back a full on attack and easily found the Cheney's alone in a private area of the club and joined them.

"Edward! I'm so happy you could make it!" Angela stood up from the couch they shared and gave me a light hug.

"Well, I figured it would be nice to get out, rather than watch reruns on the television on a Friday night."

"Here, here!" Ben raised a glass in the air as we all laughed at his toast.

A waitress came by and flirted with me a bit as I gave my order for just a regular coke and winked at me when she turned to get my drink. I scoffed at the obvious attempt and caught Angela giggling at my expression.

"So…How's the birthday party going?" I asked once my drink was in my hand and was handed a napkin with a telephone number scribbled on it under the name _Cindy_.

"I think everyone is enjoying themselves, at least the birthday girl is when we saw her on the dance for a bit ago." Ben winked at me and set his drink down.

"Whatever man. Quit trying to set me up with anyone ok. I'm not ready to date." It was the truth; I was not in any state to see anyone, even the one I wanted to be with.

I took another sip of my drink and looked around the club, trying to see if I recognized anyone here. It was a new club and I was sure that there would probably be a few students around which meant I would need to be careful around them.

"Who all came to this birthday thing tonight? Anyone I know?" I stirred my straw in my drink before I caught a quick exchange of glances between Ben and Angela.

"What?" I asked. They were acting strange. Maybe it was their drinks.

Angel was the first to speak, "Well yeah, I think you know a few of them. Mike Newton from the research team and his boyfriend Andrew are here, I think they are on the dance floor with Alice Brandon right now." She turned her head to look at the bodies on across from us dancing.

"Yeah I think the birthday girl joined them too." Ben added.

I felt like they were keeping something from me. Saying birthday girl this, birthday girl that. It was getting to be a bit annoying. "Who is this birthday girl you want me to meet. If I'm going to meet her I need a name, otherwise it's going to be a bit rude if I just call her birthday girl." I took a long drink of my soda.

"Well, the thing is… the birthday girl… Edward, don't get upset okay." Ben was warning me. Why would he do that? "The birthday girl is Bella Swan." He said and quickly picked up his drink and took a large gulp as Angela took his hand and squeezed it.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

"Are you fucking kidding me Ben? I mean are you out of you God damn mind!" I slammed my drink on the table, this was not happening. Ben and Angela were trying to set me up with the Angel Goddess I knew I could never have. They had to have been completely clueless or just incredibly stupid.

Angela tried to reach out and take my arm, probably to comfort me and not make a scene. "Edward. Please stay."

"No, I need to leave. I can't be here." I ran my hand through my hair roughly and slightly tugging in frustration. Eventually I was pinching the bridge of my nose as I addressed my soon to be former friends. "I'm leaving and I would like it if you would please not try and set me up with Ms. Swan in the future. She's not available at this time and besides it would be inappropriate. Please keep that in mind." I turned to leave and started to walk away as I heard Angela call out to me.

"You don't know what you are talking about Edward! Get back over here!" she tried to yell over the music.

I continued to walk out, not even stopping as I made my way out of the club. It was slightly cool tonight. But my anger for what my two friends had try to do kept me warm as I walked to my car. I was getting closer to the lot, grumbling to myself about how much worse could this week get when the next sound I heard cause me to freeze, and panic wash over me.

"HELP ME! PLEASE! ANYONE HELP ME!" a woman was screaming in the alley I was just passing by behind the club. My mind suddenly returned back to that night ten years ago. The dark alley, a woman screaming in the night, and the fear deep within me. Irina.

I would not let this happen again in my life. I started to walk down the alley quiet at first so not to attract the attention of the woman's attacker.

The man laughed at the woman and his voice was dripping with rage and lust, sickening and demented "I told you. No one will be able to save you now." I could make out the form of the man pinning the woman's hand to the brick wall behind a large dumpster.

The woman was breathing heavily, scared I was sure, fearing she was alone and had no one to save her.

"No, no, please. God, help me. Please, don't do this James." Her voice. I recognized that voice and my heart had another knife stuck in it. It was my angel. Bella, I had to save my Bella. She was crying as the monster assaulted her small body, I was sure there would be evidence of her injuries, but I needed to get her away from him. I wanted to kill that man for trying to ruin my love.

My stomach churned when the monster spoke again, "I don't listen to whores, no you are going to get on your knees in this filthy alley where you belong and you will take my cock."

That was it. I was charging at him now. I had to save Bella; I was going to kill him for sure. I needed to take him out of this world. I was finally able to reach him and I landed a big blow to the side of his head, knocking him off balance, and he released his clutches from Bella.

"Jesus fuck!" he screamed at me, his eyes on mine now, fire of hatred in them. I was ready. I wasn't ten years ago, but there was only one tonight. And I could take care of one, especially for her.

The sound of Bella's body sliding to ground did not distract me from my objective. I needed to take care of the threat, and then it would be alright to tend to her.

I took another swipe at the attacker; James was what she called him. I got a good blow to his gut.

"Oh Fuck, you bastard. I'm going to fucking kill you. Fu-"I was silent as I took another swing at his head again. The contact left my knuckles in pain, but I swallowed that and accepted it. It pushed me forward to take care of this situation. He was not speaking as he tried to hit back. He got in a few good hits on me, but I wasn't the one suffering from blows to the head.

The bastard was moaning now with each hit I laid into him. His suffering spurred me on more. Punch. Jab. Kick. He was on the ground now and silent as I started to kick him in his gut. Over and over again. His face was bloodied and I could tell he was unconscious now. It took all my strength to stop myself, but I did. I could hear Bella whimpering on the ground by the wall, holding herself together and shivering in fear and crying. I needed to hold her, tell her she was safe.

I needed to move the monster out of sight from her. I picked up his feet and started to drag him across the concrete. I made it to the other side of the dumpster and arranged him there to look like he had naturally fallen in that position. Once that was done, I rushed over to my angel, cowering in the dark.

I crouched down to be level with her, her body stiffened with fear of my close proximity. She didn't know it was me here, she probably thinks I'm another possible attacker. I reached out to touch her arm and she flinched at our contact for a moment, but then she began to ease.

I helped her to her feet, but she took a step back and ran into the wall. She was trying to escape still crying; I needed her to know she was safe.

"Bella, open your eyes." I said softly, but she shook her head no. "Bella, angel, please open your eyes. It's over; he's not going to touch you." Her hair was a mess in her eyes and I moved a strand out of her face so I could see her when she would finally open them. I needed to see her eyes; I needed her to know I was protecting her. I placed both my hands to hold her face securely.

"Please open your eyes Bella, it's Edward. I need to know if you are alright. I need to know if you are hurt. Please." Her eyes instantly flew open and I was met with her beautiful eyes finally. Blood shoot, but still beautiful. Her breathing was beginning to slow and the crying she had been doing started to cease. She was staring into me so deeply I was sure that she was probably in shock. I ran my hands through her hair to comfort her and took a step closer.

"Bella, are you ok? Are you hurt?" Why isn't she speaking? I was becoming more worried. I bent down to be eye level with her and her gaze followed my action. "Bella, say something."

"Where's James?" her voice was soft as a whisper.

I quickly looked to where I placed the bastard, his feet still in place and unmoved and then I returned my sight back to her. A single tear fell from her eye and I wiped it away with my thumb.

"That's not important. Are you alright? You need to tell me." I pleaded.

"I'm f-fine. My wrists hurt, and he bit me, but that's it." Her voice cracked slightly, but I was overcome with rage.

He bit her, he fucking bit my angel. He marked her, and hurt her wrists. I would kill him now if she didn't need me to be here with her. I closed my eyes and tried to hold back my desire to harm that man even more. I do not want Bella to see that part of me. A new monster in place of the other.

"You are safe now, I'm here and I won't let anything happen to you. I promise. Nobody will hurt you." I promised her.

I was caressing her face, trying my best rid the tears from her face. Suddenly her hand rose to my face. The warm electricity I felt whenever we touch intensified when her hand met my cheeks. Her touch was soft and warm. Her hand was trembling slightly still, but she was gentle. Her eyes never left mine and I was lost in hers. There we were, cupping each other's faces, and she had me there, hers forever. I could feel her blood coursing through the thin layer of her skin of her palm and my face instinctively leaned into her touch more and I inhaled. She smelled of strawberries and freesia like always, but mixed with the scent of her own perspiration was toxic. And I was now baited to her.

My eyes looked back at her and saw she was doing the same. The hair on my arms started to stand on end when she breathed me in, but my heart stilled when I felt her lips gently kiss my palm. That warm electricity before was now sparking and shooting through my veins.

I dropped one of my hands from her face and placed it on her waist. Pulling her closer to me. I had no control over what I was doing; some external force was now in control of my actions. She pressed herself closer to me until our bodies met, pressed against each other. The heat between us radiating. My spine was tingling in anticipation. I knew what I wanted to do, but I also knew that I shouldn't do it. It wouldn't be right. She was just attacked and I shouldn't be taking advantage of this situation. I should feel bed and stop this, but it felt so good to hold her. I wanted to pull away until she pulled me closer and pressed her lips to mine.

It was as if life was being breathed into me finally. I felt my entire body was alive. The sparks I felt on my palm were nothing compared to the fireworks display shooting the entire length of my body. Her free hand drew up to behind my head and she was pulling me closer to her. She ran that hand quickly through my hair, and it set off a new sensation where an appreciative moan slipped through my lips and I felt her tongue find entrance into my mouth. And I was home. Everything else in my life no longer mattered. If I were to die tomorrow, I would never regret anything because of this moment.

This kiss had started off slow and gently but was now building with each moment we remained entwined. Each pass of her tongue or mine set off fire all around me. My length was rapidly growing as we caressed each other's lips in the darkened alley.

I wanted to continue for the rest of my life, kissing her, holding her, loving her in every possible way. But we were both human, and with that, oxygen was a necessity in order to remain conscious. When our lips broke contact, my entire body craved more, and I bit back a whimper at the loss of contact. Reluctantly leaned back to look upon my own angel, my love. I looked at her in the eyes and remembered instantly.

She wasn't my angel. She belonged to someone else, and I had taken advantage of the situation even though technically she initiated the kiss. It was probably due to shock.

What the fuck have I done?

* * *

**Reader Questions**

**Q: **I can't believe Alice and Jasper will miss each other again. When will they meet? It it going to be soon?

**A: **Sorry to keep doing that, it's kind of playing into the tensions of the story. I can not tell you when they will meet. I already have it outlined, but you will just have to wait.

**Q: **How come Edward didn't show up during dinner?

**A: **Edward had dinner with his parents

**Q: **Is Edward gonna accept this new revelation? Or is he gonna fight it?

**A: **Well... as you can tell by the end of this chapter, things aren't always so easy.

**Q: **Will she(Bella) be pressing charges for assault and attempted rape?

**A: **Next chapter will let you know what happens.

**Keep sending in questions with reviews. I love them all. Thank you for time and your encouragement with this story.**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** Hey guys, sorry it's been forever since I've updated. Been sort of catching up on reading and such.

So here is chapter 20. Sorry it's short, I promise to try and update with the next part soon.

And _please_ don't hate me if you don't like some things that develops. Blame the characters. They have a mind of their own it seems. :)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own twilight

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**Chapter 20**

**_One Month Later, Thursday October 8, 2009_**

BPOV

_Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. _

_Step, push off, step, push off. _

_Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. _

_Just keep running. _

_Push on. Fight through the burn, accept the pain._

_Don't stop. Hold back the tears. Hold them in. _

_Don't think about it, just go, just run. Just fucking run!_

I was making the turn of my last lap on the campus track to finish my third mile for the day. This was part of my new daily routine for the past month after I finished my classes when I had time between being on call. It was one of the only times during the day I didn't allow myself to think about my life, especially not of my time here since I arrived in Chicago. It was just me, my music and racing with the wind. I knew this was avoidance, but it was better the pain my heart felt. This was the only time I felt true comfort while being alone in my heart and mind since that night.

I wasn't afraid that James would be coming after me. That was the farthest thing from my mind since that situation was now being taken care of in the judicial courts of Boston, San Diego, Kansas City and Austin. The next time James would probably see the light of day was looking to be about at least two lifetimes away. Something all of us were shocked to discover when _The Reader _came out a week after the incident. Turns out that James Cramer wasn't all who he seemed to be.

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**Killer Hotel Lover Extradited and Faces Multiple Lives Behind Bars**

**By Francine DeWitt – Crime Log**

_Coeds in Chicago can breathe a sigh of relief for one less terror off the streets since the infamous "Killer Hotel Lover" was finally taken into custody late on Friday, September 11. After an anonymous call, Chicago police were dispatched to the hip new night club, _Versailles_, in response to an attempted sexual assault that evening. When police arrived on the scene, the suspect was found unconscious in the back alley of the night club, where the possible victim was waiting for their arrival with her party and several club employees. After questioning the intended victim, whose name is being withheld at this time, the suspect was identified as one, James Cramer. Cramer has current outstanding warrants for sexual assault and homicide in Massachusetts, California, Texas and other states pending further investigation. The suspect had eluded capture for the last five years with the help of assuming several aliases and posing as a student where ever he had resided during that time frame. _

_It turns out James Cramer's luck finally wore out last Friday after his final attempt was foiled by an unknown Good Samaritan. The victim recounted that Cramer had surprised her while she was returning from the ladies room in the club and was pulled outside through a back exit into the alley. Supposedly the suspect, who had been posing as a Resident advisor at the University of Chicago, had a previous encounter with the victim at a hotel downtown a week earlier where she had protected her friend from becoming another victim, making the suspect desire retaliation. Thankfully the victim suffered no major injuries when an unknown man approached the two and incapacitated Cramer with several blows, leaving him near an industrial trash receptacle. Once police arrived, the victim's statement was taken and Cramer was brought to a local hospital where he was treated for his injuries and a blood sample was taken to determine if any narcotics or alcohol were found in his system and also to help with confirming his identity. Once the sample was run through trace, the current warrants associated with the famous "Killer Hotel Lover" surfaced when DNA matched samples from the crime scenes._

_Many can recall the first of the "Lover" homicides occurred in San Diego, California back in 2004 where a USCSD undeclared student by the name of Julia Freemont (19) was found sexually assaulted and strangled to death by bed sheets in a local hotel. Freemont's body was discovered when maid service was cleaning the room that was charged to a James Carmichael. Several months later, Hannah Monte (22), Boston University Physics major, was discovered in the same fashion. Over the course of the following years at least three other victims surfaced across the states associated with the "Killer Hotel Lover". Cramer was extradited to California Thursday to face the first of many trials that await him. It is believed that he will be found guilty on all 17 charges filed against him which can total 205 years to life behind bars, and possibly a death row sentence in Texas. _

_In the last 15 years, this reporter has seen and written many an article on such cases and I know I am not alone in saying many thanks to you, the Good Samaritan, who helped to put this monster finally behind bars. I am sure that the potential victim you protected that night will forever be in your debt for saving her life along with all the others that might have fallen victim as well if Cramer had not been caught._

_

* * *

_

Francine DeWitt was right in her assumption. I was forever in debt to my savior, no doubt about that. How could you not be after finding out your life could have been tainted and then taken away by a serial rapist and murderer? The only problem was the _Good Samaritan_ told me to lie and not mention I knew who was there and to forget everything that happened afterwards. But how can you forget the most incredible kiss of your entire life with a man who is beyond otherworldly and the epitome of perfection? The answer is you can't.

I saved the article from that issue. Not to remind me that I had escaped death again in my life, but because it tied me to Ed-, no, Dr. Cullen. If I couldn't acknowledge what happened out loud, I wanted something to remind me of that night, even if it wasn't under the best of circumstances.

After we had parted for air from the kiss we shared, I began losing myself in his eyes when I saw his start to panic. He told me to call one of my friends who were still in the club and wait with them and one of the bouncers until the police arrived who he would call anonymously. I silently agreed and after I was able to reach Mike and asked him to come out with Andrew, Dr. Cullen told me that I was to not say a word that he saved me… ever. He also told me that we were to never mention that night ever again and he left me standing at the end of the alley near the street, departing with a very cold "Be Safe, Ms. Swan." over his shoulder before he disappeared into the night.

Andrew had spotted me first as I was crying and staring after the man who had just thrown me through a loop of emotions in a matter of minutes. Mike and Andrew wrapped me in their arms to keep warm from shock while a few of the bouncers and a cocktail waitress waited outside with us. The larger of the bouncers closely watched James while I told the edited version of what I had gone through to Mike who rubbed my shoulder in comfort.

It wasn't even ten minutes when the first police cruiser pulled up, quickly calling in for an ambulance and some back up to take in the crime scene. I told the police officer that was in charge my "_account"_ of what happened, saying I never saw the face of the man that saved me because I was balled up on the ground crying. It was partly true, but still a lie. I told them that James had bit me, and a few pictures were taken of the bruise that started to surface already, along with samples underneath my nails to see if I had scraped any skin cells from James during the attack. I told them that he had tried to take advantage of my friend the previous week at a hotel and my actions towards him that day and how he told me I deserved what he was going to do to me.

While I was giving my statement and being examined, the boys were pacing back and forth, calling Alice, Ben, and I gave Andrew my phone to call Jasper because he was supposed to have been on his way that night. After they loaded James into the ambulance to head to the hospital, the officer took my number to contact me in case I was needed for further questioning. Both of the Cheney's hugged me and told me to call if I needed anything and Mike and Andrew waited with me since Jasper insisted on taking me back to my hall. When he finally arrived he enveloped me in a hug as I broke down in tears again, tears in no way related to James, but I never said anything, like I promised. We stood there for a while until the police allowed us to leave. I was still shaking and crying as Jasper led me to his car when he asked me if I wanted to stay at his place where he would take the couch and offered me his bed, to which I agreed. I didn't want to be alone that night and he probably already knew that.

We drove in tense silence, as I sniffed every so often once I started to finally calm down. Jasper's apartment building was a newer modern one that required a security code to enter the parking area and to the lobby of the building. With his arm wrapped around me securely, he led me to the elevator and we rode up to the seventh floor. Once Jasper opened the door to his apartment, he ushered me inside and offered me a seat on his couch while he went to get me some clothes to change into and a glass of water. While he was gone I looked around the room, taking it all in. His décor was very different then the exterior of the building. Outside it was cold, impersonal, and steel, while here in Jasper's place was warm, with rich wood furniture and classic pieces. There were several pieces of Civil War artwork hung around the room and architecture and historical magazines atop the wood and glass coffee table. Before I got too comfortable on his brown leather couch, Jasper reemerged from his bedroom with a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and a clean athletic shirt. He handed me those before he walked into his kitchen where he poured a glass of water and returned to sit with me on the couch handling me the glass.

"Thank you Jasper." I gulped down almost the entire glass. Jasper was staring at me, evaluating my state of mind silently. I could see the gears in his mind working overtime.

"Are you okay, darlin'? Do you need me to get you anything else?" He pushed a strand of my hair off my face and placed it behind my ear. His touch was gentle, but lacking the energy of the previous person who had done the same action.

"I think I'm fine for now, at least. A little shaken up, but mostly tired." I let my eyes fall to the glass and swirled the water around, watching the ripples I created. Jasper continued to run his fingers through my hair still gazing over me, it was actually kind of nice and I did feel myself start to relax slightly.

"I'm here if you need to talk Bella. I know what you went through tonight was a lot, but if you need someone to listen, I will." I looked up at into his baby blue eyes and saw the sincerity behind them. Jasper did care about me. Maybe I was too quick to dismiss a relationship with him. I did like spending time with him, he may not be my first choice, but I'd rather be with someone that wanted to be with me, than someone that wanted to pretend nothing happened. "Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed? I can get my room ready for you and I think I have a spare toothbrush you can use." He tired to give a smile to reassure me.

I was tired, but more emotionally than physically. I really didn't want to go to bed quite yet, for fear of what I might see once my eyes shut. "No, can we… can we maybe watch a movie, I'm not ready to sleep yet." I tucked my chin to my chest and clutched the water glass tighter.

"Of course darlin'." He leaned over and kissed my forehead sweetly. "What are you up to seeing?"

No horror, that's for sure, dramas were risky at the moment, not sure of the content, and defiantly no romantic movies in anyway. "Um, do you have a funny movie, like one that is just like a stupid comedy? Something that is light." I quietly answered.

"Sure. You stay right here and I'll set it up." I nodded as he kissed my head once again and then got up to put in a DVD.

I snuggled into Jasper's chest as he held me throughout the entire movie. His arm warming mine in an up and down motion and as the movie started to finish, I could feel the pull of sleep as my eyelids started to become heavy. I let out an audible yawn as the credits began to scroll.

"You ready for bed Miss Bella?" Jasper gave me a slight squeeze as I tried to sit up a little.

"Mmhmm." Was my brilliant response.

We both slowly stood up and Jasper led me to his room to show me to the bathroom and he handed me a new toothbrush. He then left me, closing the door behind him as I started to get ready for bed. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, changed into the clothes Jasper gave me and pulled my hair up into a ponytail to sleep in. I stood in his bathroom for a while looking into the mirror. My eyes were red from crying that night, and more flat than ever. I breathed hard as I pulled the collar of the shirt down my shoulder to see the mark James left on me. It would be there for some time and I would need to make sure I had some shirts and outfits that covered it. Alice would probably insist on a shopping trip, and for the first time in my life, I probably wouldn't mind.

When I exited the bathroom Jasper was sitting on his bed with another glass of water and held it out for me along with some aspirin. I thanked him and took the pills with a drink of water to help them down. Jasper pulled the comforter of his bed down for me as I set my water on the night stand.

"Bella, I'm going to be on the couch so if you need anything, please just give a shout and I'll be right in okay?" He pulled me into a hug and I breathed him in. He didn't smell as good as Dr. Cullen, but it was still nice. I looked up into Jasper's eyes once more for the night and all thought of not continuing to date him were gone. I would give him a chance. I felt comfortable with him, trusted him, and he cared for me, so why not.

"Jasper?" I whispered, my eyes still looking into his eyes.

"Yes darlin'?" He still held me snugly.

I started to lift myself up to meet his face on my tiptoes as he leaned over to meet mine and our lips met in a soft chaste kiss. It was sweet and gentle. "Thank you."

"You are always welcome. I'm here for you. You know that right?" I nodded. "Sleep well Bella." He pulled me in for another hug before letting me go and left the room as he pulled the door to close, but left it open slightly.

Jasper may not have been the man of my dreams, but for now, he was the man who cared for me and wanted me.

Since that night Jasper and I continued to go out. I guess he was sort of my boyfriend, but there was always a feeling inside me that knew that I was not the one meant for him and visa-versa. We never went any further than a few kisses and snuggling on the couch together for dinner and movies at his place or around town.

Another new change that occurred in the last month was that I was finally able to buy a vehicle. Charlie was able to sell my truck the weekend of my birthday to a car collector who wanted to restore it as part of a weekend project. Charlie wired me the money and that, along with my first disbursement from my fellowship stipend, I was able to afford a '99 blue Toyota Corolla advertised in _The Reader_ that James' article was in. The car was in pretty decent shape and had pretty low mileage for its year. Jasper had gone with me to make sure it was a good deal and was in working order, and afterwards we went out to celebrate my new "baby" which I named Bonnie-Blue.

Alice helped me breaking Bonnie-Blue with a much welcomed shopping trip. Jasper wanted to come, but his sister had decided to make a quick visit so she could meet with her wedding planner at the venue she had picked out for the ceremony. Since Rose's maid of honor was still in New York, all of those responsibilities fell on him.

Since the James incident, Alice had been overly giving and protective of me. By the end of our shopping excursion she had scared the majority of the male population in the mall and had practically purchased me a new wardrobe with several turtlenecks and sweaters which she rationalized she owed me since she blamed herself for me being in that situation with that monster.

"Alice, quit blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong, I don't need anything from you. You're alive and so am I. That's all that's important, right?"

Alice's lip quivered as she spoke, juggling the shopping bags she held in her hands. "Yes, but I just won't feel right unless I pay you back somehow. Please, just let me do this for you Bella. True, I owe you my life. These silly articles of clothing are just a poor excuse for anything I could give you." I could see the tears in her eyes welling. I think she was taking the James situation harder than I was.

"Okay Ali, but I think I'm good now on clothing until fall of next year. No more okay, give the AmEx a rest, I think I see smoke coming from it." I tried to joke to break the somber mood.

Most of my days fell into a well organized pattern to occupy as much of my free time as possible, not allowing me to think about the younger Dr. Cullen. I ate, attended classes, met with Carlisle after my Memory course for a few minutes, usually ran the campus track, and performed all my duties as an RA. On my free nights I usually hung out with either Alice or Jasper and on occasion I holed myself up in my room working on my proposal for my thesis or my homework. I had a few tutoring sessions thrown in there as well. The research team finished our training to begin our experiments yesterday. Next week would be the start of the written evaluations of our participants. Ben and Angela asked Mike and I to stay after the rest of the team had left to schedule when we would help the undergraduate research members with running our first round of the experiment.

The one thing that constantly weighed on my mind for the last month and bothered me the most was that my interaction with Dr. Cullen had severely cut down. Sure I saw him every Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, but we hardly ever spoke in person. Occasionally he would tell me in passing of students that had request tutoring, he rarely showed for research meetings, our one-on-ones lasted no more than fifteen minutes on Thursday evenings and any further contact was in the form of short and overly professional emails that consisted of lesson plans. I noticed he purposely ignored me when he gave his lesson in Developmental, and of course it hurt. He probably threw me in with the overzealous undergrads that would flaunt their assets in order to improve their grades or to seek their own personal gratification. I mean I would too, especially since I was the one to kiss him. Damn it. I wasn't supposed to think about that any more. Wednesday afternoon was the last time I had contact, of course in an email.

**To: IMSwan(at)uni(dot)chi(dot)edu**

**From: EACullen(at)uni(dot)chi(dot)edu**

**Subj: Friday Developmental Lecture**

October 7, 2009

Ms. Swan,

Attached are the lecture notes for the lesson for this Friday. Due to my obligation at the Western National Neuropsychology Conference this week I will be away and you will be presenting the lecture. I ask to be notified of any changes made and if you are not able to finish the lecture, I ask to be notified as well.

Dr. E. A. Cullen PhD.

University of Chicago

Behavioral Sciences

Neuropsychology

I finally finished my run for the day and started my way back to the dorm. I was going to go over the notes for tomorrow's class and then lay out some clothes for tomorrow night since Jasper asked me to dinner at the Cullen manor. His sister was in town again and he wanted to finally introduce us. I think I would have been more freaked out if my mind wasn't constantly in a state of numbness. Carlisle and Esme Cullen would be there of course and I would also meet their eldest son, Emmett. I was both thankful and disappointed that the younger Cullen would be absent.

When I finally reached my room, I locked my door behind me and shed my clothes on my way to my shower. I scrubbed every inch of me, shaved my legs and conditioned my hair twice to leave it extra silky. Since I didn't have my one-on-one today, it was still fairly early which meant more "alone time". I printed out the lecture notes, highlighter and pen in hand to start looking them over. For some reason it was difficult to concentrate. First, the room was too quiet, so I played some music from my iPod. Then it was too warm, so I tried to relieve that by turning on some fans. I tried to focus more from there, but then, since I was alone, my mind started to wonder on its own. I thought about what the neuropsychology conference would be like, what topics they would be discussing this year. Where it was held, since Dr. Cullen had not even mentioned to me where he was going. And then because I was a masochist, I started to ask myself questions I tried to avoid. Why was he so cold? Why does he ignore me? Why doesn't he like me? Why couldn't I be his? Soon enough the lecture notes were forgotten and falling off my bed to the floor as I curled myself into fetal position and loud sobs escaped.

I needed a distraction. I wasn't in good form to drive anywhere. I couldn't talk to Alice or Jasper not because they were busy, but because they would want to know what was wrong, and I could never allow myself to tell them. I was dating Jasper and that would not be fair to him that his _girlfriend_ for all intensive purposes was still pining for his soon to be brother-in-law. And Alice was out of the question because she would disapprove of me continuing to date Jasper if I still had feelings for Dr. Cullen and since we were on the research team, it would be completely awkward. That left me with only one option. There was only one person whom I had disclosed everything to. My feelings about Dr. Cullen, the James incident, the kiss, Jasper… all of it. Only because he lived several thousand miles away and because he was my first and my best friend who I trusted my whole heart with. I quickly retrieved my phone and hit speed dial 1.

Ring…Ring…Ring…

"Hey Bells, your ears must have been burning. I was just talking about you." The rough voice laughed jovially over the sounds of the shop in the background.

I tried to even my voice, but of course it had to crack. "Jake…" I sniffled as my nose was still running.

"Bella, babe. What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" It was quiet for just a moment before he spoke up again, talking to someone else on his end. "Hey, gimmie a minute man, I gotta talk to my girl real quick." I was still trying to control my crying when he returned his attention back to me. "What's going on Bells?"

"Jake… Jake, I want to come home. It… it just hurts too much to be here." I tried to dry my tears with the back of my free hand.

"Is it Jazz, sweetheart? Did you two break-up?" Jake liked Jasper, even though he was a bit upset after I told him I slept in his apartment the night James attacked me, but when I told him we were in separate rooms, he wasn't as overprotective.

"No, we're still together. We have dinner plans with his sister and some of her fiancé's family tomorrow night."_ Except the one person I want to see most of all is God knows where at the moment._

"It's _Him_, isn't it?" Jake's voice was low and full of contempt that I knew was indirectly directed to the stupid shiny Volvo owner. He knew that I had fallen for Edward Cullen. Fallen hard and fast. He said that he thought it was too soon to have such strong feelings, but when I told him about every encounter, every time my heart raced, the electricity, he agreed with me that I had fallen in love. And when each time I talked to him about what had transpired since, he grew more and more hateful toward the man that hurt his former fiancée and best friend. "Is he still ignoring you? Treating you like shit? If I was there, I'd give him a piece of my mind that's for sure…"

"Yeah, he's still been avoiding me, but he's actually gone for most of this week, some conference he is speaking at. I'm trying my best to not think about him Jake, but I can't help myself. I'm not being fair to Jasper, but I can't help my heart." Another tear fell.

Jacob let out a long sigh. "I know, and it doesn't help you seen him almost four days a week…shit Bells, you're in some fine fucked up pickle of a situation."

"I know." I let out a sigh.

"Well, first things first, what are you going to do about Jasper? You can't keep stringing him along if there's nothing there. I know you say he cares for you, but Bella, babe, you'll hurt Jazz more if you continue to stay with him."

Jake was right, "You're right. I can't keep leading him on. I think I'll do it soon, but not until after dinner tomorrow night. I already promised him and I'd rather not have his sister hating me while being in the same room with her." I stood up from my bed and walked into the bathroom to get some tissue and blew my nose. "I hope he can forgive me and still be friends."

"We stopped our romantic relationship Hun and we're still friends. I'm sure it will hurt him, but it's only human to feel that way. As long as you are honest and kind, like I know you are, I'm sure you won't lose the friendship. As for dealing with that douche bag, fuck him. And no, I don't mean literally. I mean if he's going to be a dick head, he's not worth your time. Just do what you need to do for school and if he gives you shit; I give you permission to dish it back. But knowing you… just forget him. You'll find someone soon that loves you just as much as you love them. If it's meant to be, it will happen sweetheart. Just have faith."

"How are you so good to me Jacob Black? I cry and complain and you just say the right thing and let me be a sobbing fool." I took another tissue and dabbed the corners of my eyes that still held some moisture.

"Because I love you, stupid girl." Jacob let out a light laugh which I joined in with.

"I love you too, jerk face."

"I'd love to stay and talk more babe, but I sorta promised a customer I'd drop him off at his hotel. Poor guy's from out of town and his rental ended up needing its fan belt replaced. Rental Company's a piece of crap and has no one else to help him."

"That's nice of you Jake."

"Just paying it forward, ya know. Call me tomorrow though, and let me know how things go with Jasper and the dinner, alright?"

"I will. Talk to you tomorrow Jake."

"Bye Bells."

As soon as the line disconnected, I still felt the weight of my emotions, but I knew Jake was right. I needed to break up with Jasper and I needed to have a little faith.

But telling Edward to "fuck off" was such a hard concept, because even the thought of doing that hurt my heart and I knew no matter what I would always love him.

* * *

_So this chapter was going to be longer, but I wanted the Dinner to be saved for the next chapter. _

_As you can tell there was a time jump. This is something you may see in future chapters. _

_Please don't hate me for the Jasper situation. It just developed on its own that way_

**Reader Questions:**

**Q: **Did Edward buy the ring? And if he did, when will he give it to Bella?

**A: **No, he did not buy the ring.

**Q: **Is James going to file charges for "whoever" beat him up? Is he going to go after Bella again? And how about Alice?

**A: **I think this chapter answered that question.

**Q: **Were there any other eyewitness to Bella's assault?

**A: **No.

**Q: **Is Tanya going to actively pursue Edward outside of class?

**A: **It is possible.

**Q: **Will there be other potential love interests (i.e., suitors) for Bella who will actively woo her?

**A:** Bella is an attractive woman. It's a safe bet that others will try to woo her. Doesn't mean they can win her though, right?

**Keep sending in your questions. Next chapter is Bella's dinner at the Cullen home.**


	21. Chapter 21

**BtB is back everyone! I do apologize for the long overdue update. Life has been crazy with work, new students, being without my computer for some time and just life in general. I am hoping to update again in two weeks after the thanksgiving holiday. Thank you for all my loyal readers who stuck by me, all those reviews encouraging me to update soon helped me focus and get back on track. **

**Enjoy Chapter 21, hopefully it sheds some light on things.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

_**Thursday, October 13, 2009**_

EPOV

_Blood. Sticky, warm wet blood was everywhere. My vision clouded with the amount dripping over my eyes from a cut somewhere on my head. There was a large figure in front of me I could barely make out laying on the cobble stone of an alley-way; I had to see what it was. My legs felt weighed down and were in excruciating amount of pain so I had to drag myself across the wet ground. With the first shift forward, a pain in my left side shot out. It was almost incapacitating, but with the amount of adrenaline coursing through my body I pushed through it, dragging my legs behind me._

_My arms were wearing out with my weight and it seem like hours by the time I was at the figure which was rising and falling infinitesimally in short movements. There was a wheezing and gurgling sounds that sent shivers down my spine as I swiped the blood away from my eyes to have a better view of what was in front of me. Though after I did, I regretted it._

_The horror I felt as the darkness surround me and the body I now viewed was consuming. My heart, which was already racing, was pushed to the point of shear panic when I realized that large mass was actually a body. A barely breathing body. And from the shape and curves I could make out, one belonging to a female._

_Her hair and clothing were drenched in her own blood. Several pints worth, most likely a due to an artery or two being severed. Hesitantly, I put my hand on the woman's body and as gently as possible, I tried to roll her on to her back. _

_An audible gasp followed by another gurgle of blood was heard in the quiet of the dark alley in which we both were laying in. The pool of her essence growing with each second. Unless help arrived soon, her life would be lost. I tried to assess what her wounds were._

_Several holes in her white satin shirt hinted to stomach punctures, the dark blue skirt wrapped around her lower half was torn to shreds and gathered around her waist where a gilled pattern on the inside of her thigh was visible, a sign of a depraved butcher's marking. She had taken a few blows to her head that were already purple and her hand was cradling her neck. When I tried to remove it to see how deep the cut there was, it was foolish to do since fresh blood poured out more doing so. A sob echoed between us, but she was not the one to make the sound. After several moments, I realized I was making them as my body shook in helplessness._

_I looked into her eyes as I cupped her face in my hands. Silent tears streamed down her face as she tried to remain calm, knowing and accepting that her time was coming. With each breath she took, her heart was pumping more blood out of her frail and pale body._

_I stared into her ocean blue, almond shaped eyes, and there was love, grief, anguish, and acceptance in them. Mine were only reflecting fear. Fear of losing her. I blinked my eyes and I saw her mouth the words that only brought more tears to my own eyes._

"_I love you." Her mouth quivered, even with no vocal sound coming from her._

_I pressed a kiss to her mouth ever so soft._

"_I love you too. I always will." And kissed her again one final time._

_I pulled back to stare into her eyes as her body started to turn paper white and all remains of her body heat cooled with the air._

_She took one final breath and closed her eyes briefly, slowly her hand completely dropped away from her neck and the last amount of blood ran out as she opened her eyes, only this time revealing chocolate doe eyes, moist with tears._

"_No! NO! Stay with me! You can't leave me!" I sobbed as my head fell on her chest. Panic overtook me as I prayed that the angel in front of me not be taken away. I clutched my hand on her shoulders shaking her, trying to shake life back into her._

"_Please, I need you. I can't live without you!" I cried into the empty night. Sirens and the sound of footsteps were coming closer but I hung on still to the lifeless body of my love._

"_Bella, don't leave me!" I begged._

I shot up in bed drenched in sweat, with fresh tears covering my face. The buzzing of the hotel alarm clock was still going as I swung my legs over the side and leaned over with my elbows resting on my knees and my hands holding my face.

My body was still shaking with my cries. Choking on the air that was hard to breathe in, I finally slammed the alarm off. I fell back onto the mattress drying the tears, curling myself into a ball and tried to calm myself down. My body was still shaking with the memories of the past intermingling with the nightmare I had woken from. The phantom pain of the injury I suffered ten years ago flamed up and I could make out the same sensation I felt then when the first incision of the bastard's knife in my side.

I had this dream several times over the past few years, near constantly for the first two after the incident, but in the last month it had slight change. This time, my angel, Bella, was the one I was losing in the dark.

Once I had finally calmed down, my body relaxed as best as it could as I watched the time tick forward on the cheap alarm clock on the night stand. Around 7:30am, I finally removed myself from the cocoon of my morning sorrow and walked over to the window of the room. Looking out to the busy morning traffic of Seattle, I removed the sweat drenched t-shirt that clung to my chest. Shops were opening below, and the morning commuters were well on their way to the office. The morning rays peaking through the gloomy clouds of the wet metropolis, doing nothing to sooth my current state.

I flung my shirt to the empty bed, and took a deep breath to calm myself further. I had a breakfast meeting in an hour with one of the other presenters from the conference a little out of town, before we made it in for opening day presentations and welcome dinner later tonight, so I needed to get a move on getting ready. A shower was a must. As I crossed the room on the way to the bathroom I glanced at the king size bed and noticed a red blotch on the white Egyptian cotton sheets. I paused and groaned out loud. I quickly took inventory of my body and found the self induced injury. I discovered small fingernail scratches on the faint scar line of my left side, with a small trickle of dried blood revealing the point of origin.

I continued my way to the shower, to wash the grime of my dreams and the gore of my inner pain. I started the water which quickly filled the small room with steam. When I stepped in to the tub, I let the heat engulf me, relaxing the tension in my entire body and reflected back on the past month.

Ever since the night Bella was attacked, I had been dealing with my own personal demons along with the pure torture of seeing the one woman I desire above all nearly every day and not being able to have her as my own. I told her to forget I was there that night, to forget that perfect kiss we shared. But I doubt she did, since I was finding it nearly impossible to function without thinking about it. But I hoped she did, only to protect myself in the long run.

The night I left her there after incapacitating that fucker who had his hands on her, I stayed awake, too keyed up, pissed and still aroused by everything that happened. I went through half a bottle of Jack when I got home, staring into the sky on my porch until the sun rose. I was dreading what I would possibly meet when I did allow myself to succumb to sleep. I knew that what happened that night would trigger the nightmares again but was relieved that I didn't suffer a panic attack once I settled in my chair and went over the events of the night in my head. In fact, besides the reaction to remembering the feel of Bella's lips, I was eerily calm.

My parents most likely noticed my quiet demeanor the following Sunday. I barely spoke to them when we attended church service, and only answered when necessary during our family lunch. I saw the looks my mother would sneak at me, and my assumption was affirmed when she pulled me into a hug before I left telling me to call if I needed to talk and that my room was always here if I needed. Since the night I broke down earlier that week, I knew I would be walking on eggshells around them, especially my mother.

When I returned to work, I was resolved to distance myself as far as I could from Bella, yet remain professional. It was a dickhead move on my part, but I would not be the one to take her away from whom ever she was seeing. I tried my best to still treat her with respect, but avoided as much contact as possible with her. In order to avoid conferring before developmental classes I took it upon myself to send all my lecture notes to her in emails. I also forwarded all tutoring requests to her in the same manor.

Ben and Angela were obliviously less then pleased that I had taken refuge in the lab's office when the research team would meet on Wednesdays, but I knew the two of them could handle training the team for the first part of the research, essentially they only needed to learn how to proctor the preliminary evaluation surveys and then enter the data into the computer program to determine candidates for the second round of investigation. I took the that time to catch up on lesson plans, grade papers, complete grant applications for future research and update my findings for my presentations I would give at conferences in the near future.

The only time where I was actually forced to speak with my Angel was during our weekly mentor meetings. I tried my best to make them as quick as possible; checking in to see how classes were going and make sure she was actively working on her proposal for her thesis. She was supposed to provide me with the proposal the meeting after I returned from Seattle. I was interested in what her brilliant mind would focus on, but nervous since I would need to actually discuss in detail my thoughts rather than pretend to be preoccupied with my computer. One can only play spider solitaire for so long.

When I wasn't at work or holed up in my townhouse, in a constant state of restlessness, I was either meeting with Dr. Liam in preparation for hypnosis therapy sessions, attending my PTSD support group on Tuesday nights or visiting Carmen and Elezar at the antique shop. When I came to visit, we quickly fell into a comfortable ease. The two of them were my surrogate grandparents, always telling me a story about a "new find" that came into the shop with Carmen trying to force several helpings of her home made baked goods down my throat. I must have put on at least ten pounds. The stand-up piano in the shop was no longer listed as for sale since they both enjoyed my playing for them too much to allow someone else to take it. On days when only one of them where in, I often found myself helping customers if needed, I knew about most of the items, so it was easy to help. Elezar often joked about putting my on the payroll, to which I told them their company and Carmen's confections were more than enough payment.

Despite the chaos my personal life had been in the past, I set myself to this new pattern with little deviation. The only wrench that was thrown in as of late was my dinner my brother the night before I left for Seattle. Emmett and Rosalie were in town again to visit along with working out some remaining details for their upcoming nuptials. I was thrilled to have Rose officially become part of our family; she was the only person in the world that had the balls to put up with my brother. Heck, living with the man deserved sainthood in my opinion. While Rose was off with her brother, Jasper, meeting with the wedding planner, I decided to take grow a pair and bridge the gap that had separated me from my confidant of my teen years and the one who pulled my head out my ass after my suicide attempt. Though I held animosity towards him for some time afterwards, I felt I needed to restore our brotherly relationship before he began his own family.

We met up at a pub we frequented during our college days to drink some cheap beer, eat some wings and shoot some pool like we did back then. His firm was doing well and he was expecting to make partner some time after the start of the New Year. Rosalie had been approved for a business loan to finally start up her custom car design shop and as soon as it was up and running they would start to work on extending their family. Rose was looking to having two kids while Emmett was aiming to start his own football team. I told him I was looking forward to becoming an Uncle and telling them all the trouble their father got into, and he responded by saying he'd help with the finer details of those stories.

After a few rounds at the pool table I finally decided to do my best and apologize for distancing myself for the last few years and not staying in touch as often. I apologized for not being there at Rose and his engagement party, and mostly for hurting him along with the rest of my family after I swallowed an entire bottle of prescription pain meds. I told him I intended to make it up to him and offered to be there for him if he ever needed me. To which he had an elegant response to.

"Buy the next round, be my best man, and never be a pussy at life again and we'll be good."

To which I gladly agreed to everything for him. I asked who was going to be the maid of honor; this caused Emmett to let out a loud guffaw.

"No Maid of Honor dude. There will be some bride's maids, and flower girls and shit, but Rosie wants a "man of honor" and asked Jasper to stand for her. Should make it quite an interesting bridal party dance eh?" He spoke while wiggling his eyebrows at me.

Let's just say my pool cue accidently slipped and hit him in the shin after that little comment. Before we parted ways I had to apologize in advance form missing a family dinner that Rose and Jasper would be attending. I didn't know much about the guy and missing this dinner was another opportunity of missing out on getting to know my future brother-in-law. Emmett told me that Rose was eager for the dinner since she would finally get to meet the girl Jasper had been dating for around a month and would not shut up about. I would be missing a good show because even though Jasper wasn't related by blood, Emmett was sure to deliver some pretty good ball-busting and I internally smiled at the idea of the concussion Emmett would be getting from Rose's slaps to his head.

Once I finished my shower, I quickly dressed, attempted to tame my hair, which was of no use as always, and picked up my wallet and the keys to my car rental off the bedside table before heading out to meet with Dr. Franklin Garber from Texas Tech for breakfast. The lobby was pretty sparse this morning. An over botoxed with almost comical implants red-head was manning the check-in counter and shamelessly flirting with a bellhop who was at least half her age, and I caught the tail end of their conversation as I swiftly made my exit to the parking garage. I will never have the same curiosity for crotch-less panties again in my life, and I felt my cheeks inflame with embarrassment, and I was not even a participant in the conversation.

Breakfast with Dr. Garber was nice. He was an older gentleman, with a trimmed and academic salt and pepper beard. He was the stereotypical professor with his horn-rimmed glasses and tweed blazer. I would have expected a picture of him along the entry for academia in any encyclopedia. I enjoyed eggs Benedict while the professor helped himself to some steak and eggs. We exchanged research findings and made small talk over our own respective sports teams. Once we finished our meals I was somehow able to coax the waitress to hand me the bill, and I paid before we made our way over to the conference center.

The presentations that day were the same as they have always been. There were studies in memory development, therapy for amnesia patients, this and that. It was all the same as it had been at all the conferences I had attended over the years. All repetition for me in my neuropsychology world with only new numbers added to finding every now and then. I was relieved that the last one I would be attending ended earlier then outlined in the program. I found myself with a bit of free time before I needed to return for the dinner that evening. I didn't feel like seeing a movie or being a tourist and go the sightseeing route, so I did the only thing that would keep me occupied and busy. I decided to go for a drive.

The rental I had was probably one of the worst pieces of scrap metal I had the chance to operate. Even my fist car as a teenager surpassed the condition of the jalopy that was puttering its way through the green landscapes of the Emerald state. It was just over an hour outside Seattle when I started to hear the ominous sound coming from the car's engine. A loud "CRACK" reverberated in the cab of the car followed by a sputtering sound hitting against the hood of the vehicle. Being pretty sure I would not be able to turn around and head back to the city, I pulled over to the side of the highway to assess the damage.

I ran my hand through my hair, giving a frustrated pull at the back of my neck once I spotted the busted fan belt. Yep, I would not be able to go that far with this piece of crap. With a heavy sigh I returned to the driver's seat and retrieved the rental company's phone number from the rental agreement papers in the glove box. After a half hour on the phone with the customer service rep, I was told I would be given a discounted rate and a new vehicle tomorrow, and that a tow truck would be dispatched shortly where I would be taken to a repair shop with the crap car. Through gritted teeth, I thank the rep and waited.

I looked at my watch and noticed it would now be about the time I had my weekly meeting with Bella back in Chicago. I leaned back in the driver's seat and closed my eyes thinking about what she was doing at this moment. Was she with Ms. Brandon? In the short amount of time I took to observe the team in the lab, I could see those two had already become the best of friends, though the combination made me laugh. Alice Brandon had always been so hyperactive and the mellow moods of Miss Swan set a text book example of opposites attracting. Maybe she was working. Part of the arrangement with the fellowship allowed it's recipients a position on the RA staff in the resident halls. Or maybe… she was with him. The other man. The one that now held my Angel's heart for his own. I could honestly say I hated him. This man I knew nothing about, a phantom waiting in the wings to sweep her off her feet and away from me. It was irrational to feel this way to a man I had never met, with no intention to meet in the future as well, but I could do nothing else. The sound of a mechanical beeping, alerting me that a vehicle was going in reverse spurred me from my contempt for bastard, which I was now referring him to.

In front of me were the flashing taillights of the anticipated tow truck the rental company had called. Once it was parked, a young and rather muscular man jumped out of the red cab and marched his way to my car. I quickly exited the car and met my transporter.

"You the one in need of a tow?" The driver asked, wiping sweat from his brow.

"Yes, I think the fan belt broke." I pointed to the hood and the man gave a nod in understanding before sticking out his hand to me to shake.

"Name's Embry, we'll get cha hooked up here and then head over to the shop. Alright?" I gave a nod back to him and we quickly attached the car to the tow and were making our way back in the direction of Seattle in little time.

On the drive Embry informed me that he was a Washington native. Lived on the reservation in La Push a few hours away and that he and a few friends from school started working at the shop we were going to once the owner finished earning his mechanic's license. All of the guys in the shop were all young like him, and told me they were trying to convince the owner to get out and meet some single women after ending an almost six year relationship with his high school sweetheart. For having just met, Embry was at ease divulging such information, and his company was much of a relief to the stiffs I had spent the morning with.

We were getting closer to the shop when he started to ask me some questions.

"So, man, I never caught your name. Shit, that was rude of me." I laughed genuinely.

"It's Edward. And it's fine; I was rather enjoying your life's history." He shot me a sly smile.

"Edward? That's a fancy name. You mind if I call you Ed?" I gave a slight grimace at that and he noticed. "Ok, I take that as a no." His laugh was throaty and his whole body shook jovially.

"So where you from Edward? I mean you have that rental, so you gotta be from outta town." He flipped the turn signal before making a right turn into the auto shop that was on the right hand side of the road.

"Yes, I'm in town for a conference from Chicago. I'll only be here until Sunday morning." I looked out the window and took in the sight of the shop noticing the red writing at the top of the building that read **"Black Automotives" **with a wolf's head situated between the two words. We both exited the truck and made our way to my rental as he lowered it to the ground.

"That's cool. I actually know someone who's going to school out there. Cold as fuck in the winter's right?"

I laughed once more, "You could say that. Does it get pretty bad out here?"

"Eh, not so much here in the city, but at the Rez, it could be somewhat of a bitch. We have the ocean right next to us, and those wind chills…" he let out a loud whistle. "Let's just say I hope I can have kids one day."

And with that I let out a gut busting laugh. Embry was a character and his story telling and humor turned my craptastic start into a rather enjoyable afternoon. Once the car was detached from the tow, Embry pointed me to the front and told me that someone would be there to take my information and they would get started on the repairs. I thanked him and slipped a twenty into his palm before I entered the shop's front.

The door chimed as I stepped inside, alerting the woman behind the counter of my presence. She looked up from the book she was reading and then stood to greet me. Her smile was fake, with the hint of a grimace in to as I approached the cashier desk. I gave her the rental information and my driver's license and insurance so she could submit the claim to the rental agency. I waited, leaning on the counter top as she called in my information trying to see if the company could send me a car to drive back to the hotel for the day. Unfortunately, they did not have a vehicle ready yet, so the woman told me she would see if one of the guys at the shop could drop me off and then my new rental car could be delivered tomorrow morning. I thanked her and took a seat in the lobby area, looking around at the surroundings. As I watched the cashier leave through the glass door to the actual shop, I saw a collage of pictures hanging by the door of an office. There was a thick scrawl at the bottom that read "FAMILY" and it perked my interest. I stood and slowly walked over to look at the collection of pictures.

In some of them I recognized Embry, standing with two other boys around his age, an old man in a wheel chair and another, boy, slightly older, sitting around a campfire on a beach. There were shots of some of the boys working on cars, there was a basketball team photo of the three younger ones and others of them roughhousing from the looks of the memories hung on the wall. Even the cashier made an appearance in a few of the images. There was one boy that appeared in almost all of them though, he was taller than his friends with long black hair and from what I could gather I believed him to be the owner of the shop. As I was to turn around I caught a glimpse of a familiar shade of chestnut hair in one of the pictures.

I stepped closer to the collage to get a better look and what I saw nearly shattered my heart again. There, in the center of the pictures was the boy I deemed the owner with his hand wrapped around a young girl, probably no older than eighteen. His head was inclined to her, where he was placing a kiss on the crown of her head. The face on the young woman was serene and full of love and joy, calm and comforted in his embrace. The same pair of chocolate eyes staring at me through the photo that captured my heart. Her cheeks were flushed just as they were the day she ran me over in the hallway before the first research meeting. And again, she left me breathless.

"She's a real beauty isn't she?" A loud deep voice boomed behind me, causing me to jump. I turned to face the owner of the voice and saw the boy that once embraced my Bella, only now several years older.

"Um, yes, she's very beautiful." I shifted my eyes down and then turned to look once more at the photo.

I heard the man's feet shuffle toward me as his profile came into view from my peripheral. "Yeah, I never understood how someone like her could ever choose me. She was eighteen there and I was only seventeen." He let out a contemplative sigh, and I felt the flames of jealously lick me from the inside. "You're Edward, right?"

"Yes?" I was internally praying that somehow he did not know who I was, and absolutely sure that Bella had to have mentioned her jack-ass of a professor to her high school love.

"I'm Jacob Black, the owner. I hear you need a lift to your hotel, is that right?"

Instantly I was weary that he would be my ride. "Yes, sadly my rental company is currently under stocked and it's either hitch a ride or I'm at the mercy of someone here."

"Well, all the other guys are going to be busy working on some last minute jobs and Embry just left for the day, so it looks like you're stuck with me my man." He gave my shoulder a nice slap and I internally cursed my luck.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it."

"No problem. You like the collage?" I could only nod my response. "I was a gift from my Bells." He pointed to the picture of the together and I had to bite my lip from retorting to his _my Bells_ comment. "Before she left for school, she had all the guys and Leah bring her photos from over the years and she put it together. All of us had been together since we were in diapers and it was only fitting to have our family hang in the shop."

Before I could even think to stop myself, I blurted, "Do you miss her?" _such a moron._

"Every day. She's my best friend and was my first love." It's didn't slip my mind at the tense of how he spoke of his relationship with her.

"Was? Are you two no longer together?" _please say no, please say no._

"No, our romantic relationship ended last January. I had proposed, but in the end, we both knew it wasn't right. I mean, we loved each other. Just, we didn't love enough. You know what I mean?" I gave a quite affirmative and relaxed a little, relieved somewhat at the revelation. "I still talk to her though, pretty regularly. Heck, I think she calls me more than her father now-a-days." He laughed again and was cut shot at the sound of a cell phone ringing. He quickly pulled the phone from his pocket and gave a short chuckle. "Speak of the she-devil." Instantly my nerves were on high alert.

"Hey Bells, your ears must have been burning. I was just talking about you." He laughed over the phone, but instantly stopped. Something she must have said changed his demeanor instantly.

"Bella, babe. What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Was she injured, was she attacked again by that sicko from the alley, had he tracked her down? Millions of scenarios ran through my head at breakneck speeds, only to be interrupted by Jacob Black's voice directed to me.

"Hey, gimmie a minute man, I gotta talk to my girl real quick." I could only nod as I watch him escape to his office and shut the door, closing off his conversation with my Angel leaving me to worry and panic. I slowly settled myself in a chair and held my head in my hands.

Ten minutes later a heavy sigh alerted me that Jacob had finished his phone conversation.

"Sorry about that man, my girl is having a rough time at school and all. First time away from her family and friends and the stress with her school work. I wish I could help more, but only so much I can do from here." All my jealousy and animosity towards this man quickly disappeared. He truly cared for Bella, and his loyalty and concern made me find appreciation to his caring nature.

"It's fine. I hope she is alright."

"She is… or at least she will be. You ready to take off?" I looked at my watch. I needed to head back now or else I would be missing the conference dinner. I really wouldn't be missing much, but it would look quite bad on me if I didn't show, since I was one of the main presenters.

"Sure. Thanks again for offering."

I waved my thanks and goodbye to Jacob Black as he disappeared around the corner from the hotel after dropping me off. The ride back had felt a bit stifled and awkward, but I was thankful he never questioned me about it. Another quick look at my watch and I knew I had to sprint to my room to change for tonight, but somehow, deep in my mind I kept wondering why Bella Swan had called and why Jacob had been so worried. I decided then and there that it was futile to ignore her like I was, being how much I was already to wrapped up in her. I would still keep my distance, but I would not be as cold. I would be her mentor, the professor and she would be my mentee and student. Polite and friendly professionals but sadly, nothing more.

**Jacob Black POV**

The ride with Edward to his hotel had been quick, but something felt off the entire time. I shrugged it off, figuring the man was just different. Some people you can tell are comfortable around anybody, while others are not the most social of creatures. He was a nice guy, quiet, but still nothing wrong with that.

When I made it back to the shop, I had to complete the paperwork for the day. I sent of the orders for parts to supply our inventory, updated the customer files and then placed the claims paperwork for Edward's rental. As I was reading off the information Leah had taken down, there was a feeling of familiarity when I read the last name. "Cullen." I couldn't place it exactly, but it was eating away as I entered the rest of his information. I was entering his driver's license when I noticed the city listed for place of residence. "Chicago." Edward Cullen from Chicago… I heard that name before…. And then something triggered in my memory.

"No fucking way." I whispered softly. There was no chance in hell that was possible.

I quickly logged in to my personal email account and looked for one of the email's Bella had sent to me a few weeks ago. When I found the one I was looking for I quickly opened and started to read.

_To: JacobBlack Black Automotives. Com_

_From: IMSwan uni. Chi. Edu_

_Date: September 20, 2009_

_Subject: Missing My Wolf Boy_

_Hey Jake,_

_I hope you are doing well. I guess everything here in the windy city is functioning, if you could say that. I enjoy most of my classes. Only one of them is going to be a complete bear. I swear the professor is the dullest man I have ever met in my existence. He's even worse the Mr. Varner form my Trig class at Forks High, if you could believe that. Anyways, Alice has taken me hostage on our free days lately. I think if they made shopping an Olympic sport, she would take gold, silver and bronze. That pixie will be the death of me. Did I tell you she tried to steal all my flats and replace them with stilettos? Just don't be surprised if you read my obituary in the Chicago newspaper stating "Death in Heels." Jasper and I have a date this week, but I still don't know how I really feel about him. I'm trying to give him a chance, but you see, there is someone else Jake. I met him here when I first arrived, actually I met him at that department dinner my first night in Chicago. It's hard to explain it other than to say, I really think I love him. I don't know why or how I could feel this way about him after such a short amount of time, but it's there. I can't think straight when I'm near him, and I don't think he feels the same way which is really tearing me apart. He's the same guy that saved me from that James character the night I went out for my birthday. I know you probably think my feelings are only because he rescued me, the whole damsel in distress bullcrap, but I've felt this way for him before then. I don't know what to do. He's smart, and intelligent, has the greenest eyes ever, which I know is not a good argument, but whatever. And I really do have these strong feeling for him, but since that night he saved me, he's ignored me. And that hurts me the most. It's like I don't exist to him. The real kicker is that I see him almost every day because, well because he's my mentor and the professor in charge of the research team I'm on. I will try my best to keep my head up, but just expect a call from me every now and then bitching about it. I will try to stay strong and I will not allow Edward Cullen get the best of me._

_Missing you and sending all my love,_

_Bells_

Edward Cullen. The Edward my Bells had cried over for the last month. The Edward who saved her from a sick fuck and then treated her like dirt by ignoring her was in my shop, where he was staring at my Bells in the collage she had made, and then he was The Edward I gave a ride back to his hotel to. I was livid and pain didn't even register in my mind when my foot kicked the trash can by my desk across the room. I didn't even turn off my computer as I grabbed my coat and slammed my office door close as I left the shop fuming.

"Mother Fucking Son of a Bitch!" I ranted as I started my truck. I needed a god damn fucking drink.

**BPOV**

Thankfully Friday went by in a fast haze. My first solo lecture had a few bumps and word slips, my handwriting on the white board was God awful, but at least those students who happened to attend the lesson were patient with me and only had a few questions. I only had one student in my recitation course and so after fifteen minutes of going over notes with him, I had the rest of the afternoon off before the dreaded Cullen dinner. I decided to run a few errands to fill up time including stocking my mini fridge, picking up my birth control prescription to help with my cramps, and sent off a University of Chicago sweatshirt to Charlie for his birthday. I doubt he would wear it that often in public, being a Washington supporter since birth, but it would probably make an appearance when I came home to visit this Christmas.

Thankfully, Alice was busy working the front desk at her hall today, so I was free from her evil makeover clutches. I had more than enough clothing now in my wardrobe due to her generosity, so I was able to pick something out fairly easy and dressed quickly giving me time to work on my hair and some light make-up. I ran my hands over the forest green satin shirt dress to smooth out the wrinkles. This was my favorite "Alice find" and the one that was the easiest to accept. It was the color that really won me over. I pulled the three quarter length sleeves in place and then added some simple silver stud earrings. With a spritz of my freesia body spray, I was somewhat ready to go.

I paced around my room for about a half hour before there was a knock at my door. Picking up the borrowed copy of _Pride and Prejudice _Esme had lent me from the party; I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.

"You can do this Bella." I told myself before I opened the door to a very handsome and smiling Jasper.

"Hi Beautiful." He stepped closer to me a placed a quick peck to my lips. I ducked my head shyly and felt my flush fill my cheeks.

"Hi Jazz, you look very… dashing tonight." I smiled back catching a wink from him as I peered through my eyelashes. Although I felt nothing more than friendship for him, I could still appreciate how he could fill out a tailored suit.

I picked up my purse for the evening, making sure my phone was tucked inside before following him out my room into the hallway. On instinct, Jasper took my free hand into his and gave a gentle squeeze. "Are you ready to meet my sis? She's looking forward to finally meeting you."

My stomach bottomed out immediately. "Um, yeah, I… I'm looking forward to meeting her too." A slightly uneasy and false giggle slipped out before I could catch it.

"Oh Darlin', don't fret. She'll like you, okay." I could only nod as we walked down the stairs outside to Jazz's car. We stopped together at the passenger side door, but before he opened it for me, he drew me in to a tight hug. "Bella, my sister is a bit rough around the edges. Especially when she first meets people. She's blunt and given the opportunity, could shoot the shit with the best of them. Just don't feel intimidated by her; she'll warm up to you. Besides… she always trust my opinion about people." He released me from his embrace and opened the door for me.

I bit my lip in contemplation before I asked him, "And what is your opinion about me Jazz?"

"Hmm." He mused before I felt his hand on my back guiding me to take a seat in his car. I slid in to my seat and looked up at him, waiting quietly for his answer.

"Well, I say you are one of the most beautiful, most caring, bravest and intelligent women I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, and I'm the luckiest SOB to escort you to dinner tonight." And with that he flashed me a smile before shutting the door and running over to his side. I tucked my chin to my chest in embarrassment and flattery. The tension for the evening was slightly was relieved, yet the only sound made in the car ride to the Cullen manor was the soft tunes playing from the car radio.

Esme Cullen greeted us warming when we arrived a half hour later. "Jasper, so good to see you. How are you enjoying your wedding duties?" She enveloped him in a tight hug the pulling back to examine him at arms length with a mother like approval of his health a well being. There was something comforting in that small gesture.

"Oh Esme, you look more lovely than ever. The wedding plans are, well, as good can be expected. I never knew so much about flower arrangements before in my life." Jasper stepped back to me a snaked him arm around my waist, and I bit my lip as I saw Esme's gaze shift over mine. "Esme, I'm not sure if you remember, but I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Bella Swan."

I wasn't sure if I was seeing things or not, but I saw a quick flash of sadness flash in Esme's eyes briefly before changing to one of hospitable recognition.

"Of course I remember Bella." Now was my turn to be hugged. She smelled of Gardenias and vanilla. And I felt warmth from her that was one of a mother's caring heart. Something I had missed for many years. The feeling was almost staggering. "It's wonderful to see you again dear. I hope school is going well for you."

I reigned in my emotions and straightened myself up when she released me and gave a small smile. "It's as good as it could be expected. Just keeping busy with work and papers. Thank you for inviting me for dinner."

"The pleasure is all ours dear. Carlisle speaks of you from his class, and says you are joy." Her eyes gleamed in the soft light of the entry way, with what appeared to be hope, but I was uncertain what that hope was for. "Well, I need to go check on dinner, but you too make yourselves comfy in the den and I'll join you shortly. Carlisle should be here any minute, and I believe Rose and Emmett are around here somewhere." She left us to ourselves as she walked to the kitchen.

I sat myself down in the plush leather couch in the den while Jasper headed to the bar. "Did you want a drink as well Bella?" I heard the clinking of ice cubes in his glass before he poured his drink.

"I'll have the same as you, if it's not any trouble?" I looked around nervously and examined the artwork displayed. The last time I had been here, I hardly paid attention to the details I was too preoccupied with the whirlwind of arriving here or reveling in the breathtaking awe of catching a glimpse of Edward Cullen for the first time. I could almost feel his presence hovering in the room. I ran the palms of my hand over the cushion of the sofa, feeling all the creases and padding there. Imagining if Edward had once sat in the exact spot I was in. A glass of scotch on the rocks in a hand was dangled in front of me, breaking me from my thoughts. "Thank you Jazz."

"Your welcome sugar." He placed a soft kiss on my temple and took the seat next to me.

"So." I began, but was cut off and nearly jumped out of my skin by a loud booming voice from behind us.

"JAZZY PANTS! How's it going man?" I whipped my head around to catch the sight of a statuesque platinum blonde woman giving a large bear of a man with dark curly hair a hard slap the back of his head.

"Christ, Emmett, rein it in. Didn't Esme teach you to use inside voices when you were young?" The blonde spoke. I figured her to be Rosalie, Jasper twin, an obviously God's gift to men, Sister. I felt my self-confidence taking a blow from the impact of her obvious beauty.

A soft chortle, I could already recognize as Esme's echoed in the room, "Rose, honey, Em's father and I tried as best we could to calm him down, but this boy always had a mind of his own."

"And you wouldn't have me any other way, would you Ma?" Emmett asked as he gave Esme's temple a kiss as she patted the side of his face.

"Of course not, sweetheart. Although it would have been nice to have some moments of piece and quiet, what with you and Edward getting into trouble all the time." At the mention of Edwards name I felt the slightest of blushes rise and quickly took a sip of my drink. The taste burning its way down my throat and settling heavily on my somewhat empty stomach.

"So Ma. I'm starving… when is Dad going to be home so we can start on the grub?" Emmett popped a few handfuls of olives in his mouth from the bar followed by a pull from the beer bottle he carried.

Esme made herself a dirty martini taking one of the olives in her son's hand and plopped it in her drink before sending a scolding gaze at him. "Emmett, stop eating, or you'll spoil your dinner. Maria made your favorite roast lamb and eating all those olives will fill you up." She took a sip of her drink appreciatively, and something in the hallway caught her attention, "And as for you father, you can ask him when we can start dinner."

Dr. Cullen's golden and silver locks caught my attention as he strode into the room next to his wife, briefcase in hand and placed a soft tender kiss on her lips. Esme smiled at him as if he were her whole world. The love between the two of them was strong and I forced myself to focus on my drink once more allowing them this private moment.

"Oh get a room you two." Emmett spoke up.

Dr. Cullen's eyes remained on his wife's as he responded, "Well son, we have seven of them, we could even use your old room if you don't watch yourself young man." I was mid sip when I snorted and my drink shot somewhat out of my nose. I could then feel the heated gaze of everyone's eyes on me at that moment. Emmett let out a loud laugh while I could hear the soft giggling from Rose.

"Ms. Swan? What pleasure to see you here tonight? Are you joining us for dinner?" Carlisle had set his briefcase down and was making a drink of his own. I was still recovering from the burn of the scotch in my nose, and Jasper thankfully spoke up for me.

"Yes, Bella is my lovely date for the evening." Jazz took my hand into his own and raised it to his lips, kissing it softly. Little moments like these with Jazz caused my stomach to twist with guilt. I turn my face away from Jasper to catch a silent conversation happening between Carlisle and Esme.

Esme looked heartbroken and Carlisle was solemn. I saw both of them steal a quick look at me and then back to one another. I could tell no one else caught this. Emmett was still eating his bar snacks, Rosalie was reapplying some lip glass and Jasper was distracted by playing with my hand and tracing patterns in my palm. There was something in the atmosphere that made me feel as though what was going on had something to do with me.

Before I felt even more unsettled, a petite woman walked in and whispered into Esme's ear and then quickly retreated away.

"Maria says dinner is ready." She announced and Emmett shot out of the room like a bullet, Rosalie rolling her eyes while the rest of us laughed at the adult child.

I never had such a delicious lamb in all of my life. It was tender and juicy and was served with mint sauce which I preferred over the imitation green mint jelly. The roasted red potatoes were cooked to perfection and the asparagus was still crisp and flavorful. If I could, I would move myself in to the kitchen and have Maria cook for me every day.

A majority of conversation at the table centered on the upcoming wedding. Jasper and Rose had been meeting with her wedding planner and finally settled on the flower arrangements this afternoon. Tomorrow Rose was going to a wedding gown store to look at bride's maid dresses.

"Jazzy, you gonna pick out a nice red one for the big day." Emmett boomed as he took picked at the vegetables on Rose's plate.

I saw the look on Jasper's face and was interested in what he meant. "What do you mean a red one? What would Jasper need from the dress store?" I thought a moment and said the only thing that came to mind. "Are you wearing a kilt or something for the ceremony?"

"Oh man that would be – "

"Don't even think about it Emmett Frances Cullen! Jasper may be my man of honor, but he will not be wearing a skirt." Rose screeched. Emmett tried to defend his argument, but she cut him off before he uttered a syllable. "You and the rest of your groom's men will wear pants AND underwear to our wedding, or so help me God if you even think about wearing one I will withhold sex from you for a year." Yep, that shut him up. And once everyone got over the shock of her threat, we settled back into more "appropriate" dinner conversation. I was asked about my courses and work, but I tried to make my answers in regards to the research project as brief and Edward free as possible.

I was so close to licking the plate by the time Maria came to take away our dishes before desert, Emmett was doing his best at puppy dog eyes for seconds which Maria laughed off and shook her head no. Once the table was cleared, Maria returned with a tray of some sort of pudding and placed one dish in front of all of us, except for Emmett, he got two.

Upon further inspection I noticed that the pudding was tapioca and I hummed in appreciation and began to scoop out the warm vanilla treat.

"Edward is so going to be pissed he wasn't here for dinner tonight." I tore my eyes away from my desert to catch Emmett already finishing off the first of his deserts.

"Why's that?" I asked, and immediately cursed at how eager I sounded for the answer.

"Because tapioca pudding is Edward's favorite." Esme answered, with a sad smile she placed her spoon on the table and Carlisle reached for hand, to give it a light squeeze. I saw her try to discreetly wipe away a tear and was curious as to why she had such a reaction. I figured it was none of my business and I returned to finishing mine. I found it fascinating that both Edward and I loved the same desert. When I was very little my Nana would make me some from scratch when our family would visit in the summer and Renee would try her best to make it at home after I would beg for her to make me some. It wasn't the same, but I would still eat it all because she took the time to make it just for me. After her death, I ate nothing else for desert but tapioca. I was too young to actually make it, so I stuck with store bought brands. I would even sneak a snack pack of it to school whenever I could. I smiled imagining eating the pudding with Edward and maybe enjoying a glass of milk or even chocolate milk with it.

"Have you heard how he's doing in Seattle?" Rose asked _Seattle? What? Is that where the conference was? _I felt a little hurt that he didn't even tell me where it was taking place. Of course, he had been ignoring me for the last month, so what should it matter. None the less, I lost the rest of my appetite and set my spoon down, pushing my desert dish away from me. Rosalie quirked an eyebrow quickly before shifting in her seat.

"Yes." Carlisle spoke up, dabbing the corners of his mouth with his napkin. "He called this afternoon and said his presentation went well today and he's anxious to get back home. He's hoping that they finish early tomorrow so he can catch an earlier flight, if not he'll be back Sunday afternoon." I fidgeted with my napkin in my lap. Just hearing about him was making me anxious that my façade for not caring about him was slipping. Jasper placed his hand over mine and stopped my movement.

Leaning in he whispered, "Are you ok?" I nodded. _No, I'm not ok. _

"Yes, I'm just a bit full and I think my drink is going to my head." I reached for my water glass and took a sip, my hand shaking the entire time.

We all retired back to the den for some after dinner drinks. Esme pulled Rose aside to discuss the wedding in further detail. Jasper and Emmett took to discussing college football, Carlisle needed to work on some lesson plans and excused himself leaving me to walk around examining the photographs on the mantle.

There were photos of Carlisle and Esme on their wedding day, Esme pregnant and standing next to a reality sold sign in front of a cute town house, there were pictures of Esme with a chubby little cherub of a boy with large dimples I knew was Emmett and a swollen belly once more. The pictures depicted the growth of both boys through the years. The one that held my attention the most was one of a young Edward, probably no older that ten, sitting at a piano, a smile as big as Texas with a few gaps where teeth were missing. His hair was a wild mess, sticking in every direction but he was carefree and a look of pride shining in his green eyes. It had probably been taken around Christmas due to the red reindeer sweater. I ran my hand over the picture, wishing that the light that was shining through him in the picture were still there today because it was obvious somewhere Edward's light had gone out. I pulled my hand away realizing I was smiling at this goofy little boy wishing to have known him at this age. I let out a sigh and turned to see everyone still engaged in their own conversations.

Not wanting to interrupt, I picked up the book I brought back to return and quietly walked up the stairs to the library. It was dark in the room, and I easily found the light switch, turning it on and taking in the beautiful sight and inhaling to scent of aged books.

I placed the little blue book back into its place with the other works of Austen, and allowed myself to look over all the other titles in the room. Theirs was the largest personal collection I had ever seen. Along with classics were reference books, memoirs, popular fiction and the occasional children's book, all perfectly alphabetized and even categorized by genera.

I was so engrossed, pulling books out to read the back covers, lost in my own literary dream world.

"You were here at the department dinner weren't you?" The sound of Rose's voice suddenly caused me to jump.

"Y-yes. Were you there too?" I replaced the book in my hand and walked over to where I heard her voice come from, she was standing looking at the painting that hung in on the wall.

"Yes. I was here." We both stared at the painting, and I remembered it was an anniversary gift Edward gave his parents. "That's when you fell for him isn't it?" She asked taking a sip of some cocktail with a cherry floating in it.

"When I fell for Jasper?" That had to be what she meant, right? I'm sure the sister of a person's boyfriend would be curious to find out all the details. I knew Alice would want everything from descriptions of clothing to what music was playing. Details were very important to her.

"No. Not my brother." There was a hint of humor to her voice. I turned to look at her and saw he smirk before taking another sip. "That was the night you fell in love with Edward? Was it not?" She flipped her blonde locks over her shoulder and turned face me, her eyes expectant on my answer.

All the air in me rushed out in a large breath. And I swear the Earth tilted on its Axis. My _boyfriend's_ sister called me out on being in love with someone else, it wasn't an accusation either. She stated as fact. I could have denied it, accused her of being over protective and all that. But I didn't.

The only thing I could say was "How?"

* * *

**I hoped you all like the chapter! Again, thank you for all of you that have stayed with BtB.**

**Reader Questions:**

**This was the most popular question from last time**

**Q. **Jake's customer is Edward, right?

**A. **Yes, this question was answered in this chapter. A lot of you guessed that right!

**Also there was some concern that I would be taking this story to a Tanya/Edward Direction after a previous reader's questions. I just want to clear something up. BtB is a Bella/Edward story. The issue of Tanya should not be of too much concern. Yes she may come into the story, but never fear, I am sticking to the B/E heart of the story.**

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**Also, special Shout Out to KyuketsukiInOki. Thanks for the PM the other day!  
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